Worth Jokes
113 worth jokes and hilarious worth puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about worth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article focuses on the importance of understanding the different meanings of the word "worth". From net worth and self- worth to worthlessness and merit, the article covers the many facets of worth. Explore the worth of jokes and phrases like "not worth the money" and "something of worth" through humorous anecdotes and analysis. Discover the value of worth and its effects in different contexts.
Funniest Worth Short Jokes
Short worth jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The worth humour may include short wealth jokes also.
- A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad... ...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for? - How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music? They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.
- Americans are getting stronger; 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries. Today, a 5 year-old can carry them!
- Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million... Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!
- My Husband died. (One for the Ladies.) After He died, I couldn't even look at another Man for almost 20 years.
But now that I'm out of Prison, I can honestly say it was worth it. - At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.
- What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold? An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.
- An Apple store near where I live got robbed $25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.
- The last thing my grandfather told me was It's worth spending money on good speakers. That was some sound advice.
- Never hit a man with eyeglasses Use your fist instead.
>Enthusiastically told by my 6 year old brother, I thought it was worth sharing.
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Worth One Liners
Which worth one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with worth? I can suggest the ones about wick and bout.
- Alcohol is not always the answer… …but it's worth a shot.
- $2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day All eight books were recovered.
- I've always stood up for black people... It's not worth getting stabbed over a seat
- A woman will appear on the $10 bill!! It will be the first $10 bill to be worth $7.50
- Drunk man: "Is life worth living?" well, it depends on the liver.
- There are 2 types of people 1. Those who are worth mentioning
- Liquor probably won't fix your problems... but it's worth a shot.
- Tequila may not be the answer... ...but it's worth a shot.
- The guy next to me on pump 3 put $10 worth of gas in his car. Where's he going, pump 4?
- I'm not sure that Pfizer's Covid-19 vaccine will work, but it's worth a shot.
- Why are divorces so expensive? Because they're worth it.
- What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil? A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok
- Selling all of my old tennis equipment but I can't figure out What's the net worth?
- My girlfriend and I spent $40 on a pesto pasta It was worth every penne
- Who cares if Apple is worth 10^12 I heard Google is worth 10^100
Net Worth Jokes
Here is a list of funny net worth jokes and even better net worth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When bill gates donates 30% of his net worth He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.
- Bill Gates has a net worth of $86.9 billion To get an estimate of how big that is, take your net worth and atdd $86.9 billion onto it
- Financial adviser meeting FINANCIAL ADVISOR: What's your net worth?
FISHERMAN: Which one? - My financial advisor asked me "What's your net worth?" I said "I don't own a net".
- I met the world's riches fisherman today "What's your net worth?" I asked.
"This one was about £10" he replied. - A fisherman is selling fishing supplies at a market An insecure rich man comes up to him and asks, what's your net worth?
- what does Trump's manhood and net worth have in common? They both fluctuate depending on how he feels that day.
- My Journey from $60k College Debt to $115k Net Worth & 816 credit score. And all thanks to this community! I started stand up and got beat up. Settlement has been a blessing!
- I caught a fish Doubled my net worth
- Usain Bolt's net worth is $60 million. How did he get so rich? By saving the gas money!
Self Worth Jokes
Here is a list of funny self worth jokes and even better self worth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The airline gate attendant said I was authorized one small personal item. I had to choose between dignity or self worth.
- Where's a mom's favorite place to go right after buying a week's worth of groceries? The self checkout
- Karma points do not reflect your self worth Now gimme my karma points!
Uproarious Worth Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about worth you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ward jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make worth pranks.
Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?
I wouldn't recommend it.
Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.
It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.
You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years
But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it
I just ate some pasta...
...and it was worth every Penne.
^(My god, that must be the worst joke I've ever written.)
Every hotel room was taken.
By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time?"
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
So a man dies and goes to Heaven...
In Heaven, he asks God what the coolest things about Heaven are.
God says, "Well, here in Heaven, a minute lasts a million years, and a penny is worth a million dollars."
The man replies, "Oh, cool! Can I have a penny?"
To which God tells him, "In a minute."
My fifth grade teacher told me this joke when I was in, well, fifth grade.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Here's an update for you:
Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest h**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while b**... her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin¹s h**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call Dracula's r**... cousin?
Countdown
This was a joke I heard on TV some time ago ... Thought it was worth a share.
Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke)
The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dean of Women...
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on s**... morality.
We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, she said, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?
Obedient husband
Little boy was curious why did his father do everything his mother asked, so one day he asked his dad: "Dad, why are you so obedient. None of other dads listen to their wife's like you."
Dad said: "Well, you see son, when you were born, your mother and I made a deal. If she would allow me to give you your name I would do anything she asks for the rest of our lives"
"Was it worth it, dad."
"It sure was, Goku."
At an Irish wedding...
...the bride stood to make a toast. She asked, "Would all the married men here stand next to the person that has made your life worth living..."
The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Met a girl in the park...
Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.
These taser guns are well worth the money.
I got security cameras fitted outside my house.
Just to convince people that I have stuff worth stealing.
My flatmates said I wasted my money buying a kilo of pasta..
..but I say it was worth every penne.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johny the Fighter Pilot
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest p**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's p**...."
Limericks by Jenny
There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Oh, the rhyme was all right,
And the meter was tight,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always wrote one line too many!
$1,000 worth of products were stolen from a Games Workshop today
Police are looking for a book and three pots of paint.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny was made fun of...
