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World Jokes

182 world jokes and hilarious world puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about world that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Experience the laughter that knows no boundaries with these hilarious jokes from around the world! From Disney World to Jurassic World, Slimming World to the universe, these globally-sourced jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face no matter where you're from!

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Funniest World Short Jokes

Short world jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The world humour may include short lands jokes also.

  1. North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
  2. Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.
  3. My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat! In the end, he came around.
  4. I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
  5. How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
    (
  6. Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now. And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.
  7. I have two conditions in my will... 1) I want my remains spread around Disney World
    2) I do not want to be cremated
  8. Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes Me: I wish for a world without lawyers
    Genie: Done, you have no more wishes
    Me: But you said 3
    Genie: Sue me.
  9. One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world Then you'll all be sorry
  10. Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world? Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

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World One Liners

Which world one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with world? I can suggest the ones about country and earth.

  1. Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
  2. How does a Flat Earther travel the world? on a plane
  3. China should have a cricket team. They can take out the whole world with one bat
  4. What would happen if two African countries get in a war? A 3rd World War.
  5. In a world without Muslims, there wouldn't be a 911. We'd have to say CMXI instead.
  6. What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? You get kicked out of sea world…
  7. Your mom is so ugly... That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask
  8. What does every women in the world want? Nothing, they're fine.
  9. What does a girl want more than anything in the world? Nothing. She's fine.
  10. One day Canada will rule the world Then you'll all be sorry
  11. What is the least spoken language in the world? sign language.
  12. I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company. We're not very good.
  13. So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means. It's not like it's the end of the world
  14. How do you get Americans to join a world war? Tell them it's nearly finished.
  15. What do cubs fans do after they win the world series? They turn off their Xbox.

Out Of This World Jokes

Here is a list of funny out of this world jokes and even better out of this world puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say
    Leroy, please paint that wall
  • Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.
  • How many Karens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, She just stands there holding it while the world revolves around her.
  • The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
  • How many Karens did it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.
    She just holds the lightbulb in the socket and expects the rest of the world to revolve around her.
  • So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
  • When I die, I want my remains scattered over Disney World. Also, I don't want to be cremated.
  • Let's discuss who the most hated world leader is as of now I think Putin just Trump-ed all of his competitors
  • How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
  • I'm pleased to announce Reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world! The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content

World Cup Jokes

Here is a list of funny world cup jokes and even better world cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet" It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
    (England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)
  • OPEN LETTER TO qatar: you're seriously banning homosexuality at your World Cup? Come on guys…
  • An Englishman walks into a bar... There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.
  • What do you call an American in the world cup final. Ref
  • China should never take part in the Cricket World Cup They can screw over any country with just a bat
  • Germany's failure in the World Cup wasn't that surprising They have always struggled to progress in Russia.
  • Let's face it... That's not the first time Germany has gone into Russia unprepared...
  • Why do India never qualify for the world cup? Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop.
  • What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup final? The referee
  • Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest. It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
World joke, Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest.

End Of The World Jokes

Here is a list of funny end of the world jokes and even better end of the world puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So I brought a world map and asked my wife to shoot a dart on it and wherever it lands, I will take her there for two weeks when pandemic ends. It's her day 5 behind the fridge.
  • So what if i don't know what "Armageddon" means? It's not the end of the world.
  • The E.U has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country after Brexit. I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
  • TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world. While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.
  • If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world The ending would be a cliffhanger.
  • I cant spell armegedon. Oh well it's not the end of the world.
  • And verily, John said to the Lord, The world shall end with Trumpets? God: No, I meant Trump/Pence.
    John: Trumpets, got it.
    God: No... ah, forget it.
  • If Netflix ran the world, a year would only be 6 months... Cause it would end after 2 seasons.
  • What the Mayans taught me The Mayans taught me that if you don't finish something, it's not really the end of the world.
  • So what if I can't spell "armagedon" correctly ? Its not the end of the world.

World Fastest Jokes

Here is a list of funny world fastest jokes and even better world fastest puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why does Ireland have the fastest growing economy in the world? Because its capital is Dublin all the time!
  • What country's Capital has the fastest growing population in the world? Ireland. Everyday it's Dublin.
  • Who were the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat.
  • Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims because they went through 104 stories in just a few seconds
  • Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR] 9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.
  • What is the fastest thing in the world? Milk.
    Because it's pasteurised before you see it.
  • Who are the world's fastest readers? The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute.
    I'm so sorry
  • Who are the worlds fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They blew through 87 stories in 10 seconds
  • usain bolt usain bolt, the fastest man in the world, can run almost 30mph. that means if were to run in a neighborhood, he could get pulled over by the cops...for being black.
  • Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in mere seconds

Disney World Jokes

Here is a list of funny disney world jokes and even better disney world puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.
  • How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World? Gatorade
  • I just got a lifetime ban for spreading my wife's remains around Disney World Guess we should of had her cremated first
  • When I die, I want my remains to be scattered throughout Disney world. I don't want to be cremated.
  • How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb? They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.
  • I have two simple wishes for when I die 1. I want my remains to be spread all over Disney World
    2. I don't want to be cremated
  • Last requests After I die, I have 2 requests on what shall happen to me.
    1) I want my remains spread around Disney world.
    2) I do not wish to be cremated
  • I got in line behind an old classmate of mine while vacationing at Disney World... I said "Wow, it's a small world!"
    She said, "actually this is Pirates of the Caribbean."
  • Did you hear about the woman banned from Disney World? She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Lie to me, Pinocchio! Lie to me!"
  • The Seahawks were going to go to Disney World... but they decided to pass.
World joke, The Seahawks were going to go to Disney World...

Comical World Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about world you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean environment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make world pranks.

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the f**...."

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves

Ending It All

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left n**....
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.

GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

 
A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
 
"What?" said her Grandpa.
 
"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!
 

I hate how politically correct the world is today

Instead of saying "Black paint" I now have to say "Jamal please paint"

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane c**... early this morning.
Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.

What did the gamer say when his girlfriend asked what World of Warcraft and League of Legends were?

"Wow, lol"

A man goes to see his rabbi...

... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."

No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me

I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

With all the negativity in the world today...

...at least Charlie Sheen is staying positive.

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

How do feminists screw in a lightbulb?

By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

...her capital has been Dublin for years

I'm never going bungee jumping.

I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be d**... if I leave because of it.
**

Say what you like about Donald Trump..

But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.

A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital

She went to visit her, and found her propped up in bed with bandages over both her ears.
"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.
"It was the craziest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I held the iron up to my ear and said 'hello?'"
"But what happened to your other ear?"
"I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?"

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

s**... auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world

Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.

I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."

I'm going to leave this world just like I entered it..

With me crying and the people around me celebrating.

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.
Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York...

... because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.

Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2

He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.

"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world,

but it's definitely up there.

While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."

Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"Actress?"
"I don't know."
"Singer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."

I bought a world map for my wife, and gave her a dart. I said, "Where ever this lands, that's where I am taking you after this pandemic is over."

Turns out we are spending two weeks behind the fridge.

My favourite word in the world is "bargain".

It means a great deal to me.

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves aroudn him.

Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf h**... never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

A Husband and Wife at Custody court

The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child?
Ex wife: I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him
Judge: that is a simple yet good reason.
Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?
The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence. He replies
Ex Husband: if I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?

Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

For Christmas, I bought my wife a world map and gave her a dart. I told her to throw it and wherever it lands, we will go on vacation after this pandemic is over.

Turns out we are spending two weeks behind the fridge.

World joke, For Christmas, I bought my wife a world map and gave her a dart. I told her to throw it and wherever

jokes about world