Wizard Jokes
157 wizard jokes and hilarious wizard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wizard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Think you have a sense of humor fit for a wizard? Check out this collection of funny wizard jokes that are sure to make you chuckle. Whether you're a fan of the Wizard of Oz, Hagrid, or just ready for a laugh, these jokes will hit the spot and provide some magical entertainment. Get ready to whip out your wizard wand and try a few out!
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Funniest Wizard Short Jokes
Short wizard jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wizard humour may include short magic jokes also.
- PSA do not wear a washington wizards face mask. CDC studies have shown they provide no defense
- I met a frail old wizard. He had bad breath and loads of blisters. He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- Why did the wizards show up to battle empty handed? Their weapons were at a staff meeting.
Yes, yes. Groan, downvote, and move on. It popped into my head and I shouldn't have to suffer alone. - Why is Bill Cosby like the The wizard of oz? Cosby Cosby Cosby Cosby cos, because of the wonderful things he drugs
- My favorite character in the Wizard of Oz is the scarecrow. I mean, c'mon, its a no-brainer.
- I saw a magician who could make anything weigh exactly 28.3 grams. His stage name is "The Wizard of Oz."
- How is working in I.T. like being a wizard? You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.
- Why did the wizard lose his job? He got outsorced.
- Have you heard about the barefoot frail wizard with bad breath? Well it's the first confirmed case of a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis
- What do you call a wizard that can only control lizards? Salamancer.
Ha.
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Wizard One Liners
Which wizard one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wizard? I can suggest the ones about witch and wick.
- As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
- What do you call an evil wizard who gives good hickeys? A neck romancer.
- Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck? Because he was a neck-romancer....
- What do you call a wizard who fell down the stairs? Tumbledore
- What do you have when you have 16 copies of the Wizard of Oz? The Wizard of Lb.
- What the worst thing about being an illiterate wizard? You can't spell.
- What does a Mexican wizard use to cast magic? A Juand
- Did you hear about the illiterate wizard? He couldn't even spellbook.
- What do you call a wizard with a good outlook on life? An Opti-Mystic.
- What do you call a buff wizard? Dumbbell dore
- What do you call a wizard from Uganda? a uGandalf
- What do you call a wizard who specializes in dairy based magic? A lactomancer.
- What's a wizard's favorite class in school? Spelling
- What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts? M'rauders Map
- What do you call a dark wizard that loves to give hickeys? a necromancer
Wizard Oz Jokes
Here is a list of funny wizard oz jokes and even better wizard oz puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz is by far the greatest character of all time. No one could hold a candle to him.
- The Wizard of Oz was imperial. Bit the Wizard of CC was metric.
- Bernie Sanders is like the Wizard of Oz... ...because he took Kansas by storm.
- What is the scarecrow in The Wizard of OZ want? c'mon, it's a no-brainer.
- The Wizard of Oz, synopsis. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.
- Where is the easiest place to see a two toed dog? The Wizard of Oz.
- How many are eight Wizards of Oz? One wizard of Cups
- What do you get when you melt the wizard of oz? The wizard of fl.oz.
- The last two surviving munchkins from "The Wizard of Oz" have passed away, and Sir Elton is dedicating a song... ...he's calling it "Goodbye Yellow Brick Choades"
- I was trying to make a new Wizard of Oz movie I could find enough actors to play the Lollipop Guild. Apparently there was a shortage.
Wizard Of Oz Jokes
Here is a list of funny wizard of oz jokes and even better wizard of oz puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I really liked the wizard of oz it was the baum
- Everyone seems to like tinman from wizard of oz... But I can't stannum.>_>
Grand Wizard Jokes
Here is a list of funny grand wizard jokes and even better grand wizard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Donald Trump's family bought him a Gandalf the Grey costume for his birthday. Unfortunately, this wasn't the sort of Grand Wizard outfit he had in mind...
- My grandpa was part of the cool kid club when he was younger. Since he was the leader he got a cool nickname: The Grand Wizard
- Did you hear the one about the grand wizard who really need to use the bathroom? They said he had to pee like a racist horse. No?
Howlingly Hilarious Wizard Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about wizard you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean master jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wizard pranks.
How do you call a wizard that works with political marketing?
Propagandalf.
Everyone is familiar with the story of the Wizard of Oz, right?
Dorothy and her dog get flown away in a tornado, and end up in the magical land of Oz. Obviously Dorothy misses her family and home, but her dog, Toto, he misses the rains down in Africa."
A wizard is driving down a road
and he turns in to a driveway.
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.
It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..
The other day, a wizard offered to turn me into a cat.
The suggestion gave me pause.
What did the drunken hobbit say when he bumped into a wizard?
sauromon, didnt see you there.
Pinocchio is walking down the street...
...and he runs into a wizard, who says, "Hey, Pinocchio, give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy."
"What's the catch?" Pinocchio asks suspiciously.
"No catch," the wizard replies, "Just give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy, no strings attached."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wizard walked into a gay bar
and disappeared with a p**....
What do you call a bee wizard?
Bumbledore
What did Gandalf say when he bumped into the other wizard?
"Saruman, I didn't see you there".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I might not be a member of the klu klux k**...
But I'm a wizard in the sheets.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New-Yorker has found a wizard in the bottle. Wizard said:"I'll fulfill your every desire, but your neighbour would get it twice."
"Poke out my eye"
Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks?
Because they were neckromancers
What do you call a?...
What do you call potato who's high?
A. A baked potato
What do call a wizard who doesn't have enough minions?
A. Short staffed
Ps. This is my first post, be gentle with me.
How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?
A wizard is never late.
Man goes to a wizard
A man goes to see a wizard and says:
"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."
Wizards of the Coast:
Wizards of the Coast, and this is where the magic happens.
How does a Metal Wizard perform his spells?
He ChromeCasts.
anDruid humor.
What do you call a vegan wizard?
A soyceror.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You guys seen that wizard in McDonald's who is invisible to d**...?
No? just me?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the dyslexic wizard fail Hogwarts?
Cause he couldn't spell.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think my boyfriend is a member of the k**...
Because he is a wizard under the sheets.
Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body?
Dumbbelldor.
What do you call a wizard who loves being on busy trams?
Harry Frotteur
A wizard who likes to give zombies hickies is..
a neckromancer.
I went to the fancy dress shop the other day but they couldn't help me complete my wizard costume
You just can't get the staff.
What do you call a wizard holding a teacup?
A saucer-er!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was role playing with my wife last night
Apparently telling her, "I will report you to the Grand Wizard!", is too much for an i**... couple.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know if a wizards gay?
It disappears with a p**....
I was pondering life with the cat wizard...
Then he said something that gave me paws.
A wizard cursed my land yesterday.
Now that's an evil plot!
Girls call me a wizard
Because it's magic what I do with 3 inches.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick...
It's two chicks fighting over a pair of shoes.
Why is Gandalf so good in bed?
Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.
A very wise wizard came up to me while I was struggling to finish my test.
I thought he would have helped, but unfortunately he told me that I shall not pass.
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six.
One Slytherin to break it.
One Gryffindor to volunteer to change it.
Three Hufflepuffs to hold the ladder to ensure the safety of the Gryffindor student.
And one Ravenclaw to point out that they could have just used magic in the first place.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Imperial Wizard of the k**... was just found dead near a river in Missouri...
Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping w**... in our water.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about that girl that was in gryffin-w**...?
Well apparently she let every wizard slyther - in
Which wizard would be the worst professor?
Gandalf, because YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Dancing wizard and a blistered foot.
What spell does a dancing wizard cast on a blistered foot?
Heal Toe!!
What kind of magic does a vegan wizard use?
Soycery
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a wizard m**... victim?
An avada kadaver.
Why did the wizard have to get rid of his dirty sceptre?
Because it gave him a staff infection.
Where does a dyslexic wizard go to school?
Warthogs.
Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry.
Harry: You're a hairy wizard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does the k**... wear those pointy hats?
White Wizard Hat: +10 to racist spells, -15 to black magic. It's all about the stats, man.
A wizard steps on someone's foot and says
Oh my gosh I am sorcery
How would you call a graph-loving wizard?
Harry Plotter
Why was the albino, glasses-wearing man okay with a wizard turning him into a cool looking bug?
He was a pretty fly, four eyed, white guy.
There once was a wizard who never hesitated to try new spells. But then he turned himself into a dog...
That gave him pause.
What did the wizard say at the frat party?
...Abracadabro.
What's the difference between a wizard and a spelling bee contestant?
One can conjure spells, the other can spell conjure
What do you call a sleeping wizard?
Dumblesnore.
Where does a wizard go to find any spell he needs?
Witchopedia
I'm a bit of a wizard when it comes to talking to animals.
I have a dog called woof. I asked him it's name, and it said woof. I have a cat called meow, because it said meow when I asked her name. And I have a parrot called Whatsyourname.
A wizard once turned me into a block of cheese...
I was very grateful.
What's the difference between a fire wizard and someone who flirts with pastries?
One is a Pyromancer, the other is a pie-romancer.
Ghost Wizard loves puns.
You're in a most GRAVE situation now!
You don't stand the GHOST of a chance!
Ghost Wizard chuckles to himself. But behind the smiling facade, he's feeling even more dead inside.
What do you tell a wizard with chicken pox?
Quidittching.
How do I introduce my friend Harold, the Mediterranean meat magician?
Gyro wizard, Harry!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
....magical blonde wizard wlaks ito a bra
**blonde:** ...where's my spell checker?
Why did the wizard become a chef?
He was great at saucery. Heh.
Once upon a time an evil witch decided to curse a young prince into a bear. The cursed prince sought help from a good wizard, but he refused. Why?
The prince was unbearable.
