worth Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious worth puns

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

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How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music?

They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.

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After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years

But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it

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Blowjobs do not relieve headaches

The other day, I had an astoundingly painful headache and I couldn't help but complain about it to my girlfriend. She surprised me by saying, "Ya know, blowjobs can be a natural cure for a headache..."
So, I thought it was worth a shot. But that day I learned my girlfriend is damned a liar.
I sucked three dicks and my head still fucking hurt.

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After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years...

But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.

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At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.'

The poor bartender was crushed to death.

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Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

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What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold?

An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.

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An Apple store near where I live got robbed

$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

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$2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day

All eight books were recovered.

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A little boy gets $5 for his birthday

He runs with it to the candy store and asks for $5 worth of candy.

The man behind the counter asks, do you really think it's wise to spend all your birthday money on candy?

The little boy thinks about it for a moment and replies, well, my grandpa did live to be 94...

By eating candy everyday? Asks the man, astounded.

No, replies the little boy, by minding his own goddamn business.

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What did the two tampons say to each other?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts.

I literally traded a homeless guy a cigarette for that joke. Worth it.

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A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

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It makes sense why women hate premature ejaculation so much

Our whole lives we're taught that nothing worth having comes easy.

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After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.

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Never hit a man with eyeglasses

Use your fist instead.

>Enthusiastically told by my 6 year old brother, I thought it was worth sharing.

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2 Dirty Jokes as told to me by a homeless guy.

If a guy with a foot fetish cheats on his wife, would you say *he got off on the wrong foot?*

**and** (no offense meant to all the women out there, I swear!)

You know why god invented the yeast infection? So that women would also know what it's like to live with a miserable cunt!

A little vulgar, I know. But it was worth the buck I gave him!

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How to have $1 Million worth of Crypto Currencies

Start off with $2 Million

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An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen.

Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.

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I've always stood up for black people...

It's not worth getting stabbed over a seat

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I doubt vodka is the answer....

But it's worth a shot

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When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth

He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.

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We, the taxpayers, keep paying to send Trump on very expensive trips overseas.

It might be worth it too, except he keeps coming back.

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3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers

The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."

While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "

The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "

The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"

He replied:"under the overpass of course! "

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A woman will appear on the $10 bill!!

It will be the first $10 bill to be worth $7.50

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It's never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution

You're just comparing apples and origins

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Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office

Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."

Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."

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There are 2 types of people

1. Those who are worth mentioning

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A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.

She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.

"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"

The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."

The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"

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What type of fuel do painters prefer?

Whatever makes the van gogh..


-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

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Liquor probably won't fix your problems...

but it's worth a shot.

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Tequila may not be the answer...

...but it's worth a shot.

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A little help with your math

A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."

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Met a girl in the park...

Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.



These taser guns are well worth the money.

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My Lawyer said to me...

I have some good news and I have some bad news.

I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first, I said.

My lawyer said: Your wife invested $5,000 in 2 pictures today that she figured were worth a minimum of $5 million!!!

Well done, very good news indeed! You've just made my day – now what's the bad news?? I replied enthusiastically

The pictures are of you shagging your secretary, he said.

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What are the most funny Worth jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Worth? Well, here are the best Worth dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Worth pick up lines to share with friends.

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