Working Jokes
164 working jokes and hilarious working puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about working that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is for anyone looking for a laugh about the different aspects of work life. Read about hilarious jokes about working from home, working out, working hard, working late, working class, working overtime, working dog, toil, workin, and executive. Get your daily dose of laughter with these funny jokes about the working world.
Quick Jump To
- Short Working Jokes
- Working One Liners
- Working From Home Jokes
- Working Hard Jokes
- Working Nights Jokes
- Working Late Jokes
- Working Out Jokes
- More Working Jokes
Funniest Working Short Jokes
Short working jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The working humour may include short worked jokes also.
- I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
- I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show. I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
- 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.'
'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.' - Antiwork did an interview on fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub It didn't work.
- While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
- I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?" I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
- I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
- Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
- Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
- The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup line... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
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Working One Liners
Which working one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with working? I can suggest the ones about jobs and employed.
- If I'm ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in, see if that works.
- Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
- Translated from German, I hope this works: What's 3x3? No
- You know the razor blade works... when there are no reviews for it on amazon.
- Why do riot police like to get to work early? To beat the crowd.
- My Bluetooth speaker wasn't working so I threw it into the lake... Now it's syncing.
- 1984 is a great work of literature. I think all kids should be forced to read it.
- I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked."
- Why do some couples not go to the gym? Some relationships don't work out...
- When I was young, I was poor. After many years of hard work, I am no longer young.
- After work, I volunteer to help blind children By the way: Verb, not adjective
- Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work.
- I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company. We're not very good.
- My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she is a keeper.
Working From Home Jokes
Here is a list of funny working from home jokes and even better working from home puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- Saw my ex... On my way home from work last year i saw my ex being beaten up by 3 guys, i stopped the car and ran over to help...she didnt stand a chance against 4 of us.
- I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
- The internet is an amazing thing. One minute I'm at work looking up
random pages, passing the time, the
next minute I'm at home looking for a new job. - Got home from work today to find my kids have been on ebay all day. If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.
- My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.
- Wife comes home from work. Wife: I left my job today, I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me.
Husband: So what did he say.?
Wife: "Katy, you are fired." - On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving.. Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.
- Working from home and told a joke on a zoom call. No laughed Turns out I'm not remotely funny.
- I didn't wanna believe that my dad was stealing from his work as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Working Hard Jokes
Here is a list of funny working hard jokes and even better working hard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said wow that's an amazing car. If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.
- After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means... ...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
- It must be hard for women to work in the postal service. It's such a MAIL dominated industry.
- Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.
- David was hard at work... it was really quite awkward for his coworkers.
- I got fired from my job.. ..for being a pervert
I don't understand why, though, I'm always hard at work. - I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up I now suffer from anxiety and depression
- When I was young I was poor, but after decades of hard work I'm no longer young.
- I always wanted to be an exorcist So I studied and worked real hard to become an orcist. Then I quit.
- An employee tells his boss... Hey, that's a nice car you have there.
The boss looks at him and says:
Work hard, stay after hours, and next year, it'll be even nicer.
Working Nights Jokes
Here is a list of funny working nights jokes and even better working nights puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck. Got up to check, but the mirror wasn't working.
- When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
- To whoever stole my antidepressants at work last night... I hope you're happy now.
- I didn't sleep so well last night... So this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.
I made it halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car. - I saw a werewolf behind the bus stop last night! Or a really hairy homeless guy.
Either way, the silver bullet worked! - As I was driving home from work last night, I saw a bumper sticker that said "I am a veterinarian, so I can drive like an animal". Suddenly I realized how many proctologist are on the road.
- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
- Ferguson Protestors looted a Payless Shoe store last night... Cleaned the place out, nothing left but work boots...
- So I Organized a three-way last night... There was a couple of no-shows, but overall, it worked out fine.
- Clark Kent looked ill when I invited him to our Bitcoin trading party after work. I wonder if he has an aversion to Crypto Night.
Working Late Jokes
Here is a list of funny working late jokes and even better working late puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday
- I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today He said Dream on. I think that was really nice of him.
