The Best 53 Won Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Won jokes. There are some won award jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these won pulitzer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Won Jokes and Puns

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"

"Mister President, we've been over this..."

Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.

Denial.

COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.

two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .

God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .

jokes about won

If I won 298 million, I'd give a quarter of it to charity.

...I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $297,999,999.75 though.


At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you.

Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought.

Who won the presidential debate last night?

People who didn't watch

I entered my Chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place!

My dog came in third.

If I won $1.28B, I'd give a quarter of it to charity.

Not sure what I'd do with the other $1,279,999,999.75 though.

You can explore won prize reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean won victory dad jokes. There are also won puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote

Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $2,999,999.75.

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest

Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes

Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic

Until Bush did 9:11

If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...

Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!

I don't understand why they say hundreds of people lost in Squid Game.

In the end, 45.6 billion won.

La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture

But Moonlight won the popular vote

I won $1M in the lottery

I gave a quarter of it to charity, and put the other $999,999.75 in the bank.

If Hillary Clinton won she would've been the first F president.

I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.


COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me

America won the war against COVID the same way they won the war against Vietnam

It got too expensive and they just declared it was over.

Astronaut found out he won the lottery while he was in space

Apparently when he found out he was over the moon

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

My daughter, 10, won tonight

My wife and I were stepping out to the neighbors for a get together and she is staying home tonight, so I reviewed the ground rules - don't answer the door, let the dog out the back door, call us if you need, etc.

She looked at me and said You know the rules, and so do I

Rickrolled as a dad joke.

Later, called to remind her to let the dog, who is a white goldendoodle, out. Speech to text screwed up and put make sure Ginger isn't at the door into make sure Ginger isn't at the bar

The reply?

Too late, she's white dog wasted

We have a natural here…

Old Soviet joke.

Reagan and Gorbachev run a marathon.

Reagan won.

Next day US newspapers: Reagan won. Gorgachev lost .

Soviet newspapers: Gorbachev finished second. Reagan finished next to last .

Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.

It was Won Ton.

Why did Australia get all the criminals while America got all the puritans?

>!Because Australia won the coin toss!<

The war in Afghanistan ended after 20 years, who won?

Raytheon, General Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, Boeing and Lockheed Martin


At breakfast, the wife asks her husband What would you do if I won the Lotto?

He says, I'd take my half and leave you.

She says, "Great. Here's $6, I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch.

I accidentally clicked on a "You've won an iPhone"-popup.

Luckliy it was only a virus.

British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final

Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k

My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!

You know how people were joking about 2021 sounding like 2020 won ?

Well, next year is 2020 too.

Only when that year is over will it finally be 2020 free.


What did the deaf person think when he won the auction?

I've won, but at what cost?

And God said to John: "Come forth and receive eternal life".

But he came fifth and won a toaster.

Why wasn't 6 excited that 7 won a prize for her?

Because 711452.

A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.

Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

24-year old Tai Jinhai came in first during the Beijing Marathon, but they gave the gold medal to the son of a prominent party official instead.

To this day, the Chinese government refuses to acknowledge Tai won.

My girlfriend asked me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"

And I answered: "Of course! I'd miss you, but I still love you"

Who won the first Tour De France?

The 2nd Panzer Division.

I wouldn't be mad.

And the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life". But John came fifth and won a toaster.

The country would be a lot better off if the South had won the war.....

...General Lee speaking

I won $10,000,000 in the lottery and donated a quarter to charity

Now I have $9,999,999.75!

I used to own a racing snail...

It never won though. To improve its performance I removed its shell but, if anything, it made it more sluggish

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

French Jokes

Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.

Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.

How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.

Arguing against an idiot is like playing chess against a pigeon

You strategically think of all the moves and you have the intelligence to win, but they will just shit on all the pieces and then strut around as if they'd won

I got so drunk last night

I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.

You can never enjoy a game of Chess against an Australian.

Everytime he checks, you'll think he's won the game.

My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't

The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.

How do Australians know who won the chess game?

They check, mate.

PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT.

It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the won win jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working won trophy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes