Worry Jokes

Following is our collection of worrier puns and relax one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Worry jokes for adults, dirty penfish jokes and clean fear dad gags for kids.

The Best Worry Puns

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry

I'll return.

I was having sex with my friend's wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed.

She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me...

One day after sex, my girl told me she used to be a Christian.

Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."

Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."

I was having sex with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed

She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.

I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign

Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.


Osama Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...

He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"

"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."

"Why, what did you answer?"

"The Empire State Building."

"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."

I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

But don't worry. It's safe sex.

A boy walks in on his dad masturbating...

He asks him, "Daddy what are you doing?"

His dad responds, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon."

The boy then asks, "Why's that daddy?"

His dad answers, "Because my arms getting tired.."

I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him cock-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry..

You have the rest of your life to fix it.

So the painters finish painting my home...

and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."


How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.



P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

[NSFW] Anne recently noticed she had hair growing between her legs...

Frantic, she asks her mom what's going on.

Her mother replies, "Don't worry sweetie, the part where the hair grows is called the Monkey. Be proud that your Monkey is growing hair."

The girl sighs in relief, and later at the dinner table she smiled and told her older sister Beth, "I've got hair growing on my Monkey."

The sister laughs and replies back, "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas."

My friend's body temperature is currently -273.15 Β°C

Don't worry though, he's 0K.

I have a temperature of -273.15Β°C

Don't worry. I'm 0K

Cheating Partner

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.

After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."

My wife told me she'd slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

Don't worry guys, i think she's jokinejkodoworkfjcjkskoe394oo2oc2i2fkf2uu3ug25r2u


Mom, someone called me gangster at school today.

Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem

Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.

An original joke from my 7 year old daughter

Did you hear the joke about the piece of paper?

Don't worry about it, it's tearable!


{I'm sure someone in history has used this pun, but I was pretty impressed with her effort!}

So a doctor has sex with one of his patients...

And is feeling pretty down about it. On his left shoulder appears a devil. The devil consoles him saying "Hey man, don't even worry about it. Doctors have sex with their patients all the time. You are definitely not the only one." Then on his right shoulder appears an angel who says "Come on man! You're a vet!!"

The other night I superglued my thumb and forefinger together...

Dont worry, everything is ok

Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.

Turned on women's volleyball and within four minutes there was a wrist injury

Don't worry I'll be fine

I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!

Don't worry; so did the ~~Patriots~~ Falcons.

My daughter asked if I am going to die someday

I said "Don't worry sweetheart. I promise I'll be alive for the rest of my life."

She looked relieved.

I called my mom and told her not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.

She told me "You're the goddamn doctor and this wasn't funny the first time."

A woman in labor suddenly shouted........

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

A women in labor suddenly starts shouting, SHOULDN'T, WOULDN'T, COULDN'T, CAN'T

Don't worry, said the doctor.
Those are just contractions

A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.

Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.

The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!

The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.

Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!

Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!

Woman is at a maternity hospital in a lot of pain.

Her husband strokes her back and says, "I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"

She says, "Don't worry. It's not your fault."

Please donate to atheism.org

Don't worry, it's a non-prophet organisation.

I was having a prostate exam...

Me:*squirms
Doctor: Don't worry, it's perfectly fine to have an erection at a time like this.

So I tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?

What if you have an accident?

The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.

The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...

...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."

"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"

"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.

"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"

"That," says the man, "is your first worry."

Don't worry if you missed 4/20

Because today is 4/20 too!

Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."

What do you call an Italian Jedi?

Obi Wan Cannoli.

Don't worry, I'll see myself out.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all...
- Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.

At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"

She hangs up and turns towards her lover :

- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.

"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"

"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."

"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"

"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

The concerned father-to-be asked, "Doctor, what's going on?"



The doctor said, "Don't worry, those are just contractions."

I think Americans are right to worry about immigrants

Because they might commit a mass shooting just to fit in with the culture.

So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid...

but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants.

A man is at his doctor ...

... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.

The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an erection at this moment".

The man says "But I don't have an erection" "No but I do" the doctor replied.

Two nuts were hanging out in a tree. One slipped and started to fall.

The other one said Don't worry man, I'm a cashew

I just became a Dad two months ago and I'm still practicing my Dad jokes, bear with me.

Don't worry though, he's a trained bear and completely under control.

A child walks in on his dad...

... while he was masturbating. The son says "Dad, what are you doing?" The father replies with "Don't worry you will be doing this soon enough." Then the son says "how come?" Then the dad says "Because my hand is getting tired."

Out walking last night decided to take short cut through a Cemetery when 3 young girls came towards me and said they were petrified walking through the grave yard and asked if they could walk along side me so I said yes...

As we were walking I said don't worry I understand I used to be petrified walking through here when I was alive.
Never seen anybody run so fast.

I love dating blind girls

You don't have to worry about them seeing other people.

A hat and a tie are out running

The tie gets tired and says he needs a break.
The hat replies "Don't worry. You hang around and I'll go on ahead."

Boy and girl in class asked the teacher a question.


"Can kids of our age have kids?"

Teacher replied " NO Never!!"

Boy said to girl :

"See I told you not to worry!!!!"

Worry not confederate flag supporters! You may have lost the battle...

But you haven't lost the w- oh right.

How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh don't worry about me I'll just sit here in the dark. It's not like I need light to sit here all alone by myself.

I didn't worry much when my parachute didn't open

I didn't understand the gravity of the situation

The baby

Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this… Β 

Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault.

I'm getting a tattoo of an elephant on my ear...

The only reason I'm doing this is so when people ask me "Why do you have a tattoo of an elephant on your ear?" I can say "Don't worry about it. It's ear elephant."

I know that I'm paranoid.

But I worry that I may not be paranoid enough.

Husband talks to a rabbi.

A husband goes to talk to a rabbi about how his wife is trying to make him consume poison. The rabbi shows concern and tells the husband, "don't worry I'll talk to her". The next day the husband and the rabbi meet together, and the rabbi informs the husband of the meeting with his wife. "I saw your wife - I talked to her for 3 hours! Take the poison!"

There is an abundance of reassuringly jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 60 funniest jokes and worry puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any anxious witze you can hear about worry.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes