Worse Jokes
139 worse jokes and hilarious worse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about worse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Worse Short Jokes
Short worse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The worse humour may include short worst jokes also.
- My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...
- Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found. Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.
- Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear nickelback.
- Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window. If it gets any worse ill need to let her back in.
- Girl named IKEA had to change her name to stop being picked on at school. However stop being picked on at school is arguably a worse choice.
- My friend was like "Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be in a hole in the ground full of water." I know he means well.
- If you play Nicki Minaj songs backwards you can hear satanic messages..... even worse, if you play them forwards you can hear Nicki Minaj.
- Did you know that if you play Nickelback backwards you can hear the devil? But what's even worse is that if you play it forwards you can hear Nickelback
- A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
- I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist and worse… she can prove it.
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Worse One Liners
Which worse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with worse? I can suggest the ones about absolute worst and pretty bad.
- I thought up this fibonacci joke .. But it's worse than my last two combined
- What's worse than 10 ants in your pants? One uncle.
- What's worse than beating a dead horse? Shooting a live gorilla
- Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can!
- What's worse than no nut November? No net December.
Defend net neutrality. - What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting stabbed.
- Who had it worse than the Jews in 1941? The Jews in 1942.
- What's worse than finding a hole in your shoe? Finding a shoe in your hole.
- What's worse than finding a bomb under your car? Not finding it.
- What's worse than finding 2 babies in a trash can? Finding 1 baby in two trash cans.
- What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi.
- What's worse than a box full of snakes? A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
- I'm almost 21 and my eyesight is getting worse, when will I get my adult supervision?
- Pessimist: "My life could not get any worse" Optimist: "Oh sure it can"
- What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust
It Could Be Worse Jokes
Here is a list of funny it could be worse jokes and even better it could be worse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After an extremely tense argument with my girlfriend, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.
- Don't run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out. Or worse yet, get kilt.
- I can't see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing... And now my pet snake has a huge tumor
- A friend told me "Cheer up, things could be worse. You could be trapped in a deep hole filled with water" I know he means well
- The doctors tell me I have Alzheimer's, cancer and hepatitis. It could be worse. I could have Alzheimer's.
- I had the worst day of my life yesterday. My friend told me that it could be worse and that I could be stuck in a hole filled with water somewhere.
It's ok, I know he means well. - Have I told you about the Russian optimist vs the pessimist? The pessimist says, " Things could not get worse."
The optimist says, " Oh yes they can." - After the first 2 rounds of the NFL draft, this team's fans didnt think things could possibly get any worse... ...And here's the kicker...
- I was talking to my friend about depression and he told me... "It could be worse...you could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water" I know he means well.
- My friend said "cheer up, could be worse, you could be stuck underground, full of water" I know he means well…
Hurts Worse Than Jokes
Here is a list of funny hurts worse than jokes and even better hurts worse than puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth. No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, You know, I'd like another one.
- What hurts worse than circumcision? When I asked my Jewish friend if he liked it
Fun-Filled Worse Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about worse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean harder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make worse pranks.
Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop.
It feels like I'm losing control.
A two person plane crashes into a cemetery.
Police have released a statement saying that its the worse tragedy they have seen in years. So far they have found over 600 dead with fears of the number increasing as digging continues in the morning.
A doctor and his patient.
A doctor says to his patient, I have bad news and worse news .
Oh dear, what's the bad news? asks the patient.
The doctor replies, You only have 24 hours to live.
That's terrible , said the patient. How can the news possibly be worse?
The doctor replies, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
A guy gets a call from his Doctor...
The Doctor says "I have your test results back. I've got bad news and worse news."
The guy says "What's the bad news?"
The Doctor says "You have 24 hours to live."
The guy says "That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
The Doctor says "I forgot to call you yesterday."
A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder
They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"
Frank's wife goes missing
Frank's wife goes missing and a week later he bumps into his friend Larry on the street. "Frank! How are you? You look a little worse for wear. Any news on your wife?"
"Hi Larry, I'm alright. They said I should be prepared for the worst."
"Oh god that's awful!" Larry sympathises.
"Yeah I know right. I had to buy all her stuff back from the thrift shop this afternoon."
A doctor calls a patient with his test results...
Doctor: I have bad news and worse news.
Patient: What's the bad news, Doc?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: That's terrible? What's worse news?
Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.
Did you know that 69 is now 96?
With this worsening economy, it costs a lot more to eat out.
Nothing worse after drinking...
I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.
-Laura Kightlinger
So I was having s**... with a girl from work...
She wasn't really into it, and then to make matters worse my boss walked in on us.
Long story short, I lost my job at the morgue.
People who put the punchline in the title
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
What is worse than blacking out after a crazy night and losing money?
Blacking out and gaining money.
I'm only 19 and my eyesight is constantly getting worse.
When do I get Adult Supervision?
What is worse than ants in your pants?
......... Uncles.
Guy gets a call from his doctor...
Doc: I have bad news, and I have worse news.
Guy: Wow. Ok, well let's start with the worse news.
Doc: You have cancer and only have about 3 months to live.
Guy (shaken): Ok, what's the bad news?
Doc: You have Alzheimer's Disease.
Guy (waits a beat): Well at least I don't have cancer.
What's worse than finding a hole in your c**...?
Finding a c**... in your hole
A: Whats's worse than a worm in the apple?
B: The Holocaust.
A: What's worse than the Holocaust?
B: 5 Million Jews.
A stock market c**... is worse than a divorce.
You lose half your money and your wife is still around.
One day, the President finds a n**... message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The u**... belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
A shopkeeper was dismayed...
when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS! To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading LOWEST PRICES! He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, MAIN ENTRANCE.
I got caught sniffing underwear...
I got caught sniffing my friend's sister's underwear the other day,
What made it worse was she was still wearing them,
Made the rest of her f**... really awkward.
Since it started raining all my girlfriend has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse I'm thinking about letting her in.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the s**... window...
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...
what's worse than being adopted?
finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up.
Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?
This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...
An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work...
... when his wife rings him on his cellphone.
"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".
"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"
I'm living in a rough neighbourhood...
Some t**... tore the front and back pages of my dictionary out!
It just goes from Bad to Worse
A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates...
The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"
Doctor: "I have some bad news, and some very bad news"
Patient:"Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor:"The lab called and told me you only have 24 hours to live."
Patient:"24 hours!? That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
Doctor:"Your phone has been off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday..."
[Edited to clarify punchline...I guess. xP]
What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic?
When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?
Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a c**....
A man asked me, which is worse, ignorance or apathy?
I told him, "I don't know, and I don't care."
Good, bad, worse
Good: I slept with my teacher after prom last night.
Bad: I was home schooled.
Worse: by my dad.
They say that laughter is the best medicine.
Well, I have diarrhea and it's making it worse.
In Soviet Russia, pessimist says "things couldn't possibly possibly get any worse"...
Russian optimist says "Yes they can!!!"
What's worse than a lobster on your piano?
**c**... on your o**....**
What's a headline that's worse than "Missing person remains missing"
"Missing person's remains found"
It's obviously worse to pass a kidney stone than giving birth to a baby.
Because people always say they want another baby but no ones ever said they want another kidney stone.
Good, Bad, Worse, Worst.
Good: A hot girl hugs you.
Bad: You get an e**....
Worse: You realize it's not yours.
Worst: Now even you get an e**....
What's worse than your wife cheating on you with your brother?
Your wife cheating on you with her brother.
Source: am from Alabama.
What is worse than finding a bug in your salad?
Getting anally r**... by a rhinoceros.
My friend told me to sing at his f**....
He wants people to know there's something worse then death.
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days...
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse , I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.
I know he means well.
What did the Alabama sherriff say about the black guy with 17 bullet holes in his back?
He said it was the worse case of s**... he's ever seen
The wife has done nothing but stare through the f**king window since it started snowing.
If it gets any worse i might have to let her in.
Whats worse than running with scissors?
s**... with the runs.
A man is driving down the freeway
when his wife calls him. He picks up and asks what the matter is. She says, "I want you to be careful honey, I heard on the radio there's a lunatic barreling down the highway going the wrong way." He replies, "it's much worse than that, there's hundreds of them
What's worse than an elephant in the china shop?
A hedgehog in the c**... factory.
What is worse than two children in a trash bin?
One child in two trash bins.
A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.
When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"
The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"
The firefighters in Greece are making the fire worse.
You aren't supposed to use water on Greece fires.
A store owner is depressed when he noticed a sign on his neighbors business saying "Best Deals"
He feels even worse when the business on the other side of him puts up a sign saying
"Lowest Prices"
But then an idea struck him!
The next day he bought an even bigger sign reading "Main Entrance"
A trip to the doctor...
Doctor: "You'll be thrilled to hear that you don't have cancer in your liver. It was all in your head!"
Me: "Oh great!"
Doctor: "No, brain cancer is way worse."
An elderly man was driving down the highway when his phone rang.
It was his wife urgently warning him: Honey, I just heard on the news that there's some lunatic in a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!
It's worse than that, said the man, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!
What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?
A pessimist says "things can't get any worse"
And optimist says "sure they can!"
What's worse than getting a job at McDonald's?
Not getting the job at McDonald's.
Stay away from the marijuanas it can cause memory loss
Or even worse, memory loss.
After a long day's work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary.
Things just went from Bad to Worse.
There is only one thing that's worse than sexism
Women
Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President s**...."
Infuriated, Trump called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.
"The bad news is that the u**... is from Putin."
"Vlad? How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this?"
"The handwriting's is Melania's."
Two little boys are at a wedding when one leans over to other and asks:
"How many wives are we allowed to have?"
His friend answered "Sixteen. Four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer!"
What's worse than ADHD ?
AD4k
Entire Russian history in five words
Russian history in five words: "And then things got worse."
According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had..
Oops... sorry, wrong thread.