world Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious world puns

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

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Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons.

If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

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A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?

The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."

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An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

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My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

In the end, he came around.

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A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

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Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank,

Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.

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How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

on a plane

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How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

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Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.

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I have two conditions in my will...

1) I want my remains spread around Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated

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I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!

I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.

He said, OK.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates said, NO.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates said, OK.

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, NO.

I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, OK.

This is how politics works.

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One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world

Then you'll all be sorry

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My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

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Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world?

Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

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I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

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Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

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Women's ass size study

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses and the results were pretty interesting.

30% of women think their ass is too fat,
10% of women think their ass is too skinny,
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world

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God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

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What would happen if two African countries get in a war?

A 3rd World War.

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In a world without Muslims, there wouldn't be a 911.

We'd have to say CMXI instead.

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TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

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My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...

I told her not to get her hopes up.
"After all," I said, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."
When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."

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The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

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A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.

The man: Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy: That was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man: That's terrible, but couldn't you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?

The guy: No…they are all at the funeral!

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I have two requirements in my will....

1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated.

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My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...

I've told her not to get her hopes up.

"After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."

When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."

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With all the negativity in the world today...

...at least Charlie Sheen is staying positive.

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What does every women in the world want?

Nothing, they're fine.

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What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

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My penis just entered the Guinness Book of World Records!

Then the librarian caught me.

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No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

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I invited my girlfriend of 3 months to a party for my 13 year old nephew. She let out an audible "awww," told me how sweet I was and that my invitation meant the world to her.

Should've seen the look on her face when I told her it was a search party.

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Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world

Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

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What are the most funny World jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about World? Well, here are the best World dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and World pick up lines to share with friends.

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