Word Problem Jokes
52 word problem jokes and hilarious word problem puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about word problem that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Word Problem Short Jokes
Short word problem jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The word problem humour may include short problem solve jokes also.
- Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u - THERAPIST: What's the problem with your marriage? WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise
- What were the hung man's last words? What's the big deal? Your sister had no problem taking it.
- Marital problems "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me. - An actual quote by President George Bush "The problem with the french is that they don't have a word for entrepreneurs"
- I am a macho man, i always say the final words while argueing with my wife! "Yes honey you are right"
"As you wish"
"Ok we can go to your family on thanksgiving no problem"
"I'm on it" - You know you have a weight problem when even your car insults you. It flashes the word ABS at me and won't stop.
- You know that awesome feeling when you finally understand a word problem in math class? Me neither.
- New r**... word: Oedipus My uncle Ed's got bladder problems, you know how long it takes Oedipus?
- Before dying, a t**... with hearing problems said his final words. "Deaf to America!"
(I feel like this joke has been done before but oh well)
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Word Problem One Liners
Which word problem one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with word problem? I can suggest the ones about math problem and problem.
- The problem with Bill Clinton Is that he never learned harass was one word.
- The path to inner peace begins with just 3 words Not my problem
- My baby just said "mommy" instead of "daddy" First word problems
- The problem with glory holes… … they can only spread by word of mouth.
- "Thanks for explaining the word 'solution' to me," "Not a problem."
- Please spread the word. Sure, no problem! W o r d.
Word Problem Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about word problem you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean problem solving jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make word problem pranks.
A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.
The audience would be different each week, so the magician did the same tricks each week. However, there was a problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting out the secrets in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat." "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of s**...?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day, the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself with the parrot, adrift on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another. Finally, after a week, the parrot said, "Okay, I give up. Where the heck is the boat?"
My wife and I are planning our 21st wedding anniversary celebration.
Here lies the problem: she wants to go to Outback Steakhouse, I want s**..., and my mother-in-law thinks we should renew our vows at church. Well, I'm all for compromise, so we should have s**... outback of the church.
Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm.
They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy f**... incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially.
The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain.
"One day, you'll spill your guts out, you mark my words!" was the lady's frequent closing warning.
Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a s**... of genius.
She took all the turkey's guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man's covers.
"That'll teach him!" she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work.
At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression.
"You were right about the f**..., Ida," he panted, "I'm ashamed to admit that I did f**... my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!"
The Engineer
Towards the end of the French revolution many people lost their heads to the guillotine. One day a politician, a priest, and an engineer were to be executed.
The politician was first. The executioner asked him: "Do you have any last words?" to which the man replied, "I regret nothing." The executioner lowered the man's head into the guillotine and released the blade. It fell swiftly but suddenly jams and stopped just inches from reaching the politician's neck.
There was a rule with these executions where if the blade could not finish its job with one pull of the rope, the condemned were allowed to be released and set free. Upon realizing this the politician cheers in excitement and scampers away.
Up next was the priest - the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" to which the priest replied, "None. God has already saved my immortal soul." The executioner then lowered the priest's head into the guillotine and pulled the lever to release the blade. AGAIN, the blade jams and stops just inches before reaching the priest's neck. After realizing what had just happened, the priest said "Praise the lord, it's a miracle!" and scampered away.
Finally, the engineer was brought up to the guillotine. The executioner said, "Any last words?" to which the engineer replied - "Yes! I think I see what your problem is."
An old joke, I hadn't thought of in years.
A group of scientists wanted to do some experiments on how brains function.
They got a volunteer and taught him the row-row-your-boat song, and had him practice until he knew the whole song perfectly. They asked him to sing it and he did so without a problem.
They put him under and removed 1/4 of his brain. Once he woke up, they asked him to sing the song and he sang it but left out every 4th word.
This is amazing, they thought. So they put him under and removed another 1/4 of his brain. When he woke up, he managed to sing the song but only with 1/2 the words.
They decided to try again and removed another 1/4 of his brain. To their amazement, he managed to sing the song but only one in four words.
They decided to go all of the way and remove the last part of his brain. When he woke up, they excitedly prodded him to sing the song. He stared at them and then slowly....
began
......
to
......
sing
.......
"Be all that you can be! In the ARRRMYY!"
.
.
Joke was told to me by a US Marine.
Physics joke
A man is interested in placing a bet on a horse race; only he's a smart, educated guy and doesn't want to blow his money on the wrong horse. He decides to consult a vet, a statistician an a physicist.
He goes to the vet. The vet examines the horses for a few minutes, then points to a horse and says: "this is the healthiest, strongest, horse. He'll probably win".
He then goes to the statistician. The statistician takes a couple of hours to analyze all the previous races of all contending horses. He takes into account the horse's nutrition, the weather, the day of the week, the number of spectators and many other factors. In the end, he points to a horse and says that, based on past performance, it has the highest probability of winning the race.
Finally, the man goes to a physicist. The physicist thinks for a few minutes and tells him he needs a few days to think it over. A day passes, then two days, then three. It's finally a day before the race and the bets have to be placed. But still there's no word from the physicist. The man decides he has to get an answer so he angrily calls the physicist himself. His reply? "listen, the problem you've given me was harder than I anticipated. By now, I only managed to solve it for a spherical horse in vacuum".
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?
These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
A man is sitting on a plane next to the pope...
The pope was working on a crossword puzzle and the man saw that one of the problems was a four letter word for female that ended in "unt".
The man wanted to help the pope, but really didn't want to say the answer. Finally, after thinking and thinking, the man tells the pope "aunt". The pope thanks the man and erases his answer.
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado...
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado, that hits a state f**... they're all attending in Kansas.
Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz.
They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz.
What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: I've come for some courage.
No problem! says the Wizard. Who is next?
Ronald Reagan steps forward, Well…I…I think I need a heart.
Done, says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?
Up steps George W. Bush, who says, I'm told by the American people that I need a brain.
Not a problem! says the Wizard. Consider it done.
There is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, What do you want?
Ummm, he says quietly, is Dorothy around?
A dumb blonde wearing headphones walks into a hair salon...
She sits down in the waiting area and eventually falls asleep. The stylist takes off the blondes headphones so she will hear when her name is called. When her name is called, the blonde doesn't respond, so the stylist shakes her to wake her up, and the blonde is stone cold dead. When the paramedic arrives, he checks the headphones and says "Well here's the problem." The stylist listens, and the headphones are playing the words "Breathe in. Breathe out." on repeat.
A man walks into a doctor's office with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his bottom.
The doctor examines him for awhile but doesn't say a word.
Finally the man can't help himself and asks "Doctor, is this a problem?"
The doctor replies:
"Problem? It is just the tip of the iceberg!"
Four former U.S. presidents...
Four former U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado that hits a state f**... they're all attending in Kansas.
Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz.
They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz.
What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: I've come for some courage.
No problem! says the Wizard. Who is next?
Ronald Reagan steps forward, Well…I…I think I need a heart.
Done, says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?
Up steps George W. Bush, who says, I'm told by the American people that I need a brain.
Not a problem! says the Wizard. Consider it done.
There is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, What do you want?
Ummm, he says quietly, is Dorothy around?
The Pope Dies and Goes to Heaven
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistics master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.
All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R' .
God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE."
A child has a crippling fear of the word 'this'. He goes to the doctor with his mother to discuss his problem.
The Doctor asks "What's the problem?"
And the mother replies "There's no easy way to say this."
A boy is at a spelling bee.
Judge: "Your word is 'buffering'."
Boy: "Let me know when it's loaded."
Judge: "It's not 'loaded'. It's 'buffering'."
Boy: "No problem, just tell me when..."
Judge: "Buffering!"
Boy: "Oh, OK..."
Judge: "No, it's actually B-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G."
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
A teacher is working on word problems with her students
A teacher is working on word problems with her students and asks, "if there are 3 birds on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left?" A boy raises his hand and says, "zero. Because if you shoot one the other two fly away" The teacher responds, "no, there's two left but that's creative and I like the way you think." After that the boy says "ok, three women are sitting on a bench eating ice cream. One is biting it, one is l**... it, and one is s**... it. Which woman is married?" The teacher says, "well I guess the one s**... it." The boy replies, "no, it's the one wearing a wedding ring but I like the way you think."
A man goes to the doctor.
He says to the doctor "I have a big problem. But first I want you to promise me you won't laugh."
"Oh, no sir, that would be very unprofessional. I have been practicing medicine for over 30 years and I've seen it all. So you have my word."
"OK" says the man and drops his pants. As soon as the doctor sees the man's teeny tiny micropenis, he drops to the floor with a hysterical laughing fit. Finally after five minutes, he regains his composure and says,
"I do apologize sir, I really do. What seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen" says the man.
Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!
Father Francis of Bradford was unhappy that the church attendance had steadily declined in the past few years but the mosque across the street was jampacked every Friday.
So he invited the imam for a cup of tea and then finally brought up the topic
Imam :So tell me,what happens if a man visits church every Sunday and follows the word of Jesus
Father: He will go to heaven after he dies
Imam: What will he get there?
Father: He will forever be in the company of Father,Jesus,Holy Spirit,v**... Mary...
Imam: Thats the problem, Only One v**......
Tom Hanks walks into WB studios
Tom Hanks walks into the WB studios and enters one of the many conference rooms.
As he sits down for the read -through, he notices his fellow peers sitting at the table Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill's mustache, Gal Gadot and a couple of other people he was he was only vaguely familiar with. He picks up the script, looks at the first page and throws it back down on the table.
He throws his hands up and says, "I'd like a word with the director please. "
At this point, Zak Snyder steps out with him and asks, "What's the problem,Tom?".
Tom just looks at him and says, " I can't be in a movie with these guys, they're in a league of their own."
A guy takes a girl back to his parents house to have s**......
The only problem is, he shares a bunk-bed with his younger brother. Reluctantly, they decide to proceed -- but he gives her the code words "lettuce" for faster, and "tomato" for slower.
As the two get into it, the boy hears "lettuce! tomato! lettuce! tomato!" coming from the top bunk. He yells out, "Guys! Stop making sandwiches, the mayo is getting all over me!"
Problems of Bein a non-native English speaker
The problem with being a non native English speaker is, that your brain sometimes just s**... up random words and you then use them later without really having a proper intestinal lining of said words. You just hope you used them correctly.
So I heard this word problem from grade school.....
If you have five crystals, and billy takes four crystals, and sally gives you two crystals, how many crystals do you have?
It was then that I realized the kids were all doing crystal math.
For all the animal lovers out there
A teacher is in front of the class teaching word problems. She asks little Susie,
Teacher: If you had 5 pets and someone wanted 3 of them, how many would you have?
Susie: 5, I'm not going to give them away.
Teacher: Alright, if you had 5 pets and someone forcibly took 3 of them, how many would you have?
Susie: 5...and a dead body.
A man goes to the doctor with a terrible problem
Doctor, I think I have a problem with my farts. I can pass really loud gas, but no smell would come out of them.
That sounds serious. Can you try letting one out now?
So the man farts, and true to his word, it's so loud that the exam room's windows even vibrate.
Just as I feared. We must operate immediately.
My b**...?
No, your nose, you idiot!
The Fringe
A man goes to a doctor and says:
Man: Dr, my wife keeps telling me I'm saying the word "fringe" wrong.
Dr: Sounds ok, can you say it again?
Man: Fringe... Fringe, fringe, fringe.
Dr: You're saying it perfectly, I don't see a problem. She's probably messing with you.
So, the man goes home, feeling a lot more confident in his pronunciation of the word fringe.
When he gets home, he takes off his shoes and sits on the couch to watch the game. After a few minutes he asks his wife:
"Hey honey? Can you open the fringe and get me a beer?"
A man walks into a tiny hardware store
looking for something to rid of a wasp problem. After 10 mins of walking around the store all he can find is ant spray. So he goes up to the counter and asks the clerk, Is this any good for wasps? Without a word, the clerk takes the can from his hands, reads the back for ingredients. No. he replied, That'll kill them.
Two men are sitting next to one another on a plane...
The o**... is doing a crossword puzzle and is growing increasingly agitated.
Need any help? , says the guy on the aisle.
Thanks. I need a four letter word for a female, ending in 'unt' .
Aunt?
Wow! Thanks!
No problem. Anything else?
Um... you wouldn't happen to have an eraser, would you?
Old soviet joke
The new soviet leader has just taken power.
The former leaders says to him 'I have left you two letters. When you get into problems open the first letter. If you still have problems open the second letter .
About 1 year into his leadership things are going badly for the new guy. He then remembers the words of the former leader and opens the first letter, which reads 'blame all your problems on me'. The new guy does this and everything is fine for a little while.
But sadly things go from bad to worse, so he opens the second letter, which reads 'sit down and write two letters'.
Memory problems
My dad's getting old. He has trouble remembering where he left his keys, sometimes stumbles over finding words.
But weirdly he can remember in graphic detail every dump he's ever taken.
He has a c**... memory.