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Worship Jokes

65 worship jokes and hilarious worship puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about worship that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a lightening up during your worship time? Check out our collection of hilariously funny worship jokes, guaranteed to have your congregation in stitches! Our selection of jokes will have you rolling in the aisles and exploring your faith in a light-hearted way. Learn more about the power of piety, cheesy jokes about Cheesus, and deity humour. Enjoy!

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Funniest Worship Short Jokes

Short worship jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The worship humour may include short prayer jokes also.

  1. My wife left me for an Indian guy It's okay, I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows
  2. My girlfriend dumped me for an indian At least I know he's going to treat her good, I heard they worship cows
  3. My girl left me for a hindu guy. It's okay thought, he'll treat her better. They worship cows.
  4. Do you know why Hindu worship Lord Ganesha first Because we have to first address the elephant in the room
  5. It's not easy being a dyslexic devil worshiper If you're not careful, you could end up selling your soul to Santa
  6. I'm confused. My professor told me Nietzsche was 'an atheist who worshiped at the altar of nihilism'. Is nothing sacred?
  7. Did you know Mortal Kombat was actually based on an old Scandinavian worship song? A Finnish Hymn.
  8. I'm Becoming a Hindu Son : Dad I want to learn about Hinduism
    Dad : So are you going to be praying to your mother now?
    Son : What are you talking about...
    Dad : Hindus worship cows right?
  9. they say that if you play nickelback backwards, it's devil worship... But even worse, if you play it forwards it's nickelback
  10. There's new offshoot of the Catholic Church that worships a paper bag as the divine manifestation of the One, True God. It's pretty sack-religious.

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Worship One Liners

Which worship one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with worship? I can suggest the ones about praise and praise the lord.

  1. What do Christians and mice have in common? They both worship cheeses
  2. My wife worships me She puts burnt offerings in front of me everyday
  3. There's a youtube channel about devil worship. But it got demonetized.
  4. Where do pessimistic Jews go to worship? A cynicgogue
  5. Who do ghosts worship? Boo, DUH!!!
  6. What do you call people who worship paper bags? Sack religious
  7. Who do mice worship? Cheesus. :)
  8. Did you hear about the new cult that worships fabrics? They're Satinists.
  9. What happened to the dyslexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to santa
  10. Hear about the Cadillac-worshipping Satanist? He sold his soul to the Deville.
  11. I'm really fed up of those insects that worship their Queen. Sycophants.
  12. My Devil worshipping brother just got a new row boat... He christened it sail Hatin'
  13. My coworkers worship me. Every time I show up, I hear them say "Jesus Christ!"
  14. What do you call a person who worships doritos? A Chipmonk.
  15. My wife likes to tell me she is worshipped in india... She's a fat cow.

Christian Worship Jokes

Here is a list of funny christian worship jokes and even better christian worship puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the dyslexic Christian? .... who worshipped the almighty 'Dog'.

Worship Satan Jokes

Here is a list of funny worship satan jokes and even better worship satan puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Some of my Satan worshiping friends invited me to an open discussion on Satanism... I'm not a Satanist myself, but I do like to play Devil's advocate...it was very confusing.
  • What did Captain Kirk say when he decided to dabble in devil worship? Uhura, hail Satan.
Worship joke, What did Captain Kirk say when he decided to dabble in devil worship?

Worship joke, What did Captain Kirk say when he decided to dabble in devil worship?

Cheeky Worship Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about worship you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean church jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make worship pranks.

Why do businesses move to India?

Because they worship prophets!

two groan worthy jokes I made up over breakfast

1.Q. What do you get when you cross a Triceratops and a lemon?
A. A Dino-sour
2.Q. Were do robots go to worship?
A. Mech-a

911?

Husband: "Hello, Yes, there's this Hindu fellow who's been following my wife around for the past few hours, and it's starting to really creep us out. He just now got down on his knees and he's... praying, or something."
911 Operator: "Sir, calm down, there's no issue here- Hindus are well known to worship cows."

For some reason, Spanish-speaking visitors to Britain think we worship flight attendants...

I suppose it's understandable given that our national airline is called British Héroes.

What did the dyslexic person worship?

Santa.

A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.

The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.

Kim Kardashian arrives in India for the first time, she walks out of the airport, and to her surprise, everyone on the streets stops, turns towards her, and kneels in humility and reverence

Little did she know, they worship cows over there!

Why do pagans make the best husbands and wives?

Because they'll worship the ground you walk on.

My boss keeps asking me to cut my hair. I keep telling him it is part of my religion

I worship the Metal Gods.

A man is found alone on a deserted island

The sailor who found him saw three huts that were built by the man.
The sailor asks, "What's that first hut?"
"Oh, that's my house!", replied the man.
"And the second?", the sailor asked again.
"That's my church where I worship!", the man said.
"So, what does that make the third?"
"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."

What kind of cow do Hindus living in Russia worship?

A moss cow.

What type of insects frequent Muslim places of worship?

Mosque-itos!

Apparently, there exist a group of people who smear cow manure on their faces as an act of worship.

Personally, I think it's b**....

What do capitalists worship?

profits

Why are satanists vegetarian?

Because they worship seitan.

A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.

The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.

Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt

People write on walls, use emojis, and worship cats.

Jesus returns home from worship

And leaves the front door open. Mary sees this and says
"Jesus! Close the door! Were you born in a barn?"
Jesus looks to Mary and says, "Yes mom I was."

Where do populists go to worship?

... the demagogue.

A woman walked into a church wearing slippers and a snuggy and started playing on her phone during the sermon.

The preacher called her out for idle worship.

What do you call an insect in a Muslim place of worship?

A mosque-ito!

Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.

The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"

Veganism is sinful.

Because it's seitanic worship.

The god I worship is d/dx(-cos(x))

Because whenever I need it, it always gives me a sine

What do you call a place of religious worship for Tesla cars?

An Elon Mosque

What do you call an Islamic place of worship in Ecuador?

A "mosquito"

A Cleric and a Hipster Druid were hanging out by a river bank discussing their beliefs.

The Druid says, "Yeah I worship river tributaries. That way I get my powers before they become mainstream."

Most people love Dogs

But dyslexic people worship them!

Johnny walks in the room and looks at his wife and says

"baby. if you were in India they would worship you"
His wife responds while blushing "does that mean I'm a goddess"
He smiles and says "no you're a cow"

Did you hear about the new religon where they only worship t**...?

Some say it's sacrilegious.

An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him.

The Devil made him an offer. I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife's soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends. The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, But what's the catch?

Adam tells God he's really lonely on earth alone

God says "Adam I'm going to make you a woman."
Adam says "what's that?"
God says "It's another human that you will able to bond with. She'll love you, care for you, cook for you, worship you and tend to your every desire. She will be at your beckon call, give you offspring and you will never want for anything else in life again."
Adam says "that sounds wonderful Lord. What will it cost me?"
God says "it will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam thinks for a second and says "what can I get for a rib?"

Worship joke, Adam tells God he's really lonely on earth alone

jokes about worship