The Best 64 Worst Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Worst jokes. There are some worst scariest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these worst suicide puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Worst Jokes and Puns
Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?
Because Ubisoft is in France.
Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
Why is 6.9 the worst number？
It's a 69 interrupted by a period
Hey guys, I just lost my virginity yesterday!
What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?
So there's a fly...
and a gnat lands on its back.
The fly says, "is there a gnat on my back?"
The gnat says, "gnat at all."
The fly says, "that's the worst pun I've ever heard."
The gnat goes, "what do you expect, I just made it up on the fly!"
I just had my first prostate examination
Worst dentist ever.
Wife Missing
My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill and bought all her clothes back.
An old couple gets pulled over and...
Lady cop - "May I see you license and registration sir?"
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."
**The old man hands it to the lady cop and...**
Lady cop - "Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "Nothing dear, She thinks she used to know you."
What's the worst part of an NFL wedding?
Getting hit by Rice
Worst Geometry Joke I Know
When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?
When it is intercepted by a plane.
What is a pirate's worst nightmare?
A sunken chest and no booty.
You can explore worst richest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean worst largest dad jokes. There are also worst puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?
Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
Worst joke I've ever heard
What is the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers?
One of them actually ended a race.
The worst part about online dating
is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.
My wife: "vacation sex really is the best!"
Worst postcard I ever received.
The worst part about spring...
Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.
Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:
Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.
What's the worst part about being gay?
You cant think straight.
My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"
I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
What's in a name?
A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."
Break ups are the worst in China...
You see her face everywhere.
Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital?
In the ICU.
What's the worst thing to say to a hipster?
You remind me of someone
You know the punchline before you're ever told the joke.
What's the worst part about time traveling jokes?
What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
What is the worst response to "I love you"?
"I'm still pulling the plug Grandma"
Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary
What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
What is a suicide bombers worst fear?
Dying alone!
The worst part about being a giraffe
is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.
Credit. The Joke Cafe
The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines...
They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"
With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...
How is that a bad thing? I wondered.
He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.
Good, Bad, Worse, Worst.
Good: A hot girl hugs you.
Bad: You get an erection.
Worse: You realize it's not yours.
Worst: Now even you get an erection.
20 men walk into a bar
Worst game of limbo I've ever seen.
What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?
A sunken chest and no booty.
The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.
So wake me up when it's all over
A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table
She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch, it might be me.
My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2
He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"
Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl
You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it
After a few weeks of trying, my wife just told me she's pregnant.
She has the worst stutter ever.
My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WWII.
Still to this day he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
After nearly a month of trying, my wife finally told me that she is pregnant.
She has the worst stutter ever.
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Hey, bug on my back, asked a fly. Are you a mite?
I mite be, giggled the mite.
The fly groaned. That's the worst joke I've ever heard!
Well, what did you expect? said the mite. I came up with it on the fly.
President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst....
A full recovery
A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...
"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."
"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.
Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.
Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ?
The ICU
The punchline comes before the joke
You know what the worst thing about time travel jokes is?
Wife: "You always get the worst anniversary gifts."
Husband: "You didn't say over. Over."
I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister.
Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.
My wife has been missing for over a week.
The police said to be prepared for the worst. So I had to go to Goodwill to get all her clothes back.
What's the worst thing to feel during a prostate exam?
2 hands on your shoulders
one direction fans are the worst.
oscillating fans are so much more convenient.
Whats the worst thing to hear during open heart surgery?
Anything
I went to the doctor because every time I open my eyes, I barf everywhere.
He looked me over and said it was the WORST case of SEE SICKNESS he'd ever encountered
^(made that up just now... I'm so sorry everyone)
Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever.
Took him 15 years to figure out how to turn himself into a bat
Civil war jokes are the worst
I General Lee don't find them funny at all.
Which bathroom appliance would be the worst life preserver?
The sink.
My brother just broke the record by downing 22 Russian jets in Ukraine
He'll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Russian Air Force
At his wedding, my friend told me that I was the worst Best Man that he has ever seen.
I was speechless.
What's the worst things about working at an unemployment office
If you get fired,you still have to show up the next day,
What two keys are the worst at opening locked doors?
A monkey and a donkey
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the worst biggest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working worst the worst death piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.