The Best 78 Worker Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Worker jokes. There are some worker thermos jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these worker social worker puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Worker Jokes and Puns

A construction worker comes home from work.

He tells his wife, "Honey, I cut off my finger today."
She replies, "The whole finger!?"
He says, "No, the one right next to it."

Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation...

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "Well, you'd better jack off. I've got a headache."

Horror at the zoo

A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says

*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*

The man responds, *What happened?*

*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*

The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*

Worker joke, Horror at the zoo

Untitled

A worker goes up to his boss and asks:

Worker: Hey, sir, I'm having a kid, can I have the day off?

Boss:Sure go ahead

The next day, the worker comes in and the boss asks:

Boss: Hey! Is it a boy or a girl?

To which the worker replies:
"I don't know, but I will tell you in nine months."

Emergency Services

An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.

It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."

Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....


What's the difference between a Social Worker and a pitbull?

You'll get some of your child back from the pitbull.

I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.

The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."

Worker joke, I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

A lawyer, priest, and social worker are on a ship that hits an iceberg...

The captain comes over the intercom: "Everyone please make your way to the lifeboats".
The social worker yells out: "Women & children first!"
The lawyer starts pushing his way towards the boats: "Screw the children!"
The priest responds: "Do we have time?"

Construction worker not wearing his safety gear [NSFW]

What Does a Gynecologist and a Pizza worker have in common?

They both get to smell it, but neither gets to eat it.

EAR ACCIDENT

A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

You can explore worker employee reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean worker labourer dad jokes. There are also worker puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A banker, a worker and an immigrant

An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".

A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...

The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:

"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

Another worker shouts back: "Why?"

The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar.

She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for Β£300 as long as you can say it in three words.' The guy replies, 'Hey, why not?' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays Β£300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint…my….house.'

An office worker opened his pay envelope to find

his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.

"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."

"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in a row?"

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Worker joke, I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

The workers at the inn aren't very friendly...

they create a hostel environment.

A blonde walks into a laundromat...

And says to a worker, "can you wash this shirt?"

The worker did not hear her and said "come again?"

The blonde than replies "no it is mustard this time"


Every time I walk into a store with my dad

Worker: "Can I help you?"

Dad: "No, he was born like that."

Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table.

A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that rapist is looking at your cookie."

Three men walk into a car part store...

I need taillights for a Mustang the first one says. What year? the employee asks. 2015 he answers. There you go , the worker hands in the parts. The second guy goes to the counter, saying I need a steering wheel for a Mustang . What year?
1997 he answers. There you go . After he payed, the third guy comes to the counter. I need rear suspensions for a Mustang . There you go .

A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.

I'm sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today'.

'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'

'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.

'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.

'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got out twice to take a piss'.

I went to a pet shop to buy a goldfish today...

The worker asked if I'd like an aquarium, but I told him "I don't care what starsign it is."

Why did the worker on the egg farm get fired from his job?

Because he had a crack addiction.

Stalin walks into a field

Farm worker: Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God!

Stalin: But God does not exist.

Farm worker: And neither do the potatoes.

A man walks into a graveyard..

A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it's over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. What's going on? he asks a cemetery worker.

It's Beethoven, says the worker. He's decomposing.

Two sex workers enter Trump's Russian hotel room.

Sex worker: "On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate us?"

Trump: "Urinate"ο»Ώ

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker,

I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..

A dinosaur goes to a supermarket

A dinosaur goes to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping. He gets to the register and the worker scans all his items. When all the scanning is done, and the dinosaur has to pay, the worker asks:

'So how are you paying today?'

The dinosaur replies:

'With tyrannosaurus checks.'

What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place?

I've made a grave mistake.

A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm

Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.

But God does not exist, replies Stalin.

Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.

What does Activision and a Dairy worker have in common?

They both love milking.

I was walking past Toys R Us today, when I noticed a really long line outside...

I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"

He said, "That's the Barbie queue."

Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...

What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A Jack Off All Trades

A man is walking in a graveyard

when he hears the Third Symphony playing backwards.
When it's over the Second Sympnony also starts playing backward.

"What's going on ?" he asks the cemetry worker.

"It's Beethoven" says the worker "he is decomposing"

What's the difference between Dracula and a government worker?

Dracula does more work during the day

What do you call an employee with an erection?

A hard worker.

Remain Calm :)

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.

It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."

To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line

My buddy is a sex worker and today he came home overjoyed that he made $104.25 that day

I asked, "Wait, who gave you the 25 cents?"

He says, "All of them!"

An elderly woman with a shaky voice walks into a sex shop and asks, "Do y-y-ooou-u s-s-sell vib-b-rat-ors?", the store worker told her "Yes we do, ma'am."

She replied, "H-h-how d-do I t-turn-n it off-ff?"

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?

Lack of concentration.

Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic.

She's an essential oil worker now.

A Woman goes into a laundromat

The woman says: I spilled salad on it. The Worker, not hearing them, said: Come again?
The woman says: No, not this time, it was salad.

What's the definition of an essential worker?

Someone who is only paid enough to buy the essentials.

A nights work...

A guy meets a sex workerΒ in a bar.

She says, "Hey, tonight is your lucky night. I've got a very special game for us to play. Tonight I'll do absolutely anything you want for Β£300 as long as you can say it in three words."

The guy replies, "Hey, why not?, you're on" So he proceeds to put Β£300Β on the bar from his wallet, and says to the sex worker slowly. "Paint…my….house."

A worker was suspected of stealing

Every day the security guys would check his wheelbarrow when he was leaving the factory site. They never found anything. It took them weeks to realize that he was stealing wheelbarrows.

I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker...

But when I got home, all the signs were there....

How does a sex worker extract precious minerals from the Earth?

They strip mine.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

My dad got fired as a road worker because of stealing.

I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home.

All the signs where there.

What do you call a one night stand with a construction worker?

Nut and bolt.

The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town

I guess she was having a midwife crisis

The first thing that I am going to do when I go back to work, is Hide.

Because a good worker is hard to find.

When i get to work i hide.

Because a good worker is hard to find!

I had a big wasps nest under the eve of my roof so I went to the hardware store to find some wasp spray. I found a can and asked a worker if this was good for wasps?

He says No, it kills them.

A man wins big...

*pardon if this is a repost*

A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.

When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."

"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."

Co worker told me this one

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing making a movie about great composers.

Sean Connery says Only if I get to be Mozart

Stallone says Then I'll be Beethoven

Arnold says I'll be Bach

A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.

His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.

After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.

After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.

Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?

The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!

Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?

Being deemed an "essential worker"

Is like being condemned to summer school while the rest of the students are off.

A little girl walk into a pet shop...

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks for a bunny. The worker says the fluffy white one or the fluffy brown one ? The girl then says, I don't think my python really cares.

My boss said I'm a worker worth paying attention to.

Unfortunately, he said it to the security guard.

A woman was shopping for turkey at her grocery store. She finds a 12 lbs one and a 13 pound one, frustrated she asked a shop worker, "Do these get any bigger?"

The worker replied, "No, they're all dead."

A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I was interested in taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought "damn, I might actually win this".

A social worker joke

A man was robbed, beaten badly, and left in the gutter along a lonely street. After being there for hours, two social workers walk by and notice the beaten man. They look him over, see his injuries, and one says to the other, the person who did this could really use our help

How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a scientist?

The way they pronounce unionized.

My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.

An angry customers walks back in a donut shop.

He says to the worker:


"Why isn't my donut glazed?!


The worker respond:


"Look sir, i'm not going to sugar coat it."

A Subway sandwich maker has a very eccentric regular customer.

The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it's burnt. It looks and smells disgusting and the worker dreads it when he sees that customer come in.

Finally he asks his boss if he can just not wait on that customer. His boss asks why.

The worker screams in frustration: "I hate the mods on that sub!"

Boss: "You've got to find a way to make fewer mistakes on the job"

Worker: "Ok, how about I come in later in the morning?"

Let me just say that I'll NEVER vaccinate myself or my children!

I'll rather have a healthcare worker do that.

Jeff Bezos is informed about the passing away of a warehouse worker on a Sunday after working continuously for 12 hours leaving behind a wife and 2 young kids

Let's make sure his hard work and sacrifice are not wasted....

Jeff Bezos orders his subordinates

Find someone who can finish the remaining 2 hours of his shift

A worker was stopped by a cop at the gates of a winery

Cop: "Sorry the winery is closed today due to an ongoing investigation. Please go home."

Worker: "What happened?"

Cop: "One of your colleagues fell into a wine tank and ended up drowning."

Worker: "Oh my God. That is terrible."

Cop: "It appears he died doing what he loved doing."

Worker: "How can you say that! Everyone hates working here!"

Cop: "Well, the CCTV footage showed him getting out of the tank five times to take a piss."

A Russian worker standing in a liquor line says: I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.

Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line.

His friends ask, Did you get him?

No, the line there was even longer than the line here.

Soviet Factory

One compatriot who works in a factory suddenly decides to get a folding ladder, climbs to the top, and hangs upside down holding himself with his legs.

The factory officer notices, comes over to him, and says "what are you doing?"
He responds "I'm a light bulb".
The factory officer reponds "Uhh, clearly you are too tired, go home and rest!"
The worker climbs down and leaves for home.
A few seconds later, another worker stumbles towards the exit.
The officer says "Where are you going?"
and he responds "I can't work in the dark"

Corny joke from a warehouse worker.

Was loading semi trailers and it was raining like hell. Asked my team lead to step inside a trailer with me.

"Hey Billy, I keep hearing a weird noise every time I step in a trailer."

"What's it sound like?"

(While pointing at the roof) "It sounds like autotune."

"Autotune?"

"Yeah, it's just a Lil Wayne."

Why did it take so long for the construction worker to propose?

He was building up to it.

I just quit my job at the quarry

they took worker safety for granite.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the worker lazy worker jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working worker state worker piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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