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World Cup Jokes

142 world cup jokes and hilarious world cup puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about world cup that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest World Cup Short Jokes

Short world cup jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The world cup humour may include short fifa world cup jokes also.

  1. I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet" It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
    (England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)
  2. OPEN LETTER TO qatar: you're seriously banning homosexuality at your World Cup? Come on guys…
  3. An Englishman walks into a bar... There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the rugby World Cup.
  4. China should never take part in the cricket World Cup They can screw over any country with just a bat
  5. Germany's failure in the World Cup wasn't that surprising They have always struggled to progress in Russia.
  6. Why do India never qualify for the world cup? Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop.
  7. Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest. It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
  8. I don't watch World Cup soccer. If I wanted to see grown men struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd go to a bar.
  9. What's the difference between the Tham Luang cave boys and the FIFA World Cup? The boys are coming home.
  10. I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it's also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place? The church is St Antony's and the brides' name is Joanna..

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World Cup One Liners

Which world cup one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with world cup? I can suggest the ones about england world cup and soccer match.

  1. What do you call an American in the world cup final. Ref
  2. Let's face it... That's not the first time Germany has gone into Russia unprepared...
  3. What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup final? The referee
  4. What do you call an English man at a world cup final? A referee.
  5. I can't wait until we colonize space And then it's two worlds one cup.
  6. What Should You Do After Ireland Wins The World Cup Turn off Fifa and go to bed
  7. Do you know what the last result of the World Cup was? Spain - 8 Ethiopia - didn't
  8. I'm really looking forward to the world Cup themed McDonald's burger. The Qatar pounder
  9. Why will the 2018 world cup in Russia be so cold? There's no Chile in it.
  10. How many gallons can fit inside the world cup? A brazilian
  11. An american, a dutch and an italian walk into a bar... ... and dont watch the World cup.
  12. The World Cup in Brazil Brought to you by Coke.
  13. What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup? A referee.
  14. Why is Argentina struggling so much in the World Cup? Their style of play is too messi!
  15. What do you call an Englishman holding the world cup? The engraver

Fifa World Cup Jokes

Here is a list of funny fifa world cup jokes and even better fifa world cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What would an English football fan do if England won the World Cup? Stop playing FIFA and go to bed.
  • Most people are blaming FIFA for awarding Qatar the 2022 World Cup because of the Extreme Heat. Well I am not worried about it because of the fans.
  • What's the difference between the 2018 Fifa World Cup and 21 Savage? Only one came home.
  • Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Rose? Me: Because your mom loves roses.
    Son: What about me?
    Me: It's a long story, FIFA World Cup™ Russia 2018.
  • ‪What's the difference between The Oscars and The FIFA World Cup?‬ A flop doesn't win an award at The Oscars.
  • Like Mexico winning a FIFA World Cup game against Germany... No body expected the Spanish inquisition
  • While on the beanstalk, what did the giant say when watching the World Cup? FIFA - fo - fum
  • Germany's loss in the fifa world cup doesn't come as a surprise They've always had a hard time winning on russian soil
  • NASA's New Horizons probe has shown that Pluto is a remote, hostile, and barren planet... this means it's now the front-runner to be awarded the next Fifa World Cup.
  • The next World Cup is going to be held in Nevada FIFA Las Vegas

England World Cup Jokes

Here is a list of funny england world cup jokes and even better england world cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • England will in fact attend the World Cup. They have, however, agreed to not go past the group stage.
  • England players visited a russian orphanage yesterday ahead of the world cup... ''It was heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope'' said Vladimir aged 6.
     
  • I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet." It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
  • England will make groundbreaking headlines in the World Cup tomorrow. Being the first team to lose against a packet of cigars.
  • Poor Half Time Advertisment Choices During World Cup An advert for Durex condoms during Half Time really brings a new meaning to "Come on England!"
  • Australia beat England in their matchup in the Rugby World Cup. I guess you could say the prisoners beat the guards.
  • If England wins the World Cup for the first time ever, pubs will be totally INSANE in England! and close at 11pm instead of 10:30pm on Sunday!
  • England at the Rugby World Cup
  • Whats the difference between England and the Thai boys? The Thai boys are going to the world cup final.
  • *&%^*>>>Norway vs England live Women's World Cup

Giggle-Inducing World Cup Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about world cup you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stanley cup jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make world cup pranks.

