Women Driving Jokes

113 women driving jokes and hilarious women driving puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about women driving that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Women Driving Short Jokes

Short women driving jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The women driving humour may include short women drivers jokes also.

  1. What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy? An empty toilet paper roll.
  2. So a Saudi guy says to his American friend, "In my country women can't drive". The American says, "I'm not surprised. They can't drive in my country either."
  3. I love having a GPS... Because now I have two women telling me how to drive.
    -my dad ladies and gentlemen
  4. Said the Saudi to his American friend, "My culture is somewhat different than yours. Women in my country cannot drive." "Here either," said the American.
  5. With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service. It'll be called NiCab.
  6. I was planning a trip to Saudi Arabia I was planning a trip to Saudi Arabia but recently have heard they now allow women to drive. Can anyone recommend a safer place to visit?
  7. Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving ray charles driving directions
  8. Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia now, however they can only turn left ... Because you know... There are no women's rights there...
  9. I like my women how I like my coffee... ...not forgotten about on top of my car and falling off the roof when i drive away
  10. I was planning a trip to Saudi Arabia but I heard they now allow women to drive, can you recommend a safer destination?

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Women Driving One Liners

Which women driving one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with women driving? I can suggest the ones about woman driving and woman driver.

  1. Women are like snowflakes... They can't drive.
  2. If you don't like the way women drive, Stay off the sidewalk.
  3. Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women crazy? A $100 dollar bill.
  4. Two Arabic women are in a car, who is driving? Their husband
  5. What's 6 in long, 2 in wide and drives women wild? $100
  6. Why does Saudi Arabia have so much oil? Because the women are not allowed to drive.
  7. Apparently, women in muslim countries can't drive. They can't do it here either.
  8. Why are there so many jumpshots in the WNBA? Because women can't drive
  9. A man crashes into a women, whose fault was it? It's the man, who drives in the kitchen?
  10. I like my women like I like my hard drives... FAT and 32.
  11. Why do women only use putters while playing golf? Because women can't drive.
  12. Why can't women drive? Because there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom.
  13. What is the one thing all women know how to drive? Me crazy
  14. How many women does it take to drive a bus? Nun
  15. Why can't women drive? Because cars don't fit in the kitchen.

Charming Humor Women Driving Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about women driving you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean women car jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make women driving pranks.

How fast can a women drive? 68 mph.
If she hits 69, she flips over and blows a rod.

Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it?
A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.

Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

A police officer pulls over an elderly female for speeding while driving her husband to a doctors appointment.
The officer approaches the vehicle and attempts to explain that he stopped her for speeding.
She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The husband replies, "He said he stopped you for speeding."
The officer asked the elderly female for her driver's license and she turned and asked her husband, "What did he say?
The husband replies, "he wants to see your driver's license."
The women hands the officer her license and he sees that she is from his old home town.
The officer tells the couple that he remembered the town because he had the worst s**... experience of his life there.
The women looks at her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The husband replies, "He says he knows you."

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"
"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."
The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.
This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00."

Whats six inches long, has a head on it and drives women wild ?
A fifty pound note !

A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat.

The women just won’t leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"

Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?"
Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."

A woman is driving for 1st time on the highway.

Her husband calls says: "Be careful love, It's just been on the radio, that someone is driving opposite to the traffic on the highway.."
She replies: "Someone...? These rascals are in hundreds!"

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."

This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride.
The woman thanked her and got in the car.
After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag.
The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

There are a lot of female hormones in beer. When I drink five bottles I also can't drive a car and start behaving illogically.

Three nuns

Sisters Anne, Mary, and Teresa are driving across the country when they are in a car c**... and all die tragically.
In heaven, the three of them are standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter is standing before them. He says to them, "Sisters, I understand that you are all women of faith, and I would be more than happy to let you into heaven without hesitation, but as it is the rules, I must ask you each one question that you must answer correctly before I can let you enter"
The nuns all agree and Sister Anne steps forward first.
"Sister Anne, what was the name of the first man?"
She barely misses a beat before announcing happily "Adam!"
The gates open and she enters.
Sister Mary then steps forward and St. Peter asks her, "Sister Mary, what is the name of the first woman?"
The gates open and Sister Mary enters heaven.
St. Peter then addresses Sister Teresa, "Teresa, what is the first thing that Eve said when she saw Adam?"
Sister Teresa thinks for a minute... two minutes... three minutes.. then mutters to herself "That's a hard one..."

A man stumbles across an old lamp.....

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

A women invites 3 military men to her house

During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."

Female hormones in beer

Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.

I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee..., black, and strong
^(possibly the original)
...thin, pale, and extra-sweet.
...50% alcohol.
...all over my g**... while I'm trying to drive.
...I don't like coffee.
...imported from micronesia., fresh and in the breakroom.
...huge and cheap with room for cream.
...cold, bitter, expensive and Italian. a plastic cup.
^(eddie izzard)
...ground up, roasted, and quickly disposed of.

Golf Vs Women

Why don't women play golf?
Because they s**... at driving.

Small World

A lawyer and a doctor are golfing. There are two women ahead of them that are playing really slow, so the lawyer decides to ask them if they can play through. While driving up to them, he realizes the two women are his wife and mistress! He turns around without saying anything and tells the doctor the situation. After a few more holes the doctor has had enough. He goes to talk to the women but turns around before he gets there. When he gets back he looks at the lawyer and says, "Small world."

So a women is driving on a road at night......

when suddenly a rabbit(hare) jumps out in front of her car and gets hit. Now the women was quite an animal lover so she pulls over and goes back to see if the rabbit was okay. At the same time a man who had seen her at the side of the road pulls over as well and asks her what was wrong. the women explained how she had hit and killed a rabbit and felt absolutely terrible. The man was sympathetic so he went back to his car and got a bottle from his trunk and poured the contents over the rabbit. The rabbit immediately jumps up and starts hopping away. But after 5 steps he turned around and waved, he hopped a few more steps then turned around and waved. The rabbit kept on doing this until he hopped out of sight. The women turns around to the man and asks, "What was the stuff you poured over the rabbit?" The man looks down and reads the bottle, "Hair spray: revives dead hair and gives permanent wave."

I asked an alien if they let their women drive the spaceships...

He said "Yes if it's on autopilot"

Saudi Arabia

Saudi Arabia has the worlds lost car accidents, and is the only country in the world where women driving is i**...

Two Amish women are walking down the street.

Two Amish woman are walking down the street when they come across a momma skunk and a baby skunk. A h**... comes driving by at 60 mph and runs over the momma skunk and kills it. The first Amish girl says oh my we can't let that baby skunk by itself. So she picks it up and puts it under her dress to safely take it home. The second Amish girl says what about the smell. First one responds I don't think it will mind

I like my coffee like my women...

Piping hot and all over my lap in the McDonald's drive thru
(backs away very slowly, opens door without turning around, lurks out...)

An old woman was driving down the highway...

An old woman was driving down the highway at 35mph when a highway patrol officer pulled her over. He asked the woman if she knew why he pulled her over. She said "I have no clue, officer. I was obeying the speed limit..." The officer then replied with "Ma'am, you were traveling far too slow to be driving in the highway." The woman, with a confused look on her face then pointed to a sign up ahead and said, "But officer, that sign says the speed limit is 35! I had to have been obeying the speed limit!" The officer turned to see the sign that marked what highway they were on, highway 35. He then turned around, and looked at the women's friend, sitting in the back, eyes as big as silver dollars, he asked the woman in the back what was wrong. She replied quietly with "We just got off of highway 160."

How are women like snow?

They seem really cool at first but then you're sick of them after a couple days and no one wants to be driving when they're on the road

A study has shown that women are better than men at driving in fog..

Well of course they are. They're not looking where they're going.

The Challenger disaster's 30th anniversary

Is a reminder why women shouldn't drive

Two women were driving on the highway when the traffic rapport broadcast said there was a car driving in the opposite direction.

"One? There are hundreds of them"

Why are women terrible golfers...

because they can't drive.

What's four inches long and drives women crazy?

A 100 dollar bill you pervert!

Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?

Because women don't get blow jobs while they are

What's the difference between men and women when it comes to drinking?

My boys drive me to drink, but women drive me to drink.

A Saudi prince has come forward saying that they should end the ban placed on women driving in the kingdom.

Interesting, just in time when all global tech giants are in the final stage of trials of their self-driving cars.

"Women will soon become the best gender at driving..."

That is, after they kill all men, of course.

Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?

No! Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills

My son wanted me to buy him GTA

When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"
He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf

Warnings about motorcycles

Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.
I don't get it.
I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left

What's black, has smooth skin, and drives women more and more wild the bigger it is?

A wallet

This food has been proven to drastically reduce or even eliminate s**... drive in a significant percentage of women.

It's wedding cake.

It's great that Saudi women are now allowed to drive!

Now l**... can drive themselves to their own stoning.

Everyone was really surprised when Bruce Jenner transitioned into a women, but I wasn't...

Have you seen her driving?!

I drive women crazy ;)

It's pretty easy, leave anyone locked in a closet long enough and they go crazy

A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway

The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.
The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"
The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.
The cop smiles and says, "That's not the speed limit sign, that's the sign for this highway — Route 20!"
One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, "We tried to tell you, Eugenia!"
The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle.
"What's the matter?" the cop asks.
She responds, "We just came off of Interstate 190.

I'm really into drag racing...

I know it's dangerous, but I like driving fast with women's clothes on.

All these Muslims hitting people with cars...

If the men are this bad at driving, I see why they don't let their women drive.

I saw a women texting and driving in the lane next to mine...

Incensed, I rolled my window down and threw my beer at her.

Woman are like cars

Women are like cars. They are s**... brand new, you drive them until they get old then you replace them for a new model.

It is a great thing that women can now drive in Saudi Arabia!

It is ilegal for them to be s**... while driving.

Now that women can drive in Saudi Arabia there are going to be more car accidents.

Because there are more drivers.

So apparently women in Saudi Arabia can now drive.

And little known fact so can homosexuals, but you got to be s**... while you do it.

I just told my wife that today is the first day that women are allowed to drive in Sudi Arabia

She immediately asked How many wrecks have there been?

What do the brave men, and women who protect our towns and cities have in common with some very small bugs that get stuck in Edgar Allan Poe's hair have in common?

They're both Po-Lice.
* my wife kicked me out of the car shortly after telling you this joke. Crazy part about it is I was driving at the time.

When you think about it, driving is a lot like going to the polls...

Women shouldn't do it

Why can't women drive 70 MPH?

When they reach 69 they blow a rod.

I don't get why people are so negative when I tell them that I drive a motorcycle.

I don't go up to pregnant women and tell them my dad left me.

Been watching women's golf on the TV this morning...

They don't appear to be very good at driving but they're great with an iron.

jokes about women driving