Following is our collection of funny Wood jokes. There are some wood logs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wood firewood puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
But a tiger wood.
I woke up today with mourning wood.
Mourning wood
Wood.
There once was a man who made dead houses; Stored them under his home with the bugs and the mouses; The coffins he made were of rich sleek wood; He built them as big, yet as fast as he could; For his caskets were haunted and were said to walk; one night he went to his basement, and one started to rock; It moved towards him, his insides began to soften; So he pulled out some Halls, cause Halls stops the coffin.
A joiner makes sure that what he makes fits with the rest down to the tenth of a millimeter.
A carpenter makes sure it fits down to a millimeter.
A mason makes sure it fits down to the centimeter.
If the painter makes it to the right address, it's a good thing.
It doesn't do wood.
The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down."
"The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back."
"The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."
mourning wood
I totally nailed it.
You can explore wood lumberjacks reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wood wooden dad jokes. There are also wood puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A small plank of wood goes to Watch a baseball game. For the first few innings, the plank is super into it. But by the seventh inning, its interest starts to fade.
A man nearby notices the fading enjoyment and starts up a conversation.
"Hey man, how you liking the game?" He asks.
"I really like it. I think it's pretty cool" the small plank replies.
"Really," says the man, "cuz it seems to me like you're a little board."
Mourning Wood
And it wooden whistle. So, I got a steel whistle and it steel wooden whistle. Finally I got a tin whistle, now I tin whistle.
So I checked its log files.
I have low shelf-confidence.
Logger-rhythms.
Totally nailed it
Now I have mourning wood.
Because you start with a bigger piece of wood, and you make it whittler.
Wooden move.
Because you're gonna get a mouthful of wood tonight
He was a carpenter that died by being nailed to a piece of wood, so he might have had a point.
Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night.
It's $5 if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.
A lot. There were 3 movies.
So one day I asked my mom for a skateboard. She said no as it was too expensive. So I came up with an idea to resolve my problem - I grabbed a plank of wood and some nails.
And beat her to death.
What wood happen if you had a Wooden Car
With Wooden Seats
Wooden Tires
And A Wooden Engine?
It Wooden't Start
Too much rum..Now no wood :(
Guess you could say I had mourning wood.
And in the yard behind the fence, I heard people shouting "four, four, four...". I was curious so I peeked through the wood planks to see what was happening. Someone jabbed a stick in my eye and then everyone started shouting "five, five, five...".
It woodent work
I saw it with my own eyes
Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole
No wood gets wasted
"my dad's is this big". The other one says: "My dad's is smaller, but it still hurts..."
Mourning wood.
Mourning wood.
I'm sorry.
I'll call it "Mourning Wood"
When his hand caught fire.
It is true, I saw it with my own eyes
I woke up with mourning wood.
Cherry wood.
Three Blondes are walking through a wood.
They come across some tracks on the ground.
The first blonde says "these are deer tracks."
The second blonde says "no, these are bear tracks."
The third blonde says "no, these are fox tracks."
*smack* and that's when the train hit them.
Logarithms...
_Here come the down votes._
All bark and no byte.
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes
Whittle by whittle
He had a horrible death but a lovely finish
But a Tiger Wood
..but my morning wood.
Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire
Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"
Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"
Dad: "It's true! I saw it with my own eyes"
He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.
Its a non stick pan
It may seem impossible, but I saw it with my own two eyes
The Canadian is intrigued by the intricately carved pulpit and, being something of a history buff, would like to know more about it so approaches the little old vicar.
"Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the pulpit is made of?"
"Aye. Wood."
"You would?"
"Nay yew, is oak."
"Oak? Eh?"
"Glad to have helped."
I'm board.
It's hard to come up with an original erection joke. The competition is stiff.
Mourning Wood
"Whats wrong?" he asked.
"You told me you'd bring me 2 by 4!"
Two lovers on a date in the wood and one of them carrying a knife for some reason.
That was very nice of him. Free firewood doesn't grow on trees, you know.
He chokes on the wood
The other tree: "why wood you do this"
and asks "Where's the bar tender?"
It wooden start.
So he could do Logarithms.
But nothing wood work.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wood oak jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working wood innkeeper piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.