Working Mom Jokes
99 working mom jokes and hilarious working mom puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about working mom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Working Mom Short Jokes
Short working mom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The working mom humour may include short single mom jokes also.
- My mom told me that I objectify women. When she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend I said "it didn't work out." She said "be more specific." I said "I just told you she didn't exercise."
- I rallied the kids and we all secretly did house work while Mom was out running errands It was a cleandestine operation.
- Came home from work to find my wife left a note on the refrigerator. It said this is not working. I'm at my moms!
Opened it up and everything seem to be working fine to me. - So my dad dropped this on my mom this morning Mom - "You know the neighbor always kisses his wife every morning before work. Why don't you do the same?"
Dad - "How can I? I barely know her!" - It's funny how saying "You're a bad girl!" to my wife turns her on.... But "You're a bad mom!" doesn't seem to work at all!
- Growing up in poverty, my mom was a lot like my anti-depressants... Neither of them really worked.
- When I met your Mom I was extremely attracted to her because that's how large object gravitational fields work.
- Scientists have a new working theory on what happened before the Big Bang. Your mom put an ad on Craigslist.
- I tried to eat dairy free for a month, but it only worked at my Mom's house. Everywhere else, they charge for it.
- My mom asked me "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" I don't think she understands how bungie jumping works.
Share These Working Mom Jokes With Friends
Working Mom One Liners
Which working mom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with working mom? I can suggest the ones about moms and new mom.
- Another dad joke Mom: The can opener isn't working anymore.
Dad: So it's a can't opener? - Where does Santa's stripper mom work? The North Pole
- Mom's are like hands The work tirelessly to make you feel happy
- Your mom should build triangles for a living She's really good at working on corners
- Dad dropped this on me while Mom was painting the kitchen. I work in a pet store.
- I met your mom at the fish market She's working there as an odor
- Does your mom work at McDonald's? Cuz i quarter-pounded her last night
- there is this mom at work who breastfeeds her kid every meeting is a lunch meeting
- Your mom's so s**..., she got fired for drinking on the job. She worked at a s**... bank.
- Dad: "Who do you think the committee s**... this year?"
Me: "Mom."
Gather Around for Fun Working Mom Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about working mom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pregnant mom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make working mom pranks.
A father went to take his daughter from school.
While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!"
"With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her.
"Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"
This mothers day, Men all around were criticized for not calling their mothers on such an important day.
But me, I thought of the best way to get out of such a mess.
Heres how the beginning of the Monday after Mothers Day went for me:
Mother: "You know Mike, I was thinking and out of all my sons, you never called me on Mothers Day!"
Me: "You know Mom, I was thinking, and out of all my mothers, you never called me on SON-day!"
Something like this is bound to make her smile and forget, worked with my Mom!
Having past almost 30 years, the same question still bothers him…
Why he does not look alike his brothers and parents at all - every single one pretty and he so ugly.
He summoned all his courage and decided to ask his mother: "Mom, tell me the truth please, I am adapted, aren’t I?"
The mother burst into tears and said: "Yes, my child! But it didn’t work, they returned you back!"
Me: "I only smoke w**... because of Cancer."
Mom: "You don't have Cancer!"
Me: "So it's working..."
A 17 year old male walks into a drug store.
He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean"
Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: "you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I'll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky."
Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn't say a word. After a while his girlfriend says: "if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn't have invited you." the young man replies "if you had told me your dad works at a drug store, I wouldn't have come."
A teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living...
Jack answers, "my daddy's a scientist, and my mom is a nurse."
Suzie answers, "my mommy's an architect."
"And how about you, Johnny?" the teacher asks one student. Johnny looks up at her and says, "my dad works at a gay s**... club. Every night, he dances in a g-string for a bunch of men, and once in a while one of the men will pay him and he'll go to the man's house for the night." The teacher, shocked, hurriedly moves the class along to the next activity.
A little while later, she pulls Johnny aside while the rest of the students are working, and asks, "did you really mean that when you said your dad's a gay stripper?" Johnny looks up and says, "no, he's one of Mitt Romney's campaign managers, but that was too embarrassing to tell the whole class."
Little Johnny...
... came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?
His father thinking quickly said, Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.
Geee Dad that's great, said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!
What do you mean? said Dad.
Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming If it hadn't of been for Uncle Carl holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!
A Little Girl Catches Her Parents Having s**...
One night, a little girl decides to peek inside her parent's bedroom. She is shocked by what she sees, for she catches a glimpse of mommy bouncing up and down on top of daddy.
That very next morning, she asks her mom, "Mommy, why were you hopping up and down on top of daddy?"
The mom replies, "Oh, umm, well, I was just trying to help lose weight by pushing the air out of him."
The girl says, "Well that won't work mommy."
Puzzled, the mother replies, "Well why not, honey?"
"Well, every week while you're at work, the pretty girl from across the street comes to blow him back up!"
Oh johnny..
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, Mom, what are those things on your chest?
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven.
Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!
His father says, Calm down, son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?
Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'
A blonde went to work...
Her boss found her crying in her office and went to see what's wrong. She told him that her mom had just died. He told her to go home and take the week off. She then said that that wasn't the problem. Puzzled, he asked what the problem was. "My sister called me, her mom died too!"
Boy Walks In On Parents
who are in the middle of having s**.... The mom was on top of the dad when he enteres and immediately jumped off when she saw the son enter. The boy turns and runs from the room and goes back to his bedroom to think about what he just saw. The mom grabs her robe and come into his room to try and explain what he saw.
Mom: Son, I know you are confused about what you saw but its really simple. You know your dad has a big stomach so every night I sit on it to make it go down.
Son: well thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Mom: (shocked) Well what do you mean?
Son: Well thats s**... because every day you go to work the neighbor comes over and blows it right back up.
Cultural Diversity--True Story
When I was six I learned about Hanukkah in school. My teacher told me, "Christians celebrate Christmas, and Jews celebrate Hanukkah."
That night I was waiting in line at Hometown Buffet with my family and asked Mom why the restaurant would be closed for Christmas.
"It's so that the people who work here can spend Christmas with their families." She said.
In a loud, excited voice I piped up, "BUT COULDN'T THEY GET SOME JEWS TO WORK HERE?"
We never went back.
Legs in the Air
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
Blonde interviews to be a policeman
A blonde goes to an interview to be a police officer. The interview goes well until the interviewer asks some general knowledge questions. She does ok on the first few, until she is asked, " who shot Abraham Lincoln?"
She tells the interviewer she doesn't know, and he tells her to go home and work on the answer. Her mom calls her later and asks how the interview went.
She tells her mom, "great, they already have me working on a case"
my mom took me to "bring your kids to work day" when I was younger-
the day went all right, but I just dont think the other strippers liked me.
A crying blond
A blond goes into work crying her eyes out,her boss asks her whats wrong,she tells him that her mom died,the boss tells her that its ok for her not to come to work,but she disagrees and says that she needs to work to put her mind of it.As the day goes by she feels better,later she received a phone call and starts screaming and crying,when the boss came and asked her whats wrong she says: "That was my sister,HER MOM DIED TOO!"
Timmy's April Fool's joke
The day is April 1st, and Timmy wanted to play an April Fool's joke on his mom.
His mom comes home from work, and Timmy rushes to her.
"Mommy! Mommy!" He says, frantically.
"What is it, Timmy?" She asks.
"Dad hanged himself in the garage!"
The mom screams, then rushes to the garage, but nothing is there. She walks back in the house.
"Nothing is in the garage." She says to him.
"April fool's!"
"Oh than-"
"He hanged himself in the loft."
"What are those things on mommy's chest?"
A young boy once asked his father: "DAD, what are those things on mommy's chest?" The father replied: "Son, those are mommy's balloons you see, before she dies they get pumped up and she floats to heaven."
A couple days later, the father comes home early from work and sits on the couch. The young boy runs downstairs screaming: "DAD! DAD! MOM'S DYING!" The father get's up quickly and asks: "WHAT'S WRONG!!" The young boy replies: "UNCLE JAKE'S UPSTAIRS BLOWING UP MOMMY'S BALLOONS AND SHE'S YELLING OH GOD I'M COMING!"
A guy goes to the pharmacy to buy a c**... for tonight's dinner at his girlfriends house
Pharmacist at counter: " just one c**...? You sure?"
Guy: "actually, my girlfriend's sister is pretty hot...lets make it two condoms."
Pharmacist: "just two then? That's it?"
Guy: "let's make it three. The mom is really hot too."
That night he goes to dinner and her whole family is there. He sits at the table not saying a word, his face red as a tomato. His girlfriend takes him in the bedroom after they eat.
Girlfriend: "what's wrong with you? You didn't say a word all night. Did something happen?"
Guy: "no, I just didn't know your dad worked at the pharmacy."
So, a middle school science class is learning about genetics
and the students are working with recessive and dominant eye colors in punnett squares. A few minutes into the activity one student beckons the teacher over. He has a very concerned look on his face.
The teacher is a little worried. This has happened before. Every once in a while a student realizes that he is adopted or his dad isn't who he thought.
The teacher hesitantly walks over to the concerned student, ready to have a difficult conversation.
"Do you have a question about the assignment?" the teacher asks.
"Well," the student replies, "I think I might be adopted, because I have blue eyes and both my moms have brown eyes!"
[According to a Special Ed teacher at my school, this really happened to her.]
A woman visited her parent's home.[SFW]
A woman visited her parent's home.
When she opened the refrigerator, she found a picture of supermodel in a bikini.
woman: Mom, what's this?
Mom: Oh, I put up that picture, which reminds me not to over eat.
woman: Is it working?
Mom: Yes and No. I've lost 9 kg's but your dad has gained 22 kg's..!
A kid has a pear-shaped head
The poor kid is feeling down because everyone at school teases him about his pear-shaped head. One day he can no longer take the teasing and says to the kids teasing him, "I can't help having a pear-shaped head, my mom ate a pear when she was pregnant with me."
"That's not how it works," one of the other kids said. "My mom ate a scratched disc when she was pregnant with me and nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...happened."
My mom told me not to kill the spider but to take it out...
so I did, we had a few drinks, top lad he is..currently working as a web designer.
A mom buys an old parrot from a w**.....
A mom buys an old parrot in a w**... and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.
As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.
Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.
Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"
I told my mom I was going to go work the polls.
She replied, "don't forget to wipe it down before you start your set."
I was talking to a friend's little girl...
I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.'
She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?
And I said, Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart.
Mommy, why were you bouncing on Daddy's belly last night?
Mom: "Because his belly has become fat recently, and I need to help him lose weight."
Boy: "But that won't work."
Mom: "Why not?"
Boy: "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back again."
Jack the lad at work came out with this one today... What's the difference between 3 d**... and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke..
Guy wakes up to breakfast in bed...
his lunch is made, and he notices he's late for work. Frantically, he calls work, and they let him know that his wife already called to let them know he would be late.
He asks his son what happened that his mom was so happy. The son says "Dad, you came home drunk last night, and mom brought you to bed, and when she tried to take your shirt off, you said 'Get off me lady, I'm married!"
A little boy walks in on his parents having s**....
"Mommy, why are you on top of Daddy?" he says. The mom thinks fast and says "Well, your daddy has a big belly, so sometimes I get on top of him and try to flatten it out." The boy says "well that will never work." "Why?" says the mom. "Because when you go out shopping on Saturdays, the lady next door comes over and blows it right back up again."
A Blond goes to work in tears.
A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
My 5 year-old son caught me having s**... with my wife.
He asked, "Dad, what are you doing with Mom?"
"I was just pushing the air out of her tummy." I replied.
"It's no use, I saw our neighbor blowing air between Mom's legs every morning after you leave for work."
My mom just got me off
of work early. I love when she comes by the office.
*Literally just happened
A man doesn't trust his wife...
He calls her from his work all the time asking where she is. She always tells him that she's in the kitchen preparing food. And so he asks her to turn on the mixer for proof, which she does.
