World Wide Jokes
32 world wide jokes and hilarious world wide puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about world wide that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest World Wide Short Jokes
Short world wide jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The world wide humour may include short worldwide jokes also.
- This will blow your mind! If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.
- What do the World Wide Web and the Prime Minister of Israel have in common? They are both Net and Yahoo.
- Prisoners often think about the whole wide world out here... Meanwhile, I often think about the wide hole world in there.
- With all the negativity world-wide lately, it's nice to see Charlie Sheen has announced something positive
- Do you know why your Momma cant wear fishnets? It's because, the World Wide Web is already being used.
- When he told his friends he wanted to make the World Wide Web, they all said he was one crazy spider.
- What was the first thing spiders created after they took over the earth? The world wide web.
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World Wide One Liners
Which world wide one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with world wide? I can suggest the ones about global and world peace.
- Where's Spiderman's home page? On the world wide web
- Who created the world wide web? The galaxy wide spider!
- What do you call the world wide web in China? The internet of Qings.
- How do spiders communicate? The world wide web
- Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter.
- How do spiders access the Internet? Using the World Wide Web.
- New World Wide Info for all
World Wide Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about world wide you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wide web jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make world wide pranks.
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
God gave a wish to a man
God gave a wish to a man.
The man asked, " I want the whole world to be connected by a road".
"Sorry son, it's technically impossible to engineer such a road. Ask something else" , he replied.
"Well then, I want Trump to think before he speaks something", he asked.
"You want that road 8 lanes wide or 10 lanes?
Let's discuss details", god replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship
The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"
I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to the Polish, I grew up in the '60's with a mix of Russian, Czech, Hungarian, Pole parents, relatives and friends and this is mild to the s**... we dealt ourselves and friends back then. ;)
Noah is on mission from God to gather a pair of each animal
So he journeys far and wide to all the corners in the world to gather them up.
Once he came to Scotland, he told the natives: " Hear me! God is wrathful with mankind! Do gather up a breeding pair of each kind of animal and bring them to me. Once my task is complete, it shall rain for forty days and forty nights and the world will flood!"
The Scotsmen looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Noah, pretty irritated by that, asked: "God will literally wash you from the face of the earth! Why do you laugh?"
To which one Scotsman, snortingly, replied: "Forty days of rain ya say? Laddy, we're at day 75 and still countin'!"
A bass player found a genie
A bass player found a genie, rubbed it and said I want to be the best bass player in all of America
the genie responded your wish is my command and he spent the next few years touring with some of the biggest bands in the country
He eventually got bored of just staying in America so he found the genie again and said I want to be the best bass player in the world
The genie responded your wish is my command and he was suddenly on a world wide tour.
He eventually got bored and found the genie one more time and said I want to be better than any bass player has ever been
Suddenly he was on tour as the rhythm guitarist of a middle school cover band
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey was smoking w**...
sitting on a tree. A lizard spots and asks what he's upto. The monkey says he's smoking the **best w**... in the world**. The lizard climbs up excitedly and shares the joint with the monkey. After a while the lizard starts feeling thirsty, so the monkey pointed him to the river. The lizard climbs down the tree and goes to the river to get a drink.
Because lizard was high he trips and falls in the river. An alligator spots him and helps him to the shore, and asks what is wrong with him. The lizard, right before passing out, tells the alligator about the monkey and the **best w**... in the world**. The alligator decides to check this stuff out and goes where the monkey was. He spots the monkey and shouts, "HEY! MONKEY!"
The monkey's eyes go wide as he spots the alligator, and then he says...."WHAAAAT THE FUCCCKKKK BROOOO! HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK??!!"
A man finds a lamp...
A man finds a lamp lying on the beach, and when he picks it up, he is startled when a genie comes out of it. The genie intones "For granting me my freedom, sir, I will grant you one wish." The man figures that if he only gets ONE wish, he should probably use it for the greater good, and requests "Oh genie, please make the changes necessary to end world hunger." The genies agrees, and goes off to research how this might be done.
However, 24 hours later, the genie returns, saying "I'm sorry, but world hunger is just too large and pervasive an issue, this is beyond the scope of even my powers - do you have another wish?" The man thinks for a minute and states "If you can't feed the world, perhaps we can power it - can you grant me the knowledge and plans for cold fusion, so that humanity might have a cheap energy source?" The genie agrees to look into that, but 12 hours later comes back with no success - the technology is beyond what he can do using earth's modern technology.
So the man states: "If I cannot make a world-wide change, then perhaps a local one might be easier - Genie, please bring peace in the middle east." Five minutes later the genie returns, and asks "What were those first two wishes, again?"
Only Beer drinkers would understand
In Amsterdam, a world wide convention of brewers was held.
The presidents of many of the world's greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening.
The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!
The president of Budweiser asked for The King of Beers, make it a Bud! .
Adolph Coors requested a From mountain spring water, the clearest beer, a Coors if you don't mind.
And so it went around the large table, each president asking for the brew from his own company as if it was the best.
Finally, the waiter came to Arthur Guinness.
And you sir? he queried.
I'll have a Coke! was Guinness's reply.
A Coke??!? The waiter was shocked.
Wouldn't you rather have a Guinness, sir?
Arthur looked at the waiter, and gestured to his companions. Well, he said, If they're not drinking beer, then neither will I!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Pope visits Las Vegas
The Pope was making a widely publicised and controversial visit to Las Vegas. His publicity advisors warned him that the trip would be fraught with risks, but the holy man insisted that the gambling capital of the world was exactly the kind of place that the church should be trying to spread its message. After a long flight, the Pope stepped off the plane to find himself face to face with a horde of television cameras and newspaper journalists. One eager young news hound t**... a microphone at the Pope and asked, "Pope, what is your opinion of the large numbers of brothels in this city?" Mindful of the warnings he'd received from his advisors, he thought carefully for a second and replied tactfully, "Are there any brothels in this city?" The next day he was distraught to see the newspaper's headline which read "Pope's first question: 'Are there any brothels in this city?'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not s**..." Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not s**.... Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"