Worker Jokes
175 worker jokes and hilarious worker puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about worker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
For the times in the office or on the worksite, here is a collection of funny jokes about the many types of workers, including the hard-working bee, the dedicated social worker, the strong construction worker, the reliable co-worker, the ever-lasting concrete worker, the tough iron worker, the lazy worker, the determined migrant, and the watchful commissar. Read on to get a good chuckle!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Worker Short Jokes
Short worker jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The worker humour may include short employee jokes also.
- How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair? Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.
- Why did the match factory burn down? Because the workers went on strike
I just thought of this, not sure whether its an original joke - I went to the store and said to the worker, "I need a battery so I can tell the time." He asked, "Is it for a clock?" I answered... "I don't know! That's why I need the battery!"
- Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic. She's an essential oil worker now.
- Did you hear about the guy who's been pickpocketing midget charity workers? How could someone stoop so low?
- I told my daughter she should reconsider becoming a postal worker. It's difficult to make it in a mail dominated industry.
- Turns out my co-worker and I are getting our teeth checked the same day Isn't that coinciDENTAL?
I'll see myself out - My co-worker doesn't like me, because he thinks I'm condescending. (That means I talk down to people.)
- If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection? I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.
- What's the difference between retail workers and turkeys? We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.
Share These Worker Jokes With Friends
Worker One Liners
Which worker one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with worker? I can suggest the ones about builder and writer.
- What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace? Melancolleague(s)
- TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich. Whoops, wrong sub.
- Told my co-workers this joke about mandatory meetings. You really had to be there.
- Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
- My co-worker disagreed when I said Median is the best average He's a mean person!
- Just played Uno with my Mexican co-workers... ...they stole all the green cards.
- When i get to work i hide. Because a good worker is hard to find!
- What does Activision and a Dairy worker have in common? They both love milking.
- Statisticians give low paid workers an expected life of 68.7 years That's mean
- The workers at the inn aren't very friendly... they create a hostel environment.
- I just retired. But I've been watching so much TV I consider myself a Remote Worker
- I just found out my co-worker has a computer addiction It's getting ALT of CTRL
- My wife told me she is a poll worker. I'm just surprised they pay her in all singles.
- What do you call a brothel for construction workers? Nuts N' Bolts
- A news reporter introduces his new co-worker on air This Justin
Co Worker Jokes
Here is a list of funny co worker jokes and even better co worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice. I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.
- A woman is swiping through Tinder at work, and her co-worker say, "Honey, you ain't never gonna find your husband on Tinder." "You may be right," she replied. "I found yours, though."
- I think of my co-workers as a second family Because I didn't get to choose any and I hate them
- My co-workers are like my Christmas lights… Half of them don't work and the other half aren't that bright.
- My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am He's likes to work hard in the mornings
- My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel. I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
- I just overheard a co-worker announce she got tickets to a Nickelback concert. That's all, she was completely serious.
- Whenever my boss asks, "Having fun yet?" I say, "Are you kidding, this is my Disneyland!"
because my boss is a rat, my co-workers are goofy and this is a Mickey Mouse operation. - What's the definition of irony? (This happened to me today) Asked a transgender co-worker why he won't upgrade from Windows 7 to 10.
He said he didn't like change. - My co-worker always tells me: "I see dead people" And I always tell him: "Shut up, Steven, we're morticians."
Construction Worker Jokes
Here is a list of funny construction worker jokes and even better construction worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest. Alien vs predator
- A blind man with a service dog walked into a bar The construction worker holding the bar said, "Dude, you need a new dog!"
- I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building... Friendship.
- How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a scientist? The way they pronounce unionized.
- My city just fired half of the city's construction workers... Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.
- A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks He got hammered.
- Why did it take so long for the construction worker to propose? He was building up to it.
- A construction site worker told his boss "Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?" to which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"
- A construction worker asked me to make a joke about the contents of his toolbox. Unfortunately, I don't have any drill bits.
- A construction worker walks into a bar His friends start laughing at how much of an idiot he is.
Social Worker Jokes
Here is a list of funny social worker jokes and even better social worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a Social Worker and a pitbull? You'll get some of your child back from the pitbull.
- What's the difference between God and a social worker? God doesn't pretend to be a social worker
- One social worker asks another "What time is it?" The second replies, "I don't know, I'm not wearing a watch."
The first says, "That's OK, the important thing is we talked about it." - Why is a social worker like a bra ? Both work for upliftment of downtrodden masses
State Worker Jokes
Here is a list of funny state worker jokes and even better state worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Soviet joke In capitalism, man exploits man. In glorious Russia workers state, is other way around.
- Doc Brown and Marty are watching the news The newscaster announces "Due to a large string of worker protests in the United States the price of cheese has gone up 200%"
Doc Brown: "Grate, Scott!" - Who would win in a table tennis match: the President of the United States of America or the Chairman of the Worker's Party of Korea? Kim. Jong. Kim. Jong. Kim. Jong. Kim. Jong.
Worker Bee Jokes
Here is a list of funny worker bee jokes and even better worker bee puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- All the bugs were organizing a party. Then, the ladybug asked: "Are we inviting the workers? The ants, the bees?"
"Mites as well", said the millipede. - A queen bee is hungry. She calls to a worker bee for some food. The response? "I'm coming, honey!"
- Why did the queen bee scald the worker bee? Because he was misbeehiving
The Funniest Worker Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about worker you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean staff jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make worker pranks.
Why did the marine park worker feel aimless?
Because they lacked porpoises.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation...
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "Well, you'd better j**.... I've got a headache."
A CEO, a union worker and a tea party member sit down at a table ...
The union worker sets out a dozen cookies he baked.
The CEO grabs them all and tells the tea partier that the union member stole his cookie.
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
Untitled
A worker goes up to his boss and asks:
Worker: Hey, sir, I'm having a kid, can I have the day off?
Boss:Sure go ahead
The next day, the worker comes in and the boss asks:
Boss: Hey! Is it a boy or a girl?
To which the worker replies:
"I don't know, but I will tell you in nine months."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dwarfs and s**... Harassment
Dawn, a tall attractive office assistant complains to human relations in her firm that every time she goes to the photocopier a nearby worker named Philbert comes up close to her and says "Mmm, your hair smells nice." Hermagrude, the kind , wise human relations officer says placatingly, "Well Dawn, many women would treat that as a compliment, perhaps you could see it that way?" Dawn replies, "well normally I might but Philbert is a dwarf."
How many workers does it take to run a burrito factory?
Just Juan
EAR ACCIDENT
A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
A banker, a worker and an immigrant
An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".
A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...
The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:
"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
Another worker shouts back: "Why?"
The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"
An office worker opened his pay envelope to find
his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.
"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."
"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in a row?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Sewage Worker say to his apprentice?
u**... for a surprise.
^^^^^sorry
Every time I walk into a store with my dad
Worker: "Can I help you?"
Dad: "No, he was born like that."
The boss is telling his workers a dumb joke...
...and every worker is laughing except one.
The boss asks that one worker:
"Why are you not laughing?"
"Cos I'm quitting today."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table.
A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that r**... is looking at your cookie."
Three men walk into a car part store...
I need taillights for a Mustang the first one says. What year? the employee asks. 2015 he answers. There you go , the worker hands in the parts. The second guy goes to the counter, saying I need a steering wheel for a Mustang . What year?
1997 he answers. There you go . After he payed, the third guy comes to the counter. I need rear suspensions for a Mustang . There you go .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.
I'm sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today'.
'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'
'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.
'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.
'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got out twice to take a p**...'.
Why did the worker on the egg farm get fired from his job?
Because he had a crack addiction.
A man walks into a graveyard..
A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it's over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. What's going on? he asks a cemetery worker.
It's Beethoven, says the worker. He's decomposing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two s**... workers enter Trump's Russian hotel room.
s**... worker: "On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate us?"
Trump: "Urinate"
Why did workers in the industrial revolution have better sense of smell?
It's because of all that time they spent in the ol-factory.
A Microsoft Dev walks into a room....
Bethesda is working on Skyrim remastered 4k edition for the new xbox.
Microsoft Dev "Woah that screenshot looks cool"
Bethesda Worker: "That's not a screenshot, it's...it's the game"
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker,
I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..
A dinosaur goes to a supermarket
A dinosaur goes to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping. He gets to the register and the worker scans all his items. When all the scanning is done, and the dinosaur has to pay, the worker asks:
'So how are you paying today?'
The dinosaur replies:
'With tyrannosaurus checks.'
What's the fastest animal in the world?
The Spanish government worker. The job ends at 3 and he's home by 2.
Investigation finds rise in complaints regarding worker incompetence at Quiznos locations
> "Whoops, wrong sub"
What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place?
I've made a grave mistake.
A businessman, a worker, and a mexican are sitting around a table with 3 cookies on it
The businessman takes 2 and says to the worker, "Watch out, that mexican is gonna steal your cookie."
Woman: I need a couple balloons of Eminem for my sons birthday, it's in an hour.
Worker: so you're telling me... I only got one shot?
What are your best toe amputation jokes?
Co worker lost a toe. Need lots of jokes. Already used up tow jokes about towing his car
Hey girl are you a construction worker?
Cause you're erecting something right now
I left my job as a Concrete Worker.
It just seemed to get HARDER and HARDER.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?
A j**... All Trades
Did you hear about the 120-year-old textile worker?
He dyed.
13,700,000,007
A man asks the worker at the astronomy museum how old the universe is. He responds 13.7 billion and 7 years old.
