World Peace Jokes
43 world peace jokes and hilarious world peace puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about world peace that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest World Peace Short Jokes
Short world peace jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The world peace humour may include short inner peace jokes also.
- If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace... how many bedrooms would your mansion have?
- If you had to choose between world peace and Bill Gates' fortune... What color would your Lamborghini be?
- World peace or all of Bill Gates' money? If you had a choice between world peace or Bill Gates' money, what color would your Lamborghini be?
- If you had the choice between World Peace or all of Bill Gates money.... .....what colour Ferrari would you buy?
- If you could choose between 1 billion dollars and world peace... What would the color of your new Lamborghini be?
- If you had to choose between Bill Gates' money and world peace... ...what colour should your porsche be?
- Sleep is the greatest thing on earth. It's so great that if everyone did it at the same time, there'd actually be world peace.
- World peace (how to) If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours...followed by a global food shortage.
- Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize and we stay at War for 2 terms... Trump pulls troops out... world thinks he was blackmailed.
Is this really the world we live in now? - Billions of prayers around the world are being answered tonight: World Peace! As the United States government shuts down
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World Peace One Liners
Which world peace one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with world peace? I can suggest the ones about peace and love and war and peace.
- How can we have world peace?
- In the begining there was world peace. Then God said "Let there be white people"
- If you could choose between world peace and 1 million dollars... What would you buy?
- Finally world peace Nevermind..
World Peace Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about world peace you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean peace and quiet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make world peace pranks.
A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp.
When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.."
The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area."
"Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..."
The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me o**...-s**... voluntarily...?"
The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner.
In an attempt to bring peace to his magical forest, the frog hops up to the two and promises them 3 wishes each if they stop this violence. After both animals agreed, the frog chooses the bear to state his first wish, first.
After thinking for a while, the bear says, "I wish for all the bears in this forest to be female except me."
Next is the rabbit's turn, "I wish for a motorcycle helmet," he says.
The bear laughed, what an idiotic wish to make he thought to himself.
The bear then says, "I wish for all the bears in this country to be female except me."
The rabbit next says, "I wish for a motorcycle that requires no gas."
The bear, almost tearing from laughter, says, "You could have wished for money to get those two things!"
He then proceeds to make his final wish, after thinking for a while, he says to the frog, "I wish for all the bears in the world to be female except for me!"
He smiles smugly.
The rabit then puts on his helmet, hops on his motorcycle, grins to the bear and says, "I wish for this bear to be gay."
The only reason world peace doesn't exist is because Chuck Norris doesn't feel like bringing peace to the whole world.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
There's a plane crashing down...
On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to c**.... Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a c**... and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."
A man finds a lamp...
A man finds a lamp lying on the beach, and when he picks it up, he is startled when a genie comes out of it. The genie intones "For granting me my freedom, sir, I will grant you one wish." The man figures that if he only gets ONE wish, he should probably use it for the greater good, and requests "Oh genie, please make the changes necessary to end world hunger." The genies agrees, and goes off to research how this might be done.
However, 24 hours later, the genie returns, saying "I'm sorry, but world hunger is just too large and pervasive an issue, this is beyond the scope of even my powers - do you have another wish?" The man thinks for a minute and states "If you can't feed the world, perhaps we can power it - can you grant me the knowledge and plans for cold fusion, so that humanity might have a cheap energy source?" The genie agrees to look into that, but 12 hours later comes back with no success - the technology is beyond what he can do using earth's modern technology.
So the man states: "If I cannot make a world-wide change, then perhaps a local one might be easier - Genie, please bring peace in the middle east." Five minutes later the genie returns, and asks "What were those first two wishes, again?"
A couple of jokes on the theme of "How I would like to die"
1) When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in t**... like his passengers
2) I want to leave this world as I entered it - k**..., screaming, and covered in somebody else's blood
Yet another world cup joke
Heard this from a telephone script today:
Jake! Is it true that you have my girlfriend at place, in your bed right now at this moment!?
Good! Finally I can watch the world cup in peace!
Martians arrive on earth...
They're peaceful and happy and everyone loves them. Obviously humanity has tons of questions they'd like to ask them so the U.N. decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads are in attendance to ask their most burning questions. Finally it is the pope's turn to ask a question...
"I was wondering...have you ever heard of our lord and savior Jesus Christ" the pope asks.
"Jesus? Yes of course! He stops by our planet every couple of years and we all have a big party" the aliens respond
The pope looks baffled and says "You must be mistaken...Jesus Christ was here about two thousand years ago but he left and we've been waiting for his return ever since...why would he visit you so often?"
"well..." they look at each other "...maybe your chocolate wasn't good" the aliens offer
"Pardon me?" the pope asks
"Well, when Jesus first showed up on our planet we gave him really great chocolate...what did you guys do?"
So a guy walks into a bar...
So a guy walks into a bar one day and he can't believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there's this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.
So the guy asks the bartender, Where'd he come from?
And the bartender's, like, There's a genie in the men's room who grants wishes.
So the guy runs into the men's room and, sure enough, there's this genie. And the genie's, like, Your wish is my command. So the guy's, like, O.K., I wish for world peace. And there's this big cloud of smoke—and then the room fills up with geese.
So the guy walks out of the men's room and he's, like, Hey, bartender, I think your genie might be hard of hearing.
And the bartender's, like, No kidding. You think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?
Little Piano Player
A man walks into a bar. He looks at the counter and see a tiny man, no more than a foot tall, playing a piano just as small. So the man walks up to the bartender and asks him about the tiny piano player.
The bartender say "I got him from the genie in the mens bathroom"
So the man goes into the bathroom and see a woman inside talking to the genie
"I wish for world peace" she said
Then suddenly the room is flooded with geese. The man walks out of the bathroom and goes back to the bartender.
"I think your genie is a little hard of hearing" he says
"Yeah I know" the bartender replies "Do you really think I would wish for a 12 inch pianist"
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .
Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
Iraq, Kuwait, UAE, Saudi Arabia and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.
Latin American countries are sending clothing.
New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.
Donald Trump...
-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world is in shock.
-Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.
-Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.
-Latin American countries are sending clothing.
-New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
-The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
-Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
-President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.
American War (2016).aXXo.HDRip.mkv
A movie about the spread of peace and democracy around the world.
A young woman accidentally summons a genie.
"What is your wish?" asked the genie.
"World peace!" blurted the idealistic but naive young woman.
"People give me that all the time. I am not that powerful. Sorry. Wish something less powerful." replied the genie.
"This dog is very loyal and loves me. Turn him into a man so he will also be loyal and loves me." the woman asks the genie.
The genie snaps his fingers. The dog turns into a handsome young man and the genie disappears.
The young man sadly looks at the woman and says "I really wish you didn't have me neutered."
________________
with inputs from /u/KJBenson
George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.
God asks Bush: What do you believe in?
Bush replies: I believe in a free economy, a strong America, the American nation and so on ...
God is impressed by Bush and tells him: Great, come sit on the chair on my right.
God goes to Obama and asks: What do you believe in?
Obama replies: I believe in democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc. ...
God is really impressed by Obama and tells him: Well done, come sit on the chair on my left.
Finally, God asks Trump: What do you believe in ?
Trump replies: I believe you're sitting on my chair.
A reporter worked in Israel. Every day she'd see the same Jewish man go to the religious "West Wall" three times a day and pray. He didn't miss a prayer in 20 years.
A reporter worked in Israel. Every day she'd see the same Jewish man go to the religious "West Wall" three times a day and pray. He didn't miss a prayer in 20 years.
One day she approached him and asked what he prays for "In the morning I pray for my family's health, in the afternoon I pray for world peace, and in the evening I pray for an end to suffering"
"What's it like to pray 3 times a day for 20 years?" the reporter asked.
The Jewish man replied "It's a bit like talking to a brick wall"
The secret to World Peace has been discovered!!
Everyone must drink Pepsi while having their phone carrier changed to T-Mobile and drive a Dodge Ram truck!
And make the world a better, cleaner place by using Tide!
A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a giant orange head. Sensing the weird looks he was getting, the 2nd guy says "I'm guessing you are wondering what happened? Well, it's a long story..."
"But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me three wishes..."
"That's amazing! What happened?
Well for my first wish I asked for an end to world hunger.
"Wow! That's really generous of you! What else did you wish for?"
"For my second wish I asked for World Peace!"
Yes! I saw it on the news! That's crazy! What was your last wish?
"For my third and final wish I asked the genie for a giant orange head - duh!"
Three men meet a genie and are given a single wish.
The first man wishes to be invisible, p**...! he turns invisible but gets run over by a truck and drops down dead.
The second man wishes for 100 million dollars, p**...! he gets the money but is robbed and shot and drops down dead.
The third man sees this and figures out that the other men were selfish and that's what got them killed so he wishes for world peace, p**...! and 7.3 billion people drop down dead.
Why did Metta World Peace (Ron Artest) leave the basketball game early?
He wanted to beat the crowd.
Genie: I will grant you three wishes
Oppenheimer : I want world peace; I want my country to be the most powerful in the world; And I want thousands of more wishes.
We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....
February 30, 2021
Queen Elizabeth arrives to Heaven ...
St Peter lets her in and gives her a tour around the heavenly garden.
-Here are all your family members, previous pets and people of historical significance during your reign.
Liz looks around this multitude of people who wave at her, smiling. Suddenly she stops and calls St.Peter aside.
-What the F***?, Diana has a bigger halo than me!! I reigned for decades, saw my country trough wars and depressions and wars again, gave god, freedom and peace to nations all around the world, surely I deserve a bigger halo than her!!
-Your Majesty, that is a steering wheel...
A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall
They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?"
the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years".
"so what do you pray for?" they asked.
"for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews, love and empathy between Israel and Palestine"
" and how do you feel about praying for these things for half a century?"
"like arguing with a wall" he replies.