World Cup Jokes
139 world cup jokes and hilarious world cup puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about world cup that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest World Cup Short Jokes
Short world cup jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The world cup humour may include short fifa world cup jokes also.
- I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet" It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...) - An Englishman walks into a bar... There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the rugby World Cup.
- Germany's failure in the World Cup wasn't that surprising They have always struggled to progress in Russia.
- Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest. It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
- What's the difference between the Tham Luang cave boys and the FIFA World Cup? The boys are coming home.
- I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it's also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place? The church is St Antony's and the brides' name is Joanna..
- Germany sets a new record in the world cups. They arrive in Moscow with ten thousand men. 40 km further than the old record in 1942.
- We hoped for a good clean World Cup Final. But instead we got a Messi one.
Congrats to argentina. - Did you guys see the goal from half field today in the World Cup? It was a great U.S. attack from Midway
- Russia can still win the world cup Putin just has to make quite a lot of progress quickly on the Western front.
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World Cup One Liners
Which world cup one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with world cup? I can suggest the ones about england world cup and soccer match.
- What do you call an American in the world cup final. Ref
- Let's face it... That's not the first time Germany has gone into Russia unprepared...
- I can't wait until we colonize space And then it's two worlds one cup.
- What Should You Do After Ireland Wins The World Cup Turn off Fifa and go to bed
- Do you know what the last result of the World Cup was? Spain - 8 Ethiopia - didn't
- I'm really looking forward to the world Cup themed McDonald's burger. The qatar pounder
- Why will the 2018 world cup in Russia be so cold? There's no Chile in it.
- How many gallons can fit inside the world cup? A brazilian
- An american, a dutch and an italian walk into a bar... ... and dont watch the World cup.
- The World Cup in Brazil Brought to you by Coke.
- What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup? A referee.
- Why is Argentina struggling so much in the World Cup? Their style of play is too messi!
- What do you call an Englishman holding the world cup? The engraver
- Canada is sending a strong team to the World Cup. Unfortunately, it's the drinking team.
- What's the difference between the 2018 Fifa World Cup and 21 Savage? Only one came home.
Fifa World Cup Jokes
Here is a list of funny fifa world cup jokes and even better fifa world cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Most people are blaming FIFA for awarding Qatar the 2022 World Cup because of the Extreme Heat. Well I am not worried about it because of the fans.
- Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Rose? Me: Because your mom loves roses.
Son: What about me?
Me: It's a long story, FIFA World Cup™ Russia 2018. - What's the difference between The Oscars and The FIFA World Cup? A flop doesn't win an award at The Oscars.
- Like Mexico winning a FIFA World Cup game against Germany... No body expected the Spanish inquisition
- While on the beanstalk, what did the giant say when watching the World Cup? FIFA - fo - fum
- NASA's New Horizons probe has shown that Pluto is a remote, hostile, and barren planet... this means it's now the front-runner to be awarded the next Fifa World Cup.
- The next World Cup is going to be held in Nevada FIFA Las Vegas
- Chuck Norris became famous when he coached the American rugby and America won the fifa world cup.
- Italy in the 2014 FIFA world cup What's the difference between Italy and a tea bag?
Ones in a cup
England World Cup Jokes
Here is a list of funny england world cup jokes and even better england world cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- England will in fact attend the World Cup. They have, however, agreed to not go past the group stage.
- England will make groundbreaking headlines in the World Cup tomorrow. Being the first team to lose against a packet of cigars.
- Poor Half Time Advertisment Choices During World Cup An advert for Durex condoms during Half Time really brings a new meaning to "Come on England!"
- Australia beat England in their matchup in the Rugby World Cup. I guess you could say the prisoners beat the guards.
- If England wins the World Cup for the first time ever, pubs will be totally INSANE in England! and close at 11pm instead of 10:30pm on Sunday!
- England at the Rugby World Cup
- *&%^*>>>Norway vs England live Women's World Cup
- What do England's World Cup win and African American fathers have in common? Neither are coming home
Giggle-Inducing World Cup Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about world cup you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stanley cup jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make world cup pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the f**...."
A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.
"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
A World War II Pun
A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want us to have juice in our house."
Picabo Street is a former World Cup alpine ski racer and model. When she was inducted into the National Ski Hall of Fame in 2004, her home town of Triumph, Idaho dedicated an entire wing of the local hospital to her.
It's called the Picabo ICU.
How does the planet Earth protect itself when it plays sports?
It wears its World Cup.
The World Cup kicked off in Brazil this week and, like many Americans, I was glued to my TV...
Watching something else.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ghana has eliminated the U.S. from last two World Cups...
They're probably Ghana do it again.
Yet another world cup joke
Heard this from a telephone script today:
Jake! Is it true that you have my girlfriend at place, in your bed right now at this moment!?
Good! Finally I can watch the world cup in peace!
My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."
Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.
What do you call an Italian at the World Cup Finals?
A referee
Why should they have hosted the World Cup in a different country this year?
.... because a brazillian things could go wrong
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A German walks into a bar after the World Cup.
As he is ordering a beer, he notices an American sitting at the edge of the bar.
After a tense pause, he says, "Hey American! How many world cups have you won?"
The American calmly replies
"Hey German. How many World Wars have you won?"
To be socially responsible, Brazil is giving out condoms to players at the World Cup. The problem is they are very hard to put on...because they can't use their hands.
Source: David Letterman monologue.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Brazil lose the World Cup?
Weak back.
How many South Americans are boycotting the World Cup final?
Brazilians
Pope Benedict and Pope Francis are about to watch the World Cup Final...
Francis says, "sorry, but I spoke to Jesus last night and he said he'd do all he can to help Argentina win." Benedict says, "that's too bad, I spoke to Satan and he said he'd do everything he can to help Germany win." The game starts, and Francis says, "is that referee Italian?" Benedict says, "Yep. Hail Satan."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many people do you have to kick out of their houses to have a World Cup?
Brazilians!
I'm really impressed with the enthusiasm of the workers getting Qatar ready for the World Cup
They're dying to get the job done.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why couldn't the FBI find Sepp Blatter's bribe money?
He used it all to bribe Canada to host the Women's World Cup.
What does the Women's World Cup and 1945 have in common?
The US dropped two on Japan real quick
Not my joke
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why India never qualified for football World Cup?
Because every time they got a corner ,they opened up a shop .
What do you call 23 men watching the World Cup 2018?
The Scotland National Team.
Which country have scored the most world cup goals?
The mongoals.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are Italy out of the World Cup?
They didn't pasta ball good enough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
EA to donate 50% of profits from future titles to starving children around the world.
After they make them purchase the postage, packing materials, fuel for the planes, silverware, plates, drinking cups, seasonings, construct hand out facilities, eating establishments, refuse disposal, environmental studies on said refuse disposal, labor costs and finally any and all expenses from Frank Gaybeau's c**... induced, hotel filled, 5 figure by the hour e**... stuffed full on satanic o**... fest.
The soccer world championship for men is called the World Cup
Is the women's version the World Bra?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
True Love
Guy: "who'd ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"
Man: "That was my wife's seat, we have been to the last five World cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
Guy: "Oh.... That's terrible and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat..
But, these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member or friend with you?"
Man: " No .....
They all are at her f**...! "
Did you know that America holds the record for the worlds largest cup of tea?
Its about the size of the Boston harbor.
The Sun are running dream team for the World Cup
Given the news papers poor handling of hillsborough I've chosen to use the Guardians version instead
But you can only select left wingers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... with my wife is like the England World Cup squad
neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.
When Sweden play Denmark in the World Cup the scoreboard will show SWE DEN...
I wonder what happens when Nigeria play Germany?
I don't reckon Germany will win the World Cup again
Historically speaking, they don't fight well when they head up to Russia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know why an Asian teams can never win the soccer world cup?
...Every time a player gets a corner, he builds a shop
In order to help Russia's chances at the World Cup
The tournament has been moved to December.
Germany brought 12 tons of supply for World Cup in Moscow, the most among 32 teams.
They paid the price for not bringing enough 75 years ago.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It seems Like Saudi Arabia
will surely beheading out of the World Cup
Today was the opening World Cup match.
Or as the Italians call it: Thursday
Saudi Arabia just lost 5-0 to Russia!
Looks like they'll beheading out of the World Cup soon.
The most dangerous thing about the World Cup being held in Russia
is ensuring the Kremlin doesn't eat after midnight
I bought tickets to the world cup semi-finals and forgot I'm getting married that day
So is anyone here willing to get married that day?
Germany lost 1-0 to Mexico at the World Cup.
It's not the first time they've gone to Russia unprepared.
Why isn't USA playing the world cup?
They don't want to get into another cold VAR situation in Russia
My friends and I were watching the World Cup during our camping trip
It was in tents.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the news recently: men with funny haircuts fight to rule the world, throwing false accusations, their supporters being all fanatic about it all.
Come on guys, it's only The World Cup.
What is the comparison between this World cup and the second world war?
Germany lost both times in Russia.
Germany is not advancing to the knockout stage at the World Cup
It's not the first time Germany couldn't get something done in Russia.
I'm rooting for Switzerland in the World Cup.
I don't know much about the team, but their flag is a big plus.
I don't understand how everyone is surprised Germany got eliminated from the World Cup today...
It's not the first time they left Russia defeated
Why are people so excited for today's World Cup results.
It's not the first time countries team up to defeat Germany.
What's all this World Cup business?
I thought the world was flat.
The Irony of the World Cup rules...
The Japanese qualified for the next round because they have less yellow
What is the world cup in exhibitionism called?
Trench open
There's been a musical written about France's World Cup Performance
The main song is Don't cry 4-3 Argentina
ronaldo and Messi will finally both meet each other during the World Cup...
at an Airport as they return their respective home countries.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today, Switzerland face Sweden in the World Cup. The strategy for both sides is simple:
Dash towards the enemy until they are neutralized.
It is taking much longer to rescue the boys trapped in the Thai cave.
All the diving experts are participating in the World Cup in Russia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Now that Brazil is out of the World Cup they should go help the Thai kids stuck in that cave...
After all they're the world's most talented divers.
Now that Neymar's out of the World cup, he's heading to Thailand.
To rescue those kids, no better diver in the world.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.
So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.