The man is puzzled how the worker knew the age to such precision. The worker answered, When I got this job, the person who hired me told me that the universe is 13.7 billion years old, and I've worked here for seven years.
What's the difference between Dracula and a government worker?
Dracula does more work during the day
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an employee with an e**...?
A hard worker.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a four-legged, three-eyed, mute, deaf, transgender, African-American, handicapped, e**..., cancer-riddled, rich, thrice-divorced, tired, fashionable, pansexual, elderly factory worker?
I don't know.
A warehouse worker...
A warehouse worker is getting ready to ship a bunch of cases of disgusting, prepackaged food, but he can't get it to fit properly on a skid.
The food was unpalatable.
A Mexican dock worker is loading a ship...
A Mexican dock worker is loading a boat with a shipment of French cuisine, when his boss happens to walk by. The boss asks, "hey, what's that you're loading over there?"
The dock worker replies, "Es cargo."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My buddy is a s**... worker and today he came home overjoyed that he made $104.25 that day
I asked, "Wait, who gave you the 25 cents?"
He says, "All of them!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly woman with a shaky voice walks into a s**... shop and asks, "Do y-y-ooou-u s-s-sell vib-b-rat-ors?", the store worker told her "Yes we do, ma'am."
She replied, "H-h-how d-do I t-turn-n it off-ff?"
A blind man walks into a bar. He sits down and says "Who here wan't to hear a blond joke?"
The waitress says "Oh honey, I'm blond! And my co worker is blond too. Also, the lady sitting next to you is blond as well. Are you sure you wan't to tell it?"
The blind guy says "No, I guess not. Thanks for the warning. I don't have time to explain it three times".
There was a mystery involving an office worker and a small bag.
It was a brief case.
I was eating a bag of Goldfish the other day
With horror, the Petco worker asked me to leave the store.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Italian s**... worker
A pastitute
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde walks into an elevator
She sees her co worker Steve & says "TGIF". Steve has a puzzled look on his face and replies "NSIT". Ever more puzzled the blonde replies "TGIF, thank God it's Friday". Steve then says "NSIT, no s**... it's Thursday"
A Woman goes into a laundromat
The woman says: I spilled salad on it. The Worker, not hearing them, said: Come again?
The woman says: No, not this time, it was salad.
What's the definition of an essential worker?
Someone who is only paid enough to buy the essentials.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My construction worker friend died
As a memorial everyone at his f**... stood around making themselves look busy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nights work...
A guy meets a s**... worker in a bar.
She says, "Hey, tonight is your lucky night. I've got a very special game for us to play. Tonight I'll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?, you're on" So he proceeds to put £300 on the bar from his wallet, and says to the s**... worker slowly. "Paint…my….house."
A worker was suspected of stealing
Every day the security guys would check his wheelbarrow when he was leaving the factory site. They never found anything. It took them weeks to realize that he was stealing wheelbarrows.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a s**... worker extract precious minerals from the Earth?
They s**... mine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is walking down the street an sees that his favorite brothel is on fire
He selflessly runs into the flames and comes back out with a dwarf s**... worker. When asked why he rescued her, he says "I always save a little fellator"
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?
Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.
The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town
I guess she was having a midwife crisis
A long time worker at a coca cola just lost his job
He is soda pressed now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy noticed his co worker was feeling depressed. So he offered him his best advice...
" when ever I'm feeling down I make time to have s**... with my wife. It does wonders."
"That's a great idea. I think I try it. I'll be back in about an hour"
An hour later he's back whistling and smiling . " Wow, you were right. I feel much better. Thanks bro!" He pauses for a minute and says,
"Oh, and by the way, you have a really nice house"
A man wins big...
*pardon if this is a repost*
A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.
When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."
"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."
Costco worker asked if I wanna box for my groceries
No bro, I'm just trying to pay for them, everyone's so violent these days.
My daughter has decided to become a poll worker this election year...
She decided it sounded better than putting "stripper" on her resume.
What do my girlfriend and a Subway worker have in common?
Everything, my girlfriend recently got a job at Subway, I'm very proud of you sweetie
Bill Clinton brings a dress to the dry cleaning
He asks "Anything you need to know?", but since it's loud from all the machines running, the worker doesn't understand him and asks "Come again?"
"No", said Clinton, "Tomato juice this time"
A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.
His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.
After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.
After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.
Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?
The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!
Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?
Being deemed an "essential worker"
Is like being condemned to summer school while the rest of the students are off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when Neil Buchanan assaults a s**... worker?
Tart Attack.
(One for those UK readers out there)
My boss said I'm a worker worth paying attention to.
Unfortunately, he said it to the security guard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I was interested in taking part in a marathon.
I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought "d**..., I might actually win this".
A social worker joke
A man was robbed, beaten badly, and left in the gutter along a lonely street. After being there for hours, two social workers walk by and notice the beaten man. They look him over, see his injuries, and one says to the other, the person who did this could really use our help
My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.
He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.
