The Best 63 Worked Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Worked jokes. There are some worked treatments jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these worked drinking at work puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Worked Jokes and Puns

My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"

A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)

Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.

Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.

After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.

Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?

I haven't worked out since...

I haven't worked out since that one time I tried to reach for a bag of chips at the foot of the bed and did a sit-up by mistake.

That wasn't the joke. The joke is my life.

Worked joke, I haven't worked out since...

Philosophy final

in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.

"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."

Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.

The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"

His answer: What chair?

For my summer job, I worked at the zoo, circumsizing elephants

The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!


An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...

After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.

Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!

How did the mathmatician become unconstipated?

He worked it out with a pencil

Worked joke, How did the mathmatician become unconstipated?

So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye...

It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.

Divorce

A a man in his 70's calls his son to tell him he and his mother are getting a divorce. "Dad, you can't do this! You're not thinking straight." The son calls his sister to talk about it, and she is in agreement; their parents cannot do this. "Dad, we're flying out there tomorrow. Do not sign any papers, contact any lawyers, or even thinking about going down to the courthouse." After the dad gets off the phone, he looks over at his wife and says, "It worked. They'll be here for Christmas and are paying their own airfare."

Pentagon Contract

A contractor arrives home from Washington, D.C. and proudly tells his wife that he's gotten the contract to fix a cracked walkway into the Pentagon.

Two other contractors showed up to bid on the job, he explained to her. One was from Minnesota, the other from Tennessee. All three of us went to the Pentagon with an official to examine the cracked walkway.

The Minnesota contractor took out a tape measure, did some measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil.

'Well,' he said, 'I can do the job for about $9,000: $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

The Tennessee contractor then did the same, measuring and figuring, and then he said, 'I can do this job for $7,000. $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

I didn't measure anything. I just pulled the Pentagon official aside and whispered, I can do the job for $27,000.

The official was incredulous and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such an incredibly high figure?'

I whispered, '$10,000 for you, $10, 000 for me, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the walkway.

I killed a vampire last Halloween

...or a kid. Either way, the wooden stake worked.

You can explore worked work reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean worked working blondes dad jokes. There are also worked puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well today...

I was amazed. I didn't know they actually worked.

My Mother in Law fell down a wishing well

I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

A lumberjack applies for a job...

...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"

The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."

The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"

Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."

My dad and I were never that close.

The company he worked for once had a "father-son" picnic and he invited his father

A guy calls into work....

says he can't come in, he has a terrible hangover.

the boss says "well, when that happens to me, i ask my wife for sex, and that usually fixes me right up."

the guy says he'll try that.

later, he comes into work, ready to go. the boss sees him and says

"so, that worked, didn't it?"

the guy says "yes, it did, and you have a really nice house."

Worked joke, A guy calls into work....

I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked."

Paddy and Murphy are in a dark cave.

Paddy says "It's too dark. Do you have a match?"

Murphy hands Paddy a match, which Paddy strikes against the wall..but nothing happens. He strikes the match again but, again, nothing.

Paddy says to Murphy "This match doesn't work."

"That's strange," says Murphy. "It worked earlier."

I'm afraid our fetish-friendly sex robot won't be ready on time.

We haven't worked out all the kinks yet.


I was at a party...

I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was sexually assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody is going to sexually assault a girl...not on my watch.

Good news and Bad news

wife: i have a good news and a bad new.
Husband: i am very busy.Just give me good news.
wife: The airbags worked properly in our new BMW.

I finally understood the end of the 6th Sense

All those names at the end were people who worked on the movie.

What did one suicide bomber say to the other?

"Dude, I don't think it worked."

Why do we hit things when they don't work?

Because it worked with slavery

Did you hear about the man who worked with horses his whole life?

He had a stable job.

I guess uh.. I'll just leave

I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.

Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

I read that having sex every day for a year could transform your marriage.

It worked so well I'm thinking of suggesting it to my wife.

I just got fired from my job in Museum

They said they're not happy with my work here, which is ridiculous, i only worked here for 2 days and already sold 2 picassos.

I've worked with starving children in Africa, and let me tell you...

They are the slowest workers I've ever seen.

A man diagnosed with cancer was given six months to live, but he worked hard and proved them wrong.

He killed himself three hours later.

I forgot how my boomerang worked so I just threw it

And then it hit me...

Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....

If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025

but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017

I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery

She was in charge of the hops

The thing about clickbait is that it's...

I can't believe that worked!

TIL: Chuck Norris died earlier this month

But the Grim Reaper hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

A nun was fired from her job in heaven...

A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."

I saw a TV for sale for 1$

I saw that the TV was in very good condition.

"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller

"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied

"So everything else works?" I asked

He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume

"So you're gonna buy it?"

"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"

How do we know 9/11 wasn't a government plot?

Because it worked.

He worked for years to invent an engine that ran on ambient disappointment.

But at the unveiling, it wouldn't work.

Then it did.

Briefly.

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:

It worked.

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

I always wanted to be an exorcist

So I studied and worked real hard to become an orcist. Then I quit.

What did Spiderman say when he worked at MacDonalds?

With minimum wage comes minimum responsibility.

8 years ago I worked up the courage to ask the shy, beautiful girl who sat next to me in history class to be my girlfriend. Today, I asked her to be my wife.

She said no both times.

I remember when I worked at the United Nations

And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.

Of course, I called him immediately.

"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"

BJ for Sore Throat

"You don't look so good today, Bambi," said Barbie.

"You're right," said Bambi. "I feel like I'm coming down with something. My throat really hurts."

Barbie suggested, "You know, whenever I have a sore throat I give my husband oral sex and the next day I feel great."

Bambi carefully considered this. The next day Barbie noticed that Bambi looked better.

"You look much better today. Did you take my suggestion?"

Bambi replied, "I sure did. It worked great. And your husband just couldn't believe that it was your idea!"

Recently got a second job as a bartender at a stripclub.

Ive never worked so hard before in my life.

Why was the castle prostitute tired all the time?

She worked knights.

My best friend passed away recently..

Grieving before his grave I said,

Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?

A month later, my wife gave birth to a baby boy. As my child grew older each day, I realised he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy my prayer worked.

I saw a werewolf behind the bus stop last night!

Or a really hairy homeless guy.

Either way, the silver bullet worked!

I had an uncle who worked circumcising elephants

The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!

A scientist went to God and said triumphantly, We've worked out how to make a man without you. God laughed and said, Okay then, show me. Go ahead.

So the scientist bent down and picked up a handful of dirt but God stopped him.

Oh no you don't. said God. Get your own dirt.

An 8 year old girl went to work with her father on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they where walking around the office the young girl started to cry. Her father asked what was wrong. As a crowd gathered around her she sobbed ''Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"

When I was a kid I had a penpal who lived in southeast Asia who worked in an athletic clothes sweatshop. I would send him gifts from America and he would send me different clothes he made at work. His name was Chen, but I called him Bean Burrito.

Because he made me puma pants.

My wife wanted to get a boob job but it's expensive

I said try rubbing toilet paper between your tits. She said will that make them bigger. I said, well it worked on your ass.

I used to date a girl who had one leg and worked at a brewery...

She was in charge of the hops...

My wife died recently

She fell down a wishing well. I didn't know those things actually worked.

If animal organs were compatible with humans...

Your dog would offer you his kidney even if he only had one that worked.

Your cat would show up one morning with 37 kidneys in a sack and tell you to pick one.

My son kept chewing on electrical cables so I finally had to ground him

Of course he denied the charge first, but later I found him coiled up in his room.

He's conducting himself better now, so I think that worked out.

Well that's the current situation anyways, but there's definitely potential for greater resistance.

Some days I just feel like I don't have the capacity for raising kids.

He can be a real live wire sometimes.

How do we know the government wasn't behind 9/11?

Because it worked.

A private eye recounts one of the cases he's worked in: "From the moment I saw her outside my office window, I knew she was in big trouble."

"Mainly because my office was located on the 7th floor."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the worked job jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working worked how government works piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes