Worried Jokes

Following is our collection of fret humor and anabolic one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Worried puns for adults, dirty unsure jokes or clean checkup gags for kids.

There is an abundance of worriedly jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 58 funniest jokes on worried. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any doctor witze you can hear about worried.

The Best jokes about Worried

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

My son identifies as a crescent moon.

I'm worried, but my wife says it's just a phase.

I froze myself to -273.1Β°C

..my friends and family are worried, but I'll be 0K

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.


After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear.

Who was that?

I froze myself to -273.1 degrees Celcius...

My friends were worried, but I'll be 0K

A pirate goes to a doctor...

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.

"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."

The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

(sorry if repost, haven't seen it on this sub)

The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York...

... because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.

When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.

I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)

Great success.


Im going to freeze myself at -273.15 Β°C

My friends are worried, but ill be 0K

A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs

She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."

My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though

I'll figure out what procrastination means later

A woman searches for something in the living room.

After an hour, worried, she asks her husband:

- Have you seen my book?

- Which one?

- How to live to become 100 years old.

- Ah yes. Yesterday, i threw it away.

- But why?

- Your mother started reading it...

A pirate goes to the doctor

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her.

I said, Nah, it's probably womb temperature.

So many homophobes turn out to be secretly gay

I'm worried I'm secretly a giant spider.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister-"my monkey has grown hair"

Her sister smiled and said-"that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas" .


A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their sex life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.

Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.

A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happy.

Three months pass. She's really worried about her youngest when finally a message arrives. It's addressed in shaky handwriting and contains an ad for British Airways. "London to Paris: Seven days a week, three times a day, both ways."

She fainted.

I stepped on a rusty Lego the other day...

I'm worried I might have contracted Tetris.

A man tells his blonde girlfriend that his scalp is itchy.

Worried, she calls her mother and asks what to do. She replies calmly, Just give him some Head & Shoulders. She agrees, but calls back about 30 minutes later, Umm... how do you give someone shoulders?

I went to the doctor today...

He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop masturbating." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work...

... when his wife rings him on his cellphone.

"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".

"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"

I'm not worried about Muslim suicide bombers

They can only do it once. Those Hindu suicide bombers are the real threat.

Offensive NFL joke. Trigger Warning: Terrorism/World Trade Centre/Religious, anybody who is offended do not open this link

I'm really worried about Tim Tebow taking over the QB position. The last time anybody that religious had control of the Jets 9/11 happened

Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years...

...until he found a way to overcome this problem.

His friends noticed the dramatic change.

"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."

"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.

'I haven't had a single problem since."

"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"

"Tom replied, "That's his problem."

A lawyer was in his BMW...

...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops.

Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer.

Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well.

Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?

I'm really worried about my Parrot.

He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life".

My room-mate's too selfish to notice. He's always crying.

I'm seriously considering asking my ex-wife to remarry me...

But I'm worried she will think I'm just after her for my money...

The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..

They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It's not because they're worried about spies cracking the codes. It's just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can't tweet them out.

A worried elderly lady calls her husband on his cell phone...

"Please be careful," she tells him worriedly. "I heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway."

To which he replies, "It's not just one car, it's all of them!"

Trump got COVID...

Well my wife and I don't see eye to eye politically. One was happy, the other worried... you understand. So after much debate, we came to a compromise: we sent him a get well soon card that said stay positive.

My bank was worried

My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday ο»Ώ

My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried

His life is at steak

My wife and I said we would only smoke after sex....

I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day!

I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website...

... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.

A King had to go on a war but he was worried that his wife might cheat and leave him

He locked her in her room and gave the keys to his minister and ordered him that if I don't come back in 10 days then she is yours. Then the king left. After 20 mins as he was riding on his fast horse he heard someone coming from behind. He stopped for the man and once the other horse rider came close the king saw that he was his minister. The minister came towards the king.

The king said, "didn't I give you a job to do?"

The minister said, " your highness about that.... the keys you gave me are wrong"

My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do...

They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!

I heard my ex girlfriend needs a new kidney

I'm not worried, her body hasn't rejected an organ in 25 years.

-Tom Cotter

A little boy walks into his parents' room

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

A worried flyer asks a statistician...

"What are my chances of getting on a plane that has a bomb on it?" to which the statistician replies, "very, very low". But I fly a lot, said the businessman. Then, said the statistician, Take your own bomb with you. The odds against being on a plane with two bombs on it are 50 billion to one.

Two cows are standing on a hill....

One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"

The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"

I saw a black man running down the street with a TV

I was worried it was mine so I drove home as fast as I could, when I got home I was relieved to find mine was still there...brushing the front porch.

Little Johnny at it again...

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.

Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".

The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.

"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"

Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.

They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."

Joey moves to a nudist colony

Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.

He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads

Dear Joey

Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.

Love Grandma

Is Prince Andrew worried about his current situation?

No, he isn't sweating it at all.

Two men discuss vasectomies...

First: "I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy, but I'm worried about performance..."
Second:" I had one, I was worried at first but after a while I realized there just wasn't a vas deferens"

my psychiatrist just diagnosed me with schizophrenia..

was really worried until i remembered i dont have a psychiatrist lol

Green Spots

Rebecca is worried about 2 green spots that appeared on her inner thighs. Although she is embarrassed, she goes to the doctor who looks and asks her ' Is your boyfriend a Gypsy? '
Rebecca says 'Yes, how did you know?'
So the doctor said 'Tell him his earrings are not gold'

A joke my grandpa told me

A man goes to the doctor for a rectal exam. The doctor says "Sir, you really need to stop masturbating."
The man, worried, asks "What? Why??"
The doctor replies "Because I'm trying to do my exam."

Lazy vultures

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."

"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"

"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

Who says men don't remember?

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."

He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."

you really have to admire brits who voted to leave

They were so worried about immigrants ruining their economy than they preempted it by doing it themselves.

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said

"I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

A father puts a gold watch in one son's stocking and a pile of manure in the other son's...

The first son brings the watch to his father and with a worried face says, "dad I'm not sure what to do with this watch, it's fragile, and small, and I don't really wear watches. I don't like it."


The father wasn't surprised by his son's reaction because he typically has a poor perspective on things.


Minutes later, the second son, who had a stocking full of manure, comes running to his father with excitement and says, "Dad! I think Santa brought me a pony! Now I just have to go find it!"


It's all about perspective.

An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.

The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."

The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."

The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"

The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"

The bartender answers, "A rose?"

"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the gut.

They rush her to the hospital and everything turns out ok. The babies are all fine.

12 years later one of her daughters comes to her worried "mom mom mom i was peeing and a bullet came out!"

"Thats strange." Says the mom.

A few days after that her other daughter rushes up "MOM MOM MOM i was peeing and a bullet came out!"

"Thats really strange" says the mom.

A few more weeks pass without issue, then her son comes up to her "MOM MOM MOM" she cuts him off "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out."

"NO! I WAS JACKING OFF AND I SHOT THE DOG!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes