Woman Driving Jokes
103 woman driving jokes and hilarious woman driving puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about woman driving that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Woman Driving Short Jokes
Short woman driving jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The woman driving humour may include short woman driver jokes also.
- I saw a woman driving with her hazards on. And I thought to myself, "At least she's honest."
- So I was driving home from work tonight, I saw a woman texting whilst driving. It infuriated me so much I threw my beer bottle at her car.
- A man runs over a woman in his car. Who's fault is it? The man's, he shouldn't drive in the kitchen.
- With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service. It'll be called NiCab.
- "He drives a 300k vehicle. He must be rich." Woman: So what do you do for a living?
Man: I drive a bus. - An old Russian anecdote I was driving to work one morning when I saw a woman in a neighboring car doing her makeup at the wheel. I was so surprised that I nearly dropped my razor into my coffee!
- The woman's bumper sticker claimed she was pro-life... ...but her reckless driving suggested otherwise.
- I was chatting up this woman. I said, "You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."
"Aww," she smiled, "Can you?"
I said, "Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow." - A truck driver runs over a woman. Whose fault is it? The truck driver's, he was driving through her kitchen.
- A man driving a truck hits a woman who's fault is it? The mans, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen
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Woman Driving One Liners
Which woman driving one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with woman driving? I can suggest the ones about women driving and women drivers.
- How does a blind woman drive? Just like any other woman
- Why did the woman drive her car into a tree? To see how her Mercedes Benz!
- How fast can a woman drive? 68 mph, because at 69 they flip over and blow a rod
- A woman has a child while driving to the hospital... They named him Carson.
- Why did the Amish woman file for divorce? Her husband was driving her buggy
- Traffic shut down in many US cities today Have you ever seen a angry woman drive?
- What is six inches long has a bald head and drives every woman crazy? 100$ bill
- I can drive a woman wild with my tongue. It's simple.
I say "Have you put weight on?" - What do you call a woman who is good at driving? Transgender.
- What can hunger do that a woman simply can't? Drive me to the grocery store.
- A woman walks into a bar. What makes you think she can drive any better?
- Why can´t my 14 year old friend drive... Because she´s a woman
- Why does wonder woman fly? Because she can't drive for sh*t.
- A woman got complimented for her driving...
- An asian woman gets into car and starts driving... thought you'd enjoy that one.
Cheerful Fun Woman Driving Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about woman driving you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean women car jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make woman driving pranks.
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?"
Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is driving for 1st time on the highway.
Her husband calls says: "Be careful love, It's just been on the radio, that someone is driving opposite to the traffic on the highway.."
She replies: "Someone...? These rascals are in hundreds!"
This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride.
The woman thanked her and got in the car.
After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag.
The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."
I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving
I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off
Perfect Man, Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus are in a car.
The car goes out of control and crashes into the side of a building, only one survives, who is it?
The Perfect woman survived because the perfect man and Santa Claus aren't real.
Still, just goes to show that even the perfect woman can't drive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you guys remember Helen Keller jokes? What's your favorite one? I'll go.
Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
She's a woman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the difference between a woman and a dog?
Put them both in the trunk of your car, drive around the block, and see which ones happy to see you afterwards.
A beautiful blonde woman ...
... was pulled over by a policeman.
"Is there a problem, officer?" she asked.
"Yes. There is no red light on your car. You can`t go driving around without one," came the answer.
"Oh officer. You are mistaken," she explained. "I will have you know that I am not in that kind of profession."
Indian On The Road
I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
Tribal Wisdom
So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."
A blonde woman waves a cab
She asks the cab driver
"How much do you charge to drive me to the nearest airport?"
The cab driver answers
"Around 20 bucks"
The woman then says "I'm carrying luggage, do these get charged?"
Driver: "No, i don't charge for luggage"
The woman smiles, leaves her luggage in the cab and then says
"see you at the airport then, ill take the bus"
Pull over
An old woman was driving and knitting on the motorway. She was serving across the lanes when a police car overtook her flashing all the lights.
As it drew level a policeman wound down his window and shouted to her "Pull over!".
"No" she shouted back. "Pair of socks!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Amish women are walking down the street.
Two Amish woman are walking down the street when they come across a momma skunk and a baby skunk. A h**... comes driving by at 60 mph and runs over the momma skunk and kills it. The first Amish girl says oh my we can't let that baby skunk by itself. So she picks it up and puts it under her dress to safely take it home. The second Amish girl says what about the smell. First one responds I don't think it will mind
A couple is driving up to the mountains...
.. and they are in a huge fight. The man and woman are arguing loudly for so long they are tired out. The woman then feels that she should get the last word in, and so as they pass a pasture of cows she turns to her husband and asks "Relatives of yours?" The man replies "Yes, in-laws."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Helen Keller drive....
Because she's a woman.
Ruffled feathers ahead.
What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.
Not sure if this guy in front of me is drunk driving...
or a woman...
My mom sure is funny
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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It seems Caitlyn Jenner has made her final transition into a woman..By driving like one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A woman adopted a foul-mouthed bird because he was so beautiful and she thought he could be retrained.
The shelter told her the bird lived in a w**... for the last decade. When her husband's car pulled in the drive, she dreaded what the bird would say to him. The bird looked at the husband and said, "Hi Phil, welcome back."
My friend's mum has a saying
"40 is the new 30". Lovely woman. Banned from driving though.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I was driving with my three young children
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark n**...! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Dad, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Saudi woman drive?
There's no road from the kitchen to the bedroom.
Whats the difference between a woman and a floppy drive?
A Floppy Drive can only take 3.5" Inches.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I was driving my taxi when a woman waved me down...
She said she wanted to got to the cemetery.
I asked If she needed to be there soon.
She said she wasn't in a rush. So I shot her.
She'll be there by Tuesday.
A woman was being interviewed during a driving test
Officer: You are driving a car down the road, you see your husband and your brother crossing the road from opposite lanes.
What will you hit first?
Woman: Husband! My husband!
Officer: This is the third time I'm telling you madam, you hit the brakes first!
A man parks in a handicapped spot
One day a man parks in a handicapped spot. An elderly woman woman drives up from behind, beeps the man and says "young man your not disabled, you should not be parking here".
The man replies "did you just assume my gender".
"Oh my mistake" says the woman
A Mexican and a Black woman are in a car together, who's driving?
Neither, they live there.
[My first ever submission!] A man is driving through a shady part of town...
...When he pulls up at a stop sign.
A woman of the night, about 3 inches tall, approaches his car and shouts to him in a voice that betrays any femininity; "Hey darl, you looking for a good time? I'm only 10 cents per hour."
The driver replies "Sorry, I don't want any micro-transactions."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a blind lady driving the other day
Still can't believe they actually gave a license to a woman
A woman has to go to a conference in Italy, so her husband drives her.
"Thanks honey" she says, "what would you like me to bring you back?"
"Oh, um, an Italian girl!" The husband jokingly says.
"I'll see what I can do" the woman says as she walks into the airport waving goodbye.
3 days later the woman returns and her husband greets her at the airport.
"How was your trip? Did you remember to bring my gift?"
"What gift?"
"The Italian girl!"
"Oh, we'll have to wait 9 months to see if it's a boy or girl"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was driving the other day
I was driving the other day when I saw this beautiful woman standing on the side of the road. I slowed down a little bit to get a better look at her when the guy behind me rear ended me.
As soon as we both got out of our vehicles, I noticed he was a midget. As he was walking over to me I could tell he was mad. He approached me and yelled, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "Well, which one are you?"
Horrible joke
So a guy is in a bar when the woman across from him sneezes and her glass eye flies out. The man catches it and hands it back to the woman. The woman says "thanks" and then offers to buy him a drink.
The woman then offers to drive him home. On the way to his house, the man asks "Are you always this nice to men that you meet?" and she says "No, you just happened to catch my eye"
What's it called when a woman's birth control impairs her driving and leads to her arrest?
An IUDUI.
A woman is driving for the first time on a highway.
Her husband calls her while she is driving. "Be careful honey, it was just broadcasted that someone's driving the wrong way on the highway."
"Someone?" the wife replies. "These idiots are in hundreds!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between having s**... with a woman and driving a Yugo?
When you're finished riding one of them you have to deal with fussy parts!
A woman tells her husband she was diagnosed with cancer.
Her husband tells he's very sad and sorry for her. Once they get to bed, the wife asks:
'Honey, when I'll be... dead, will you marry someone else?' The husband thinks for a while. 'No.'
'Why not? Don't you like being married?' 'If you want me to, then yes.' 'Will she sleep in my part of the bed?' she asks mournfully. 'I guess she will.' answers the husband. 'Will you replace all my photos?' 'Of course not, I'll keep the ones I love most.' 'Will she drive my car?' 'No, she doesn't have a driver's licence.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was waiting at a pedestrian crossing, when a woman asked me, "What's that beep, beep sound?"
I said, "It's so blind people know when to go."
"Oh right." she replied. "Where I'm from, we don't let them drive."
Cop pulls over an 80 year old woman
A cop pulls over an 80 year old woman for speeding and says "Hi there, why are you driving so fast?"
Woman says "Come on sir, let me go while I still know where I'm going"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Woman are like cars
Women are like cars. They are s**... brand new, you drive them until they get old then you replace them for a new model.
A young man is taking a driving test
The instructor describes a situation: "You're driving along and suddenly there are two people in front of you. A bit to the left there's an old hag and a bit to the right there's a beautiful young woman. Your car can't make it between them. What do you do?"
The young man says: "Well I'll go for the old hag."
The instructor shakes his head and says: "Really? You won't hit the brakes?"
"When you saw an Asian woman driving, you should have moved a bit away from the road",
Said the doctor to an injured man.
Injured man: "What road? I was napping on a bench in a park"
A woman sees the news, and anxiously calls her husband.
He picks it up,
Matthew, are you driving home from work?
Yes! At least I'm trying!
Well be careful out there. There's some idiot on the interstate going in the wrong direction.
Honey... everyone's going in the wrong direction!"
"Heck yeah, I'll marry him! He drives a 400k vehicle, gets paid to travel, and is adorned by the business crowd."
Woman: So what do you do for a living?
Man: I drive a bus.
Driver instructor teaching a woman how to drive
Instructor : you're driving on the road and suddenly your husband, son and daughter cross the street, what do you step on?
Woman : i step on my husband
Instructor : no, this is third time i tell you "step on the brakes!"
A cop sees a car driving slowly and wiggly, changing lanes for no reason and so on
He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.
Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"
Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."
Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"
This joke has to be told to someone in person
This joke has three parts. A man is driving and his wife asks him to slow down, he slaps her an says I'm the one driving not you .
The second part is, the woman is cooking food for her and her husband and the husband asks her not to put so much salt in, she slaps him and says I'm the one cooking not you
The fourth part is...
person listening: what you said there were three parts.
*slaps*
I'm the one telling the joke not you
A woman is watching the news, and it says that there is a car driving down the wrong side on the road her husband takes to work.
Worried, she calls her husband and says: 'be careful on the road, there's a car driving the wrong way where you are'
The husband replies, 'I know...
But there's not just one car, there's hundreds of them!'
Sorry if this has been posted before, couldn't find it from searching.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I need a woman who is beautiful... I need a woman who is a wildcat in bed with a high s**... drive... I need a woman who is wealthy...
...and I need these women to never meet.
Drove an hour to pick up a woman for a date...
...she can't drive, doesn't have a job, and is failing college.
So yes...she's attractive.
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's disgraceful that in 2020 the train-driving profession is overwhelmingly male-dominated. Surely it's...
a woman's right to choo-choos.
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
A man and a woman go on a date.
They finish up dinner and the man drives the woman to her house, and walks her to the front door. The man pulls out a gift box from his pocket.
"I have something for you." the man says. "It's from my heart."
"Oh, thank you!" the woman responds. The woman opens up the box, and finds a bullet. "What is this?" she asks, already knowing it's a bullet, however.
"It's from my heart." the man says. "I got it when I was in Iraq."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde woman is driving through the countryside when she spots another blonde woman sitting in a canoe in the middle of a field, trying to row through the grass.
Feeling very angry she pulls over her car, stomps over to the fence, and calls out to the woman in the canoe. It's women like you who make blondes look s**.... If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your a**...!
Drunk driver
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn't her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "mam, he could do that in his own backyard.
3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...
1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".
2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".
3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".
1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"
Just In Time
A cop was on night patrol driving up near lover's lookout when he noticed a parked car with a young man reading on the front seat and a young woman knitting on the back seat. He pulled over and walked up to their car. "What are you doing, Son?" the cop asked. "Reading," the young man answered. The cop shone his flashlight on the back seat. "And what is she doing?" "She's knitting," the young man answered. "How old are you?" the cop asked suspiciously. "I'm twenty one," the man answered. "And how old is she?" the cop asked. The young man looked at his watch, "In forty five minutes she'll be eighteen."
Irate woman to bus driver as she enters. 'what bus is this' driver 'its number 15 just like it says on the front'. irate woman 'but on the front it says 15, on the side 15a, and on the back 155' . Bus driver
'well I'm not driving backwards or sideways am i?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and her 10 year old son are driving in a taxi at night in Detroit…
It's raining hard and and all the prostitutes are huddled under an awning. The young boy asks his mom, what are those ladies doing? The mom responds, they're all waiting for their husbands to get off work.
The taxi driver is annoyed and responds, Lady, just tell your son the truth! They are prostitutes and they have s**... with random men for money! The boy asks, mom, is this true? She responds, yes son, it's true.
The boy then asks, what happens to their babies? Mom responds, they grow up to be taxi drivers!
A woman drives a car
A blonde woman drives a car and hits a cop. She stops and checks if he's still alive, no vital signs. Panicked, she calls the emergency service.
W: *Hello, is this 911?*
D: *Yes, this is 911, what's your emergency?*
W: *You're now 910.*
Driving home, a man sees a car stuck in a ditch
Driving home, a man sees a car stuck in a ditch.
As he approaches a beautiful brunette steps out.
Man: "Wow! Your the second pregnant woman I've pulled out of this ditch today!"
Woman: "I'm not pregnant!"
Man: "Well you're not out of the ditch yet either!"
Source: overheard on my wife's phone while she was browsing some app and it made me chuckle
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
RIP Barry Cryer - a true comedy great
From his obituary:
> Cryer, the master of the comedy sketch and the instant one-liner, was once asked by the Yorkshire Post for his favourite joke. He recalled one he had told in a student r**... in 1955.
>"A man drives down a country lane and runs over a cockerel. He knocks at a nearby farmhouse door and a woman answers.
>"'I appear to have killed your cockerel,' he says. 'I'd like to replace it.' The woman replies: 'Please yourself - the hens are round the back.'"
I saw this one reposted here earlier this week..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a woman using her mobile phone while I was driving next to her.
I was so p**... off with the irresponsible b**....
I threw my bottle of whiskey at her.
