Work Jokes

162 work jokes and hilarious work puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about work that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article is full of work jokes that will have you laughing out loud. From the funny to the relatable, these jokes will make your work day a little brighter.

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Funniest Work Short Jokes

Short work jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The work humour may include short jobs jokes also.

  1. I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
  2. I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show. I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
  3. 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.'
    'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'
  4. Antiwork did an interview on fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub It didn't work.
  5. While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
  6. I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?" I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
  7. I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
  8. Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
  9. Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
  10. The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup line... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.

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Work One Liners

Which work one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with work? I can suggest the ones about service and fitness.

  1. If I'm ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in, see if that works.
  2. Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
  3. Translated from German, I hope this works: What's 3x3? No
  4. You know the razor blade works... when there are no reviews for it on amazon.
  5. Why do riot police like to get to work early? To beat the crowd.
  6. My Bluetooth speaker wasn't working so I threw it into the lake... Now it's syncing.
  7. 1984 is a great work of literature. I think all kids should be forced to read it.
  8. I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked."
  9. Why do some couples not go to the gym? Some relationships don't work out...
  10. When I was young, I was poor. After many years of hard work, I am no longer young.
  11. After work, I volunteer to help blind children By the way: Verb, not adjective
  12. Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work.
  13. I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  14. I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company. We're not very good.
  15. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she is a keeper.

Home Work Jokes

Here is a list of funny home work jokes and even better home work puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
  • Saw my ex... On my way home from work last year i saw my ex being beaten up by 3 guys, i stopped the car and ran over to help...she didnt stand a chance against 4 of us.
  • I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
  • The internet is an amazing thing. One minute I'm at work looking up
    random pages, passing the time, the
    next minute I'm at home looking for a new job.
  • Got home from work today to find my kids have been on ebay all day. If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.
  • My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.
  • Wife comes home from work. Wife: I left my job today, I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me.
    Husband: So what did he say.?
    Wife: "Katy, you are fired."
  • On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving.. Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.
  • Working from home and told a joke on a zoom call. No laughed Turns out I'm not remotely funny.
  • I didn't wanna believe that my dad was stealing from his work as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Back To Work Jokes

Here is a list of funny back to work jokes and even better back to work puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
  • Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
  • If I am ever in a coma on life support I want my family to unplug me... And then plug me back in. See if that works.
  • The butcher backed up... The butcher backed up to the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
  • Me: "It's not about how many times you fall. What matters is how many times you get back up." Officer: "That isn't how field sobriety tests work."
  • Me: It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up. Cop: That's not how sobriety tests work.
  • If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug... Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work.
  • I asked my boss if I could have time off work because I was having a baby When I came back the boss asked So was it a boy or a girl?
    I said I don't know, I'll tell you in 9 months
  • After a long day's work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary. Things just went from Bad to Worse.
  • My boss texted me "Send me a funny joke" I texted him back "Sorry, boss, I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later."
    He replied back "That was fantastic, send me another!"
Work joke, My boss texted me "Send me a funny joke"

Work From Home Jokes

Here is a list of funny work from home jokes and even better work from home puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I don't know why most people think a dogs life is so easy. Everytime I come home from work I ask my dog how his day went and he always says rough.
  • I called my wife and said that I'll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence. I think she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
  • My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work. She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up.
  • So I was driving home from work tonight, I saw a woman texting whilst driving. It infuriated me so much I threw my beer bottle at her car.
  • Bill and Melinda were happy for 27 years And then Bill started working from home.
  • Got home from work and the kids had been on ebay all day If they're still there tomorrow I'll lower the price.
  • Came home from work to find my wife left a note on the refrigerator. It said this is not working. I'm at my moms!
    Opened it up and everything seem to be working fine to me.
  • As I was driving home from work last night, I saw a bumper sticker that said "I am a veterinarian, so I can drive like an animal". Suddenly I realized how many proctologist are on the road.
  • I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture. I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned.
  • I came back home from work today only to discover someone had stolen all of my lamps. I was delighted.

Work Friendly Jokes

Here is a list of funny work friendly jokes and even better work friendly puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've got a friend who is a structural engineer. He's always complaining about stress at work.
  • My friend works in IT, and I asked him, How do you make a motherboard? He said, I usually tell her about my job.
  • Snail Racing My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster. Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish
  • My friend at work got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine and said he didn't feel too good the next day I told him, "What do you expect from taking two Johnsons at once?"
  • I asked my friend who works in google how it is out there ? He said " can't complain "
  • My friend said that my Dad's gay I'm now trying to work out which one.
  • One of my friend recently started working as a postman I asked him why are you working for such underpaying job?
    He said, "it's not about money it's about sending message"
  • Grandpa told me this Guy lost his finger in a work accident
    His wife was telling her friend about it
    The friend asked "did he lose the whole finger?"
    The wife replied "no, the one next to it"
  • Cant work for my boss anymore Me: I cant work for my boss anymore after what he told me yesterday.
    Friend: What did he say?
    Me: " You're fired "
  • Me: I had to quit my construction job because I wasn't strong enough for the work. Friend: Did you give them your too weak notice?
Work joke, Me: I had to quit my construction job because I wasn't strong enough for the work.

Entertaining Work Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about work you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean task jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make work pranks.

A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."

I responded, "How about now?"

Forget everything you learned in college...

'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'
'But I never went to college.'
'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:
"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"
The officer laughs, saying:
"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"
"b**...! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

Two chemists walk into a bar.

Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

My boss pulled up to work today in his brand new Lincoln

As he got out of the car, I said to him "wow, that's a nice car!" He notices my admiration and says "Well, you know what? If you work hard, and put in the hours, I'll have an even better one next year."

Sick day.

A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a b**.... Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."
He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."

Olympic Condoms

A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"

Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...

...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"

I happily dad joked my fiancé

While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.
To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!"

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

My boss was honest with me today.

He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

Saw a cute girl at work today.

I told her I get off in five minutes and she smiled. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left.

Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields?

I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.

Chinese Sick Day

h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle

Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead

I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...

He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"

I work in retail, a married man made me laugh

Me: Hi sir, can I help you?
Him: Nah I'm just looking for my wife
Me: Oh sorry, we don't sell wives here
Him: Good! Else you'd get a lot of returns!

I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...

I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."

I painted my computer black so it would run faster.

Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt.

Who says building a border wall won't work?

The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.

A man comes home from work...

A man comes home from work and he finds his wife furious at him.
She screams "Why did you sleep with my sister while you were at work!?"
He replies "Well she was lying on the table, n**..., and you know she's an attractive woman, so what did you expect me to do?"
"Perform the autopsy."

My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.

"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.
"Why?" I frowned.
"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"
"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...

My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!
What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.
Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'

I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again.

I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.

Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.

The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

Boss p**...

I sit at work today drinking Coke, doing some stuff with Excel tables when suddenly my boss puts his hand into my pants, jerks me off, and then goes back to his previous work like nothing happened. Being self employed has its positives.

Cheer up Hilary!

At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

A man cheats with his wife's sister

Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!
Wife: You slept with my sister!
Man: When i got to work she was just laying there n**... on my table! What was I supposed to do?!
Wife: The autopsy!
PS: Didnt make this up

Chinese man calls in sick

h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone

"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"
"No" she sobbed
I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage

My mate asked me why I have s**... noises saved on my phone.

I said, It's for sound effects during s**....
He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?
I replied, No, I work in a morgue.

My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.

I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"
He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".

My husband called and asked if I could be n**... before he gets home from work...

...I feel awkward sitting here with his mother, but whatever.

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

Three boys were talking after school...

Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15."
The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!"
The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"

The man came home early from work to find his wife lying n**... on the bed, crying her eyes out.

What's wrong? he asked.
I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night, she
Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes, and with that
he went over to the wardrobe. See here, there's the nice
pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi
there Tom, the green silk gown…

Working at home s**......

....if you're a firefighter.

Stalin should have known that Communism wouldn't work.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

A woman gets home from work and hears her husband call out from the bedroom...

Husband: can you come here and help me with this clock?
The woman walks in the room and sees her husband sitting at the edge of their bed with a r**... hard-on
Wife: thats not a clock
Husband: it will be when you put two hands and a face on it.

A man stayed late at the pub after work when he got a call from his wife

Wife: "I've cooked your dinner and if you're not back in 10 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog!"
Man: "Hey, it's not his fault!"

I phoned my wife...

...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"
She had just grunted down the phone.
I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today

He said Dream on. I think that was really nice of him.

Librarian: Can I help you?

Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-
Librarian: Being psychic?
Dave: No...
Librarian: One day that will work.

I broke one of my fingers at work today.

On the other hand, everything is OK.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means...

...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."

Locked in her basement

A woman I work with locked me in her basement for two months once and used me as her s**... s**....
One day I noticed she forgot to lock the door and I thought, "Great, this is my chance!"
So I ran up the stairs and grabbed the phone.
Half hour later the pizza arrived, and I went back down to the basement.

A husky, a pitbull, and a chihuahua are all fighting over a poodle.

Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."
Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"
Poodle: "That's not gonna work"
Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"
Poodle: "...No"

A guy rides his motorcycle through the border from Spain to France every week carrying two bags of sand.

The border guard searched the bags every time, but never found anything, so he had to let him through. The guard has his last day at work before retiring and the guy comes to the border again, carrying his two bags of sand. The guard says "look, man, it's my last day, I'm not going to bust you. You're clearly smuggling *something* across the border all this time but we never find anything, what is it.". The guy says "I'm smuggling motorcycles"

*Phone rings at work*

Boss: Why don't you answer it?
Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.
Boss: ANSWER IT g**...!
Me: 911, what's the emergency?

It was so cold this morning I had to use my Tesco discount card to scrape the ice off my windscreen

Didn't work though, I only got 10% off.

A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.

A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied

Dear Humans,

You get mad at me when I work....You get mad at me when I don't work.
Confused alarm clock.

My wife complains about constantly being s**... harassed at work

I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office if she doesn't like it

Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: That it's only Wednesday

I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...

Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.

A janitor at my work asked me to come over and smoke w**... with her!!

I told her No. I can't stand high maintenance women.

The phone bill was exceptionally high...

.... so the husband called a family meeting to discuss the issue.
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use our home phone. I use my company's phone.
Son: I always use my office mobile, I never touch the home phone.
All of them were shocked and together looked at the maid who was patiently listening to them.
Finally the maid said, "Why are you all looking at me? So we all use our work phones. What's the big deal??

A man and a woman are talking in the office.

The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.

At work, I have a workstation.

My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said wow that's an amazing car.

If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.

Work joke, My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said  wow that's an amazing car.

jokes about work