The Best 74 World Jokes

Following is our collection of funny World jokes. There are some world conquer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these world binary puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest World Jokes and Puns

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?

The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."

World joke, A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in betw

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

In the end, he came around.


A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank,

Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.

World joke, Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank,

How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

on a plane

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.

I have two conditions in my will...

1) I want my remains spread around Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated

You can explore world universe reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean world nation dad jokes. There are also world puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!

I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.

He said, OK.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates said, NO.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates said, OK.

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, NO.

I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, OK.

This is how politics works.

One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world

Then you'll all be sorry

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

Ending It All

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.

World joke, Ending It All

GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

 

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

 

"What?" said her Grandpa.

 

"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!

 

What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?

They turn off their Xbox.

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.

Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"


I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet"

It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!

(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"

My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.

It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.

What did the gamer say when his girlfriend asked what World of Warcraft and League of Legends were?

"Wow, lol"

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

With all the negativity in the world today...

...at least Charlie Sheen is staying positive.

How do feminists screw in a lightbulb?

By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them

I'm never going bungee jumping.

I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be damned if I leave because of it.

**

Say what you like about Donald Trump..

But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means.

It's not like it's the end of the world

Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world

Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.

I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"

I responded, "Inflation."

In a world without Muslims, there wouldn't be a 911.

We'd have to say CMXI instead.

One day Canada will rule the world

Then you'll all be sorry

Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world?

Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

What does every women in the world want?

Nothing, they're fine.

What would happen if two African countries get in a war?

A 3rd World War.

How do you get Americans to join a world war?

Tell them it's nearly finished.

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons.

If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York...

... because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.

Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.

My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2

He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.

"Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."

The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.

How many Karens did it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

She just holds the lightbulb in the socket and expects the rest of the world to revolve around her.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."

The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Actress?"

"I don't know."

"Singer?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"

The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."

Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers

Genie: Done, you have no more wishes

Me: But you said 3

Genie: Sue me.

I'm pleased to announce Reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world!

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

China should have a cricket team.

They can take out the whole world with one bat

Your mom is so ugly...

That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves aroudn him.

Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf Hitler never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

A Husband and Wife at Custody court

The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.


Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child?


Ex wife: I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him


Judge: that is a simple yet good reason.


Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.


Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?


The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence. He replies


Ex Husband: if I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?

Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

For Christmas, I bought my wife a world map and gave her a dart. I told her to throw it and wherever it lands, we will go on vacation after this pandemic is over.

Turns out we are spending two weeks behind the fridge.

The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.

In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.

Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?

A: A hole

Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?

A: Post office

Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?

A: A coffin

Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?

A: A stamp

Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?

A: A fence

Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?

A: Envelope

How many feminist does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She holds up the lightbulb and wait for the world to revolve around her

There are serious injustices that have not been corrected in this world.

For example, beating up a white guy will get you much more prison time than beating up a black guy.

After all, Assault can get you up to 25 years, while impersonating a policeman will get you 5 at most.

From 2004-2015, Chelsea FC had the best goalkeeper in the world

On second thought, Petr Cech that one

What do you call an English man at a world cup final?

A referee.

A World War 2 joke

Stalin and Hitler died and were recieved in Hell by Satan.

Satan asked them to wait in the guest cabin, because he had to search for the worst place in Hell for both of them (it had been a long time since some one so evil had come to his abode) .

While waiting, Hitler got bored and asked Stalin to tell him a joke.

Stalin said one word, "Moscow."

Hitler, after a long and hard thought, replied, "I don't get it."

Stalin laughs merrily and says, "Exactly."

After dying Hitler arrives at the gates of heaven

God asks him his name and on hearing "Hitler" instantly remarks that he should be sent to Hell. Hitler pleads to God to atleast consider some merit for him in heaven. To this God rumbles " You persecuted millions of Jews, led a second world war to happen and caused the German people to suffer a lot. On what possible merit would we consider admitting you into heaven ?"

Hitler calmly replies "My Lord, I am also responsible for killing that man"

Beavers are great dam builders and Canada's national animal.

That's why Canada is the best damn country in the world!

An old Businessman and his young Model ex-wife

were fighting over the custody of their 3-year-old son.
The young mother protested that since she brought the kid into this world,
she had a natural right to the custody of him.
The judge asked the businessman to explain his side of the case.
After a long moment of silence, the old businessman rose from his chair and said,
"Judge, when I put money into a Vending Machine and a Snickers Bar comes out,
does it belong to me or the machine?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the world global jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working world europe piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes