Wool Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Where do you get virgin wool from?

Ugly sheep.

How to get rich

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

New Zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep...

Meat and wool.

(Exchange for Welshmen if need be)

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80.

After that, the old rich man continued, I invested the $9.80 into a market stall so I could polish and display a lot more apples. I began making about $50 a month from then on.

Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars.

Breaking news: The Irish have come up with a new use for sheep.

Wool.

Where does virgin wool come from?

Ugly sheep.

Where does steel wool come from?

Dodge Rams.

A missionary goes to Africa...

A missionary goes to Africa and was living with a tribe. While he was there, a white baby was born. The tribe's chief goes to the missionary and asks, "how do you explain this white baby? You're the only white man here, this doesn't seem right...". The missionary looks around and tries to come up with an excuse. "Uhh well, you see... Uhm...see the sheep there? All of them have white wool, except for that one that's black... Its just nature." The chief looks at him then says " oh I see how it is... If I don't tell you won't tell..."

What did Mr T say when asked if he had any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags, fool.

What do you get if Woolworths burns down?

Coles

This morning Alabama announced they have discovered a new use for sheep.

Wool.

The boy was upset when he came home from school...

Mom I was sent home from school.
Why is that? ask the concerned mom.
First the teacher asked what you get from sheep. I said wool. Then she asked what you get from a pig. I said bacon. Then she asked what you get from a fat cow. I said homework.

The scarf store

A guy walks in to a scarf shop and asks what kind of scarves they sell.

The owner replies "we have wool ones inside and cashmere outside, how bout dat?"

What did Woolworths turn into after it burned down?

Coles.

did you know it takes 3 sheep to make a wool sweater?

It's amazing. I didn't even know they could knit!

waaaaaaka waka.

Did you hear? They found a new use for sheep in texas.

Wool.

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a robot?

Steel wool

It seems that Montana has found a new use for sheep . . .

Wool

Do you know from where the virgin wool comes from?

From the sheeps that can outrun the sheppard.

How did the farmer deal with the stubborn sheep's wool?

With shear willpower

Why was the farmer so good at getting wool from his sheep?

Sheer determination

Textile Mill Heist

Earlier today police apprehended a criminal who had loaded an industrial-sized loom and 10 cubic meters of wool onto a truck in an attempted robbery of a local textile factory.

Police became suspicious of the truck when they noticed the driver weaving all over the road.

Where does steel wool come from?

Hydraulic rams.

My mate is made completely out of matted wool fabric.

He's felt better

What do you get when Woolies burns down? (One for the Aussies)

Coles.

What's a sheep farmer's favorite thing about Christmas?

Fleece on Earth, Good Wool to Men.

The Woolies burnt down.

It's turned to Coles

My uncle came back from Scotland and said they found a new use for sheep...

Wool.

It's unlucky to glance over your shoulder while wearing a sweater made of rabbit wool...

Don't look back in angora.

What do you call it when a sheep sells his wool for money?

Cashearing! (Joke I made up last night at work, so be gentle with me)

I was TAing an electrostatics lab.

The experiment was to see what happens when you rub wool on a bunch of rods of different materials and then bring the rods near scraps of paper. One student's lab report had this observation on what happens when you try to electrostatically charge up a metal rod and bring it near paper: paper remains stationery

They've recently discovered a brand new use for sheep in West Virginia...

... They're calling it "wool"...

How do make a hipster sweat...

make 'em wear a wool sweater before it was cool.

Billy at school

The teacher asks Billy, the first grader, questions about animals:
T: Billy, what do we get from pigs?
B: Meat
T: That's right! And what do we get from sheep?
B: Wool
T: Correct! And what do we get from cows?
B: Homework

Why didn't the shepard cut off his sheep's wool?

Shear laziness.

What did the evil sheep want to do?

To wool the world

Which falls faster, a ball of wool or a ball of steel?

Neymar

Irish immigration

A married couple arrive in Ireland by way of car-ferry, and are just about to drive off into the Irish countryside, when an immigration officer stops them. "Now wait just a minute" says the officer. "You're driving an Audi Quattro. I know Quattro means four - so where are the other two people?"

The driver looks confused, and says "What do you mean? There's only us two."

The officer says "You can't pull the wool over my eyes. Quattro means four. You're supposed to have four people in this vehicle."

After some back-and-forth, the driver has had enough, and finally says "Look, this is silly. It's just the two of us. Can I speak to your superior?"

"I'd let you talk to him" says the Irish immigration officer. "But he's busy over there, dealing with two guys in a Fiat Uno."

What do you call wool from a sheep that's not yours?

Steel wool

Did you guys hear that Old Navy has been using fake wool?

They can't pull the polyester over our eyes anymore!

The hiker and the shepherd.

A hiker is walking through the countryside, and he sees a shepherd with a flock of sheeps.

He asks the shepherd:

- Hey, good friend! How much wool do the sheeps give?

- The white ones or the black ones?

Confused, the hiker says:

- The white ones...

- About 7 kilos of wool per season.

- And the black ones?

- They too, they too.

- And how much milk do the sheeps give?

- The white ones or the black ones?

- ... the white ones.

- About three liters per week.

- And the black ones?

- They too, they too.

The hiker is starting to feel annoyed by the shepherd and says to him:

- Why do you always answer me with "the white ones or the black ones"
whenever I ask you about your sheeps?

- Well, sir. Because the white ones are mine.

- Ahhhh... and the black ones?

- They too, they too.






(I hope it makes sense. English it's not my first language and I tried to translate it as accurate as possible).

What do you get when you wear wool socks in a tortilla chip factory?

Tostitos.

I told my friend that his curly brown hair closely resembles wool.

He looked sheepish.

What are the funniest wool jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Wool? Well, here are the best Wool puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Wool pick up lines to share with friends.

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