One day he called his son and asked him where his mom is. His son said: "She went out like everyday... and took the mixer with her."
A woman and her son are in a cab
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're h**..., boy! They have s**... with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
Divorce...
A man calls his mom to let her know that he planned to file for divorce from his wife:
"Well that's terrible!", his mom says. "You've only been together a few years. What happened?"
"It didn't work out, Ma."
"Oh, c'mon! There has to be more to it than that!"
"No, that's pretty much it. She just stopped going to the gym."
I was wondering what my mom did at the grocery store she worked at
She said she is a back door receiver, to which my dad replied "Yeah she is"
Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.
Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.
"Just don't tell Dad" she says.
*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.
An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: "Dad, I know everything."
Dad gives Johnny $100. "Don't tell Mom" he says.
Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. "I know everything, Mister."
The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says:
"Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug."
The dinner prayer
At dinner, a little boy was asked to lead the family into prayer...
Little Boy: But I dont know how to pray
Dad: Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbours, the poor, etc
Little Boy: "Dear Lord, thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again.
Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor n**... ladies on my daddy's Blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work."
At dinner, Little Johnny was asked to lead the prayer...
"But I don't know how to pray", he replied.
"Just pray for your family, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc...", said his father.
"Okay", the boy said.
"*Dear Lord, thank you for the visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor ladies on Daddy's Blackberry who do not have any clothes. And provide shelter for the homeless man who uses Mom's room when Daddy is at work. AMEN!*"
**Dinner was canceled!**
A son is asked to lead the family in a Christmas prayer at dinner
BOY: But I don't know how to pray
DAD: Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc.
BOY: "Dear Lord" he started "Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor n**... ladies on my daddy's Blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work.
At a particular down point in my life, I called Mom. I remember her saying "Son, when one door closes, another one opens!"
I said "Mom, it doesn't work that way in jail."
Bill's mom and dad want to have their own private time...
Bill's mom and dad want to have s**... but their son is always around.They come up with an idea and ask Bill to go to balcony and report everything happening in the neighborhood.
They start to have s**... while Bill reports.
"Miss Humphrey is going to office."
"Daniel is working at his garden."
"and umm..Mr.Bob is painting his window."
"Dave's mom and dad are having s**...."
Bill's mom and dad stop right away and his dad asks from the bedroom,"How do you know that?"
Bill says,"Dave is on the balcony."
A kid asks his mom why she's always bouncing on Daddy's tummy
This kid went to ask his mom one day why she's always bouncing on Daddy's tummy. He didn't understand and would assume that it would hurt.
The mom responded that she was doing that so that Daddy's tummy would not bloat up and get fat.
The kid then replied, "Mommy, that's never going to work because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up."
A couple of secs
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's s**...?"
"OK," he thinks, "this day was bound to come, and I'm not going to let my little princess learn about s**... from the streets."
So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, i**..., puberty and m**....
Then she asks, "Daddy, what is 'A Couple'?"
And he carries on, "A couple is two people like your mom and me." And he goes on to describe gay, lesbianism, etc...
The father finally asks, "So why did you want to know about 'a couple' and s**...'?"
"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..." the girl replies.
A sausagy matter
A father had his son drop out of school for being an absolute s**..., he got him a job at the sausage factpry where he works.
Dad : in this machine you insert a donkey and it turns into sausage.
Son : is there a machine where you put in the sausage and it turns into a Donkey?
Dad : i wouldn't call your mom a machine.
Two scared dads
Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.
Peter replies, Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.
The Mom app.
I had a blind date last night. But I was concerned -- What do I do if she's really unattractive? I'll be stuck with her all night.
Turns out, There's an app for that.
It's called "Mom, Are You OK?". It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet her.
If you like her, you ignore it.
If you want to cut short the date, you answer with, "Mom? What's the matter? Are you okay?"
It works every time.
So I knocked on the girl's door. Turns out I needn't have worried.
She was gorgeous!
I couldn't get over how attractive she was!!
Just as I was about to speak to her, her phone rang!!!
She answered it and said, "Mom, what's the matter? Are you okay?" !!!!!!!!!!
Mom always told me not to talk to strangers.
Especially the ones she brings home while Dad's at work.
When I asked my mom if I, by any chance was adopted...
... she replied: Not yet, but we're working on it!
My mom sent me a pic of the new Single Sign On page at her work.
I said "Wow, that's a picasso".
Funny Story
So yesterday I was arrested by some officer for aiding and abetting. I told him You have to leave your moms personal life separate from your work.
Some people die from animals, but I was apparently brought to life from one.
According to my Mom, my Dad slept with a cougar once which is how I was born.
It's weird how science works.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Did you hear about the Corduroy pillows in the news?
They're making HEAD LINES! (my mom told me this one today after I got home from work)
What is s**...?
An 8 year old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She asked him, "Daddy, what is s**...?"
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.
People who wonder how big any man you meet is, there is one easy way to find out without seeing them n**..., and you may not have been aware of it. It WILL work 100% of time.
Just ask your mom.
A product manager was asked by his son about his work. The father says, "My job is all about the difference between theory and practice." The child didn't understand, so the father said, "Let me give you an example:"
"Go ask your sister if she'd sleep with the neighbor for £1M". Kid goes, returns & says "she's not too happy to but she will for times are tough."
Then the father said: "Now go ask your mom that question" so the child goes, returns and says: "Mom's is not too happy to sleep with the neighbor but she will for times are tough". So the father said:
"You see, my son, in theory we have $2M but in practice we only have two h**...."
(Happy Saturday afternoon everyone)
Mom- "you should apply to work at the white house"
Me- "why? I'm not qualified."
Mom- "that's the point nobody in the current administration is."
Aprils fools
A mom comes home from work on aprils fools and the lil bro runs up to her screaming mom mom bro hanged himself in the bedroom, petrified she makes a run for the bedroom and its empty. Turns to her kid in relief telling him that this is not the apropriate joke, while he says aprils fooooools, hes hanged in the living room.
Why did you ask?
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: "Daddy, what is s**...?" The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
The father asked her: "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied,"Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
Mom and Me
My mom is always yelling at me about smoking too much w**.... I told her I only do it because of Cancer.
She told me, "You don't have Cancer"
"See," I said, "It is really working"
How to loose belly fat
Little Johny walks to his mom and starts asking her about what he had seen the previous night while sneaking around the house.
Little Johny: Mommy, mommy why ware you jumping on daddy's stomach last night?
Mom: Johny you're old enough to know the truth... your dad is getting obese so I need to jump on top of him to help him loose the belly.
Little Johny: I don't think that's going to work mommy.
Mom: Why do you say that?
Little Johny: When you leave for work the neighbor comes in and blow him back up.
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen and saw his mother making a cake
I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished. He said to his mother.
After about two hours, the cake had finally cooled off, and him mom brought a piece of cake to Johnny's room. Upon seeing the piece of cake, the young boy exclaimed: Golly. It works!
What works? Johnny's mom asked with a puzzled expression.
Daddy told me that, in order to get a piece around here, you have to be really nice and spend a couple of hours playing first!
A guy took his small daughter with him to work one day...
After he introduced all the other employees to her she began to cry. He asked her what the matter was and she said, "You told Mom that you work with a bunch of clowns. Where are they?"
A woman and her 10 year old son are driving in a taxi at night in Detroit…
It's raining hard and and all the prostitutes are huddled under an awning. The young boy asks his mom, what are those ladies doing? The mom responds, they're all waiting for their husbands to get off work.
The taxi driver is annoyed and responds, Lady, just tell your son the truth! They are prostitutes and they have s**... with random men for money! The boy asks, mom, is this true? She responds, yes son, it's true.
The boy then asks, what happens to their babies? Mom responds, they grow up to be taxi drivers!
Little boy asks his mom
Little boy. Mommy why were you bouncing up and down on Daddy's stomach last night?
Mother. Well if I didn't do that that he would get fat.
Little boy. Well it'll never work Mommy.
Mother. Why is that.
Little boy. Cuz after you bounce up and down in his stomach the babysitter blew him back up again.