Women Car Jokes
125 women car jokes and hilarious women car puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about women car that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Women Car Short Jokes
Short women car jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The women car humour may include short women driving jokes also.
- Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
- Gender roles are changing. Nowadays some women get mad when you hold a car door open. Particularly the ones on bikes.
- Women are like car parking spaces... Usually, most of the good ones are taken....
So once in a while, you gotta stick it in a disabled one - Why do they name all hurricanes after women? Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car
- Women are like hurricane... ...when they're coming, they are nice and wet. When they're leaving, they take cars, houses...
- Why are women like a Hurricane? They come at you all hot and wet and leave you without a house or car...
- Women are responsible for roughly 45% of car accidents Which is pretty high, considering the steering wheel isn't even on their side.
- Are all women claustrophobic? It seems like everyone screams when they're in the trunk of my car.
- What do women and hurricanes have in common? When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take your house and your car
- I like my women like I like my coffee. Hot af, overpriced and all over me within 30 seconds of getting in the car.
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Women Car One Liners
Which women car one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with women car? I can suggest the ones about women drivers and woman driver.
- Two Arabic women are in a car, who is driving? Their husband
- I like my women like I like my car parking spaces... Disabled only.
- Bill Cosby likes his women like he likes his town cars... Blacked out
- How many women does it take to park a car? A man.
- Hot women and exotic cars have a lot in common! U wanna ride both but no one will let you
- What do women and cars have in common? Men are always looking at their back end.
- I like my women like I like my cars 21 years old and full of issues.
- Why do men like women in leather pants? Because thev smell like a new car.
- I like my women like I like my parking spaces Available, and underneath my car
- I like my women like I like my cars ...All black and twenty eight hundred pounds!
- If a man holds the car door open for a women, then you know that one of the two is new.
- I like my cars how I like my women Asian and dirty.
- I like my women like I like my cars Fast, loud, used off craigslist.
- I like my women like I like my cars... Im a trans man.
- Women call me ugly until they see my car. Then they call me an ugly taxi driver.
Humorous Women Car Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about women car you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean woman driving jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make women car pranks.
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.
Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.
The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it?
A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...
How is a police car like a women?
It flashes and It usually has a d*c**... in it.
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat.
The women just won’t leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row.
The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?"
"Of course the old woman!"
The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?"
Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
A woman is driving for 1st time on the highway.
Her husband calls says: "Be careful love, It's just been on the radio, that someone is driving opposite to the traffic on the highway.."
She replies: "Someone...? These rascals are in hundreds!"
What do women and police cars have in common?
They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?
A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a j**... to pay for it all.
This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride.
The woman thanked her and got in the car.
After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag.
The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."
There was an ad in the newspaper:
An agriculturist looks for a woman with a tractor.
The photo of the tractor is required.
What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
There are a lot of female hormones in beer. When I drink five bottles I also can't drive a car and start behaving illogically.
My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
Why are women like parking spaces? Because all the best ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Has anyone heard the news about a festival in the US where a girl got her head stuck on a truck oversized tailpipe? Apparently she was exhausted...
Sorry if this is a repost but I'm new here
Why are hurricanes named after women's?
Because they're wild and wet when they come but when they leave, they take the house and car.
The Pain Machine
A man and his wife are on their way to the hospital because the wife is soon to go into labor. When they arrive, the doctor asks them if they'd be willing to try out an experimental treatment option to alleviate the pain felt by the wife during childbirth. They decide to try it out, and the doctor hooks up a lot of electrodes between the wife and husband.
"This device will take a certain percentage of the pain that you are feeling and transfer it to the father of the child. If he is comfortable with it, you can transfer more and more of the pain, and you won't feel a thing."
She goes into labor, and the doctor starts the machine off at 10%. The husband feels fine, so he tells the doctor he can increase it if he wants to. The doctor increases to 20%, and the husband shows no signs of change. The doctor goes all the way to 35% and the husband starts to get c**... when he still feels fine.
"Know what, doc? Up it to 100%. I think I can take it."
The doctor cranks the machine to 100%, and the husband shows no outward signs of pain. "Ha, honey I knew you women complained too much about this stuff. I don't feel a thing!"
The child is born healthy, and the parents leave the hospital a few days later. They pull up at their house to see police cars in front and their neighbors crowded around. Their next-door neighbor Joe comes up to them in the car, hysterical.
"Karl! Karl! They just found the milkman dead on your front porch!"
Three women and ducks
Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."
A women gets pulled over.
Attempting to get out of a ticket, she tries, as the cop is walking to her car, to try flirting.
"Hi," she says seductively.
"Hi," he replies.
"I thought you didn't give pretty ladies tickets?" She pouts.
"You're right, we don't. Here's your ticket, have a nice day."
Three nuns
Sisters Anne, Mary, and Teresa are driving across the country when they are in a car c**... and all die tragically.
In heaven, the three of them are standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter is standing before them. He says to them, "Sisters, I understand that you are all women of faith, and I would be more than happy to let you into heaven without hesitation, but as it is the rules, I must ask you each one question that you must answer correctly before I can let you enter"
The nuns all agree and Sister Anne steps forward first.
"Sister Anne, what was the name of the first man?"
She barely misses a beat before announcing happily "Adam!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and she enters.
Sister Mary then steps forward and St. Peter asks her, "Sister Mary, what is the name of the first woman?"
"Eve!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and Sister Mary enters heaven.
St. Peter then addresses Sister Teresa, "Teresa, what is the first thing that Eve said when she saw Adam?"
Sister Teresa thinks for a minute... two minutes... three minutes.. then mutters to herself "That's a hard one..."
*Gong!*
Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.
* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.
* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already r**... by soldier.
* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.
* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have r**... as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.
* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.
Five old ladies in a car . . .
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
3 women go to the desert a brunette, redhead, and a blonde and each only bring one thing...
The brunette was asked what she brought. She said she brought food in case they got hungry.
The redhead was asked what she brought. She said water in case they got thirsty.
The brunette was asked what she brought. She said a car door so if they got hot she could roll the window down.
Two Men in a Country Club...
Two men in a country club are in the locker room getting undressed. Bob, asks Mike, "How long have you been wearing women's underwear?". Mike answers, "Since my wive found a pair in my car."
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
Saudi Arabia
Saudi Arabia has the worlds lost car accidents, and is the only country in the world where women driving is i**...
I like my women like I like my car's radio
... painfully loud while screaming obscenities into my face!
Three Muslim women are sitting talking...
The first one says, "I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."
"Oh I know," says the second women, "I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."
The third woman nodded, "Me too. My Omar was a s**... bomber in Gaza, so sad."
The first woman shook her head sadly. "Kids these days. They blow up so fast."
Two women are talking over the fence....
One womans husband pulls up in the driveway, and gets out of the car with a big bunch of flowers. Upon seeing them the wife remarks "looks like I will be on my back with my legs in the air shortly"
Her neighbour replied "Don't you own a vase?"
Happy ending massages don't count as cheating...
Women pay to have their cars washed for the same reasons. It takes too long, my arm gets tired, and I get my gym shorts all wet.
Women love cars with sunroofs
Because they're used to having a glass ceiling
Life of Riley.
A man says to his friend: 'I used to live the life of Riley; fast cars, beautiful women and holidays in the Carribean.'
His friend asks: 'What happened?'
His reply: 'Riley reported his credit card missing.'
The Way Women Think
Husband's Message (by text):
"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!"
Wife's Response:
"Who's Paula?"
How old guys pick up women.
I am getting on in years and not the best looking
guy anymore.
Some would even say I'm a little frayed around
the edges. But, I have a nice car, a little money
and I spend most of my time casually traveling
from place to place and enjoying life.
I met a nice looking girl in a park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us. And all of
a sudden, she did this cute little dance, then
immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the
grass at my feet.
As we lay there making love, I thought ...
"Wow, these Tasers are really worth the money!!!"
Why do hurricanes have women name?
Because they take away your house, your car, your furniture and everything you have.
I like my women how I like my cars...
Stuck in my garage once I'm done with them.
Women are like cars...
Only the broken ones stick around.
Two women were driving on the highway when the traffic rapport broadcast said there was a car driving in the opposite direction.
"One? There are hundreds of them"
Women are like cars.
We want the ones that look AND work the best, but none of us have the money.
I treat my women like I treat my super cars
I enjoy them a lot and they only exist in my dreams
Why are cars always referred to as "she's"?
Because cars and women are both depreciating assets
Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they are
driving.
Have you noticed that hurricanes are named after women? It's because...
when they come they are wild and wet but when they leave they take the house and car with them.
A Saudi prince has come forward saying that they should end the ban placed on women driving in the kingdom.
Interesting, just in time when all global tech giants are in the final stage of trials of their self-driving cars.
A girl in a car gets pulled over,
Girl: I thought you don't give tickets to pretty women?
Cop: that's right we don't. Now sign here.
In the locker room after the game...
The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and p**... and starts to put them on.
His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"
Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."
I like my women like i like my cars....
... fast, expensive and t**....
They call me Mary Kay
Cuz old women love me, and I spend a lot of time in the backseat of cars
My friend likes his women like his cars
No older than 12
Why can't women drive?
Because cars don't fit in the kitchen.
I like my women like I like my coffee
Left in my car till its cold and g**......then dumped on the side of the road.
My son wanted me to buy him GTA
When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"
He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf
I like my women how I like my cars...
2005 or newer.
After looking over the BBC wage list on thing has become clear...
Women knowing nothing about cars or football is really hurting their income
Naming hurricanes after women makes the most sense.
They start off wet but when they leave they take your house and car with them.
You know why hurricanes are named after women names?
Because they take away your car, your house and everything you got...
Hurricanes Are Like Women
When they come they're wet and wild, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway
The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.
The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"
The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.
The cop smiles and says, "That's not the speed limit sign, that's the sign for this highway — Route 20!"
One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, "We tried to tell you, Eugenia!"
The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle.
"What's the matter?" the cop asks.
She responds, "We just came off of Interstate 190.
I like my women how I like my coffee...
...not forgotten about on top of my car and falling off the roof when i drive away
All these Muslims hitting people with cars...
If the men are this bad at driving, I see why they don't let their women drive.
I like my women like I like my cars
Stick a potato in the tailpipe and wait for the e**...
