The Best 87 Wont Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wont jokes. There are some wont habitually jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wont gona puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Wont Jokes and Puns

A conversation between my mother and my wife.

Wife: Hi mom, I am so happy to see you. How long will you be staying?
Mother-in-Law: As long as you want me to...
Wife: What! you wont even stay for coffee?

So the speed of light, e, and the square root of (-1) walk into a bar...

So the speed of light, *e*, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar. The speed of light heads over to the bartender and gets his drink pretty quickly, as he's wont to do. Then (-1)^1/2 goes and orders his drink, and *e* just flips out on him. The square root of -1 asks *e* what's wrong, and he says, "I came in here first, and you just went in front of me!" (-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!"
Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, "No, no, no, you idiot, it's *i* before *e* **except** after c!

Jewish woman

why do jewish women only sleep with jewish men? they wont touch anything that isn't 5 percent off.

Wont joke, Jewish woman

Did you hear the CEO of Honda wont be back next year?

He's leaving of his own accord.

How many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None; they all stand around complementing it then get mad when it wont screw.

Heard from my friend


Life is like a box of chocolates...

It's expensive, you don't like half of it, and sometimes you can give the whole thing to a woman and she still wont have sex with you.

A skydiver jumps out of a plane...

He is flying through the air and is having a lot of fun.
Then he pulls the chord ... but nothing happens! The parachute wont open!
panicing he pulls the safety chord ... nothing happens again!
He is falling ever so fast, when suddenly a guy comes flying up from beneath him!
The skydiver yells "hey! Do you repair parachutes!?"
The guy yells back! "Nope, gas ovens..."

(english is not my first language, excuse my spelling please)

Wont joke, A skydiver jumps out of a plane...

Whats the Difference between Acne and A priest?

Whats the Difference between acne and a priest? Acne wont come on your face unil youre 13.

Tim Cook just came out as gay...

I wont be surprised if the Samsung CEO suddenly becomes gay too.

Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

so it wont get its nuts wet

You call it stalking, I call it stalking.

See how much we have in common! Why wont you let me love you!

You can explore wont tells reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wont gonna dad jokes. There are also wont puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont pay attention but call her fat once and she will never forget. Thats because elephants never forget.

19th Century kids wont get this.

Ever read the book "A Race To The Bathroom"?

by Willie Makeit and Betty Wont.

Why wont Apple ever make a car?

Because it can't have windows in it!!!!

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"

Wont joke, A panda walks into a restaurant

A blond is walking down the beach...

and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling Help, Shark, Help!
The blond yells back, no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

My girlfriend has a weird fetish.

She likes to dress up and pretend like she's thirteen. Totally weird right! I keep telling her she wont be thirteen for four years.

whats the difference between a woman and a computer?

a woman wont accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy.


Five emos in a room

A study has shown that if you put five emos in a room, one of them will eventually kill himself because he wont have a corner to cry in.

You know you're getting old...

when you walk past two priests and they wont even glance at you.

I made just one mistake last night and my wife wont stop giving me the death stare.

Excessive choking.

Tell a girl shes pretty 100 times she wont believe you Tell a girl shes fat once and she'll remember it forever

cause elephants never forget

New guy at work is getting all the attention because of his third nipple...

He wont stop milking it!

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

Apple just announced new plans for the iPhone 8...

It wont be a physical device, it will be iMaginary!

Why do elephants have 4 feet?

Because in the animal kingdom 6 inches just wont do

My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer.

I guess I have emotional attachment issues.

With both Trump and Marijuana winning, we wont have worry about living in 1984

We can settle with a Brave New World.

I got my vegan girlfriend a Venus Fly Trap, and she converted it.

Now it wont blow me either :(

I love self depricating humor

Its another thing that wont love me back

I was going to repost this really condescending joke I read, but...

you guys didn't get it last time, and probably wont get it this time either.

My programmer friend keeps telling me I'm using too many brackets.

I keep telling him that two wont hold all those books he never reads.

The pregnant lady sitting across from me laughed

"What is it?" I asked.
"Oh its nothing, just my baby doing standup."
"Really?" I inquired. "What did he say?"
"You wont get it." She laughed.

"It's an inside joke."

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A group of them, but it doesn't matter they wont change anything.

College Degree

Forget everything you've learned in college, you wont need it here.

I didn't go to college.

Oh sorry you're not qualified for the job

The pregnant woman sitting across from me on the train laughed.

I asked her
"What's so funny?"
She smiled and replied.
"My baby just told me something."
I was shocked!
"Really? What did he say!"
She grins.

"Oh you wont get it, it's an inside joke."

Millennials wont get this

vaccines

A Jewish boy got a new German girlfriend

One night, after insane and wild sex, she goes into the shower, and whisper seductively "come join me in the shower, babe".

He frowns "Oh I wont fall for that one again".

I've decided I won't drink any more

But I also wont be drinking any less

all cats are communist

they just wont stop talking about mao.

A married couple goes to a marriage counselor...

"What seems to be the problem?", asks the counselor

The wife says, "My husband wont talk to me anymore."

The counselor turns to the husband and asks, "Is this true?"

The husband replies "Well i dont like to interrupt."

So we wont see season 8 of Game of Thrones until 2019

They're really dragon it out

I went to my in-laws for dinner

An argument inevitably broke out and my wife told me not to take sides.

I told her "they wont notice", as I slid the roast potatoes into my pocket "they are to distracted"

My wife asked me to pass the lip balm....

...by mistake I gave her the super glue and now she wont talk to me.

My son says that Detroit: Become Human wont run on his console

That's weird, everyone usually run so fast in Detroit...

My son asked me why midgets were like that

I told him that they did not eat enough vegetables, now he is saying that he wants to become a midget and wont eat vegetables smh.

Gaming Sex Robot

I brought a sex robot from EA and it's so realistic. It wont have sex with me until I buy Cosmetic Item add-ons.

Robin: Batman, the batmobile wont work...

Batman: did you check the battery?
Robin: what's a tery

Why wont America ever switch to using coins like in the EU?

Because conservatives don't like change.

Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer?

She cant seem to kick anything

Das ist lang...

and other things my German girlfriend wont be saying tonight

The Patriots had to re-sod their field.

Even the grass wont root for them.

I wanna write a mystery novel

Or do i?

I have actually written one

Or have i?

I am sorry i wont do this again

Or wil i?

ALENTINES AY

For those who wont be getting the V or D on Febuary 14th.

What do you call a Russian bee that wont talk?

KGB

What do you call a deaf priest ?

What ever you want, he wont hear you .

Alone

if y'all dont want to be alone, watch a scary movie at night and you wont feel alone.

Name A Scam

My Parents : If you tell us the truth we wont get Angry

Man comes home furious from work

And the wife asks what has happened

Angrily the man replies - I wont ever work there if my boss doesn't take his words back!

The wife asks - What so terrible did he say?

Reluctantly the man answers - YOU'RE FIRED!

how many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, they'll keep saying that they will, but they wont

2 morticians are standing by the coffee machine

"Man, you wont believe what I experienced today. I had a woman with a clitorus like a pickle" says one of them.

"What?!" says the other one "That big?!"

"No," says the man "That sour"

My wife saw me standing on the scale pulling in my stomach

"Pulling in your stomach wont make you any lighter" she said

"I know", I said, "but if I don't, I cant see what it says on the dial"

I guess there wont be many flowers this May

because of how few showers I took this April.

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.



After months of testing, costing $2.65 billion in congressional spending and firing of 25+ people, the special prosecutor appointed by Trump presented the following findings.

* The stamps have no manufacturing defects.
* There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
* People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

A BOY TELLS HIS DAD CORONA WONT LAST LONG

The dad asks why and the boy replies it's made in china.

Professor X: whats your super power?

Me: Hindsight.
Professor x: that wont help us.
Me: Yes I see that now

You wont hear a pterodactyl urinate

..because its pee is silent

A young girl walks into a library and asks for a book about suicide

Get lost you wont return it anyway

I have a joke about universal healthcare

but americans wont get it.

My friend was testing his mic for Discord, I told him to get a Scope

So he wont have Troubleshooting

Why do jedi always burn their pancakes?

Because they wont turn over to the dark side.

Got a Covid 19 joke for ya'll

But 99.26 of yall wont get it

A couple of good covid jokes I've heard

1. I dont know anything about Coronavirus other than if you have it; you get an undeniable urge to go the airport.
2. By the point most of the world has been exposed to covid 19, but the people in Wuhan got it right of the bat.
3. You know why I think coronavirus wont last for more than a year.
WHY?
coz it's made in China.
4. I dont think anyone saw a worldwide pandemic happening this year. I guess most people don't have 2020 vision.

Scientists have accidentally created immortal frogs

While running experiments, they decided to cut some of the frogs vocal cords.
Ever since then, the frogs just wont croak

A man from Saudia Arabia got caught stealing a hand sanitizer

He wont be needing it anymore

I'd tell you a joke about the PS5

But you probably wont get it

I have a cyberpunk 2077 joke

but i wont release it

An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:

This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.

the boss called me to his office to talk about my frequent use of the n word

some people wont take no for an answer

Stoner thought of the day:

Each time you light your lighter. Your lighter gets lighter.. ... Until your lighter gets so lighter it wont light again

I have a joke about Valentines

Most of you wont get it.

Q. Why won't Ex Machina still be a popular movie in twenty years?

A. The robots wont let us watch it.

The wife & I were staying at a fancy high rise hotel when the argument started.

Things didnt get any better as the night went on. She started to threaten that she would jump out the window. In a panic I called the front desk. They asked how could they help? I said you better send body up here right away, the window wont open.

what would you say is your greatest strength

i have strong hindsight

that wont help us much

i see that now

my girlfriend got vaccinated today

now she wont hold any air

I'm filling in for my friend who got hung over from yesterday's drinking..

His patients wont be thrilled if they knew I never went to Dental College

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wont dissapear jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wont everytime piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes