word play Jokes

funny word play jokes and hilarious stories

WHAT ARE THE BEST WORD PLAY JOKES

Word play jokes are one of the most funny and hilarious. Here is list with the best word play jokes to have fun with friends and family. Top 10 Word play jokes of all time along with the funniest word play sayings and gags ever told.

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven eight nine.

There are two eggs walking to an intersection. When they meet at the middle, one egg says to the other egg. Eggcuse me!

Bernie and Jane are an elderly couple who have decided to get married late in life. While they have not yet been intimate, Bernie thinks it would be a good idea to know how Jane feels about this. He asks her about her desires regarding frequency of sexual intimacy. Jane replies that she likes sex infrequently. Bernie, being ever the optimist says, "Is that one word or two?"

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?

Doughnuts!

Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.

Q: Why did the school kids eat their homework?
A: Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.

Q: Why do pirates like algebra?
A: "Annex" marks the spot.

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's very time consuming.

WHAT ARE Word play JOKES ABOUT?

Word play is if great topic to laugh at. Some of the funniest jokes ever are about word play.

Are Word play jokes funny? For sure! There is no such thing as boring word play joke here. All jokes are funny in their own way. You can also view word play jokes images on Pinterest or watch videos with word play jokes on YouTube.

FUNNY WORD PLAY JOKES

What are the funniest word play jokes of all time? Laugh with some of the best word play funny lines ever said. Here are the rest of all 399 jokes that are about word play.

Q: Wanna hear a joke about a stone?
A: Never mind, I will just skip that one.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Shelby.
Shelby who?
Shelby comin' around the mountain when she comes!

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, didn't you read the sign? It says 'No mushrooms!'" The mushroom replies, "C'mon man, I'm a fungi!"

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.

A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"

A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it.

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

Q: What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A: The letter "m."

I hate school and got caught skipping the other day. My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."

Q: What's the importance of capitalization?
A: You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse.

Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing one another for almost a decade.
Utkarsh: "What are you doing these days?"
Sparsh: "PHD."
Utkarsh: "Wow! You're a doctor!"
Sparsh: "No, Pizza Home Delivery."

Q: Why did the runner stop listing to music?
A: Because she broke too many records.

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, "Can I have a cigarette?" The bartender replies, "Sure, the cigarette machine is over there." So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says, "Oi, you bloody idiot." The man says with surprise in his voice, "That's not very nice." He returns to his bar stool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, "Ooh, I like your hair." The man says to the bartender, "Hey, what's going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why's this?" The bartender replies, "Oh, that's because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementary."

Q: Why did the ink pots cry?
A: Their mother was in the pen doing a long sentence.

Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.

Q: How did the ghost go on vacation?
A: By scareplane!

I'm thinking of becoming a hitman... I heard they make a killing.

Q: What did the beaver say to the tree?
A: "It's been nice gnawing you!"

A man dining at a restaurant flagged down his waiter and said, "Excuse me. I have a bee in my soup." The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Didn't you order the alphabet soup?"

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: Because they don't know where home is.

Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A stick

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

Q: What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A: A Christler.

What do you call a piece of cheese that isn't yours? A: Nacho cheese.

Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.

Q: If you go into the toilet American and you come out of the toilet American, what are you while you're on the toilet?
A: European.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday!

Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a tuba glue.

Q: Why did the pig leave the costume party?
A: Because everyone thought he was a boar.

Q: Why does the queen carry a scepter?
A: Because everyone works 'cept her.

Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fungi!

Did you hear about the drunk frog? He barley hops.

I went to a drag race last Saturday. I still can't believe the guy in high heels won.

Q: Why did the kid throw the butter out the window?
A: To see the butter fly!

Q: Wanna hear a joke about construction?
A: Never mind, I'm still working on it.

Little Bobby's teacher asked everyone to draw something exciting. Isabel drew a puppy, Jeffrey drew a cake, and little Bobby drew a period. The teacher looked puzzled and asked Bobby, "How is this exciting?" Bobby said, "Well it may not be to you, but my sister is missing two, so there is a lot of excitement at my house."

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a vacuum?
A: A cocksucker.

Q: Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
A: They always get stuck at "c."

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything.

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.

Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time.

Here is a hipster pick up line. Hey girl, is that an original Yo La Tengo 7" in your pants? Because your butt is extremely valuable.

Fuddy: "I can't believe they are still together after all the shit they have been through!"
Duddy: "Who?"
Fuddy: "My butt cheeks."

A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go of a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunk, "How dare you belch before this woman!" The drunk says, "I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go first."

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "California."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "All of me."

An American, a Vietnamese, a Mexican, a Brazilian, a Canadian, a German, a Turk, and a Russian walk into a fancy restaurant. When they got to the front desk, they were kicked out because they did not have a Thai.

Q: Did your hear about the man with a broken left arm and broken left leg?
A: Don't worry he's "ALRIGHT" now!

I'm in trouble with my next door neighbors. I went over to their house recently to jump on there tramperleen. I had just got on when I heard a voice say, "Hey you, get off my daughter Erleen!"

Q: Why couldn't the Pirate learn the alphabet?
A: Because he was always lost at C.

Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn't believe it when I rode pasta.

Q: Why did the duck go to jail?
A: Because he got caught selling quack.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."

Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad!

Q: What did the grape say when it was stepped on?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Did you hear about the dyslexic traffic cop who spent the weekend handing out IUD's?

A teacher was testing her students' knowledge of words' antonyms. She asked, "What is the opposite go?" A student answered, "Stop." "Very good," the teacher replied. "What is the opposite of adamant?" Another student said, "Eveant."

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Chicken your pockets. I think the keys are in there.

My little sister started to choke and my mom told me to heater in the back.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? For drizzle!

I never realized as I was growing up that our family didn't have much money. I thought all the girls wore full length pants in second grade and returned from summer wearing the same pants, but now we were calling them capris!

What did Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? "Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant."

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.

A friend of mine got sacked from the dodgem cars; he's suing for funfair dismissal!

Q: Why should you never trust a toilet?
A: Because it's full of shit.

Q: What is crazy and walks along the sides of buildings?
A: A walnut.

What do you call a girl with one leg?

Eileen.

Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away her "w".

A man walked into a bar and heard, "Great tie!" He looked around and seeing no one, he heard again, "Beautiful suit!" Wondering what was going on, he saw the bartender walk up and said, "I heard a voice talking about my suit and tie, and that they looked cool, but no one's around. Dude, what's up?" The bartender smiled, "Oh yeah, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

Two men walked into a bar. You would think at least one of them would have ducked!

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

A neutron walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer. How much will that be?" The bartender responds, "For you? No charge!"

Q: What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?
A: A small medium at large.

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.

Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: "I got you covered."

Q: What do you do with a sick boat?
A: Take it to the doc.

Q: Where did the general keep his armies?
A: Up his sleevies.

Johnny was at school and the teacher said, "Someone use fascinate in a sentence." Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny replied, "I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
A: Because the cows have horns.

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Q: Did you hear abut the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best word play jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 399 jokes about word play. Most of the jokes are suitable for kids, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read jokes for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty word play jokes to your kids.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Find jokes will make you cry in laughter. Some of these word play jokes will make her, him laugh. Find and save jokes to tell your friends. Have fun and dig deeper into our jokes archive.

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Browse a lot of Word play books and funny books with jokes about Word play on Amazon.

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