The Best 60 Worth Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Worth jokes. There are some worth owed jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these worth quid puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Worth Jokes and Puns

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music?

They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.

After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years

But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it

I met a beautiful girl in the park.

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we were making love, I thought .... "These taser guns are well worth the money."

jokes about worth

A little help with your math

A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."


A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.

She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.

"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"

The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."

The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"

Never hit a man with eyeglasses

Use your fist instead.

>Enthusiastically told by my 6 year old brother, I thought it was worth sharing.

Worth joke, Never hit a man with eyeglasses

Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke)

The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.

Met a girl in the park...

Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.

These taser guns are well worth the money.

A woman will appear on the $10 bill!!

It will be the first $10 bill to be worth $7.50

I've always stood up for black people...

It's not worth getting stabbed over a seat

You can explore worth dollars reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean worth bitcoins dad jokes. There are also worth puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen.

Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

Limericks by Jenny

There was a young woman named Jenny

Whose limericks were not worth a penny.

Oh, the rhyme was all right,

And the meter was tight,

But whenever she tried to write any,

She always wrote one line too many!

An Apple store near where I live got robbed

$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy

The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda

Worth joke, A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy

Liquor probably won't fix your problems...

but it's worth a shot.

It's never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution

You're just comparing apples and origins

I don't think drinking Vodka is the solution to all of my problems...

But it's worth a shot.


After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.

Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.'

The poor bartender was crushed to death.

After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years...

But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.

Pay me what I'm worth!

I once asked my boss for a raise.
He asked me how much I wanted.
"Just pay me what I'm worth," I said.
He replied, "I can't. There's a minimum wage law."

You are never worthless

Organs go for a lot on the black market.

What type of fuel do painters prefer?

Whatever makes the van gogh..

-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

Worth joke, What type of fuel do painters prefer?

I doubt vodka is the answer....

But it's worth a shot

Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office

Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."

Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."

Tequila may not be the answer...

...but it's worth a shot.


What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold?

An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.

There are 2 types of people

1. Those who are worth mentioning

An accused criminal is brought before a judge...

The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty, your honour."

"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.

"Do you accept payment in gold?"

I don't know if liqour is the answer

But it's worth a shot

$2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day

All eight books were recovered.


How to have $1 Million worth of Crypto Currencies

Start off with $2 Million

When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth

He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.

We, the taxpayers, keep paying to send Trump on very expensive trips overseas.

It might be worth it too, except he keeps coming back.

3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers

The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."

While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "

The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "

The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"

He replied:"under the overpass of course! "

Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.

The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.

Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.

His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…

Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?

The other man says, You mean the rose?

His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!

He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?

Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.

The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.



Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.



His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…



Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?



The other man says, You mean the rose?



His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!



He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?

The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

I'm not sure that Pfizer's Covid-19 vaccine will work,

but it's worth a shot.

My wife died.

After she died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 20 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.

The last thing my grandfather told me was It's worth spending money on good speakers.

That was some sound advice.

Dated a gold digger once.

I date this girl once, she was a solid 10. She was smoking hot, and crazy in bed. Things went south though, she claimed I lied about how much money I had.

And I was like my exact words where, that I has worth between 40 and 75 million dollars .

So what if it was only $2,165. It is still between $40- $75,000,000.

Drunk man: "Is life worth living?"

well, it depends on the liver.

Russian Ruble is now worth less than 1 U.S. Cent after SWIFT Bank Sanctions

I think it's time we start calling the Ruble for what really is: Rubble

I was pulled over by a cop earlier today.

Do you know why I've pulled you over, sir?

"No officer.

Well" he said "this doesn't happen very often, but I've been following you for the last ten miles or so... and your driving is exemplary! Correct road positioning, perfect observation and due regard for other road users.

Thanks very much, officer!" I said. "Do you reckon it's worth me getting a license then?"

The guy next to me on pump 3 put $10 worth of gas in his car.

Where's he going, pump 4?

Americans are getting stronger

Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry $50 worth of groceries. Today, A 5-year old can do it.

Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million...

Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!

A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.

Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

An Scotsman accidentally dropped a penny into an open sewage pit

The pit was full of excrement, and after a few moments of thinking the Scotsman concluded:

"It's not worth it. I will never dive in for a penny!"

Then he checked his pockets for some change, picked two pounds and throw it to the pit:

"Now it's better" he said and jumped into the sewage.

Tequila may not fix your life.

But, It's worth a shot.

My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.

But the look of joy in his eyes when I tell him this is worth a world.

OG: Anthony Jeselnik

My Husband died. (One for the Ladies.)

After He died, I couldn't even look at another Man for almost 20 years.

But now that I'm out of Prison, I can honestly say it was worth it.

Americans are getting stronger; 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries.

Today, a 5 year-old can carry them!

What happened when a hurricane hit Alabama?

It caused 10 million dollars worth of improvements.

A boy asked his Bitcoin investing uncle

for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin.

Uncle: $10.28? What do you need $8.41 for?

Jack and Jim are on sentry duty during the first World War, when Jim says, "You know how we're on a bonus of a dollar for every German we capture?"

"Yes," says Jack. "Well don't tell anyone," says Jim, "but there's $5000 worth coming over that hill."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the worth stingy puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working worth rubles piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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