- I've been trying to find an alarm clock made out of a potato... ...ever since I had a meeting with my boss about arriving late for work and he told me "Get a potato clock".
- Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes
Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work - A guy shows up late for work The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
He replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?" - Why was the broom late for work? Because it over swept.
- Why was the mathematician late for work? He took the rhombus.
- Boss: Can you work this weekend? Me: Yeah no worries but I'll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.
Boss: What time will you get here?
Me: Monday. - My husband is like the New York subway... He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.
- I woke up suddenly terrified I'm late for work... I opened my eyes and chilled - I'm at work.
Working Out Jokes
Here is a list of funny working out jokes and even better working out puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Indian restaurant I work for is so secretive I had to sign a legal agreement that I wouldn't share the flatbread recipe Just their standard naan disclosure agreement.
- A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
- I met my girlfriend whilst she was working at the zoo. There she was in her uniform – straightaway I knew she was a keeper.
- My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye." I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.
- I think the most patriotic part of the entire Super Bowl was Rihanna's halftime performance Because there's nothing more American than for a woman to work while she's pregnant.
- I can't stand homeless people Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.
- Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired? Because they're working around the clock.
- After you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because... ...they dilate!
- Cheer up Hilary! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
- I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football. Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Amusing & Witty Working Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about working you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean busy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make working pranks.
h**...
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
h**...: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the h**...?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"
I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
Forget everything you learned in college...
'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'
'But I never went to college.'
'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'
65,000,011 years ago
Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."
I walked in on my girlfriend having s**... with her personal trainer
Me: "Ok, this isn't working out"
For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas
There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.
Recently, i've tried to make a car without wheels.
I've been working on it tirelessly.
I bought my dog a new toy...
...but after a few hours it stopped working. I took it back to the pet shop to see if they could fix it. The guy looked at it for a second and said "I'm sorry, sir, but the hamster is dead".
Bag Boy
This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years. One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is really excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines.The manager says no. The bagger says, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?" The manager answers, "I'm sorry, son, but baggers can't be juicers."
Bench Bros...
Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a b**... coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. o**... turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
They say there's safety in numbers...
Tell that to 6 million Jews
I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym...
I guess we just weren't working out.
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.
Man: Hi, I'd like to book a t**... for the weekend.
Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.
Man: Are you sure? I really need the t**....
Yoda: There is no tri, only du.
On a first date:
Her - So what do you do?
Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers.
Her - Wow, that's impressive!
Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons.
Working at the aluminum can recycling center is the saddest job I've had.
It's just soda pressing.
People say to me Jesus was not Jewish
## I say ofcourse he was Jewish
+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift
## He's Jewish. Give it up
****
_by Robin Williams_
Happy Birthday Robin!
At the gym
I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies? He smiles says Try the ATM in the lobby .
Give me a compliment.
A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen.
What are you doing working so late?
Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. They misspelled my name!
I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on..
.. the suspension is killing me.
Today is my first day at the gym.
I walk in and see a bunch of hot women working out. I walk up to the guy who is running the gym and ask him, " Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies over there?" He smiles at me and says, " Try the ATM Machine in the lobby."
A Blonde Tries To Solve A
A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger." The husband shakes his head and says "honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box"
When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage.
I do not want unlucky people working in our company
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working...
... as long as I die on Thursday.
Humans are being tested against the new AI program
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
A blonde is working on a puzzle...
She calls her husband over and says, "This is the hardest jigsaw puzzle I've ever seen in my whole life!"
The husband responds, "What do you mean, honey?"
She says, "Well there's a picture of a tiger on the box, but looking at all these pieces, I don't see how in the world this is going to ever make picture of a tiger."
The husband says, "That's alright honey, let's just put all the cereal back in the box."
I asked my buddy what it's like working at Google.
Says he can't complain.
You guys wanna hear a construction joke?
..... hold on I'm working on it.
(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew)
It's been a year that I started working out to lose 10 pounds...
Only 12 more to go
Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.
Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.
Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.
I'm pretty sure my F5 key isn't working anymore
I keep seeing the same jokes on here
Working at home s**......
....if you're a firefighter.
Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.
I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.
I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.
I am never working for a calendar company again.
Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)
An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."
Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.
After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.
One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"
The other said, "What for?"
Say what you want about Putin but he's the world hardest working president,
He has to run two countries instead of one.
A blonde and her boyfriend were going somewhere in a car.
While taking a left turn the boyfriend asks " Babe , can you check if the indicator is working. "
The blonde look around and says
" Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes..."
I remember when I was a little boy, an old man suddenly stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.
So I've spent all my life working on a time machine, and now that I've built it, I'm going back in time to when he was a little boy, and I'm going to punch him and see how he likes it!
After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils; they dilate.
A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....
It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."
A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"
The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.
Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"
Didn't know how fast you could walk".
After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelled my name!"
A driver was arrested after a deadly accident...
Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the h**... is wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: You could have hit the 2 men!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other one ran towards the wedding party. So I followed him. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I noticed a barista working alone in a small shop was still wearing a mask.
She said, "this is a coughy filter"
Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?
Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.
Judge: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran inside the restaurant so l followed him.
So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working."
Then I opened the fridge and it was still working. Phew, I thought something bad is going to happen today.
I walked into the liquor store and a guy working there asked me, Do you need help?
I said, Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead.
This blender I just bought doesn't seem to be working right
I keep getting mixed results
Policeman: How could you kill...
...69 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80km/h when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realized they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran towards the wedding party so l followed him.
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.
As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.
Little Johnny replied, I'm drawing God.
The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from his drawing Little Johnny replied, They will in a minute.
My wife complains about constantly being s**... harassed at work
I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office if she doesn't like it
A Proctology exam.
A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.
The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.
Alright Brian, it's your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an e**... the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says but my names Dan.
Doctor responds oh I know, my names Brian.
Jeff Bezos is informed about the passing away of a warehouse worker on a Sunday after working continuously for 12 hours leaving behind a wife and 2 young kids
Let's make sure his hard work and sacrifice are not wasted....
Jeff Bezos orders his subordinates
Find someone who can finish the remaining 2 hours of his shift
The most ironic part about working at the unemployment office is...
If you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
A man and a woman are talking in the office.
The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."
A museum tour guide told his visitor group that their T-Rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old.
When one of the visitors asked how they knew the skeleton's age so precisely, he replied that it was 65 million years old when he started working there 23 years ago.
Two scientists walk into a bar
I'll have H20 says the 1st.
I'll have H20, too says the 2nd.
The bartender doesn't have a clue what they want because he flunked out of high school, and started working at a bar.
A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice p**... field when he sees his son running to him
'Father, father look' , the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly ' The Americans have gone to the moon '.
The farmer drops his plough and asks excitedly ;
'All of them'
'No just 3', replies the kid
'Damn it'
The father shakes his head in disappointment and goes back to the field.
A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago
A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.
A genie granted me one wish, so I said "I just want to be happy."
Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.
I was working in a factory making plastic Draculas for Halloween.
There was only 2 of us on the production line so I had to make every second count
The other day, I met a genie who granted me one wish. So, I told him: "I just want to be happy."
Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.
My wife complains to me about constantly being s**... harassed at work
I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office
Russia has been cut off from CNN, CBS, ABC Pornhub, Facebook...
US is working depriving Russians of McDonalds, Coca-Cola and US fastfood. They continue with these sanctions and Russian people will probably be the most healthiest, well adjusted, spiritual and well informed people on the planet.
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
A Priest working in a remote parish in Greenland gets his yearly visit from his Bishop.
The Bishop asks him, "How are you managing with the loneliness?"
The Priest responds, " If it wasn't for my Rosary and my whiskey, I couldn't make it. Would you like a shot of whiskey?"
The Bishop nods his head yes.
The Priest yells out, "Hey Rosary, bring us two shots of whisky "
A man walks into a museum
He sees a dinosaur skeleton and asks the tour guide How old is that skeleton?
The tour guide says 65 million and 3 years, 5 months and 12 days.
Wow says the man, How do you get such a specific measurement?
The tour guide replies Well it was 65 million years old when I started working here. I've been here for 3 years, 5 months and 12 days.
I've open 6 birthday cards and I'm up to $150 already.
I love working for the post office!
