Word Jokes
189 word jokes and hilarious word puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about word that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Word Short Jokes
Short word jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The word humour may include short verb jokes also.
- Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words? Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
- A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present? - When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
- Student: Are well and actually both single-syllable words? Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
- Ever wonder how a Jehovah's Witness spreads their word during Covid? Now that you're here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
- Word is Hollywood executives are mad about Elliot Page transitioning from a woman to a man... Now they'll have to pay him 20% more...
- I heard my son say his first words to me today... "where have you been the last 20 years?"
- Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were: "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
- I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome... Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.
- TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. At least, I'm pretty sure...
FP
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Word One Liners
Which word one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with word? I can suggest the ones about phrase and terms.
- I've often heard that "icy" is the easiest word to spell Looking at it now, I see why
- Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence
- I don't understand why white people can't say the N word We invented it after all
- What word start with "E" and ends in "E" but only has one letter in it? Envelope.
- I'll never forget my dog's last words "You've taken too much acid."
- I finally got an A on my essay! Only 1999 more words to go.
- Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words Lazy
- I just realized that the word seven has 'even' in it. That's odd.
- Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
- My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy
- i invented a new word! its called plagiarism
- What's a three letter word that starts with gas? Car
- To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you.. You have my Word.
- Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you... You have my word
- The sonicare toothbrush is named after the words I never heard my father say.
One Word Jokes
Here is a list of funny one word jokes and even better one word puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Edgar Allen Poe is about to walk into a tree and you only have enough time to say one word before he hits it. What should you say to him? Poetry!
- I've often heard that icy is one of the easiest words to spell. Looking back at it now, I see why.
- What one word really makes a woman open up and want to talk about everything on their mind? "goodnight."
- Why is Communism one of the most ironic words? It's Capitalized
- My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
- TIL "Sugar" is the only "su"-word in the english language that makes the "sh"-sound! (I haven't actually fact-checked this one, but I'm pretty sure it's correct)
- 'Describe yourself with one word', my employer asked. 'Bad with numbers'
- Some one has stolen my thesaurus. I can't find the words to describe how angry i am.
- Harassment. So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"
- If I had to describe myself in one word... ...it would be "bad at following directions."
Word Of The Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny word of the day jokes and even better word of the day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I was a kid my mom used to say " Perdon my French" when she said any bad word. I'll never forget the day in school when my teacher ask if could speak French.
- Should we create an English word for the 'day after tomorrow'? Or would that be too forward thinking?
- When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"
- My wife hasn't said a word to me in 6 days. What's even better is, she thinks it's punishment.
- There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . . Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
- People who confuse etymology and entomology bug me in a way I can't put into words thank you for making my day, u/happy_guy23
- The word of the day is "legs" Wanna come over and spread the word?
- I got a thesaurus the other day, but all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am!
- To the English teacher that stole my calendar... Your days are numbered. Mark my words.
- We may not be able to call black people the N-word But we can say things like "hey dad" and "have a nice day officer."
Two Word Jokes
Here is a list of funny two word jokes and even better two word puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
- What word becomes shorter if you add two letters? Short
- There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people Push and pull
- I can sum up 2016 in four words Two thousand and sixteen
- I was asked to describe the last two us presidents in 5 words Orange is the new black
- Do you know what two words can wreck a man's life? I do.
- Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life. Push and pull
- I asked Yoda for a two word review of Les Miserables "Lame is."
- To all the people who say 'JIF', I've got two words for you: Jraphics Interchange Format
- I can descirbe myself in just two words. Lazy.
Three Word Jokes
Here is a list of funny three word jokes and even better three word puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. Who was that?
- I asked my German friend, What's a three letter word for compete? Friend: Vie.
Me: Because I'm trying to finish a crossword. - After my proctology exam I was left alone in the exam room for a few minutes. Then the nurse came in and whispered three words no man ever wants to hear. "Who was that?"
- How do you get three old ladies to say the "F" word? Yell "BINGO!"
- Last night I read War and Peace in 20 seconds I know it's only three words, but it's a start.
- The interviewer asked me, Describe yourself in three words. Lazy.
- If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be? Lazy.
- What's the worst three little words a man can hear from a woman? Is it in ?
- I can only think of one word with three U's in it. That's unusual. Really.
- Describe yourself in three words. Lazy.
Comical & Quirky Word Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about word you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dictionary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make word pranks.
A man was arrested and taken to an interrogation room
He says to the police officer, "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."
"You are the lawyer," says the policeman.
"Exactly, so where's my present?"
Man, on a first date: How do you feel about s**...? Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ?
Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
I know the word diputserom sounds bad,
but its more s**... backwards
"You haven't listened to a word I've said."
Strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
A 35 year old man goes to the doctor and asks to be castrated...
The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.
I just invented a new word:
plagiarism.
Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble.
You have my Word.
How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?
Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".
The U.N. initiates a poll...
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"
A German baby's parents are concerned that he never speaks...
It has gotten to the point where he is five years old and has said not a word, so his parents take him to the doctor. Everything's fine, he's healthy, not messed in the head. So then one day the German baby is having some apfelstrudel when he says "mother, zis strudel is quite tepid." The parents are amazed! "Wolfgang, you've finally spoken after all these years! What's happened?"
"Up until now, everyzing has been satisfactory."
The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through
Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said Can I have a word?
I invented a new word.
Plagiarism.
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EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you.
Words can't describe how beautiful you are...
But numbers can.
2/10
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
So a foreign exchange student asks me:
"Is the word "ee-ther" or "eye-ther?"
I told them it was either.
A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.
Q: What word begins with M and ends in arriage and is a mans favourite thing?
A: Miscarriage
This joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Want to hear a word I made up?
Plagiarism
A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......
A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains...
"If she ain't good enough for her daddy, her uncle, her brother, and her cousin, she ain't good enough for me!!"
Yet another r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......
A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...
"My mom just told me I'm adopted"
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
The word 'nothing' is a palindrome. 'Nothing' reversed is 'Gnihton'
which also means nothing
My phone just replaced the word "killed" with "kilt."
Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.
My Spanish teacher taught me the word for "Transgender"
I asked him if the word is masculine or feminine
A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...
A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.
The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."
The Dictionary responds "You don't even know the meaning of the word."
The Thesaurus then says "But I know what it's like."
Just found out that 'aaaaarrrrggghhhh' isn't a real word
I can't tell you how angry I am
"What does gay mean?"
A son is on the computer and he comes across the word gay. He asks his dad, "What does gay mean?"
"It means happy."
"So dad, are you gay?" the son asks.
Dad replies, "No son, I have a wife."
Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"
Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"
Jamaican student: "the cheetah is faster dandelion"
*Everyone dies*
A couple go to a restaurant...
And when their food arrives, the husband says
"Wow, this looks great! Let's dig in!"
Without another word, he starts devouring his plate. Meanwhile his wife glares disapprovingly at him.
"At Home, you *always* say grace"
Swallowing, the husband replies.
"Honey, that's at home. Here, the chef actually knows how to cook"
What is the longest word in the Spanish language?
Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll
I really love the word "earth"
It means the world to me.
My friend and I started replacing the word 'in' with 'inside'.
For example, if we wanted to say, "it's in the fridge", we'd instead say "it's inside the fridge".
One day, my parents caught onto this. They asked me why I was saying "inside" instead of "in".
I responded,
"it's an inside joke".
r**......
Short word.
Long sentence.
Face is a four letter word.
But preface is a foreword letter.
At the spelling bee
Judge: Your word is "there."
Me: In a sentence please.
Judge: They're parking their car over there.
This girl said she would go out with me if I knew a six letter word that's a synonym for "calm".
I said, "It's sedate."
At a f**...
Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"
Widow: "Please do."
Me: *clears t**...* "Plethora."
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."
What's the most searched word on Bing?
In an argument, a woman always has the last word.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Guys, I think my girlfriend might be a psychic.
Last night my phone died while I was out, so I used my brother's phone to call her.
And she answered, "What's up, s**...?" Before I even said a word!
What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics ?
Oops.
After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"
Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.
He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"
Why do The Brit's still use 'u' in words like colour and armour ?
Because Rick Astley is British.
I've just made up a word...
Plagiarism.
If someone wants to say the word "motel" backwards
Just letom.
A woman is sitting at her husband's f**... listening to the eulogies being read...
A man in the pew behind her leans forward to ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?".
No, not at all, she replies.
The man stands and clears his t**....
Bargain", he says, and sits back down.
"Thank you", the woman responds, "it means a great deal."
An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.
"What'll it be?" The bartender asks.
"I'll have a beer," the etymologist says. "A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning "to drink".
"I'll have an Americano," the entomologist says. "It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!"
The bartender gets them their drinks. "And for you, sir?" he asks the third man.
"I'm just wondering how I got here," the etiologist replies.
Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office...
I don't know who you but I will find you, you have my word.
All of my friends told me that 'icy' is the easiest word to spell. And after looking at it...
**I see why.**
Son asks his dad the meaning of the word gay
Dad, what does gay mean?
Well, it can mean two things. It can mean that a man is attracted to another man. Or it could mean happy.
Dad, are you gay?
No son, I'm married to your mother.
The word "diputseromneve" may look ridiculous,
but backwards it's even more s**...
In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.
- Susan?
- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!
- Very good. What about you, Johnny?
- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!
Old German joke
An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."
Is b**... one word...
or should I spread them apart?
I hate the word "xenophobia"
it just sounds so...foreign
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
Did you know Vegetarian is a Native American word?
It means Lousy Hunter
I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I'd share.
"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"
Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"
Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up...
"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious."
A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband's f**.... A man leans in to her and asks, Do you mind if I say a word? . No, go right ahead , the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his t**..., says Plethora , and sits back down.
Thanks , the woman says, that means a lot .
Guys I just invented a new word
Guys I just invented a new word
Plagiarism
A man walks up to the Widow at a f**... and asks if he can say a word.
"Of course", she replies.
The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain".
The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says,
"Thank you so much, that means a great deal".
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in 'u-n-t' that refers to a woman?
Oh my god! the man thought. I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word. The gentleman thinks for quite a while, then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, I think the word you're looking for is 'Aunt'.
Oh, of course! the Pope exclaims. Do you have an eraser?
One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."
The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."
A man walks into a f**... and asks the widow if he can say a word.
The widow, sobbing in grief, agrees.
The man says "Plethora"
The Widow says "Thanks, that means a lot"
