Worm Jokes

What are some Worm jokes?

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

Worms

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.

The 2nd in wine, dead.

The 3rd in whiskey, dead.

The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

The teacher asks the class:

- What do we learn from this experience?

And a child responds:

- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey, does not have worms.

A man wanted to teach his sons the evils of alcohol

So he takes out two glasses. Fills one with bourbon and one with water.

He puts A worm in the bourbon and a worm in the water. Worm in the water lives, worm in the bourbon dies.

He turns to his son and say "now what does that teach you about the evils of alcohol?"

His son thought about it for a second and says "well if I drink bourbon I won't get worms"

-my dad tells this one to at least one person every time he goes into a liquor store-

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple?

The holocaust

The early bird might get the worm, but

The second mouse *always* gets the cheese

People who put the punchline in the title

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A boy and his grandfather are playing outside...

A boy and his grandfather are playing outside. They see a worm come out of a hole.

"I bet you $5 you can't put the worm back in that hole," the grandfather said.

The boy gets a glint in his eye and runs into the house. He returns with a bottle of hairspray and proceeds to spray the worm until it is stiff, then he sticks it in the hole.

The grandpa, defeated, gives the boy $5 and takes the bottle of hairspray. He walks into the house and the boy keeps playing.

A while later, the grandfather returns outside and gives the boy $10.

"But grandpa, you already gave me the money for the bet," the boy told him.

"Yeah, I know. *That* money is from grandma."

Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.

* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.

* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.

* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.

* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.

* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?


* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.

* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.

Starch in your shorts! (Always makes me laugh:3)

Grandpa and Billy were working out in the garden.

Grandpa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground.

"You'll never get that worm back in his hole," said the old man.

Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came back with a can of spray starch.

After a few sprays, the worm was as stiff as a board and Billy was able to slide him back into the earth.

"Billy! You're a genius," exclaimed Grandpa. He hugged Billy, gave him a dollar out of his pocket, grabbed the starch, and ran inside.
Thirty minutes later, Grandpa comes back out smiling. He gives Billy another dollar.

"Grandpa," said the boy, "You already gave me a dollar."

"No," replied Grandpa, "That dollar's from grandma!"



(Not sure if repost :( )

A priest in church wanted to demonstrate the dangers of alcohol.

He took out a live worm, dipped it in a glass of water and pulled it out alive. 'See? The worm is alive and well'. He now dips the worm in a glass of whisky and pulls out the worm. He screams at the congregation 'look at this worm. It's dead now. What does that tell you? The drunk at the back says: if you drink whisky you won't get worms.

A pastor takes four earthworms and places them in different jars at the start of the service.

Each jar contained something different, the first had alcohol, the second had cigerette butts and smoke, the third had all sorts of sweets, and the forth had good, clean dirt. At the end of the service, the pastor pulls the jars back out and removes the worm from the alcohol. "Dead!" exclaims the pastor. Next is the worm in the cigerette smoke. "Dead!". The worm in the sweets "DEAD!" Finally the worm in the dirt, "Look at this! He is alive!"

"Can anyone tell me what the moral of this story is?"

Mrs. Jones, an elderly woman in the front row, stands up and exclaims "If you drink, smoke, and eat nothing but candy, you won't get worms!"

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Being raped by a giant scorpion..

A worm munches himself into the center of a cucumber.

He keeps eating the delicious cucumber center when all of a sudden he feels himself lifted into the sky and thrust into a jar. He peaks out of the cucumber to see a bunch of other cucumbers. All of a sudden he sees liquid being poured inside the jar.

He crawled back inside his cucumber grave where he thought to himself "I'm really in a pickle this time."

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Cutting your toe off with an axe

First bird gets the worm, second mouse gets the cheese but the third wife gets

The White House

Grandpa was sitting on the porch...

...when he saw little Timmy jamming the earthworm back to its hole.
Grandpa: Silly Timmy, you cant put that worm back inside son.
Timmy: Bet you $50 i can grandpa.
Grandpa: Sure, its a deal!

So little Timmy gets hairspray from the house and sprayed it all over the worm, the worm stiffened like a stick and Timmy was able to put it back inside its hole. Grandpa, looking amazed, gives Timmy the $50, grabs the hairspray and went inside the house.

15 minutes later Grandpa came back with another $50 and gave it to Timmy

Timmy: Grandpa, you already gave me $50.

Grandpa: Oh, this one is from your grandma.

What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Not protecting net neutrality.

A little boy and a worm

A young boy is walking along, holding an earth worm, when his grandpa sees him and asks what he's doing with the worm. "I'm gonna stick it back in the ground." The grandpa says "there is no way, I'll bet you $5 you can't." "OK" says the boy and he goes and gets a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm while keeping it straight, until it is stiff as a board. He then sticks it in the ground. Dumbfounded, the grandpa hands the boy $5 and goes inside.
A little while later he comes back out and hands the boy another $5. The boy says "but you already gave me money" to which grandpa replies "I know, this is from grandma."

I know she ate a worm

but we are not here to debate de bait deb ate.

Little Timmy

Grandpa watched Timmy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that if he could put it back in he would give him 10 bucks. Timmy left for a bit and said "Ok Grandpa, watch this". Timmy then pushed the worm right back down the hole it came out from. Grandpa got out the 10 bucks and gave it to Timmy. Timmy said "Grandpa, I cant keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That's why I was able to do that." Grandpa said "No, you keep it." The next morning at breakfast Grandpa walked to Timmy and gave him another 10 bucks. Timmy said "No Grandpa. You already paid me." Grandpa replied "That money was from Grandma."

Earthworm

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

In science class, 3 worms were places into 3 different jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol ---dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.

The 3rd worm in soil --- alive.!!

So the science teacher asked the class --- "What can you learn from this experiment.?"

A kid quickly raised his hand and said.

"As long as you drink alcohol and smoke , you won't have worms in your stomach".

A local anti-alcohol protester walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey and a glass of water

. The bartender, surprised to see the protester in the bar at all, much less ordering alcohol, asks him what he's doing. "Just watch," the protester replies. He drops a worm in the shot of whiskey, and another worm in the water. Within minutes the worm in the whiskey dies. "Now, what does that tell you about alcohol?" the protester smugly asks the bartender. "Pretty clear," the bartender replies. "If you drink whiskey you won't get worms."

Stiffy worm

A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.

The grandson says:

- I'm shoving the worms back into their hole.

- And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?

- It's a secret grandfather!

- I'll give you 10 bucks if you teach me how to do it.

- Well, I'll spread some wood glue, stretch the worm, wait until it dries and stays hard and then just put it in the hole.

- Take your 10 bucks.

The next day the grandfather goes to the kid, takes $100 from his pocket and gives to the grandson.

- Grandfather, have you forgotten? You already gave me $10 yesterday.

- I know. Those $100 are from your grandmother.

What does a worm do in a cornfield?

It goes in one ear and out the other

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Genocide.

Latvian man dies of hunger.

He sees St Peter at Pearly Gate. St Peter give him bread and say, "Struggle over now". Man cry from happy. But, look again! St Peter is really devil, and bread have worm. Struggle continues.

Worming

Will was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whisky curled up and died.

'All right, son', asked Will, 'what does that show you?'

'Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms.'

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

The August 1945 atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor,

so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water.

The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass.

It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.

"Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

If a glow worm were to have its tail cut off …

… would it be de-lighted?

Sir, you cannot fish here!

Sir, you cannot fish here!

Don't worry, I'm not fishing, I'm just teaching my worm to swim.

How do you tell if a worm is a boy worm or a girl worm?

Tell it a joke - if he laughs it's a boy, and if she laughs it's a girl.

What do girls fear that's big, scary, and pink?

The Alaskan Bull Worm.

Self-proclaimed "west virginia backwoods Redneck" told me these were the best jokes ever, tha. Waid "birds's gotta eat, just like a worm."

what do you call a deer with no eyes? ... .

No eye deer.


What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?


Still no eye deer.

"Mum, if I cut a worm in half, will the two halves be friends?"

"Not with you, they won't."

Whats Worse Than Finding A Worm In Your Apple?

Getting Hit By A Truck

What do worms and girls have in common?

They both squirm when you eat them

Worms in the hole

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

"The FISH joke"

A lazy guy went fishing but forgot the worms. So instead, he grabbed a piece of paper and wrote on it; "I am a delicious worm!", attached it the hook and threw it in the water .. After 3 hours of waiting, he finally felt a drag.. so he quickly pulled the hook out of the water, and found a different piece of paper that says: ".. And I am a delicious fish ;)"

What do you you call a mexican inch worm?

An inch-a-lotta

What's worse that finding a worm in your apple?

Cancer.

A little boy is playing in the garden

with his grandpa sitting close by and watching. The boy finds a worm sticking out of a hole, and excitedly pulls it out to show his granddad. His gramps says, "very nice. I'll give you $50 if you can get it back in the hole." The little boys eyes widen, and he runs inside to get a can of stiffen quick spray, sprays it all over the worm, and waits a bit before sliding it back into the hole. He looks back at his grandpa with a huge grin, who says back to him. "Wow! Well done! Now I'll give you another 50 if you tell me the name of that stuff."

How to kill worm in your stomach

Eat apples for 6 straight days and on the 7th day eat an orange instead , then the worm will come out of your stomach and ask " dude where's my apple???" then you take a baseball bat and beat him to death.

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class

a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms."Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded...
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

What does a formal argument and a worm on a hook have in common?

De bate.

What's worse than a worm sticking out of your apple?

Half a worm sticking out of your apple.

A Blind Professional Fisherman, Is Given the Honerary Title of "Master Baiter"

*He replies* : " It's easy. You just grab your worm, wrap it tight. Cast your pole, and just pray that you inevitably smell something fishy."

Yesterday I told this joke about a worm being eaten early in the morning

The birds loved it.

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and...

...he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers, and six-packs.

what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

al sharpton.

Step 1: Walk without rhythm, Step 2: Ride the worm

Step 3: Prophet

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding that your Windows has a bug.

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? Finding half a worm in it. And what's worse than that?

The holocaust

What bait do you use to catch a space fish?

A worm hole

Two fishermen are out on a lake...

One is struggling to get a worm on their lines hook turns to the other and says how did you master bait?

There's a wormhole in the center of my bagel....

"Of course, that's not a Cinnamon-Rosen bagel....you bought an EINSTEIN-Rosen bagel!"

How do you catch a Swedish fish?

With a gummy worm as bait

What did the plant say to the worm?

Oooh that tickles

How to make Worm jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Worm to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Worm? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Worm pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes