I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
I've never had coffee but it smells really nice
But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it
'Mmm?'
'Not that many!'
Educated and free.
She couldn't do either!
She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough. But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes fucking nuts! Women, I can't figure them out.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off
But not my Sister.
Even in the afterlife, XXX is still beating women
So I told her to sit down and shut up.
Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
So if you're a good driver watch out.
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses and the results were pretty interesting.
30% of women think their ass is too fat,
10% of women think their ass is too skinny,
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world
Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off
Friends.
If you can't come let me know.
It stands up so women have a place to sit down.
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?" One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!" So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?" And that's the last thing I remember.
I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?
She replies: Why?
I say: You will see in 20 seconds.
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room no 99.
They're like ooh I want to see it
But when I take it out of the freezer, they're all I have to be going.
So we can think about a solution in silence.
Round and irrational.
Happy Pi Day everyone!
I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
...I only look at the covered parts.
So men may think on a solution in silence
The Trump card.
They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH
On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free.
And says "ladies, is anything ok?"
The Trump card.
So I got a dog, a new motorbike, shagged 2 women and blew a grand on drugs and alcohol.
She's going to go fucking nuts when she gets back from work.
Roman 1: you won't believe how many women I've slept with
Roman 2: mmm?
Roman 1: don't be ridiculous, not that many
Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off.
Nothing, they're fine.
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with.
I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
Hot, clean, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.
Man:"Why did you make women so beautiful?"
God:"So you would love her."
Man:"Then why did you make her so dumb?"
God:"So she would love you."
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had sex with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have sex with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
Then I fucked up by telling her "and that's not even the drinks talking".
but it's a lot harder to **deter gents**.
But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.
Their knees.
(Not sure if this one translates well to english)
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
There's only one iron.
That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many many years.
They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**
Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit.
Wedding cake
They had obviously been drinking a lot, and were speaking loudly with heavy accents. After an hour he becomes annoyed with the noise, walks over to them and asks, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you two ladies from Scotland?"
"Wales, you idiot!", shouts the fattest one.
"I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Scotland?"
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