The Best 67 Worry Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Worry jokes. There are some worry relax jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these worry fear puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Worry Jokes and Puns

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry

I'll return.

I was having sex with my friend's wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed.

She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me...

One day after sex, my girl told me she used to be a Christian.

Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."

Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."

So the painters finish painting my home...

and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."

jokes about worry

Cheating Partner

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.

After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."

So a doctor has sex with one of his patients...

And is feeling pretty down about it. On his left shoulder appears a devil. The devil consoles him saying "Hey man, don't even worry about it. Doctors have sex with their patients all the time. You are definitely not the only one." Then on his right shoulder appears an angel who says "Come on man! You're a vet!!"

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...

...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."

"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"

"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.

"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"

"That," says the man, "is your first worry."

Worry joke, A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.

"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"

"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."

"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"

"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all...
- Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.

At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"

She hangs up and turns towards her lover :

- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.

I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him cock-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

Turned on women's volleyball and within four minutes there was a wrist injury

Don't worry I'll be fine

You can explore worry worrier reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean worry penfish dad jokes. There are also worry puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

I have a temperature of -273.15Β°C

Don't worry. I'm 0K

I was having sex with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed

She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.

My daughter asked if I am going to die someday

I said "Don't worry sweetheart. I promise I'll be alive for the rest of my life."

She looked relieved.

I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

But don't worry. It's safe sex.

Worry joke, I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.

My friend's body temperature is currently -273.15 Β°C

Don't worry though, he's 0K.

I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign

Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.

If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry..

You have the rest of your life to fix it.

Don't worry if you missed 4/20

Because today is 4/20 too!

Osama Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...

He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"

"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."

"Why, what did you answer?"

"The Empire State Building."

"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."

A boy walks in on his dad masturbating...

He asks him, "Daddy what are you doing?"

His dad responds, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon."

The boy then asks, "Why's that daddy?"

His dad answers, "Because my arms getting tired.."

Woman is at a maternity hospital in a lot of pain.

Her husband strokes her back and says, "I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"

She says, "Don't worry. It's not your fault."

A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.

P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!

Don't worry; so did the ~~Patriots~~ Falcons.

Worry joke, I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!

What do you call an Italian Jedi?

Obi Wan Cannoli.

Don't worry, I'll see myself out.

I think Americans are right to worry about immigrants

Because they might commit a mass shooting just to fit in with the culture.

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?

What if you have an accident?

The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.

The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.

Mom, someone called me gangster at school today.

Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem

Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.

The other night I superglued my thumb and forefinger together...

Dont worry, everything is ok

A women in labor suddenly starts shouting, SHOULDN'T, WOULDN'T, COULDN'T, CAN'T

Don't worry, said the doctor.
Those are just contractions

I was having a prostate exam...

Me:*squirms
Doctor: Don't worry, it's perfectly fine to have an erection at a time like this.

So I tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.

Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

The concerned father-to-be asked, "Doctor, what's going on?"

​

The doctor said, "Don't worry, those are just contractions."

​

A woman in labor suddenly shouted........

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.

Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.

The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!

The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.

Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!

Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!

My wife told me she'd slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

Don't worry guys, i think she's jokinejkodoworkfjcjkskoe394oo2oc2i2fkf2uu3ug25r2u

Please donate to atheism.org

Don't worry, it's a non-prophet organisation.

An original joke from my 7 year old daughter

Did you hear the joke about the piece of paper?

Don't worry about it, it's tearable!

{I'm sure someone in history has used this pun, but I was pretty impressed with her effort!}

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

I called my mom and told her not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.

She told me "You're the goddamn doctor and this wasn't funny the first time."

I tried to memorize 100 digits of pi today

But why would I worry about pi on my cake day?

A woman just gave birth to a baby boy. Unfortunately....

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him cock-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said "I need to pass through the cemetery but I'm scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?"

I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."

The Queen takes the visiting Pope for a ride in a horse carriage through London.

Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly.

Oh my goodness, I am so terribly sorry! apologizes the embarrassed Queen.

Oh don't worry about it" the Pope replied "If you hadn't said anything, I'd have just thought it was one of the horses!"

Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side...

Lenin says: "Joseph... I'm not sure you're the right man to lead the country after me. I don't know if the people will follow you."

Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you."

A man and a woman are talking in the office.

The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."

The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."

The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.

Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"

The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."

The woman leaves. The man follows.

The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"

The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."

My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger references, but don't worry...

I'll return

How can you tell who owns bitcoin at a party?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

I told my wife I'm going cool myself to -273.15 degrees C.

She has nothing to worry about, I'll be 0K

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it's starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway

Zelensky throws out Putin and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway and looks at Biden smugly as they crash anyways due to the massive weight of Zelensky's balls.

Don't worry if your phone corrects 'fuck' to 'duck'

You're still using fowl language.

A chemist accidentally froze himself at -273.15C

Don't worry though, he's 0K

An atom walks into a bar…

Bartender: What are you doing here?

Atom: I'm celebrating the loss of an electron.

Bartender: I'm keeping my ion you.

Atom: Don't worry, I'll keep things positive.

How do you offend an American?

Don't worry, they'll find something to be offended about.

A pregnant woman screams COULDN'T WOULDN'T SHOULDN'T CAN'T…

The Dr said nothing to worry about, those are contractions .

A woman in labour suddenly shouts out "wouldn't, couldn't, didn't, can't"

"Don't worry", the doctor replies, "they're just contractions".

I will pay a person $5 000 a month to take care of my worries.

- How are you going to get the $5 000 a month to pay them?
- That is for them to worry about.

What did Mr. Peanut say to his wife??

Don't worry, I'll be back in a JIF

I called my insurance to ask what would happen if Yellowstone ever blew up.

Don't worry, they said, You'll be covered.

What did the ghost say as he coughed up fog?

Don't worry guys, it's just miasma!

My friend sent me a text saying he was feeling down and wanted to hear a joke to cheer him up

I told Don't worry, I'll tell you a joke later, I'm with my girlfriend right now.

He said That was a good one, keep them coming!

Did you hear about the wrongly-convicted banana?

Don't worry, he's okay. He won on appeal

did you hear about the guy stuck in a heavy metal box?

don't worry, he's safe now.

A policeman stops a car that is going very slowly on the I40 highway, and says to the driver "Why are you going so slow? You're holding up traffic!"

"Well," says the man, "the signs say I40."

"That's the road number," says the policeman, "not the speed limit."

Then he notices a woman in the back seat, trembling all over. "Is your passenger all right, sir?" he asks.

"Don't worry officer," says the man, "my wife is always like that when we come off Hwy I170."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the worry reassuringly puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working worry anxious piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes