Wonderful Jokes
117 wonderful jokes and hilarious wonderful puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wonderful that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Experience the best of Martha's wonderful humor, guaranteed to make you laugh with her fantastic, remarkable and magnificent jokes! Enjoy this collection of some of her best funniest jokes!
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Funniest Wonderful Short Jokes
Short wonderful jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wonderful humour may include short fantastic jokes also.
- Ever wonder how a Jehovah's Witness spreads their word during Covid? Now that you're here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
- "Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church. But a horrible thing to hear in a mexican prison.
- I broke up with a guy years ago due to his obsession with counting... .... I wonder what he's up to these days.
- My crush just sneezed and I accidentally replied "bless you !" Now she's staring at the bush, wondering who said that.
- I accidentally said Gazuntite after my crush sneezed. Now she's staring at the bushes wondering who said that.
- One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage I accidentally texted my wife I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.
- My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats "That's nut!" I exclaimed.
- I was wondering where you guys get all these funny dad jokes from? Then I came to the conclusion that they're just all kept in a dadabase.....
I'll see myself out
🚪🚶🏾♂️ - I'm thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events. I wonder how many people are in that field.
- I went to a bookstore recently. Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.
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Wonderful One Liners
Which wonderful one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wonderful? I can suggest the ones about excellent and magnificent.
- Why couldn't stevie wonder see his friends? Because he 's married.
- What's black and screams Stevie wonder answering the iron
- What would you call a Crossover between Wonder Woman and Transformers? amazon Prime.
- This morning I was wondering why the sun wasn't rising... And then it dawned on me
- What do you call a tennis match between helen keller and Stevie Wonder? Endless love
- I wonder what my wife's favourite US state is. Maybe Alaska.
- I wonder if tap dancers.... Look at a floor and think "I'd tap that"
- Children's laughter can be a wonderful thing Unless its 2AM and you don't have any kids.
- If I had a dollar for every time I was suspicious ... I'd wonder why.
- I just heard Stevie wonder is a Terrible father... He never sees his kids
- The original name for Jedis was "Force Kin". I wonder why they rolled it back?
- Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff? Amazon.
- I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger... then it hit me.
- If Wonder Woman is the best female warrior Would that make her Amazon Prime?
- I saw my ex while taking a test today wonder if she cheated on that too...
Hilarious Fun Wonderful Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about wonderful you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lovely jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wonderful pranks.
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...
I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?
My wife told me a joke that I actually laughed at.
A women was in bed with her husbands best friend when suddenly the phone rings. She answered the phone and said to the person have a wonderful time and hung up. The man asks her who was it and she replied that it was her husband, he said that he was at a bar with you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A n**... lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink
A n**... lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink.
Bartender stares at her. Lady said, "Never seen a n**... woman?"
Bartender replied, "Nah, just wondering, how are you going to pay?"
A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder
They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"
Did you hear about Stevie Wonder getting a cheese grater for his birthday?
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
A woman and a man are lying in bed
A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings.
She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens. She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi. I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrifiic. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up and the man asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me about the great time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...
...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"
Married mathematicians deciding what to get from the store.
A husband and wife are mathematicians. Husband asks the wife if she needs anything from the store. She looks in the fridge and says she needs eggs.
"How many?" he asks standing right next to her.
She yells, "4!".
He wonders for a moment why she yelled, figures it out and comes back with two dozen.
I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!
So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.
When I was a kid...
... I asked my mum what a couple was and she said, 'Oh, two or three'. And she wonders why her marriage didn't work out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wonder if Buzz and w**... had ever met Andy's mom's toys.
They probably have the same names
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever wondered why, during a crisis, they let women and children go first?
It's so the men can have some peace and quiet while they think about what to do.
My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control.
I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A female nudist calls for a taxi
The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.
At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a n**... girl before?
Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..
I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.
it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.
it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."
I was wondering what my parents did without the internet
and none of my 7 siblings could tell me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i wonder if...
a receptionist at a s**... bank ever says "thanks for coming"
An old man is dying..
His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sometimes I wonder about my ex girlfriends who I haven't seen in years,
you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him.
He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.
Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had s**... with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.
What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?
Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.
Ever wondered why starwars episode 4,5 and 6 came before episode 1,2 and 3.
Because, incharge of scheduling Yoda was
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
if you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married ...
Find a woman who doesn't want to have s**... with you, and buy her a house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife's pregnant. She wondered if it's really hot in there for the baby.
I said, "It's likely w**...-temperature."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was wondering why the book about s**... I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"
Then I realized I was reading the c**... Sutra.
I wonder...
I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.
There was a man with a wooden leg called Steve.
I wonder what was his other leg was called.
"The neighbors hate us."
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy was wondering what being a s**... bomber was like
So I told him, "C4 yourself"
Wonder Woman earned $300 million worldwide in first week.
"Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.
Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"
With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...
How is that a bad thing? I wondered.
He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.
A little boy was looking through the keyhole of his sister's room
Mom says with a smile, "why are you concerned with what your sister is doing in there?"
Boy replies, "I am not concerned with her, I am wondering what dad is doing."
For those of you wondering what it's like to be married
I just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, s**... and mystery.
The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"
My wife was wondering why she was so itchy
I asked why she pronounced it with a silent "B"
Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D
A woman gets up in the morning
wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... in the jungle
A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
Ever wonder why when geese fly in a "V" one side is longer than the other?
Its because one side has more geese.
Why isn't "dark" spelled a "c", instead of a "k"
Because you can't see in the dark.
You've all been wonderful.
Do not shampoo in the shower
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
A blonde walked into a gas station...
A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."
"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.
I was watching an old man feeding birds at the park when I thought to myself...
"i wonder how long he's been dead for..?"
Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.
Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant, Doctor?!
Oh not at all, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.
An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.
"What'll it be?" The bartender asks.
"I'll have a beer," the etymologist says. "A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning "to drink".
"I'll have an Americano," the entomologist says. "It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!"
The bartender gets them their drinks. "And for you, sir?" he asks the third man.
"I'm just wondering how I got here," the etiologist replies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together
would they call it Amazon Web Services?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty
Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth
The head of KFC called the Pope
He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."
The Pope said no and hung up.
KFC called back and offered 10 million.
The Pope said no and hung up.
KFC called back and offered 100 million.
The Pope said, "You have a deal!"
The Pope got all the churches big wigs together and said, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, we are 100 million richer. Bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account.
A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish.
"Why son?" The dad asks.
"Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?
When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a s**....
When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a s**....
Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don't bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
A woman rings at neighbour's door. A man opens the door.
Woman: "Hey, I just moved in, and I am just applying wallpaper in the kitchen. I just saw yesterday that you freshly papered you kitchen as well, and I thought you may be able to help me out. How many stacks of paper did you buy to do the job?"
Man:"Well yes, of course! I bought 16 stacks of paper."
The woman thanks the man and goes on to buy 16 stacks of paper. When she was finished with the kitchen she returns to the neighbour.
Woman:" well thanks again for the advice, I am done and the new kitchen looks awesome! I am just wondering, I still have 6 stacks of paper left...?"
Man:"Yeah, me too."
I am a proud anti-vaccine Father of 3.
Edit- Two Now
2nd Edit- One Now
3rd Edit- Nevermind
4th Edit- WOW this really blew up. I would like to dedicate all these wonderful awards to my 3 children Byeson, Dieanne, and Ammunity. They would have been so proud. RIP
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American spy comes into a Soviet bar
And orders a drink.
"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.
The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of v**... and drains it in one big gulp.
"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"
The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, everyone in the bar tearing up, including the barkeep.
"You sing like Russian", he said under tears, "but you are American spy"
He starts dancing the Kozachok, worthy of the Bolshoy dancers.
"You dance like Russian, but you are American spy"
"Ok, you got me. But how do you know?"
"There are no black Russians"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man hasn't been to church for a long while and decides he'd better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he's amazed to find that it's got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.
As he's looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.
The man says, Father, forgive me, it's a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest says, Get out,you idiot. You're on my side.
My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess
So I took her to Paris.
We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.
Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.
I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on.
Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
An old Jew is on his deathbed.
A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."
He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."
And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here.
So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"
A Soviet citizen is buying a car
He finally saved up enough rubles, went to the agency, and paid for a car.
He is told, "Come back on August 8th, 1983 to pick up your new car"
"But that's eight years from now."
"Yes, isn't it wonderful? The wait used to be ten years."
"Okay, fine. August 8th, 1983. Morning or afternoon?"
"It's eight years away. What difference does it make?"
"The plumber is coming in the morning."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old war general is at a banquet by himself
A young woman says to her friend
"He looks lonely, I wonder how long it has been since he has been with a woman"
She walks over to him and says "excuse me when was the last time you had s**..."
He replies 1955. She replies i will change that for you. They have s**... and she is amazed how good he is. After s**... she says "I can't believe how good you are after all this time." He looks at his watch and says "its only 2230."
I watched Into The Spiderverse and I wondered how Spider-Man always comes up with his witty comebacks.
Then it it me with great power comes great response ability.
