World Jokes
182 world jokes and hilarious world puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about world that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Experience the laughter that knows no boundaries with these hilarious jokes from around the world! From Disney World to Jurassic World, Slimming World to the universe, these globally-sourced jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face no matter where you're from!
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Funniest World Short Jokes
Short world jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The world humour may include short earth jokes also.
- North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
- Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.
- My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat! In the end, he came around.
- Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now. And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.
- I have two conditions in my will... 1) I want my remains spread around Disney World
2) I do not want to be cremated - Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes Me: I wish for a world without lawyers
Genie: Done, you have no more wishes
Me: But you said 3
Genie: Sue me. - I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall - Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.
- So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
- Let's discuss who the most hated world leader is as of now I think Putin just Trump-ed all of his competitors
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World One Liners
Which world one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with world? I can suggest the ones about environment and global.
- Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
- How does a Flat Earther travel the world? on a plane
- What would happen if two African countries get in a war? A 3rd World War.
- What does a girl want more than anything in the world? Nothing. She's fine.
- What is the least spoken language in the world? sign language.
- I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company. We're not very good.
- So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means. It's not like it's the end of the world
- What do cubs fans do after they win the world series? They turn off their Xbox.
- I entered the world kleptomaniac championship tournament I took gold, silver and bronze.
- Why is Ireland the richest country in the world? ...her capital has been Dublin for years
- My favourite word in the world is "bargain". It means a great deal to me.
- What do you call the best Runescape player in the world? The 'Scape GOAT
- What do you call an American in the world cup final. Ref
- Are quantum computers going to change our world? Yes and no.
- Britain just checkmated the world... With Queen to G7.
Out Of This World Jokes
Here is a list of funny out of this world jokes and even better out of this world puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
- I'm pleased to announce Reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world! The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content
- what do you call a security guard at a Samsung store "A guardian of the galaxys"
my 11yo told me this one yesterday, and i thought it needed to be shared with the world 🤣 - Sweet dream are made of cheese Who am I to diss-a-Brie? I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody's looking for Stilton.
- With all the negativity in the world today... ...at least charlie sheen is staying positive.
- No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
- Russian army was thought to be the second best army in the world... ... It turns out it's only the second best army in ukraine.
- You're offered $50,000, but if you accept it the person you hate the most in the entire world will get $100,000. You taking it? Yes why wouldn't I want $150,000.
- My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2 He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
- What did the gamer say when his girlfriend asked what World of Warcraft and League of Legends were? "Wow, lol"
World Cup Jokes
Here is a list of funny world cup jokes and even better world cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet" It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...) - An Englishman walks into a bar... There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.
- Germany's failure in the World Cup wasn't that surprising They have always struggled to progress in Russia.
- Let's face it... That's not the first time Germany has gone into Russia unprepared...
- Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest. It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
- What's the difference between the Tham Luang cave boys and the FIFA World Cup? The boys are coming home.
- I can't wait until we colonize space And then it's two worlds one cup.
- I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it's also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place? The church is St Antony's and the brides' name is Joanna..
- What Should You Do After Ireland Wins The World Cup Turn off Fifa and go to bed
- Germany sets a new record in the world cups. They arrive in Moscow with ten thousand men. 40 km further than the old record in 1942.
End Of The World Jokes
Here is a list of funny end of the world jokes and even better end of the world puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The E.U has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country after Brexit. I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
- TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world. While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.
- If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world The ending would be a cliffhanger.
- I cant spell armegedon. Oh well it's not the end of the world.
- If Netflix ran the world, a year would only be 6 months... Cause it would end after 2 seasons.
- What the Mayans taught me The Mayans taught me that if you don't finish something, it's not really the end of the world.
- Somebody drove past me on a tractor yelling "the end of the world is nigh!" I think it was Farmer Geddon
- Did your world end today? Mayan didn't
- Why hasn't the world ended Because it's round
- My grandparents fought during World War II. They ended up getting a divorce.
World Fastest Jokes
Here is a list of funny world fastest jokes and even better world fastest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does Ireland have the fastest growing economy in the world? Because its capital is Dublin all the time!
- What country's Capital has the fastest growing population in the world? Ireland. Everyday it's Dublin.
- Who were the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat.
- Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims because they went through 104 stories in just a few seconds
- Who are the world's fastest readers? The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute.
I'm so sorry - Who are the worlds fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They blew through 87 stories in 10 seconds
- I realized why Scandanavians are the fastest runners in the world... ...all their races start near the Finnish line.
- What is the fastest animal in the world? A chicken in a Somalian village
- Did you guys hear that Ireland has the fastest growing economy in the world? Yeah, their capital is always Dublin
- Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.
Disney World Jokes
Here is a list of funny disney world jokes and even better disney world puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World? Gatorade
- I just got a lifetime ban for spreading my wife's remains around Disney World Guess we should of had her cremated first
- When I die, I want my remains to be scattered throughout Disney world. I don't want to be cremated.
- How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb? They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.
- I got in line behind an old classmate of mine while vacationing at Disney World... I said "Wow, it's a small world!"
She said, "actually this is Pirates of the Caribbean." - Did you hear about the woman banned from Disney World? She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Lie to me, Pinocchio! Lie to me!"
- The Seahawks were going to go to Disney World... but they decided to pass.
- Disney world is reopening today It's about to be an even smaller world
- Went to Disney World because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
- I got in touch with my inner self today at Disney World I can't believe that a multi billion dollar company can't afford 3 ply toilet paper.
Comical World Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about world you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean town jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make world pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the f**...."
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.
"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife texted "I'm leaving you"
And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ending It All
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left n**....
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wouldn't say Scotsmen are cheap but...
A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the most expensive restaurants in The world. After the meal their waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just g**... the check to me".
Headlines in the local newspaper next day read: "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".
I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!
So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.
How does a pregnant mermaid give birth?
"Sea-section"
Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world.
You play World of Warcraft AND Leage of Legends?
Wow, lol.
A man goes to see his rabbi...
... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."
My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me
I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those who thought they knew what the punchline would be, and those who are now searching for the original joke.
After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...
...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."
A Mexican man was visiting America.
He wanted to go to a genuine American baseball game so that when he went home, he could tell his family all about it, but when he got there the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"
Say what you like about Donald Trump..
But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital
She went to visit her, and found her propped up in bed with bandages over both her ears.
"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.
"It was the craziest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I held the iron up to my ear and said 'hello?'"
"But what happened to your other ear?"
"I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."
s**... auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend asked me why would you chase a girl that already has a boyfriend?
I replied I would rather compete against o**... than the whole world
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
I'm going to leave this world just like I entered it..
With me crying and the people around me celebrating.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Talking about Genders is a lot like the World Trade centers.
There were 2 of them now it's a sensitive subject.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm concerned with the world news at the moment. Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York,
and I was thinking.
"If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere".
I got fired from PC World today.
A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.
Probably a shovel was not the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife is so ugly...
she walked past the walrus enclosure at Sea World, and her iPhone X unlocked itself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does every women in the world want?
Nothing, they're fine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York...
... because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
The saddest thing in the world is a child's cry after their bike is stolen
So I try to pedal away as fast as I can.
Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.
Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.
God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn
He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots.
He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever recruited.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call the list of most grossly obese people in the world?
Four-chin 500
Man "I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It's starting to make me sick". Wife: "what do you think about me?"
Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"
I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world,
but it's definitely up there.
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang
One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"Actress?"
"I don't know."
"Singer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does China have the best baseball team?
Because they took out the whole world with one bat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
China should have a cricket team.
They can take out the whole world with one bat
A world renowned chemist dies.
A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one.All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves aroudn him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor
I'm going to make sure Adolf h**... never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.
A Husband and Wife at Custody court
The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child?
Ex wife: I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him
Judge: that is a simple yet good reason.
Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?
The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence. He replies
Ex Husband: if I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?
Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee
He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."
The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence.
I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.
Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope
Due to the current economic situation in the world, I've started a dating site for chickens.
It's not my full-time job, I'm just doing it...
...to make hens meet.
