World Jokes

Following is our collection of universe humor and conquer one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include World puns for adults, dirty nation jokes or clean binary gags for kids.

There is an abundance of global jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 66 funniest jokes on world. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any europe witze you can hear about world.

The Best jokes about World

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons.

If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?

The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

In the end, he came around.


A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank,

Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.

How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

on a plane

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.

I have two conditions in my will...

1) I want my remains spread around Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated


I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!

I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.

He said, OK.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates said, NO.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates said, OK.

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, NO.

I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, OK.

This is how politics works.

One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world

Then you'll all be sorry

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world?

Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.


How many Karens did it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

She just holds the lightbulb in the socket and expects the rest of the world to revolve around her.

What would happen if two African countries get in a war?

A 3rd World War.

In a world without Muslims, there wouldn't be a 911.

We'd have to say CMXI instead.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.

With all the negativity in the world today...

...at least Charlie Sheen is staying positive.

What does every women in the world want?

Nothing, they're fine.

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world

Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

One day Canada will rule the world

Then you'll all be sorry

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2

He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

How do feminists screw in a lightbulb?

By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them

What did the gamer say when his girlfriend asked what World of Warcraft and League of Legends were?

"Wow, lol"

I'm never going bungee jumping.

I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be damned if I leave because of it.

**

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.

"Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."

The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York...

... because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.

I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"

I responded, "Inflation."

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.

Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"

My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.

It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.

I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet"

It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!

(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)

So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means.

It's not like it's the end of the world

GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

 

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

 

"What?" said her Grandpa.

 

"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!

 

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.

Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.

Ending It All

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.

How do you get Americans to join a world war?

Tell them it's nearly finished.

Say what you like about Donald Trump..

But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.

What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?

They turn off their Xbox.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

Why does Ireland have the fastest growing economy in the world?

Because its capital is Dublin all the time!

I'm going to leave this world just like I entered it..

With me crying and the people around me celebrating.

So what if i don't know what "Armageddon" means?

It's not the end of the world.

I hate how politically correct the world is today

Instead of saying "Black paint" I now have to say "Jamal please paint"

I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world,

but it's definitely up there.

A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital

She went to visit her, and found her propped up in bed with bandages over both her ears.

"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.

"It was the craziest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I held the iron up to my ear and said 'hello?'"

"But what happened to your other ear?"

"I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?"

While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."

Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

...her capital has been Dublin for years

The E.U has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country after Brexit.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.

A man goes to see his rabbi...

... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."

My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me

I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes