Work Colleague Jokes
50 work colleague jokes and hilarious work colleague puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about work colleague that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Work Colleague Short Jokes
Short work colleague jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The work colleague humour may include short co worker jokes also.
- So there I was hard at work Then all of a sudden my boss tells me to step out of the meeting because I was making my colleagues uncomfortable
- I work in a toy factory where dracula dolls are produced... I only have one colleague at the production line so I have to make every second count.
- A woman in work was fired for having intimate relations with a colleague. We don't know who fingered her
- A Topologist comes into work covered in coffee. His colleague says "Oh no! Did you spill your donut?"
- So a work colleague told me that Prince died and they found his body in a lift. Well, he was obviously coming down with something.
- This one's true. A work colleague of mine told me she went to Bangkok on her honeymoon. I replied, I know you did, but where did you go?
- My work colleagues and I had a debate about who we thought America's most notorious assassin was. Lee Harvey Oswald won by a long shot.
- A work colleague asked me how my emails are always so eloquently written. I have a secret weapon — a tiny insect that proofreads my work. It's a spelling bee.
- My work colleague asked me Why do you keep a picture of your wife on your desk if you hate her so much?
I replied, In case I'm tempted to take a day off. - I have a lift off a colleague to work everyday, and always feel ill when we go under bridges.... I think I must have carpool tunnel syndrome.
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Work Colleague One Liners
Which work colleague one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with work colleague? I can suggest the ones about coworker and colleague.
- Colleague from work has just texted saying he's caught Covid from his cat. Don't ask meow
Howlingly Hilarious Work Colleague Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about work colleague you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean work related jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make work colleague pranks.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.
My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....
A student was lucky to find a decent accommodation with a cheap rent.
His colleagues came to visit him and he was showing them the house.
"This is the kitchen. This is the bedroom. And this one is the living room ... "
"And what are this hammer and this p**... that are hanging on the wall for? What are you going to do with them?" one of his colleagues asked.
"This is a talking clock."
"I have never seen a clock like that. Can you show me how it works?"
"Sure. Look," the student said.
He took the hammer and struck at the p**... with all his strength. Then a voice was heard from the other side,
"What you are doing? Are you crazy? It is half past one in the night, you idiot!"
A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities.
I called several hotels, with no luck.
Finally, I thought I had found one.
I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.
"No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."
An old man was accounting manager in a company.
Every day when he was coming to office, at his desk, he was opening the drawer, seeing something in it very carefully, then he was closing the drawer back.
After twenty years of work at the same position, one day he died.
After his f**..., his colleagues came to his office to check out what was in his drawer, they opened the drawer, in a piece of paper very bold it was written "Debit Left, Credit Right"
Why did I get divorced?
Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" and I felt really special. Then, she asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said: "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" and i replied ''Okay!'' She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends and my colleagues all yelling,, "SURPRISE!!!"
...while I was waiting on the sofa... n**...
One in a million!
A famous Statisticians never flew on a plane. After months of research and hard work, he had deduced that there was a 1 in a million chance of having a bomb on any given flight, and would not accept that probability.
One day, he went to a conference far from home. One of his colleagues, who knew of his fear of flying, asked him:
"Hey, how'd you get here? By train?"
"No, I flew.", replied the statistician.
"But what about the bomb?" said the colleague.
"Well, I concluded that the chance of having two bombs would be (1/1000000 x 1/1000000), which is a much better probability, which I can accept. So I brought my own bomb."
There's this lady who works in a bank...
... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.
One day, while she's going about her daily tasks, a frog hops up onto her counter.
"I want a loan," says the frog.
"Have you filled out the application?" asks Patricia.
"No," replies the frog. "I don't need to bother with all that b**.... Just go and get your manager. I've dealt with him before, and he'll give me the loan."
"Hang on," says Patricia, "I don't see any paperwork or ID, and I don't know the first thing about you. I don't know if you're having me on, or trying to defraud the bank. What's your name?"
"Kermit Jagger," says the frog.
"Now you're really having me on," says Patricia. "Get out of this bank before I call the police."
"No, seriously, go talk to your manager," says the frog. He digs around in his pocket and pulls out a Mr Bean Bobblehead. "Take this and give it to him. He'll know what it is."
Patricia reluctantly takes the toy, and walks upstairs to her manager's office. She knocks on the door, and he waves her in.
"What is it, Pattie?" He asks.
"Well, sir, there's a frog downstairs wanting a loan, but has none of the necessary documents or ID. He says he knows you, and to give you this." With that she places the bobblehead on the manager's desk.
The manager looks at it for a little while, smiles and says, "No worries, Pattie. You can go ahead and approve him up to $20,000."
"But sir!!! He has no ID or credit history with him! He didn't bring any paperwork, and won't do this by the book at all! What's going on, anyway? And what is that... toy that he made me bring to you, anyway?? What's that got to do with it?"
The manager sighs, leans forward, and says, "It's a nick-nack, Pattie Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Why I got divorced..........
Last wéek was my birthday.... My wife didnt wish me.... My parents forgot and so did my kids.... I went to work.... Even my colleagues didnt wish me.... As i entered my cabin my secretary said,"Happy Birthday Boss".... i felt so special.... She asked me out to lunch.... After lunch,she invited me to her apartment... WE went there.... She said,"Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute ?" "OKAY",i said... She came out 5min later with a cake And My Wife, My Parents, My Kids ,My Friends & My Colleagues... All Screaming, SURPRISE.... And I was waiting on the sofa......in my birthday suit
Why did i get Divorced?
Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parentsforgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said,"Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....
Reading between the lines.
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
VW just released a new diesel car...
It's called the Cheetah.
... credits to a colleague at work
I overheard a work colleague saying they are going to a fancy dress party as a small island of the coast of Italy
I said don't be Sicily
My colleagues at work asked where I kept my garden tools....
"Don't you have a shed in your garden?"
"No."
"So where do you keep your lawnmower?"
"She shares the bed with me."
I asked a colleague at my work
If she wanted to make a prawno with me?
(Obviously I had a bag of prawns in my hands)
This week I got divorced.
last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....
Mark and Lorraine had been married for many years ...
But their marriage had become stale. Mark had secretly starting seeing a female colleague, Claire Lee, from work behind his wife's back and they were hitting it off really good. He was considering getting a divorce but couldn't bring himself to do it.
Then, out of the blue, Lorraine was killed in a car accident.
At the wake, Mark decided to say a few words in front of his mourning family and friends.
"I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone."
My birthday was last week
My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday.
My parents forgot and so did my kids.
I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!"
I felt so special.
She asked me out to lunch.
After lunch she invited me to her apartment.
When we got there, she asked, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I replied.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, and all my colleagues as they yelled "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa.. n**....
My colleagues have been calling me slow at work so I've lost my confidence
I feel I've gone back into my shell
waiting on the sofa... n**....
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....
We had a job opening with 60 applicants. I threw the top half of the pile of resumes away without looking at them. My colleague asked why I did that.
I replied, "I do not want unlucky people working for me."
A colleague was let go today......
....after he updated his online status from 'Working Remotely' to 'Remotely Working'
A black work colleague of mine accused me of making subtle racist comments to him.
I had to defend myself and said woah, now hold on a cotton picking minute
Why did the man get a divorce?
Why did the man get a divorce? Well, last week was the man's birthday. His wife didn't wish him a happy birthday. His kids and his parents forgot as well. He went to work and not even one of his colleagues wished him a happy birthday. As the man entered his office, his secretary said "Happy birthday, boss!" The man felt so special. She asked him out for lunch. After lunch, she invited him to her apartment. When they got there, she said "do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay" he said. She came out with a birthday cake, his wife, parents, kids, and colleagues all yelling "SURPRISE!" while he was waiting on the couch n**....
There was a hostage situation earlier today
Until help arrived, I and some work colleagues had been held for three hours at power point.
Golden Toilet
Two colleagues, Elon and Felix, meet after work and Felix is all excited: "Man, I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude's house who had toilet made of gold!"
"You're kidding!".
"Nope" said Felix as he took Elon to the house.
They rang the doorbell and a middle-aged lady opens and Felix asks,"Can we see the toilet made of gold?"
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells inside the house, "Roger, the pig that s**... in your t**... is here!"
Black eyes
A guy arrives at work with two black eyes. His colleagues quite naturally asked what happened. He explained, I was in an elevator with a gal in front of me that had her skirt rucked up in her crack. So I pulled it out and patted her skirt smooth for her. She then turned around and socked me in my right eye. So then they asked, how'd your left eye get black? Well I could tell that she didn't like what I did so I reach out and tucked it back in!
My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague.
I said, Don't cry over skilled m**....
My friend Victor is a historian
He invited me to a party at his house and started introducing me to all his colleagues.
This is Victor, he's a historian of the renaissance. The guy next to him is Victor Jr, he's a historian of ancient Egypt. And those two guys over there are Victor and Victor, they are doing great work on Mesopotamian farming practices.
I was like wow, history really is written by you guys huh?
A mathematician arrives at work on a bike
His colleague asks "Where did you get the bike?"
"That's really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly that young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off 'til she's n**... and says "Take what you want". So I took the bike."
"Makes sense", his colleague says, "I don't think you'd look good in a dress".
A man goes to the police to report s**... harassment in the work place by a group of h**... work colleagues.
He's a zoo keeper in the rhino enclosure.
3 Docs needed…
A Doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.
The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We have already opened an 18 year old RARE SINGLE MALT GLENFIDDICH WHISKEY..
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious..?"
"Oh yes, quite", said the doctor gravely. Shaking his head, he muttered "Only18 years old. 3 doctors are there already..!"
A worker was stopped by a cop at the gates of a winery
Cop: "Sorry the winery is closed today due to an ongoing investigation. Please go home."
Worker: "What happened?"
Cop: "One of your colleagues fell into a wine tank and ended up drowning."
Worker: "Oh my God. That is terrible."
Cop: "It appears he died doing what he loved doing."
Worker: "How can you say that! Everyone hates working here!"
Cop: "Well, the CCTV footage showed him getting out of the tank five times to take a p**...."
Black eye!
A guy shows up at work on Monday with a black eye and his colleague asks what happened.
He says "I was in church and when we stood up the skirt on the lady in front of me was tucked between her b**... cheeks so I pulled it out and she turned around and hit me."
The following Monday he shows up at work with another black eye and his colleague says "Did you do the same thing again?"
"Definitely not," he says "I was behind the same woman in church and when we stood up I knew her skirt was not the way she likes it so I used my hand to shove it back in between her b**... cheeks"
True story.
Two of my colleagues and I went to lunch with our manager and his manager who was visiting our office from out of town. We each ordered a beer with our meal and the manager's manager, who was a teetotaler unbeknownst to us, turned to our manager and asked if he knew we drank. Our Manager replied "I didn't know they drank until they showed up for work sober once".
As Steven Weinberg was finishing the presentation of his contributions to the Standard Model, a colleague asks:
"This work is incredible. Do you understand the gravity of what you've done?"
Weinberg: "No, weren't you listening? That's the only force we don't understand."
(I'm sorry for this terrible and obscure joke, feel free to downvote.)
What I meant to say…
A man arrived at work, visibly frustrated and irritated. His colleague asked what's wrong.
The man said, Uggghhh, my wife got super mad at me because I misspoke.
The colleague asked what happened.
The man said, So my wife and I were eating breakfast. What I *meant* to say was 'Good morning, honey, would you please pass the syrup?
Instead, I accidentally said, You've ruined my life, you miserable Crone.
A friend of mine worked at a production line for a toy factory, producing Dracula dolls. Shortly before Halloween, demand was high, but he only had one colleague.
So he had to make every second Count.
An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him.
The Devil made him an offer. I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife's soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends. The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, But what's the catch?
