works Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious works puns

If I'm ever on life support, unplug me...

Then plug me back in, see if that works.

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I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!

I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.

He said, OK.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates said, NO.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates said, OK.

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, NO.

I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, OK.

This is how politics works.

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I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night

It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next

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What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A seatbelt

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The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines...

They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.

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My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye."

I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.

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You know the razor blade works...

when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.

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I saw a TV for sale for 1$

I saw that the TV was in very good condition.

"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller

"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied

"So everything else works?" I asked

He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume


"So you're gonna buy it?"

"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"

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Why is free Wi-Fi never seen in churches?

Because no church wants to be challenged by an invisible power that actually works.

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Three boys were talking after school...

Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15."

The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!"

The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"

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The Talking Clock

A guy picks up a woman in a bar and they go to his apartment. In the bedroom there's a brass gong and a wooden mallet hanging from a stand and the woman says "What's that for?" The guy says "That's a talking clock. I'll show you how it works." He hits the gong as hard as he can and when the sound dies away a voice from the other side of the wall says "Hey asshole! It's 3:15 in the morning!"

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Sick day.

A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a blow job. Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."

He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."

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The problem of working in IT:

If everything works fine: "What the hell are we paying you for?"
If something breaks: "What the hell are we paying you for?"

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My new girlfriend works at the Zoo.

I think she is a keeper.

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Why don't churches have WiFi?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

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A multi-millionaire is dozing in the back of his limo

Suddenly, the car swerves off the road, bumps across a couple of rocks, works its way across a muddy field, crashes through a barn and runs over a couple of traffic signs at a crossing before ending up back on the road. "What the hell was that about?!" the millionaire shouts at his driver.

"Sir, there was a small kid on the road"

"Fuck small kids! Next time, run them over!"

"Well I tried, but he ran for it!"

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How to make girls feel safe in the hallways

I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe. So I like to remind myself not to walk like a rapist.

I find this works much better if I don't say it out loud.

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Husband takes his wife to a disco.

Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: "You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no."

Husband says: "Yep, it looks like he's still celebrating!!"

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A man and wife go to a dance club

and there is a guy on the dance floor giving it hell. Breakdancing, doing back flips, moon walking, the works. Wife says "See that guy ? Fifteen years ago, he asked me to marry him, but I turned him down." Husband replies, "Yeah, and it looks like he's still celebrating !"

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Husband takes the wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "Looks like he's still fucking celebrating!!"

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I think my math teacher works for the CIA...

He always wants to put radicals in isolation.

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A man shows off his appartment to his friends

After a night of drinking a man shows off his new appartment to his friends. In the bedroom they spot a giant gong. What's that gong for? They ask. That's not a gong he says, that's a talking clock. Yeah right, the friends say, show us how it works then. So the man smashes it as hard as he can and takes a step back. His friends are Just staring when suddenly they hear 'stop with the noice you asshole it's 3.45 in the norning!'

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The Biggest Coward

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.

The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."

The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."

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A multi-millionaire is dozing in the back of his limo....

Suddenly, the car swerves off the road, bumps across a couple of rocks, works its way across a muddy field, crashes through a barn and runs over a couple of traffic signs at a crossing before ending up back on the road. "What the hell was that about?!" the millionaire shouts at his driver.

"Sir, there was a small kid on the road"

"Fuck small kids! Next time, run them over!"

"Well I tried, but he ran for it!"

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unemployed

Guy works in the pickle factory, comes home after work and tells his wife, "Bad news, honey. I've been fired".

"What? Why? What happened?"

"Well, I've always wanted to put my penis in the pickle slicer and, well, today I finally did it."

"My god, no! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"What about the pickle slicer?"

"They fired her, too."

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A blonde...

...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.

The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.

"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.

"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".

credits to u/Mr-Everest

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Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.

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The brain

The brain is a amazing organ it works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from the day you are born until you see your first woman naked.

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Apparently the Dad jokes never stop...

I just told my wife I was going to go hop in the shower; my 66 year old father-in-law looks me straight in the face and says, "You know, it works better if you just stand in it"...

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A husband took the wife to a disco on the weekend...

...There was a guy on
the dance floor living it large – break dancing,
Moon walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he
proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!

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If I am ever in a coma on life support I want my family to unplug me...

And then plug me back in. See if that works.

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Husband Wife Joke

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he's still fucking celebrating!!"

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A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ.

Here's how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

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My girlfriend is a stoner who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks.

She's kind of high maintenance.

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Three old men talk about their problems.

The first one says,
I wake up at 7 a.m every morning with a terrible urge to pee. I go to the bathroom and I stand there for two hours and nothing.

The second one says,
I wake up at 6 a.m every morning with a terrible need to defecate. I sit there reading for four hours, and nothing.

Finally the third one says,
Don't look at me. There's no drama here, my system works like clockwork. I pee at 7 a.m, I shit at 8, and at 9, I wake up.

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What are the most funny Works jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Works? Well, here are the best Works dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Works pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes