The Best 65 Worst Jokes

Following is our collection of Worst jokes which are very funny. There are some worst scariest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these worst suicide puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Worst Jokes and Puns

Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?

Because Ubisoft is in France.

Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.

Why is 6.9 the worst number?

It's a 69 interrupted by a period

Hey guys, I just lost my virginity yesterday!

What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?

So there's a fly...

and a gnat lands on its back.

The fly says, "is there a gnat on my back?"

The gnat says, "gnat at all."

The fly says, "that's the worst pun I've ever heard."

The gnat goes, "what do you expect, I just made it up on the fly!"


I just had my first prostate examination

Worst dentist ever.

Wife Missing

My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill and bought all her clothes back.

An old couple gets pulled over and...

Lady cop - "May I see you license and registration sir?"

Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"

Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."

**The old man hands it to the lady cop and...**

Lady cop - "Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."

Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"

Old wife - "Nothing dear, She thinks she used to know you."

What's the worst part of an NFL wedding?

Getting hit by Rice

The worst thing about being in my 40's is that I can't get teenaged girls to sleep with me.

It's like being a teenager again.

Worst Geometry Joke I Know

When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?

When it is intercepted by a plane.

You can explore worst richest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean worst largest dad jokes. There are also worst puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is a pirate's worst nightmare?

A sunken chest and no booty.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times?

"Worst case of suicide I've ever seen"

I asked my friend about his time in prison.

"I have mixed feelings. On one hand I was surrounded by the worst society had to offer. I shared cells with thieves, murderers, and rapists. On the other hand the prison library was filled with the best collection of literature that I've ever seen. I don't know. It has its prose and cons."

Worst joke I've ever heard

What is the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers?

One of them actually ended a race.

The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

My wife: "vacation sex really is the best!"

Worst postcard I ever received.

The worst part about spring...

Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.


My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't

The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.

Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.

What's the worst part about being gay?

You cant think straight.

My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"

I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

What's in a name?

A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."

Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"

"DeNephew."

Break ups are the worst in China...

You see her face everywhere.

Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital?

In the ICU.

What's the worst thing to say to a hipster?

You remind me of someone

You know the punchline before you're ever told the joke.

What's the worst part about time traveling jokes?

What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.

What is the worst response to "I love you"?

"I'm still pulling the plug Grandma"

I dropped my cactus the other day

Worst part is, I caught it

Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

What is a suicide bombers worst fear?

Dying alone!

I was called the worst best man once

I was speechless.

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines...

They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.

Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"

With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...

How is that a bad thing? I wondered.

He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.

Good, Bad, Worse, Worst.

Good: A hot girl hugs you.
Bad: You get an erection.
Worse: You realize it's not yours.
Worst: Now even you get an erection.

What is the worst your wife can say during sex?

"Honey, I'm home"

20 men walk into a bar

Worst game of limbo I've ever seen.

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.

So wake me up when it's all over

My grandpa destroyed 38 planes in WW2, killed 58 Germans.

Literally the worst mechanic of the Luftwaffe

A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table

She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."

My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he'll fire the employee with the worst posture...

I have a hunch it might be me...

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.

My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2

He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.

"Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."

The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

I bought the worst thesaurus today

Not only is it terrible, but it's also terrible.

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it

After a few weeks of trying, my wife just told me she's pregnant.

She has the worst stutter ever.

My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WWII.

Still to this day he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

After nearly a month of trying, my wife finally told me that she is pregnant.

She has the worst stutter ever.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Hey, bug on my back, asked a fly. Are you a mite?

I mite be, giggled the mite.

The fly groaned. That's the worst joke I've ever heard!

Well, what did you expect? said the mite. I came up with it on the fly.

President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst....

A full recovery

My boss just said he's going to fire the employee with the worst posture....

I have a hunch its me.

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...

"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."

"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."

Last Halloween I was driving my son around and we ran into a fire hydrant.

Probably the worst costume I've ever seen.

What's the worst new years resolution?

288p

The wife has been missing a week now.

Police said to prepare for the worst. So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

And the ferrari speeds past the finish line...

In the worst case of cheating the London marathon has ever seen!

Oh that feeling

Autocorrect is my worst Enima.

I used to be sober

worst hour of my life

What do you call the worst student in a class of graduating medical students?

Doctor.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the worst biggest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working worst the worst death piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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