JokoJokes

Women Jokes

162 women jokes and hilarious women puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about women that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Women Jokes

Short women jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The women humour may include short female jokes also.

  1. I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
    Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
  2. After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it
  3. A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'
    'Not that many!'
  4. My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what... She couldn't do either!
  5. How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
  6. What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas? The Taliban requires women to wear mask
  7. The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup line... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
  8. Why do Jews get Circumcised? Because jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off
  9. What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.
  10. Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off

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Women joke, Why are all Jewish men circumcised?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about women can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of women puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Women One Liners

Which women one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with women? I can suggest the ones about girls and wives.

  1. I like my women like I like my coffee I've never had coffee but it smells really nice
  2. I like my women like I like my slaves Educated and free.
  3. I like my women like I like my password Short and insecure
  4. A lot of women actually turn into good drivers So if you're a good driver watch out.
  5. If men call short women petite. What do women call short men? Friends.
  6. Why do trans women go by she/her? Because if they went by her/she they'd be chocolate
  7. Why are women and children evacuated first? So we can think about a solution in silence.
  8. International women's day should not be used as an excuse for sexist jokes Period.
  9. I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
    Turned on.
    Virus free.
  10. What does every women in the world want? Nothing, they're fine.
  11. Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls... I was in the women's bathroom.
  12. I like my women like I like my snow Heavy & wet
  13. I like my women how I like my COVID 19, breathtaking, and easy to spread
  14. Women have eggs and milk in them... And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
  15. Why can't two women play monopoly together? There's only one iron.

Why Do Women Jokes

Here is a list of funny why do women jokes and even better why do women puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing" Have you ever considered being more interesting?
  • Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
  • Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga … And 100% of men don't care.
  • I was shopping with my wife and I couldn't find her, until I saw a beautiful women. I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?
    She replies: Why?
    I say: You will see in 20 seconds.
  • My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her. I said "Son, she's a keeper."
  • I like my women like I like my mathematical constants. Round and irrational.
    Happy Pi Day everyone!
  • My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?" I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
  • When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite... ...I only look at the covered parts.
  • Why are women and children always the first ones to get evacuated on a emergency situation ? So men may think on a solution in silence
  • Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men? The Trump card.

Women Will Be Women Jokes

Here is a list of funny women will be women jokes and even better women will be women puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts
  • A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining And says "ladies, is anything ok?"
  • Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have? The Trump card.
  • Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.
  • Two Romans were in a bar having a conversation.. Roman 1: you won't believe how many women I've slept with
    Roman 2: mmm?
    Roman 1: don't be ridiculous, not that many
  • Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women's bodies. Women's heads are much harder to put back on in real life.
  • My girlfriend asked me to name... My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with.
    I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
  • I like my women like I like my microwave Hot, clean, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her.
  • Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
  • A man asks god... Man:"Why did you make women so beautiful?"
    God:"So you would love her."
    Man:"Then why did you make her so dumb?"
    God:"So she would love you."

I Like My Women Jokes

Here is a list of funny i like my women jokes and even better i like my women puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Most serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many many years.
  • I like my women how I like my coffee I'm not fussy, I'll have whatever's available. Thanks.
  • I like my women like I like my kidneys… One is fine but I'd rather have two
  • Why are women so bad at parking? Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
  • I like my women like I like COVID 19, breathtaking, and easily spread
  • I treat women like I do numbers.... If they're under 16, do them in your head.
  • In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
  • I like my women like I like my microwaves... Cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and willing and able to kill any baby I put inside them.
  • I like my women like I like my coffee ... ... Irish and stinking of whiskey.
  • I like my women like I like my toasters, Turned on, and in the tub with me

Women Are Like Jokes

Here is a list of funny women are like jokes and even better women are like puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I like my women like I like my coffee I've never had coffee
  • I like my women like I like my wine 12 years old and locked in the basement
  • Women are like a box of chocolates I'm always stuck with the one's nobody wants.
  • Dating women is like squaring numbers If they're under 15, just do them in your head.
  • Women are like snowflakes... They can't drive.
  • I like my women how I like my Corona viruses Easy to get, quick to spread and leaving me out of breath
  • I like my women how I like my bicycles, chained up in the garage.
  • I like my women like I like my cigars 7 years old and coming from Cuba in a burlap sack
  • I like my women like I like my coffee jokes Done by hundreds of redditors before I do them
  • I like my women like I like my coffee. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across Central America.
Women joke, I like my women like I like my coffee.

Uplifting Women Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about women you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean mans jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make women prank.

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some w**... with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.

I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

The Jewish way

As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".

When can women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.

What do men and women have in common?

Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.

A man and a woman are lying in bed late night...

...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?...

Their knees.
(Not sure if this one translates well to english)

5 advices to men for a happy life

1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.

I heard a statistic that there are more men named David in charge of companies than there are women.

Well obviously. How many women do you know named David?

Why are Jewish men circumcised?

Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 20% off.

A man walks into a bar and notices two fat women.

They had obviously been drinking a lot, and were speaking loudly with heavy accents. After an hour he becomes annoyed with the noise, walks over to them and asks, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you two ladies from Scotland?"
"Wales, you idiot!", shouts the fattest one.
"I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Scotland?"

Small Head

A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had s**... with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have s**... with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"

Bruce Jenner winning woman of the year just proves that men are better than women at everything, including being a woman

I'm really conflicted about abortion.

I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.

How do women defy the laws of physics?

The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!

Girls from England?

A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"

I met a pretty girl.

Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.

After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years...

But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.

Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and o**...

But not my Sister.

What food makes women stop giving blow jobs?

Wedding cake

When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies.....

Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

Mayweather is actually 54-0

If you count the women

Imagine if instead of periods, women had apostrophes

They'd be even more possessive.

Louis c**... might not physically have had s**... with any women

But he came close.

I heard its easy to convince women not to eat tide pods..

but it's a lot harder to **deter gents**.

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.

Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.

Which is more important to women, length or girth?

Turns out it's consent.

XXXTentacion just beat Taylor Swift's Spotify streaming record

Even in the afterlife, x**... is still beating women

Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit.

The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.

The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.

The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some w**... with her.

I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.

A Dutch joke about the Brits and their love for queues, don't know if it translates well

A Brit walks down the street and sees two queues. He gets behind one of them, and asks the woman in front of him:
What is this queue for?
Just for fun says the women.
But what if I don't want to stand in the queue? The Brit asks.
To which the woman replies that's what the other queue is for

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

I asked my phone "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said "I'm Alexa you m**...."

Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.
PS: It's a joke, women are awesome.

"Mansplain" is a terrible word to use

because it has more letters than explain and is therefore more difficult for women to understand.

A janitor at my work asked me to come over and smoke w**... with her!!

I told her No. I can't stand high maintenance women.

A cop walks over to a bruised and beaten man outside of a pub.

He asks the man what happened and the man tells him this; "So I walk into the pub and sit down and as im waiting for my drink I overhear two large women talking with a strange accent. So I ask them 'Are you two ladies from Ireland?' One of them scoffs and tells me "it's Wales d**...." So I ask again 'are you two whales from Ireland?' And thats about all I can remember."

Women joke, A cop walks over to a bruised and beaten man outside of a pub.

jokes about women

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these women jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.