Wooden Leg Jokes
84 wooden leg jokes and hilarious wooden leg puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wooden leg that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Wooden Leg Short Jokes
Short wooden leg jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wooden leg humour may include short wooden jokes also.
- There was a man with a wooden leg called Steve. I wonder what was his other leg was called.
- I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not her main present, just a stocking filler
- I went on a few dates with this girl with one wooden leg.... But it wasn't going well. So I broke it off.
- I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas........ It wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler.
- I met a man in the park with a wooden leg named Smith. I asked him what his other leg was called.
- I was dating this girl who had a wooden leg But it just wasn't going well. So I broke it off.
- In Wisconsin, you can't take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? You can't take pictures with a wooden leg, in Wisconsin or anywhere else!
You need a camera to take pictures! - Did you hear the one about the guy with two wooden legs? They caught fire and he burnt to the ground.
- A man with a wooden leg walks into a bar The bartender says " I was once engaged to a girl with a wooden leg"
The man replied " Oh yeah, What happened? "
The bartender says " I had to break it off" - wooden leg named smith My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"
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Wooden Leg One Liners
Which wooden leg one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wooden leg? I can suggest the ones about wooden shoe and wooden floor.
- You can't hang a man with a wooden leg, You need a rope.
- Did you hear about the girl who was dating the guy with the wooden leg? She broke it off
- What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
- What do you call a female Pirate with wooden legs? Peggy
- I was engaged to a girl with a wooden leg once... ...but I had to break it off.
- What happened to the man with two wooden legs whose house burnt down? He fell on his ash.
- Do you know you can't hang a man with a wooden leg in Maine? You have to use a rope.
- What did the wooden boar say when he fell and scraped his leg? Mahogany!
- I used to be married to a girl with a wooden leg. But then I broke it off.
- I just found out my on-line girlfriend has a wooden leg. should I break it off?
- What do you call a woman with a wooden leg? Peggy
- I dated a girl with a wooden leg once. But I had to brake it off.
- Whats make 999 tic and 1 toc ? A caterpillar with a wooden leg.
- What goes 999 thump 999 thump? A millipede with a wooden leg
Amusing Wooden Leg Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about wooden leg you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean broken leg jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wooden leg pranks.
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.
The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."
"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.
"One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up."
The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
Bert is walking with Albert through the park and says, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
Albert says, "What's the name of his other leg?"
A pirate walks into a bar one day...
...And he sees his old captain sitting down having a drink. So he goes up to say hello and catch up, but he notices that his old captain looks a little different. So he goes over to talk to him. "Captain," he says, "I haven't seen you in years. It's good to see you, but man, you look a little different. I notice that you have a wooden leg! What happened?"
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Ya see during a fearsome storm, a huge wave hit me boat, and my leg got trapped under a chain, and ripped it off, so I had to get this here peg leg."
"Wow" says the pirate. "That's terrible. But what happened to your hand? You have a hook now!"
"Gyarr," says the captian, "You be correct. Ya see I was captured by the enemy one day, and they were forcin me to walk the plank, but I turned back and tried to escape, and they cut me hand off, and I had to get this here hook."
Wincing, the pirate says "Christ! Now what happened to your eye? You have a glass eye now."
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Well, as I was sailing the sea one day, I happened to look up, and a seagull pooped right in my eye."
Confused, the pirate responds "Well, captain, that sounds bad, but that wouldn't make you lose your eye."
"True," pines the captain, "But it was the first day with me hook."
A private school dance...
There are two private middle schools having a school dance together in on of the school's gyms. One is an all girls' school, and the other is an all boys' school.
All of the kids are dancing in the middle of the school's gym and having a pretty good time...except for one girl with a peg leg and one boy with a wooden eye.
After about a half an hour of standing on opposite sides of the gym, the boy finally musters up the courage to speak to the girl.
The boy says to her "Hi I think you're very pretty, would you like to dance with me?"
Excited, the girl sweetly says "Would I!"
After a moment, the boy growls back at her "peg leg!"
Kara and Jim are two high school misfits...
...Kara has a wooden eye, while Jim has a peg leg. The big dance was coming up, so Kara goes up to Jim and asks him if he would like to accompany her to the dance.
Very excited, Jim exclaims, "OH WOULD I!!!"
Kara then runs away screaming, "PEG LEG!!!!!!"
Blueish colored feet....
A man goes to doctor after suffering from blueish colored feet for few weeks
Doctor: This means your feet have been infected and need to be amputated and fitted with wooden leg.
After operation, doctor attached a wooden feet which started to look blueish after few days.
Doctor: This definitely means your jeans is getting discolored.
Pig With a Wooden Leg
A journalist on vacation in Texas is driving on his way to do some sightseeing. Soon, he gets stuck in traffic. After slowly inching his way forward, he decides to take a back road. After getting hopelessly lost, he stops at the nearest ranch to ask for directions. Walking up to the ranch, he is met by a farmer, who is followed by a pig with a wooden leg. At first, the journalist is extremely confused, but then realizes that this could be an interesting new story, and asks the farmer about the pig.
"Oh, him? This here is Orville; he's one helluva pig. See those derricks yonder?" he asks as he points to the horizon, where indeed there are several derricks.
"One day, I was walking, and Orvill starts digging and a digging like crazy. Right after, he done struck oil, made me rich!"
The journalist, writing furiously, stops, with a stunned look.
"WOW! That's amazing! But...why does he have a wooden leg?"
The farmer replies, "Well, after we were rich, I built me a mansion. We lived really happily, until one day, a fire started! My wife and I got out, but the baby was still inside. Sho' nuff, Orville runs inside and rescues Junior!"
The journalist, amazed, continues scribbling furiously. "That's amazing, what a pig! But...why does he have a wooden leg?"
The farmer looks at him and says,
"Pig like that, ya can't eat in one piece, now, can ya?"
A mailman walks up to a house...
He sees a pig with a wooden leg. When the owner answers the door, the mailman asks why the pig has a wooden leg.
"Well, you see, that pig is a life-saver."
"That doesn't explain why he has a wooden leg."
"A couple nights ago, our house caught on fire. That pig dragged every one out of the house- even the dog."
"Okay, but that still doesn't explain the leg."
"Well, with a pig that great, you can't eat him all at once!"
That poor security guard....
A security guard at a factory has two wooden legs.
He was working a night shift once when the factory caught fire.
A spokesman from the fire brigade told the local news crew that
thanks to them arriving on the scene quickly, the factory was saved.
However, the security guard was burned to the ground.
A man made several banned films wearing an eyepatch, a hook and a wooden leg
They were pirated!
The Pig.
A man was walking in the country and saw a pig with a wooden leg sitting outside a barn. As he was pondering this, the pig's owner came along. The man asked the farmer how the pig got his wooden leg.
The farmer said, "Let me tell you, that is some pig! Our house caught fire last May, and he dragged my kids to safety!"
"Is that how he lost his leg?" the man asked.
"No," replied the farmer. "But a month ago, I almost drowned and that pig swam through icy water to pull me to shore!"
"So that's how he lost his leg," the man asked.
"Oh, no. And just a week ago, my wife's car slid off the road onto the train tracks. That pig broke through the window and helped her out just as a freight train came through!"
"So THAT'S how he lost his leg!" the man said.
"No, sir." "Then HOW did he lose it?" the man begged.
"Well sir," the farmer replied, "when you got a pig that terrific, you don't want to eat it all at once."
man with a wooden leg
My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"
(Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)
The Pirate
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, ok, but what about that hook? "What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them S*#t in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird S*%t."
"It was my first day with the hook."
A rabbit with a wooden eye and a turtle with a wooden leg
are at a dance. The rabbit goes up to the turtle and asks if she would like to dance.
"Would I? Would I?" the turtle repeated incredulously.
The rabbit retorted with "Wooden leg, wooden leg!"
(Get it? Would I=Wood eye)
A pirate come back from sea...
He stops at the barber for a trim on his beard. The barber is aghast at the sight of the pirate.
Barber : What happened to you??? When you left you were fine but now look at you!!
Pirate: Whaddaya mean to say?
Barber: You got a wooden leg now, when you left you had both legs...
Pirate: Oh this? We were in a ship to ship battle and a cannonball got my leg, but the doc gave me this peg and I'm just fine.
Barber: But you have a hook hand now, when you left you had both hands!
Pirate:Oh that? We were fighting natives on an island and one cut off my hand, but the doc fixed me up with this hook and I'm fine.
Barber: But your eye! You had both when you left.
Pirate: That...Well it was a beautiful day with not a cloud in the sky. I saw a gull overhead and as I looked at, it crapped in my eye.
Barber: You can't lose your eye from that!
Pirate : See I hadn't gotten used to the hook yet...
UK Fire Insurance
A man and his wife moved back home to Cork, from London. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was £2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in Cork, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple that the price would be €39.00.
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Ireland to insure, because it cost £2000.00 in England!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says that any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is €39.00.
A Pirate walked into a bar
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.
The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"
"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.
"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"
"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right through the ship and took out me leg."
The bartender looked down at the pirate's hand, "But your hand, it's a hook! How did that happen?"
"Arrr well I was in a sword fight and he got me left hand, but I feel okay now."
"Okay, but how about your eye? You have an eye patch on it!"
"Arrr well just a few days ago I was looking up and a seagull pooped right in me eye."
The bartender, slightly confused asked, "How did that put out your eye?"
The pirate raised his arm, "It was the first day with the hook..."
Did you hear about the guy with two wooden legs who's house burnt down?
He fell on his ash.
This pig with the wooden leg . . .
A guy visits his friend, who is a farmer, and sees him sitting on the front porch, chewing a strand of wheat and petting a pig with a wooden leg. They get to talking, and the friend asks the farmer about the pig's leg.
'it's the craziest thing', say the farmer. 'There was this fire a few weeks back, in the old barn next to the house. I was lost in the smoke, searching for a way out, when the central support beam collapsed, pinning me down. I was going to die. BUT SUDDENLY, through the thick haze, I see this pig rushing toward me. She manages to wedge her body under the beam, and with all her might lifts the load just enough for me to shimmy my body out, and we both run to safety.'
'WOW, that is some incredible story,' says the friend 'but it still doesn't explain the wooden leg.'
--'Well, with a pig like THAT, you don't want to eat it all at once!'
What goes 99 clonk, 99 clonk, 99 clonk?
A centipede with a wooden leg!
*^^Joke ^^I ^^found ^^in ^^the ^^Tokyo ^^Ghoul ^^tag ^^on ^^Tumblr, ^^my ^^brother ^^loves ^^this ^^one!*
In Connecticut it is i**......
To hang a man with a wooden leg. You have to use a rope just like everywhere else
A Pirate's Life
A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".
A man notices a pig with a wooden leg
He calls out to the farmer and asks,"why's the pig got a wooden leg?"
The farmer replies, "it's amazing that pig, once I fell in the pond and was drowning. The pig came trotting along, jumped in and pulled me out."
"Wow, that is amazing." said the man.
"and another time I fell asleep on the sofa. Dropped my cigarette and set the whole farmhouse on fire. The pig knocked down the front door, crawled through the smoke and pulled me out into the farmyard."
"That's absolutely extraordinary." exclaimed the man.
"And, a couple of months ago I had a heart attack whilst driving the tractor. The pig trotted alongside, jumped up and grabbed the wheel in his snout, steered it safely to a halt, then ran 12 miles to get me a doctor."
"That is truly amazing. Unbelievable." Said the man, "but what's with the wooden leg?"
"Ah", said the farmer, "you don't eat a pig like that all at once."
In British Columbia, why can't you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg?
Because he wooden like it.
A girl with a peg leg goes to her high school dance...
And she is slowly walking around, sad that nobody wanted to dance with her. Right before she was about to leave a boy with a wooden eye walks up and asks her to dance. To which she replies
"Would I! Would I!"
The boy is angered anD snaps back at her.
"Peg Leg! Peg Leg!
There once was a man with a wooden leg named Steve
Why Steve carried a wooden leg with him everywhere he went will remain a mystery, creep.
Yesterday, I met a guy with a wooden leg named Smith.
I asked him what's the name of his other leg.
A man walks into a bar ...
with a pig under his arm. The bartender looks at the pig, notices a wooden leg and asks 'Why has this pig got a wooden leg ?'
The man replies 'Ah that's a tale. We had a fire in our house last week. This pig came upstairs and woke up our entire family. We all escaped the blaze thanks to this pig'.
The bartender was impressed. ' Did the pig lose a leg in the fire?'
'Oh no' said the man 'An animal this valuable ? You don't eat them all at once'
Pig with a wooden leg
A man was driving past a farm and noticed a pig in the fenced area that had a wooden leg. He stopped to talk to the farmer and asked "Why does that pig have a wooden leg?". The farmer replied "Let me tell you about that pig. We had a smoky fire in the kitchen last month during the middle of the night and that pig dragged me and my wife and three kids to safety?' The man said "Wow, is that how he hurt his leg?". "Nah, " said the farmer " You just don't eat a pig like that all at once"
A farmer and a pig with four wooden legs are walking down a road
I ask the man Why does your pig have four wooden legs?
The farmer replied There was this one time my house started on fire and this very pig pulled me out and saved my life!
I asked again So why does he have wooden legs?
The farmer replied again My tractor had severe engine problems and if it wasn't for this pig I would have gone up in flames!
I asked one last time SO WHY DOES THE PIG HAVE WOODEN LEGS???
The farmer looked up calmly and said If you had a pig this great, would you eat it all in one go?
I told my new girlfriend yesterday that I have a wooden leg.
She immediately tried to break it off.
A boy walks up to a pirate
A boy walks up to a pirate and curious about his missing leg, arm, and eye, asks about them.
"Why are your arm and leg missing?" the boy asks.
"Well, I was attacked by a gator while burying me treasure. Now I got me a wooden peg and hook for me hand"
"Then what happened to your eye?"
"s**... seagull pooped in it."
"A bird p**... in your eye made it fall right out?" The boy asks, surprised.
"No, lad. That was the first day I had my hook!"
On a cold night I walked into a bar in the Caribbean...
..I saw that the bar was filled with gloomy shivering sailors and one happy pirate. I went to order a jug or r**... and told the pirate that I could make him lose his smile and make all the others happy.
He replied that it's never going to happen.
So I took his wooden leg and threw it to the fireplace.
All the sailors were delighted and the pirate was hopping mad.
A pig with a wooden leg and his owner walk into a bar.
His owner orders a beer and begins bragging to the bartender about his pig. "See that scar on his head? He got that rescuing me from a fire," says the guy. "And see that he's only got one eye? He lost the other one saving 17 people from dying in a bus c**...." "So what heroic act was he doing when he lost his hind leg?" the bartender asks. "Dang it man," the guy says. "With a pig this good, you don't eat it all at once!"
High school dance.
My friend James only has one eye and was embarrassed to ask anyone to his first high school dance. Since I'm taking wood shop, I agreed to make him a wooden eye. My girlfriend was an artist and she made this eye look perfect. I found him a date for the dance and he said, what does she like? I said, she's really pretty but she just has fat legs. James didn't mind. After all, he had his share of imperfections. So we get to the dance and James approaches the girl. Would you like to dance? She replies, Would I? And James barks back, Fat legs.
I recently ran into a guy with a wooden leg named Smith
I knew it would be rude to ask but I just had to know what was the name of his other leg
A man walks the streets of London
He sees a begar with wooden leg and thinks: a criple, classic... But then he sees that he has a tag: Falkland veteran. The men remembers what was that about and tells himself: This man fought for me, when i was lying at home. So he gives the begar ten pounds.
And the begar answers: Gracias senor, gracias.
A man with a wooden eye...
A man with a wooden eye is very self-conscious about his looks but also very lonely.
At the advice of his doctor, he decides to go to a local meetup with people who have similar disabilities.
After a while of listening to the music and looking around at the ladies he builds up the courage to ask a lady to dance with him. He walks past a girl with one leg, passes a girl with no ears, and finally arrives in front of a sad looking girl with no nose.
"You wouldn't want to dance with me, would you?", he sheepishly asks the girl.
"Oh wouldn't I!? Wouldn't I?", she excitedly replies.
He point his finger at her face and yells "NO NOSE! NO NOSE!!"
The other day I met a man with a wooden leg named Smith
He beat the h**... out of me with it. I have two wooden legs, he broke both of them.
I've learned to be more careful about hanging around people who only branch out in one direction.
I'd extend him an olive branch, but mine are both broken now.
I'm rooted in one place now.
It's very treepressing. :(
A city lawyer goes to visit his farmer cousin in the country.
On arrival, he sees a pig with a wooden leg.
He asks his cousin, "What's the deal with that pig?"
The farmer replies, "Oh, he's special. When my daughter Susie was trapped in a burning barn, he ran in and saved her. And when my son Owen fell down a well, he came and got us and led us right to him."
"That's amazing!" said the lawyer. "But how did he end up with a wooden leg?"
"Well," said the farmer, "a pig that you don't eat all once!"
Unfortunate pirate
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. Ye gads, matey, says Morty. What happened to ya?
Sol says, Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.
And yer hand? asks Morty.
When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.
OK, but what's with the eye patch?
I was standin' on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.
But ya don't go blind from no seagull p**....
True, says Sol. But it was me first day with the hook.
Upon my fathers death bed he handed me...
A wooden pirates peg filled with water. He told me that it was owned by his father and his fathers father and his fathers fathers father and now it was mine.
I asked him what it was and he told me....
It was our families leg o' sea.
Some pig!
So a traveling salesman is driving past a farm when he sees a pig with a wooden leg out front. Curious, he goes to the house and knocks on the door. The farmer answers.
"What's the story with the pig with the wooden leg?" asks the salesman.
"Let me tell you about that pig," says the farmer. "That is no ordinary pig. That pig saved my life!"
"One night about six months ago my house caught on fire. That pig came into the house, nudged me awake, and led me through the smoke to safety. That pig saved my life!"
"That really is some pig," the salesman agrees. "But why does he have a wooden leg?"
"Well," says the farmer, "a pig like that you don't eat all at once."
A guy with a wooden eye goes to the club and sees a beautiful woman standing at the bar. She happens to have a peg leg. He walks up and asks her to dance...
She says Would I!
He says, I didn't want to dance with you anyway, peg leg!
I was trying to milk a goat once...
One evening, I was going to milk a goat in the barn. As I started, the goat tried to kick me by her back leg. So I took a rope and tied her leg to one of the wooden poles in the barn.
I tried to continue, but she tried to kick me by the other back leg, so I took another rope and tied it to the other pole.
Then, as I was bending to start milking her again, my belt buckle cracked, the belt came loose and my pants fell down...
And my wife came to the barn...
There are some situations, you are just not able to explain.
Two single people met up on handicap singles night after having no luck in years...
The man had a wooden peg leg, and the woman has a wooden eye. After finally getting up the courage, the woman asks the man if he would like to dance.
Would I? Would I? he yells excitedly.
In complete disgust, she yells back, Peg Leg! Peg Leg!
The anthropology student and the pirate.
An anthropology student was interviewing a retired pirate.
The student said: You have a wooden leg, a hook in place of a hand, and a patch over what I assume is an empty eye socket! How did all this happen?
The pirate replied:
I lost the leg to a canon call
I lost the hand in a sword fight
And I lost the eye because a seagull s**... in it
The student was skeptical:
A little seagull s**... shouldn't have cost you an eye!
The pirate said:
It was the first day with the hook...