World War One Jokes
49 world war one jokes and hilarious world war one puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about world war one that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest World War One Short Jokes
Short world war one jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The world war one humour may include short world war two jokes also.
- No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
- I went on an "Authentic World War One Tour" the other day Three quarters of our party died, we didn't go anywhere and it rained the whole time.
10/10 - What was the difference between conscription in World War One and conscription in World War Two? The year.
- Library Why did the library refuse to lend a German a book on the second world war?
Because they lost the first one. - Guy one: "Bro I missed the first world war..." Guy one: "Bro I missed the first world war..."
Guy two: "Don't worry man, they made a sequel"
Guy three: "I heard it bombed in Japan" - What is the difference between the American Revolutionary War and several cows being launched into space? One was the shot heard around the world and the other is a herd shot around the world.
- So what if the Germans started every World War... It isn't like they ever won one, right?
- Now that the german sense of humor has been acknowledged internationally, we can be sure of one thing... ...next world war is going to be *hilarious*.
- I can't wait for the release of one of the most anticipated series finales ever World War Part III
- Have you heard the one about World War III? Apparently it all started because of an argument over a Warmbeir.
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World War One One Liners
Which world war one one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with world war one? I can suggest the ones about world war 2 and world war ii.
- Why is mustard gas so dangerous? Because it was used in World War One to kill people.
- A World War is like a chip You can never just have one
- What comes after World War One and World War Two? World War Tweet
- Which war is referred to as "the war to end all wars"? The one right before World War II.
- Have you heard the one about world war 3? It starts with a bang but ends with a whimper.
- A World War One Vet Walks Into A Bar... Then he dies, being 120 years old.
Fun-Filled World War One Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about world war one you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean german war jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make world war one pranks.
I went for a walk through Memory Lane today.
I found some boxes in my closet. In it were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw. There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital, and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.
Then, I got to the one that sparked the most memories: My grandfather's collecting hobby.
Every day since January 1st, 1949, he collected ties with funny designs and wore them to work. Some had cats, or snakes or airplanes. He had close to 100 by the time he died several years ago. I remember as a kid how much I loved them, he had stories of what happened to him while.he wore those ties. He had an awesome memory and was good at telling stories.
When he passed, he left them to me. I couldn't keep all 100, and I also gave some to my cousins, but I decided to keep the ties that were his absolute favorites: his chicken pattern ties.
One day, he wore his first chicken tie when he met my grandmother. From then, he collected more chicken ties to remind him of her. I wear them every now and again, as well.
Thanks for reading this. I like to talk about them, but all my friends act weird when I tell them about my granddad's Hen Tie collection.
A fighter pilot is shot down over Germany in World War II...
He wakes up in a German POW hospital. A German officer is standing over his bed as he comes-to.
"I'm verry sorry to inform you, but vee haff had to amputate your left leg," says the officer.
"Oh no," cries the pilot, "lost a limb? This is terrible news. Crutches for the rest of my life and all that. Listen, could you boys do me a favor? Could you drop my leg over my base, so it can receive an American burial?"
The German confers with his peers and answers, "Ziss vee can do."
A week later, the American awakens to find the officer standing over him again.
"Unfortunately, zee infection has spread, and vee must take your uzza leg."
"No! Crikey! I'll have to get a little cart, and sell pencils in front of the library. Listen; can you boys drop my leg over my base, so it can receive an American burial?"
Again, the German speaks to his fellows. "Ziss vee can do."
After another week, the American wakes to the German again.
"Vee are very sorry, but zee infection has spread to your right arm. Vee must take zat one as vell."
"Oh, cruel gods! No, no! Listen, can you boys do me a favor? Can you drop..."
"ZISS VEE CANNOT DO!!" the German interrupts.
"...but...why not?" asks the American.
"Vee sink you're trying to escape..."
An elder couple goes to restaurant in Paris
An elder couple goes to a restaurant for the man's 100th birthday. Upon entering a favorite restaurant of his, they found out it is fully booked.
In an attempt to seal a table still, the woman starts explaining how her husband fought in World War II for his country, that he came to this particular restaurant with his army friends. He probably wouldn't live much longer than this, and though his army friends were long gone, he wanted to dine here one last time.
Moved by his story the manager fixed them a table and gave them the best possible service he could. After a wealthy fine dinner, with some really great wines the couple proceeds to check out.
When paying the manager asked the man, who had been rather quiet so far, if everything was ok. To which the man replied: Das Essen war sehr gut, vielen Dank!
h**... and Stalin
h**... and Stalin are sitting at the bar. A patron walks up to the bar and asks the barman if that's h**... and Stalin sitting over there. He says yes.The man goes over to h**... and Stalin and asks what they are doing. "We're planning world war 3" says Stalin. "We're going to kill 14 million Jews and 1 bike repair man" says h**.... "Why the bike repair man?" The patron asks. h**... says to Stalin "See? i told you no one would ask about the Jews"
A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.
He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.
He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out and firing in front of me and my buddies. We had to go in defense position and try to outflank them, but they got flight leader. On second approach we shot a few down and dispersed the rest. On third approach I shot two Fokkers down, but another one got me in the rudder. I went into tail spin and had to bail out. Luckily the f**...-"
The principal of the school suddenly interjected, as at this point nearly everyone was laughing. "Now, students, please be respectful of our guest and where he is from. As some of you may know, a Fokker," the principal said slowly, carefully pronouncing the word, "is a type of German fighter plane used in World War II. There is no need to-"
The Finn had to interrupt, "Excuse me Mr. Principal, actually Fokker is Dutch. We were shooting down Messerschmitts."
A Letter from Heaven
I read this one almost a decade ago, surprisingly, I still remember it. Here goes:
One day in Heaven, God saw the Earth and became saddened by all the news of crimes, wars, and strife. He became disappointed with the prominence of evil in the world, and called forth some angels and told them, "I am disappointed by the amount of evil going on in this world, please go out and find me some morally good people, I would rest easy knowing that there is still good down there."
Two days later, an angel returned bearing grim news. "Dear God," the angel began, "I have searched every corner of the world, there is only a handful of good people in the world now. You'd best personally instruct them before they disappear forever."
God thought about it for a while and began, "Very well, I will personally write a letter to every one of these good people, please deliver them for me".
The angel took the letters after they were written and saw to their deliveries. All around the world, the good people soon received them and proceeded to read each and every one of the letters.
...
Oh, so you didn't get that letter either, huh?
On a dark and stormy night...
...a comet flies past Earth. This comet was enchanted, and after it flew past the world, it caused all statues to come to life, solely focused on destroying every country in the world.
No nation was left safe from this attack. The gargoyles attacked France. The Statue of Liberty led a revolt against America. Michelangelo's David led the charge towards Italy.
As the war of human versus statue waged on, a group went into the United Kingdom, led by the Venus de Milo, intent on overthrowing the English government.
However, as the statues were ready to attack, the British generals noticed something. None of the statues had any weapons! No guns, knives, armor, anything.
After this realization, one British general turns to another, points at the leader of the statues and says,
"Don't worry; she's 'armless."
Confession...
An elderly Italian man, who lived on the outskirts of Rimini Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the n**.... So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father... she started to repay me with s**... favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
If World War One were a bar fight.
Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a bar stool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
A guy walks in to a restroom.....
and sees president Obama and president Putin at the u**... talking.
The guy: what are you talking about?
Obama: How we are going to start world war 3.
Putin: Our idea is that we kill 50.000 Ukrainians and an it-consultant.
The guy: why an it-consultant?
Putin says to Obama.
Ha, told you no one would care about the Ukrainians!
Here's a Russian Joke I liked... that doesn't have any swears
The Year is 1973... and the big one hits, Nuclear War. So the two most powerful nations on Earth hellbent on each other's destruction fire their nukes at each other and each other's allies...
Anyway, during their flight a Soviet missile and an American missile cross each others path, and they decide to stop and stay for a while before the world ends. so they stay and drink and joke and have a jolly good time. By the end of the day the American missile is drunk and says, "You know... we should go now." To which the Soviet missile replies, "You're right, let me walk you home."
A 'Cold War' joke I tought up today...
It's early September, 1984. Children around the world are going back to school. Despite living on opposing sides of the Iron Curtain, two Mathematics teachers, one in the United States and the other in the Soviet Union, ask their respective classes the same question.
"OK class." Said the American teacher, "If I had three oranges, and I divided them fairly between four children, how many oranges would each child receive?"
Most of the children in his class answered with pretty much the same thing. "It's easy." Replied the class, "One child gets two oranges, the second gets a half, the third gets an eighth, the fourth gets nothing, and we keep the rest to throw at our enemies."
On the other side of the world, in Russia, the Soviet teacher asks the same to her own class.
"Students." She asked, "If I had three oranges, and had to distribute them fairly to four children, how many oranges will each child have?"
The Russian class asked their teacher "What are oranges?"
A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris
The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.
"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"
The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter e**... the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank für die guten abend"
h**..., Mussolini and Stalin are all sitting in a restaurant discussing their plans for World War 3.
A waitress approaches the table and listens to their talk. h**... opens by saying:
"Okay guys, I've got a great idea. I already talked to Stalin about it, but I figure I should get your input. He didn't believe me."
Mussolini responds "believe you about what?"
"Okay this time, the plan is to kill ten million jews and one mexican."
The waitress at this point is intrigued and confused, decides to chime in. "One Mexican? Why do you want to kill the mexican?"
h**... turns to Stalin and says "HA! I told you nobody would care about the jews!
A men goes to a priest...
-Father, I am a sinner...-
-So, what you've dove?-
-I hid a jew in my basement during the second world war.-
-But this one isn't a sin, it's a very honorable thing.-
-I made him pay 300 pounds a month-
-Well, those are a lot of money but you saved him so you can go and may God be with you.-
-Ok then but... should i tell him that the war is over?-
Two friends are having a conversation about World War 2
The holocaust wasn't that bad.
Of course it was!
I'm going to go out and kill a million Jews and one clown.
Why the clown?
See, no one cares about the Jews.
The German representative is just about to sign the Treaty of Versailles ending the war.
The Allies representative: "So you take full responsibility for starting the war?"
German representative: "Yes, we take full responsibility for starting World War one"
Allies representative: "one?"
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the White House
One of the guests asks: Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin? – We are planning World War III.' - 'And what does it look like?' – Trump: We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist... The guest looks a bit confused: Why a dentist? - Putin claps Trump on the back and says, What did I tell you, Donald? No one will ask about the Muslims.
Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.
The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.
Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.
World War 2
Man: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done?"
Man: I harbored Jewish people in my basement to keep them safe from the Germans."
Priest: "That's not a sin. That's a good deed."
Man: "But I have been charging them one dollar a night until the war is over."
Priest: "That's perfectly okay."
Man: "I haven't told them the war is over."
Critics are comparing Aquaman to Black Panther
At first glance, the movies do appear similar. They both feature ancient sci-fi utopias hidden from the rest of the world. In each movie, theres a fight for the throne in order to stop a war. However, they are ignoring one major difference: the characters in Aquaman can swim.
A girl in my sister's class insisted that if all world leaders were women, there wouldn't be any war...
...One boy piped up, "There wouldn't be any war, just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other!"
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"
We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....
February 30, 2021
A World War 2 joke
Stalin and h**... died and were recieved in h**... by Satan.
Satan asked them to wait in the guest cabin, because he had to search for the worst place in h**... for both of them (it had been a long time since some one so evil had come to his abode) .
While waiting, h**... got bored and asked Stalin to tell him a joke.
Stalin said one word, "Moscow."
h**..., after a long and hard thought, replied, "I don't get it."
Stalin laughs merrily and says, "Exactly."
World War 2 joke
Sometime around 1943, when the Germans were losing the war, h**... decided to boost his army's morale by visiting the front.
While there, he had the oppurtunity to interact with a soldier. He commented, "My brave young man, you are risking your life for the country by standing in the way of the artillery fire. You are sure to die. Would you like me to grant you a final wish?"
"Yes, my Fuhrer ", the soldier repiled. "What is it, brave one?"
"That I have the honor of dying with you!"
>!Dont laugh too hard. 200 German soldiers were executed for hearing this and laughing at it.!<
An actual joke that was told by Jews during World War II
An SS man says to a Jew in a concentration camp: "You are to be killed today, but I will give you a chance. One of my eyes is a glass eye. If you can guess which one it is, I will give you your life."
The Jew looks at the SS man and says, "The left one, Herr Corporal."
"That is correct. How did you recognize it?"
"Because it looks so human."
