Worship Jokes
64 worship jokes and hilarious worship puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about worship that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a lightening up during your worship time? Check out our collection of hilariously funny worship jokes, guaranteed to have your congregation in stitches! Our selection of jokes will have you rolling in the aisles and exploring your faith in a light-hearted way. Learn more about the power of piety, cheesy jokes about Cheesus, and deity humour. Enjoy!
Funniest Worship Short Jokes
Short worship jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The worship humour may include short prayer jokes also.
- Do you know why hindu worship Lord Ganesha first Because we have to first address the elephant in the room
- I'm confused. My professor told me Nietzsche was 'an atheist who worshiped at the altar of nihilism'. Is nothing sacred?
- they say that if you play nickelback backwards, it's devil worship... But even worse, if you play it forwards it's nickelback
- The reason Jesus hasn't returned yet Is because his people are actually worshipping the instrument of his death.
- What is the definition of a Saint? A dead liberal that is worshipped by living conservatives.
- two groan worthy jokes I made up over breakfast 1.Q. What do you get when you cross a Triceratops and a lemon?
A. A Dino-sour
2.Q. Were do robots go to worship?
A. Mech-a - My boss keeps asking me to cut my hair. I keep telling him it is part of my religion I worship the Metal Gods.
- A woman walked into a church wearing slippers and a snuggy and started playing on her phone during the sermon. The preacher called her out for idle worship.
- A Cleric and a Hipster Druid were hanging out by a river bank discussing their beliefs. The Druid says, "Yeah I worship river tributaries. That way I get my powers before they become mainstream."
- How does Gordon Ramsay know that his steak is undercooked? The Hindus are still worshipping it.
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Worship One Liners
Which worship one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with worship? I can suggest the ones about praise and praise the lord.
- What do Christians and mice have in common? They both worship cheeses
- My wife worships me She puts burnt offerings in front of me everyday
- There's a youtube channel about devil worship. But it got demonetized.
- Where do pessimistic Jews go to worship? A cynicgogue
- Who do ghosts worship? Boo, DUH!!!
- What do you call people who worship paper bags? Sack religious
- Did you hear about the new cult that worships fabrics? They're Satinists.
- Hear about the Cadillac-worshipping Satanist? He sold his soul to the Deville.
- My Devil worshipping brother just got a new row boat... He christened it sail Hatin'
- My coworkers worship me. Every time I show up, I hear them say "Jesus Christ!"
- What do you call a person who worships doritos? A Chipmonk.
- What do you call a place of religious worship for Tesla cars? An Elon Mosque
- There is a tribe in Africa that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
- Most people love Dogs But dyslexic people worship them!
- What do capitalists worship? profits
Worship Satan Jokes
Here is a list of funny worship satan jokes and even better worship satan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Some of my Satan worshiping friends invited me to an open discussion on Satanism... I'm not a Satanist myself, but I do like to play Devil's advocate...it was very confusing.
- What did Captain Kirk say when he decided to dabble in devil worship? Uhura, hail Satan.
Cheeky Worship Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about worship you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean church jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make worship pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do businesses move to India?
Because they worship prophets!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
911?
Husband: "Hello, Yes, there's this Hindu fellow who's been following my wife around for the past few hours, and it's starting to really creep us out. He just now got down on his knees and he's... praying, or something."
911 Operator: "Sir, calm down, there's no issue here- Hindus are well known to worship cows."
Who does the Metric Cult worship?
...Demetre.
For some reason, Spanish-speaking visitors to Britain think we worship flight attendants...
I suppose it's understandable given that our national airline is called British Héroes.
I consider myself a buddhist
Because I worship da buddhy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the dyslexic person worship?
Santa.
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
Kim Kardashian arrives in India for the first time, she walks out of the airport, and to her surprise, everyone on the streets stops, turns towards her, and kneels in humility and reverence
Little did she know, they worship cows over there!
Wife just gave birth to our second child and told me I need to appreciate her more
I promised to worship the ground she stomps on
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm Becoming a Hindu
Son : Dad I want to learn about Hinduism
Dad : So are you going to be praying to your mother now?
Son : What are you talking about...
Dad : Hindus worship cows right?
What kind of cow do Hindus living in Russia worship?
A moss cow.
I may not worship all the planets...
...but I'll worship Uranus!
Who do the cheese people worship?
CHEESUS Christ!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently, there exist a group of people who smear cow manure on their faces as an act of worship.
Personally, I think it's b**....
I now understand why people talk about crossfit so much.
Jesus did it, got eternal life, and people worship him. Who wouldn't like that?
Why are satanists vegetarian?
Because they worship seitan.
What do you call a restaurant that opens at lunchtime on Sundays after worship service?
Separation of Church & Steak
A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.
The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.
Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt
People write on walls, use emojis, and worship cats.
Where do populists go to worship?
... the demagogue.
What is the name of a Jehovah's Witness's place of worship?
Your doorstep
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an insect in a Muslim place of worship?
A mosque-ito!
My friend asked me what I thought about worship.
I told him I prefer a battleship over a warship.
Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.
The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why I don't get about Lion King...
Why the f\*c**... do all those animals worship their predators??
The god I worship is d/dx(-cos(x))
Because whenever I need it, it always gives me a sine
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an Islamic place of worship in Ecuador?
A "mosquito"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carl Wheezer joke
I worship Carl Wheezer and the Romans crusified him on a Croiss-ant
Johnny walks in the room and looks at his wife and says
"baby. if you were in India they would worship you"
His wife responds while blushing "does that mean I'm a goddess"
He smiles and says "no you're a cow"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm really fed up of those insects that worship their Queen.
Sycophants.
An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him.
The Devil made him an offer. I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife's soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends. The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, But what's the catch?
Adam tells God he's really lonely on earth alone
God says "Adam I'm going to make you a woman."
Adam says "what's that?"
God says "It's another human that you will able to bond with. She'll love you, care for you, cook for you, worship you and tend to your every desire. She will be at your beckon call, give you offspring and you will never want for anything else in life again."
Adam says "that sounds wonderful Lord. What will it cost me?"
God says "it will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam thinks for a second and says "what can I get for a rib?"