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being s**.... Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
It's never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution
You're just comparing apples and origins
The Lawyer and the Mexican
A lawyer and a Mexican live next to eachother in the most cookie-cutter neighborhood you can imagine.
One day, they're both mowing the frontlawn. The Mexican says:
"You know, my house is worth more than yours."
The lawyer is confused. He responds:
"How? Our houses are identical. Did you renovate the interior?"
"No."
"Did you modernize the kitchen or the bathroom?"
"I didn't."
"Then how can your house be worth more than mine?!", the lawyer cries.
"Well, I live next to a lawyer, and you live next to a Mexican."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't think drinking v**... is the solution to all of my problems...
But it's worth a shot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, m**... is twice as effective as s**...
So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.
A picture worth millions
A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."
What do new iPhones and Donald Trump have in common?
Both cost more than they're worth and create the illusion of superiority without ever delivering.
I would trade my legs for 5 million dollars
But I don't think it would be worth it in the long run
Pay me what I'm worth!
I once asked my boss for a raise.
He asked me how much I wanted.
"Just pay me what I'm worth," I said.
He replied, "I can't. There's a minimum wage law."
You are never worthless
Organs go for a lot on the black market.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, there are two men.
They know each other for years now. Frank, a brain surgeon from new york and Ahmad a former r**... from syria.
Both men want to build an house and decide to build their houses in the very same street, next to each other. They even ask the architect to just copy the first house!
And when the houses are built Ahmad says to Frank: "My house is worth more than yours."
"How can that be? We both live next to each other!"
"Yes"
"Our houses were built identically, with the same materials."
"True."
"So how can it be, Ahmad?"
"Very simple: I live next to a brain surgeon and you live next to a r**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What type of fuel do painters prefer?
Whatever makes the van gogh..
-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as s**... as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.
Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office
Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."
Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'
He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?
The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
An accused criminal is brought before a judge...
The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"
The job of your dreams
Do you want to drive a vehicle worth $100,000?
Do you want a corner office with windows?
Do you love to travel?
If so, then become a bus driver!
We, the taxpayers, keep paying to send Trump on very expensive trips overseas.
It might be worth it too, except he keeps coming back.
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers
The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."
While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "
The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "
The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"
He replied:"under the overpass of course! "
At age 12, I started responding, "Twelving like a pro." whenever someone asked me what I was up to.
Growing older, I've begun to wonder if the payoff will really be worth it by age 69.
After his wife passed away, he stopped wearing his glasses. His sister saw him and exclaimed: Aww it must be so hard for you, nothing is worth seeing anymore after she's gone?
He said: What? No, I sold her jewelry and paid for a Lasik surgery.
ME: I trained this chicken to talk.
HER: Let's hear then.
ME: What's a male deer called?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
HER: This is dumb.
CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.
Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…
Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?
The other man says, You mean the rose?
His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.
Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…
Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?
The other man says, You mean the rose?
His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?
My next door neighbor is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's
Every morning at 9 AM he knocks on my door and asks me if I've seen his wife.
Which means every morning at 9 AM I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's that his wife has been dead for several years.
I could move. I could just not answer the door. But it's worth it to me to answer that door every morning at 9 AM and tell this 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's that his wife is dead just to see the smile on his face.
A doctor's toilet gets clogged up
He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.
Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!
Plumber: Yeah. When I was a top surgeon in this city I also didn't make $800 an hour. Which is why I became a plumber.
My wife died.
After she died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 20 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
Dated a gold digger once.
I date this girl once, she was a solid 10. She was smoking hot, and crazy in bed. Things went south though, she claimed I lied about how much money I had.
And I was like my exact words where, that I has worth between 40 and 75 million dollars .
So what if it was only $2,165. It is still between $40- $75,000,000.
Russian Ruble is now worth less than 1 U.S. Cent after SWIFT Bank Sanctions
I think it's time we start calling the Ruble for what really is: Rubble
I was pulled over by a cop earlier today.
Do you know why I've pulled you over, sir?
"No officer.
Well" he said "this doesn't happen very often, but I've been following you for the last ten miles or so... and your driving is exemplary! Correct road positioning, perfect observation and due regard for other road users.
Thanks very much, officer!" I said. "Do you reckon it's worth me getting a license then?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Scotsman accidentally dropped a penny into an open sewage pit
The pit was full of e**..., and after a few moments of thinking the Scotsman concluded:
"It's not worth it. I will never dive in for a penny!"
Then he checked his pockets for some change, picked two pounds and throw it to the pit:
"Now it's better" he said and jumped into the sewage.
What happened when a hurricane hit Alabama?
It caused 10 million dollars worth of improvements.
A guy looking to become a bee farmer went to a seasoned Apiarist and asked if he could buy some bees off him to start up a hive. The Apiarist said he had plenty to spare and was having a sale for 50 bees for $50...
The man bought the bees, went home and began putting the bees into the empty hive; he counted each one to make sure he got his moneys worth but by the end of the gruelling task he realized he had not 50 but 51 bees. He called the seasoned Apiarist and asked why he was given 51 bees when the sale was for 50.
The Apiarist replied: >!that's a free-bee!<
I love my job
I get to serve several meals each day
I meet tons of facinating people
I always smile and ask " Wanna eat it here, or take it home ?
"
Though i'm met with a offensive remark each time, its still worth it.
God i love serving food in prison.
My bully got hit by a car
Some people call it a tragedy, I call it getting your moneys worth
Why did Patrick Dempsey become a chiropractor?
Because he has a decade's worth of experience pretending to be a doctor.
