Woof Jokes
117 woof jokes and hilarious woof puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about woof that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Brighten up your day with a collection of dog-related jokes! Get ready to laugh at hilarious puns, jokes about pyromaniacs in the kennel, and funny words that only your pooch can understand. Discover the comic side of woof this instant!
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Funniest Woof Short Jokes
Short woof jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The woof humour may include short dog ruff jokes also.
- Two dogs are sitting in a bar. The first says, "wanna hear a joke?" The second dog says "sure!" The first dog says "knock knock." The second says... WOOF WOOF WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!
- Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog morse code! Dog: [taps paw]
Me: What did it say??
Scientist: "Woof." - My Favorite Joke (Sorry Cat Lovers) How do you make a cat go Woof?
Soak it in gasoline and throw it in a fire place! - My dog: daddy, I'm bored, tell me a joke … Me: ok, here goes, knock knock…
My dog: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF - It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf. and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle
- A dog says to the other, Woof! The other replies, Moo! The first dog is perplexed. He says, Moo? Why did you say, 'Moo?'
The other dog answers, I'm trying to learn a foreign language. - Two dogs are laying in their front room First dog says to the second dog: Hey, do you want to hear a joke?
Second dog: Yeah, go on then.
First dog: Knock, knock.
Second dog: Woof, woof, woof, woof! - Any loving's good loving, so I took what I could get. Then she looked at me with those big brown eyes and said Woof.
- A man, his wife, his kid, and his dog all walk into a bar. *Ouch!*
*Ouch!*
*Ouch!*
*Woof!* - I learned how to train my cat to go woof All it takes is petrol and matches.
*wooooooof*
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Woof One Liners
Which woof one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with woof? I can suggest the ones about doggy and dog bark.
- How do you make a cat go woof Pour petrol on it and set it on fire
- How do you make a cat go woof? A gallon a of gas and some matches.
- How do you make a cat go woof? You pour some gasoline and toss a match and WOOF!
- How do you make a cat go "woof"? Douse it in gasoline and toss it in a fire.
- What's on top of a dogs house? A woof
- What do you call the top part of a dog house? The woof.
- How Would You Make A Cat Go "Woof"? Gasoline & A Match .... "WOOF"!
- Which is Better, a Cat or a Dog House? A dog house, because a cat house has no woof!
- Why aren't dogs house builders? They have trouble building woofs.
- What does a dog from Minnesota say? Woof da.
- A man, his son and a dog walk into a bar. "Ow!"
"Ow!"
"Woof!" - How to teach a cat how to bark? Pour some gasoline on it and WOOF!
- What does a Gen Z dog say when something bad happens? Woof
- Why should you never buy from a dog? Because prices go through the woof
- What did the dyslexic God say to the humans? Woof.
Dog Woof Jokes
Here is a list of funny dog woof jokes and even better dog woof puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What animals say The cow goes moo
The horse goes neigh
The dog goes woof
The pig goes "you have the right to remain silent" - What did the Dog say to the Chipmunk? Woof.
- Two dogs have a home construction business and work on the tops of houses together. I guess you could say they work on woofs.
- How do you make a cat "woof" like a dog? Soak it in gasoline and throw it in a fire... Woof
- Why did the dog climb the ladder? To get to the woof!
- My dogs are sick You could say that they have a woofing cough
- A dog accountant runs to see his boss, all excited Boss! Boss! The numbers are through the woof!!
* waves tail * - What do dogs say when their owers die? wOof.
- After adding a new lab to my dog store our pawfits have gone through the woof!
- It's funny how dogs in different coumtries make different sounds... In America, a dog goes "woof", a Czech dog goes "Haf", a Dutch dog goes "Blaf" and a Chinese goes sizzle.
Humorous Woof Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about woof you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog sniffing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make woof pranks.
So there's a brunette a redhead and a blonde who are trying to escape from a prison. The guards are onto to them, so they all hide in sacks....
The guards see the sacks moving and sends over a soldier to poke each one of them with his gun.The guard pokes the first one and the brunette says "woof" and the guard goes "Oh it's just a dog" he pokes the second one and the redhead goes "meow" and the guard says "it's just a cat". He then pokes the third and the blonde goes "potatoes".
Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke
* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.
Telegram
A dog walked into a telegraph office and said, Woof, woof… woof, woof, woof … woof, woof, woof, woof!
The telegraph operator looked at the dog. Do you know , said he, If you add another 'woof' then the cost of the telegram will be cheaper?"
The dog looked at the telegraph operator and answered, But that wouldn't make sense now, would it?
Woof
A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."
Know any good anti jokes?
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
*He was hit by a bus.*
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
*He was dead.*
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
*He was stapled to the first monkey.*
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
*Pour gasoline on it and light it on fire, WOOF!*
How do you make a dog sound like a cat?
*freeze it and take a band saw to it, MRREEEOOOOOWW!*
How do you make a plumber cry?
*you kill his family.*
3 bags.
A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman are all being chased by soldiers, they all run into a Barn and hide in big burlap sacks. The soldier walk in and hunt for them, they poke the first bag and the Scotsman says "Meow!" so they pass it off as a bag of kittens. They poke the second pack and the Englishman says "Woof!" so they pass it off as a bag of puppies. They poke the third bag and the Irishman says "Potatoes!"
How do you make a cat go woof?
Paraffin and matches.
A dog walks into a telegraph office
He goes up to the counter and asks to send a message. It reads "woof, woof, woof." The lady says you know, for the same price, you could add another woof.
The dog gives her a confused look and says "but that would make no sense!"
Telegraph
A dog walks into a telegraph office, puts $1 on the counter and says:
"Woof woof woof, woof woof, woof woof woof woof"
The operator says to the dog "Its $1 for 10 words, shall I put another woof on there?"
The dog then says "But then that wouldn't make any sense!"
How do you make a cat bark?
Soak it in lighter fluid, throw a match on it.
Woof!
The scientist
a scientist went to a remote island with a dog in order to teach his speaking.
Three years later, the scientist returns, and is asked about his experiment; he replied "woof, woof, woof"
A cat entered a barn
A cat entered a barn:
Meooow!
All the mice hid. The cat broke the silence again:
Woof, woof!
All the mice came out of hiding. The moral: It's always good to study a second language.
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the cops...
They run down an alley and find 3 boxes and decided to hide in each.
The cops arrive to the first box, they kick the first and the brunette shouts
'' Woof Woof!! '' The cops decided it must be dogs and move onto the next box.
'' Meow Meow! '' The redhead exclaims, the cops shrug thinking it is cats and move on to the next box.
'' POTATOES '' yells the blonde.
Dog walks into a telegraph office...
Clerk says, "What's your message?"
Dog says, "Woof woof, woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof."
Clerk says, "You know, for the same price, you can fit one more 'woof' in."
Dog replies, "But that wouldn't make any sense."
My Favorite Fairy Tale
The dog who cried woof
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You light on fire.
*woof*
Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred
*Bark!*
What is it Lassie?
*Bark! Bark bark!*
What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well!
*Bark! Bark bark woof!*
Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time.
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.
They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.
The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.
The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.
The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"
After robbing a bank, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead
duck into an alley where they hide in potato sacks. The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it. The brunette says, "Meow." They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, "Woof, woof." Last, they kick the sack with the blonde, and she says, "Po-ta-to."
What did the dog say to the other dog at the party?
Raise the woof!
A dog goes into a telegraph office
A dog goes into a telegraph office, takes a blank form, and writes: Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof, Woof.
The clerk examines the paper and politely tells the dog: There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price.
The dog looks confused and replies, But that would make no sense at all."
Do you know how to make a cat go woof?
Soak it in gasoline and light it on fire and it goes woof!
How do you make a cat go woof?
Soak it in petrol and strike a light.
How do you make a cat go purple and then go woof?
Soak it in parrafin and strike a light.
How do you make a politician go woof?
No need to do anything, they're already barking mad.
How do you get a cat to say woof?
Dip it in gasoline and set it on fire.
Teacher: Now, Tommy, listen carefully. What goes around a tree?
Tommy: I don't know.
Teacher: Bark, Tommy!
Tommy: Woof, woof!
Did you hear about that club for dogs?
It's pretty amazing I hear it's off the woof
A dog walks into a telegram office and walks up to the counter.
The guy at the counter says: What would you like to write on your telegram today dog?
The dog goes: woof, woof, woof woof woof woof, woof woof, woof.
The guy writes it down and says: Listen, dog, we have a special on telegrams today. For ten words we've got a special deal but you've only got nine words, we can add an extra woof for free if you'd like.
Then the dog says: Well yeah but then it wouldn't make any sense.
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman..
..are in the trenches surrounded by the enemy with no way of escaping The Englishman sees three sacks and says right boys follow my lead.
They each get in a sack and as the enemy approaches they poke the bag with their bayonetted.
"Meow meow" says the Englishman.
"Ah it's just some kittens, leave them be were not that cruel. "
They poke the Scotsman.
"Woof woof"
"Ah just puppies leave them be"
Then they poke the Irishman
"Potatoes!"
A Scientist is with his peer
The peer asks the scientist, "What are you working on?"
The scientist says, "Its amazing. I taught a dog how to communicate to humans with morse code!"
The two walk down the hall to see the dog and the scientist gives the dog a command. The dogs taps his paw on the ground with intervals of time creating letters in morse code.
The peer says, "What is he saying?"
The scientist says, "Woof."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...
They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.
Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.
Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.
The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.
He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!
"Must be a cat." He moves on.
Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!
"Must be a dog." He moves on.
He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"
How do you make a cat bark?
Pour some gasoline on it, light it.
Woof!
Boy do i have an act for you! A talking dog!
"a talking dog? This I gotta see! You have one minute, so make it good, kid!"
"Rex, what's on top of a building?"
"ROOF!"
"What? You kidding me? He just says woof, any dog can do that."
"How about this? Rex, who's the greatest baseball player ever?"
"RUTH!"
"That's it, kid, you're wasting my time, get that fleabag out of my office!"
As they walked out of the building Rex looked over to his master and said "Well, kid, that's show business."
An English kid, a Spanish kid and a Chinese kid are in nursery school together...
The teacher asks: What does the doggy say?
The English kid replies: Woof Woof!
The Spanish kid replies: Guau Guau!
The Chinese kid replies: Sizzle Sizzle!
What's the most important part of a dog's house?
The woof! (Roof...)
*credit goes to the girlfriend
A farmer sends his dog out to count his sheep.
When the dog returns, it says, "Woof! You've got fifty sheep out there!"
"Fifty?" said the farmer. "I thought there were only forty-eight."
"Yes, that's right," said the dog. "First I counted them, and then I rounded them up!"
How do you make a cat go woof?
With some petrol and a lighter.
I'm a bit of a wizard when it comes to talking to animals.
I have a dog called woof. I asked him it's name, and it said woof. I have a cat called meow, because it said meow when I asked her name. And I have a parrot called Whatsyourname.
A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along
A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them.
The mother mouse goes, "WOOF WOOF!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
What's a dogs favorite radio station?
W A L K... the woof.
How do you make a cat go woof?
Dunk it in spirits and light it on fire.
How do you make a dog go meow?
Run it through a bandsaw.
What did the dog have to say about their owner's heinous girlfriend?
WOOF
What sound do chickens make in China?
Woof
Woof, Woof!!! Woof, Woof!!! Woof, Woof!!! Woof, Woof!!! Woof, Woof!!!
Excuse me, I was just on the Bark Web!!!
I am dual citizen
Half German half shepherd. Woof.
A dog walks in a telegram office
He takes a piece of paper and writes:
"Woof woof, woof. Woof woof woof, woof."
He then gives it to the clerk. The clerk looks at it and politely says to the dog, "You can write three extra woofs for the same price."
The dog looks confused and says,
"But that would make no sense at all!"
A dog is talking to his owner. Dog: Tell me a joke
Dog: Tell me a joke
Man: Don't be silly, you're a dog
Dog: Oh, go on
Man: You're a dog, you won't understand
Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese
Man: OK. Knock Knock
Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….
What did a big dog say to a n**... lady in the bathroom?
Woof woof
So, a dog walks into a telegraph office...
...he tells the telegraph operator that he'd like to send a telegram that says, "Woof, woof, woof...woof, woof, woof, woof." The operator says, "I noticed you have 9 words. You can include a 10th "Woof" at no extra charge. And, the dog looks at him and says, "Why? That wouldn't make any sense."
So three women escape from a prison, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.
They hide under a tarp on a work truck. The security guard is checking the tarp at the gate. He pokes his rifle at the brunette and she goes "meow, meow". He pokes his rifle at the red head and she goes "woof, woof". He pokes his rifle at the blonde and she goes "potato, potato".
Barking mouse
The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Caught off guard the cat immediately turned tail and ran. Seeing that the coast is clear, mama mouse came up to her babies and gathered them up. Having made sure that all her babies are accounted for, she said, "see children, that's why it's so important to learn a 2nd language."
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were robbing a pet sore...
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were robbing a pet store.
Suddenly the cops show up and they all quickly hide in sacks.
The cops kick the first sack with the Englishman in and he goes "meow".
They move on and kick the second sack and the Scotsman goes "woof".
They then kick the third sack with the Irishman in and he says "potatoes".
Was at the vet last week....
Was at the vet last week and struck up a conversation with an older gent sitting next to me. A few mins into our conversation a green snake pokes its head out of his pocket and says "Woof!"
I looked with shock and asked his "What was that?"
He says 'oh, it's my pet snake'
'Whats he here for?' I asked
He answered in a whisper "He has E-reptile dysfunction!"
A dog goes into a post office to send a telegram...
The clerk gives him the relevant form and he goes to the desk to fill it in.
When he has finished he hands it back to the clerk with the fee and the clerk reads it through.
The message reads Woof woof, woof woof woof; woof woof, woof woof woof.
The clerk then tells the dog that, at no extra cost, he could have another 'woof' in the message.
The dog replies, Yes, I know, but then it wouldn't make any sense!