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the f**...."

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

Twilight is like the world cup.

They run around for a couple of hours, nobody scores, and millions of fans claim you don't understand.

A World War II Pun

A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want us to have juice in our house."

Empty seat at the world cup

Its the world cup final and a man sits down and realizes that the seat next to him is empty. He turns to the guy the other side of the seat and asks. "is the person sitting here with you?"
The man cheerlessly replies, "it was my wife's seat, but she sadly passed away"
"how awful, do you not have any family or friends you could have given the ticket to?"
"well no, they're all at the f**..."

Picabo Street is a former World Cup alpine ski racer and model. When she was inducted into the National Ski Hall of Fame in 2004, her home town of Triumph, Idaho dedicated an entire wing of the local hospital to her.

It's called the Picabo ICU.

A man is watching a world cup final in a sold out stadium

He notices an empty seat just in front of his and says to the guy sitting next to it, "Hey man, how come this seat here's empty? Tickets for this game havee been sold out for months!"
"Well, the seat was meant for my wife, but sadly, she passed away"
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But couldn't you get a friend or relative to come along instead?"
"Nah, they're all at the f**...."

The World Cup kicked off in Brazil this week and, like many Americans, I was glued to my TV...

Watching something else.

Ghana has eliminated the U.S. from last two World Cups...

They're probably Ghana do it again.

My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."

Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.

What do you call an Italian at the World Cup Finals?

A referee

Why should they have hosted the World Cup in a different country this year?

.... because a brazillian things could go wrong

A German walks into a bar after the World Cup.

As he is ordering a beer, he notices an American sitting at the edge of the bar.
After a tense pause, he says, "Hey American! How many world cups have you won?"
The American calmly replies
"Hey German. How many World Wars have you won?"

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

Pope Benedict and Pope Francis are about to watch the World Cup Final...

Francis says, "sorry, but I spoke to Jesus last night and he said he'd do all he can to help Argentina win." Benedict says, "that's too bad, I spoke to Satan and he said he'd do everything he can to help Germany win." The game starts, and Francis says, "is that referee Italian?" Benedict says, "Yep. Hail Satan."

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

How many people do you have to kick out of their houses to have a World Cup?

Brazilians!

What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on to you from a tree in the jungle?

A snooker table. (Courtesy of Leigh Hart on the Alternative Commentary Collective during the New Zealand v South Africa Cricket World Cup semi-final)

Did you guys see the goal from half field today in the World Cup?

It was a great U.S. attack from Midway

What does the Women's World Cup and 1945 have in common?

The US dropped two on Japan real quick
Not my joke

People say the World Cup in Qatar is a bad thing...

But when it's all over they're going to have some great stadiums to behead women in...

Why India never qualified for football World Cup?

Because every time they got a corner ,they opened up a shop .

What do you call 23 men watching the World Cup 2018?

The Scotland National Team.

Which country have scored the most world cup goals?

The mongoals.

Why are Italy out of the World Cup?

They didn't pasta ball good enough.

EA to donate 50% of profits from future titles to starving children around the world.

After they make them purchase the postage, packing materials, fuel for the planes, silverware, plates, drinking cups, seasonings, construct hand out facilities, eating establishments, refuse disposal, environmental studies on said refuse disposal, labor costs and finally any and all expenses from Frank Gaybeau's c**... induced, hotel filled, 5 figure by the hour e**... stuffed full on satanic o**... fest.

True Love

Guy: "who'd ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"
Man: "That was my wife's seat, we have been to the last five World cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
Guy: "Oh.... That's terrible and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat..
But, these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member or friend with you?"
Man: " No .....
They all are at her f**...! "

Did you know that America holds the record for the worlds largest cup of tea?

Its about the size of the Boston harbor.

s**... with my wife is like the England World Cup squad

neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.

When Sweden play Denmark in the World Cup the scoreboard will show SWE DEN...

I wonder what happens when Nigeria play Germany?

I don't reckon Germany will win the World Cup again

Historically speaking, they don't fight well when they head up to Russia.

Do you know why an Asian teams can never win the soccer world cup?

...Every time a player gets a corner, he builds a shop

In order to help Russia's chances at the World Cup

The tournament has been moved to December.

Germany brought 12 tons of supply for World Cup in Moscow, the most among 32 teams.

They paid the price for not bringing enough 75 years ago.

I sat next to an insurance salesman during Robbie Williams performance at the World Cup opening ceremony

And through it all, he offered me protection.

Today was the opening World Cup match.

Or as the Italians call it: Thursday

Saudi Arabia just lost 5-0 to Russia!

Looks like they'll beheading out of the World Cup soon.

The most dangerous thing about the World Cup being held in Russia

is ensuring the Kremlin doesn't eat after midnight

I bought tickets to the world cup semi-finals and forgot I'm getting married that day

So is anyone here willing to get married that day?

Germany lost 1-0 to Mexico at the World Cup.

It's not the first time they've gone to Russia unprepared.

Germany sets a new record in the world cups.

They arrive in Moscow with ten thousand men. 40 km further than the old record in 1942.

Why isn't USA playing the world cup?

They don't want to get into another cold VAR situation in Russia

A man takes his seat in the front row of the World Cup Final

He looks across and notices an empty seat between him and the next guy.
The man said, Who would ever want to miss the World Cup?
The other man replied, It's my wife's spot, we have gone to the past 4 World Cup finals together but she died recently
The man asked, I'm so sorry.. Where is the rest of your family?
They're at her f**....

A friend has 2 tickets in a corporate box for the World cup final game Sun 15th July He paid £500 each including flights but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! He is looking for someone to take his place

It's at Sheffield Town Hall at 4pm. Her name is Nicola -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook. Message me for more details.

Germany is not advancing to the knockout stage at the World Cup

It's not the first time Germany couldn't get something done in Russia.

I'm rooting for Switzerland in the World Cup.

I don't know much about the team, but their flag is a big plus.

I don't understand how everyone is surprised Germany got eliminated from the World Cup today...

It's not the first time they left Russia defeated

Why are people so excited for today's World Cup results.

It's not the first time countries team up to defeat Germany.

The Irony of the World Cup rules...

The Japanese qualified for the next round because they have less yellow

There's been a musical written about France's World Cup Performance

The main song is Don't cry 4-3 Argentina

ronaldo and Messi will finally both meet each other during the World Cup...

at an Airport as they return their respective home countries.

It is taking much longer to rescue the boys trapped in the Thai cave.

All the diving experts are participating in the World Cup in Russia.

Now that Brazil is out of the World Cup they should go help the Thai kids stuck in that cave...

After all they're the world's most talented divers.

Now that Neymar's out of the World cup, he's heading to Thailand.

To rescue those kids, no better diver in the world.

Russia can still win the world cup

Putin just has to make quite a lot of progress quickly on the Western front.

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

FIFA World Cup 2018

A frenchman alks down the street, where he bumps into an Englishman
The Frenchman asks: How are you, what are you up to?"
Englishman: " Ah, nothing much, playing the Croatians in the World Cup tomorrow!"
Frenchman: "What a coincidence...?! We're playing them on Sunday!"

What do the world cup and black fathers have in common?

They're not coming home.

It's kinda ironic that 12 kid football team got trapped by water

Judging by the World Cup, I thought every team knew how to dive

What do my bike and the world cup have in common?

Both were stolen from me by a group of Croatians.

Why did Neymar make a quick exit at the world cup in Russia?

He heard divers were needed in Thailand

Recent reports show that due to the recent losses on the world cup, England is expiriencing an influx of domestic a**..., but hey...

...at least they're beating someone.

jokes about world cup