JokoJokes

Woman Jokes

171 woman jokes and hilarious woman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about woman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy some hearty laughs with these humorous woman jokes! From jokes about Wonder Woman to pregnant women and even cougar women, these jokes will have you laughing sheepishly. Get ready to laugh immediately! There's even a few blonde jokes thrown in!

Best Short Woman Jokes

Short woman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The woman humour may include short female jokes also.

  1. What weigh more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman? The woman. They always lie about their weight.
  2. Word is Hollywood executives are mad about Elliot Page transitioning from a woman to a man... Now they'll have to pay him 20% more...
  3. Why did God make man before He made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
  4. It is unfair how for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes $0.78... Because then the man is left with only $0.22...
  5. What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband's voice just right
  6. I think the most patriotic part of the entire super bowl was Rihanna's halftime performance Because there's nothing more American than for a woman to work while she's pregnant.
  7. How did Chris Browns girlfriend find out he was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
  8. My mother used to say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon.
  9. Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.
  10. You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

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Woman joke, You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles.


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about woman can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of woman puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Woman One Liners

Which woman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with woman? I can suggest the ones about wives and male.

  1. String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
  2. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time? A widow.
  3. Texas: Where a virus has reproductive rights and a woman doesn't.
  4. Shouldn't Iron man be a woman? After all he is a Fe-Male.
  5. I hope Death is a woman That way it will never come for me
  6. To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night: I'm not letting you out.
  7. What do you call a woman who's really good at darts? Amy
  8. I like my woman like I like my laptop On my lap , turned on ,Virus free
  9. I saw a homeless dude and gave him 1$ I saw a homeless woman and gave her 0.77$
  10. Why did the blind woman fall down the well? Because she couldn't see that well.
  11. Bikinis reveal 95% of a woman's body. Men are so polite they only look at covered areas.
  12. I used to feel like a man who was trapped in a woman's body. Then I was born.
  13. How do you arrest a Roman woman? Caesar.
  14. Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Only if he's a billionaire.
    Credits to Kevin Hart
  15. How do you blindfold an Asian woman? Put a windshield in front of her.

Man And Woman Jokes

Here is a list of funny man and woman jokes and even better man and woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.
    PS: It's a joke, women are awesome.
  • A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer. Honest? the woman asks.
    No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied.
  • A man and a woman are lying in bed late night... ...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."
  • What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time.
  • My son is a man trapped in a woman's body he'll be born in February
  • If you are a man explaining something, you are "mansplaining." If you are a woman explaining something, you are... "Wrong"
  • A man and a woman meet in a programming class. Suddenly man touches the women's breast. Women: Hey! they are private. Man: But we are in the same class.
  • Can't believe trump tested positive for covid-19 when all he had to do was to not get tested.
    >!Man. Woman. TV. Coronavirus.!<
  • What's the difference between iron-man and iron woman? one is a superhero and the other is a command.
  • Give me a compliment. A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".

Old Woman Jokes

Here is a list of funny old woman jokes and even better old woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Today I saw a poor, old woman trip and fall. At least, I assume she was poor. She only had $4.75 in her purse.
  • The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody. The child didn't look surprised.
  • An old woman stopped me and asked "Excuse me, can you show me how to get to the hospital"?
    I said "No problem"
    Then I pushed her under a bus
  • So I'm in line at the ATM. And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance..
    So I pushed her over
  • I saw a poor old woman slip over on some ice the other day... ... at least I think she was poor; she only had $3 in her purse.
  • A 75 year old rich man marries a 20-yo beautiful woman... And a friend of his comes to ask how did he manage to pull that off.
    "I told her I was 90".
  • The news today about a woman who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants. She has been arrested and lost custody. The child didn't look surprised.
  • Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, Teach a man to phish and he'll empty an old woman's savings account.
  • A reporter interviewed a 103-year-old woman. "And what is the best thing about being 103?" the reporter asked.
    She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
  • A woman who injected her 8-year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody. Reports say the child didn't look surprised.

Blonde Woman Jokes

Here is a list of funny blonde woman jokes and even better blonde woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call it when a blonde woman puts on a wig? Artificial Intelligence.
  • A woman stands on a boardwalk... She notices a man below looking up her dress.
    "You, sir, are no gentleman!"
    "And you, lady, are no blonde!"
  • Why did the blond girl became the Invisible Woman? Because she has to be dense enough for light to bend around her
  • If a woman likes you, you can tell her real hair colour from how it feels. Blondes touch you hard, brunettes touch you fast, redheads touch you... Gingerly
  • What do you call a blonde woman with 2 brain cells? ...pregnant!
  • Why does a blonde woman close her eyes in front of the mirror? To see how she looks like when sleeping.
  • Ad in the local paper: 25 year old woman, very attractive, beautiful blonde hair, perfect measurements, intelligent, with good sense of humor and stable income - Selling dump truck.
  • I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.
  • Why did the blonde woman have bruises covering her belly?!? Because her boyfriend was blonde too...
  • What did the blonde woman say when the doctor told her she was pregnant? How do you know it's mine?

Pregnant Woman Jokes

Here is a list of funny pregnant woman jokes and even better pregnant woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a pregnant woman? A body builder
  • What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman and a frozen beer all have in common? You left it in too long.
  • What does a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant woman all have in common? An idiot who didn't take it out in time.
  • "Looks like you're pregnant" says the doctor -"I'm pregnant?" replies the woman cheerfully
    -"No, it just looks like you are"
  • An Italian woman is pregnant. You congratulate her. She says "Grazie". What do you say to her after that? Prego.
  • What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
  • What do a burned pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant woman have in common? Someone didn't pull out in time
  • A pregnant woman screams COULDN'T WOULDN'T SHOULDN'T CAN'T… The Dr said nothing to worry about, those are contractions .
  • I asked a pregnant woman if I could feel the baby She said that I could, but once I started rolling my sleeve up past my elbow she ran away. Rude.
  • A man walks up to a pregnant woman at a bus stop When is it due he asks.
    Two weeks she replies.
    I guess I'll just walk then he responds.

Wonder Woman Jokes

Here is a list of funny wonder woman jokes and even better wonder woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
  • Wonder Woman earned $300 million worldwide in first week. "Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.
  • I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on. Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
  • What would you call a Crossover between Wonder Woman and Transformers? Amazon Prime.
  • Did you hear about the guy who dated Supergirl and Wonder Woman? Turns out, he was a heroine addict
  • Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff? Amazon.
  • My wife asked me how Wonder Woman got her new sword in the Justice League movie... I told her that she must have Amazon Prime
  • If Wonder Woman is the best female warrior Would that make her Amazon Prime?
  • He: "You are the nicest, most wonderful, and most beautiful woman, that I ever met!"... She: "Ah, you only want to get me in your bed."
    He: "And you are intelligent as well."
  • Wonder Woman would have been a much better movie without all the product placement. 2 and a half hours of Amazon this and Amazon that... sheesh.
Woman joke, Wonder Woman would have been a much better movie without all the product placement.

Cheeky Woman Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about woman you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean men women jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make woman prank.

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a b**... convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

Man, on a first date: How do you feel about s**...? Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover

The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed."
A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I'm Dave. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no feet so I won't run away."
"What makes you think you're great in bed?" the woman retorts.
Dave replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.

The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."

A m**... was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,

"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".

A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:
"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"
The officer laughs, saying:
"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"
"b**...! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

The craziest thing happened at a bar tonight. A woman got her n**... pierced right in front of me!

On an unrelated note, I s**... at darts.

During a f**......

The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another f**... for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

A bear goes into a bar

he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him.
he then calmly orders a beer
bartender: "sorry, we don't serve drug users in here"
bear: "but I don't do drugs"
bartender: "what about that barbitchyouate"

5 advices to men for a happy life

1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.

s**... after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in s**....
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

A woman goes into a pharmacy

She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having s**... with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."

I have just started a s**... relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

"Silent farts that don't stink..."

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

A woman is in the hospital in a coma...

and the husband is in the waiting room. The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her c**..., her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes o**... s**... will bring her out of the coma.
The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."

So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.
God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."
God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."
Adam hesitates..
"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.
God responds "An arm and a leg."
Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

I was having s**... with a woman when her husband came home early.

She told me to use the back door and I'd have to be quick.
In retrospect I should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.

If a man talks dirty to a woman, that's s**... harassment.

If a woman talks dirty to a man, that'll be $6.50 a minute.

A woman wakes up to her husband crying in bed today

"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having s**... in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."

Arrested for being too good in bed!

My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled "I'm arresting you for being too good in bed"
After two minutes she said she was dropping the charges due to lack of evidence.

An attractive woman asked me if I wanted to see a movie yesterday.

She said what would you like to see.
I said you pick.
She said you pick.
I said I don't care you pick.
She said, Sir there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets.

I'd give you $1M if you let me bite your n**...

Woman: Sure!
*licked and s**... the n**...*
Woman: Why didn't you bite my n**...?
Man: Well, I don't have $1M.

My seatmate on a flight was a woman.

Ever the charmer, I asked, Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?
Yes, she said, but I wasn't willing to pay.

A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.

His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.

If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive...

....they would start to find me attractive.

A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.

She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.

How about an Indian joke?

A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"

I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman,

but April identifying as January is crossing the line.

A woman is sitting at her husband's f**... listening to the eulogies being read...

A man in the pew behind her leans forward to ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?".
No, not at all, she replies.
The man stands and clears his t**....
Bargain", he says, and sits back down.
"Thank you", the woman responds, "it means a great deal."

One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.

When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."

A woman asked me what a c**... was

I made sure to fill her in

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.

"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate s**..., and the s**... bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.

A woman starts to scream while giving birth.


"What's wrong, honey?" her husband asks.
"What's wrong?!?" the woman shouts, "THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!"
"Sorry babe. What is wrong?"

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the n**... woman they find in there.

A startled, n**..., man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."
The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."
The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Stunned, the woman sits down and complains to the man next to her. "I can't believe that rude driver! He was so insulting to me! I have half I mind to tell him off!" The man replies, "You should. Let him have it. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A woman tells her doctor, "Kiss me!"

The doctor says, "What? Why would I do something like that?"
The woman says again, "Kiss me now!"
The doctor replies, "Certainly not!"
The woman demands a third time, "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!"
The doctor answers, "No! It's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having s**... right now!"

I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.

I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.

At the bar last night, a woman got her n**... pierced right in front of me

. On a related note...…………………. I s**... at darts.

I want to know if this brazillian joke makes sense in other cultures

A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he told his wife he had slept at his friend's house. Not believing him, the wife called 10 of his best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had spent the night there and the other 2 said he was still there.

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"
I think You're mistaken my lady.
Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"

A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

I'm looking for a woman who has great t**... and swallows

Signed: Ben the ornithologist

So I was having s**... with this woman...

I had her bent over her kitchen table, giving it to her good. When all of a sudden we heard a car door slam out front.
Oh god, she said, it's my husband. Quick, use the back door!
Well, I probably should have left at that point, but it's not an offer you get everyday...

Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.
"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"
"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."

A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"Actress?"
"I don't know."
"Singer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."

A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband's f**.... A man leans in to her and asks, Do you mind if I say a word? . No, go right ahead , the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his t**..., says Plethora , and sits back down.
Thanks , the woman says, that means a lot .

A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.

The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the h**... have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.
Ah, he said, That's my altar ego.

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

I haven't had s**... since 1956

A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..." The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?

-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

Two Texans are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister."

"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."

The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.

The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?
Six, replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.
And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
She also stole a can of peas!

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office
"I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I had an affair!" she sobbed.
"The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it never happened!"
The hypnotherapist shakes his head and sighs. "Not again...."

I told my girlfriend that the milkman said he had shagged every woman in our building except one!!

I bet it's the snooty b**... at number twenty three, she replied.

A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig.

The man is found guilty and made to pay damages. After the trial, he asks the judge, Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?
The judge says, That is correct.
And does it mean that I can't call a pig Ms. Harding?
No, says the judge, you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.
The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.

I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so…

I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!"
She didn't hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, "You dropped your purse on the floor outside McDonald's."
"Thank you so much" she said, "Where is it?"
I said, "I've just told you, on the floor outside McDonald's."

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, your brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

A man asked a widow if he could say a word at her husbands f**.... She said "Certainly."

He stood up and said "Plethora" , and the woman said "Thanks, that means a lot."
And another man stood up and said, "Bargain" and the woman said, "Thanks, that means a great deal." 
Yet another stood up and said, "Earth" and the woman said, "Thanks, that means the world."
Yet another stood up and said, "Infinity" and the woman said, "Thanks, that means more than you can imagine."
Yet another stood up and said, "Being Alive" and the woman said, "Thanks, my husband would have loved that."
Another person simply held up a sprig of mentha spicata, and the widow said, "Thanks, that's a lovely scent of mint."

A young woman was standing outside her car weeping. A soldier walks up and asks what the problem is.

It turns out she's locked her keys in the car.
"Simple," says the soldier and drops his trousers, takes them off, rolls them into a ball and rubs them on the door.
The door pops open.
"How did you do that?!" exclaimed the young woman. 
"Easy," says the soldier, "These are my khakis."

Woman joke, A young woman was standing outside her car weeping. A soldier walks up and asks what the problem is.

jokes about woman

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these woman jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.