Wizard Jokes

168 wizard jokes and hilarious wizard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wizard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Think you have a sense of humor fit for a wizard? Check out this collection of funny wizard jokes that are sure to make you chuckle. Whether you're a fan of the Wizard of Oz, Hagrid, or just ready for a laugh, these jokes will hit the spot and provide some magical entertainment. Get ready to whip out your wizard wand and try a few out!

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Funniest Wizard Short Jokes

Short wizard jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wizard humour may include short magic jokes also.

  1. PSA do not wear a washington wizards face mask. CDC studies have shown they provide no defense
  2. Only an American could have written The wizard of oz. Anywhere else, he'd be The Wizard of 28g.
  3. I met a frail old wizard. He had bad breath and loads of blisters. He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  4. What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?

    A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  5. Why did Steve Bannon call Trump supporters working-class hobbits? Because they're friends with grand wizards.
  6. Why did the wizards show up to battle empty handed? Their weapons were at a staff meeting.
    Yes, yes. Groan, downvote, and move on. It popped into my head and I shouldn't have to suffer alone.
  7. Why is Bill Cosby like the The Wizard of Oz? Cosby Cosby Cosby Cosby cos, because of the wonderful things he drugs
  8. My favorite character in the Wizard of Oz is the scarecrow. I mean, c'mon, its a no-brainer.
  9. I saw a magician who could make anything weigh exactly 28.3 grams. His stage name is "The Wizard of Oz."
  10. How is working in I.T. like being a wizard? You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

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Wizard One Liners

Which wizard one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wizard? I can suggest the ones about witch and wick.

  1. As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
  2. What do you call an evil wizard who gives good hickeys? A neck romancer.
  3. Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck? Because he was a neck-romancer....
  4. What do nerds and racists have in common? They both aspire to be wizards.
  5. What do you call a wizard who fell down the stairs? Tumbledore
  6. What do you have when you have 16 copies of the Wizard of Oz? The Wizard of Lb.
  7. What the worst thing about being an illiterate wizard? You can't spell.
  8. What does a Mexican wizard use to cast magic? A Juand
  9. Did you hear about the illiterate wizard? He couldn't even spellbook.
  10. What do you call a wizard with a good outlook on life? An Opti-Mystic.
  11. What do you call a buff wizard? Dumbbell dore
  12. What do you call a wizard from Uganda? a uGandalf
  13. What do you call a wizard who specializes in dairy based magic? A lactomancer.
  14. What's a wizard's favorite class in school? Spelling
  15. What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts? M'rauders Map

Wizard Oz Jokes

Here is a list of funny wizard oz jokes and even better wizard oz puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz is by far the greatest character of all time. No one could hold a candle to him.
  • The Wizard of Oz was imperial. Bit the Wizard of CC was metric.
  • Bernie Sanders is like the Wizard of Oz... ...because he took Kansas by storm.
  • What is the scarecrow in The Wizard of OZ want? c'mon, it's a no-brainer.
  • The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick... It's two chicks fighting over a pair of shoes.
  • The Wizard of Oz, synopsis. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.
  • Politicians are like Dorothy's friends in the Wizard of Oz Heartless, brainless & cowardly
  • Where is the easiest place to see a two toed dog? The Wizard of Oz.
  • The Wizard of Oz takes on a whole new plot when you look at it from Toto's perspective... ... as much as Dorothy misses Kansas, Toto misses the rains down in Africa.
  • How many are eight Wizards of Oz? One wizard of Cups

Wizard Of Oz Jokes

Here is a list of funny wizard of oz jokes and even better wizard of oz puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you get when you melt the wizard of oz? The wizard of fl.oz.
  • The last two surviving munchkins from "The Wizard of Oz" have passed away, and Sir Elton is dedicating a song... ...he's calling it "Goodbye Yellow Brick Choades"
  • I was trying to make a new Wizard of Oz movie I could find enough actors to play the Lollipop Guild. Apparently there was a shortage.
  • I really liked the wizard of oz it was the baum
  • Everyone seems to like tinman from wizard of oz... But I can't stannum.>_>
Wizard joke, Everyone seems to like tinman from wizard of oz...

Grand Wizard Jokes

Here is a list of funny grand wizard jokes and even better grand wizard puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Donald Trump's family bought him a Gandalf the Grey costume for his birthday. Unfortunately, this wasn't the sort of Grand Wizard outfit he had in mind...
  • My grandpa was part of the cool kid club when he was younger. Since he was the leader he got a cool nickname: The Grand Wizard
  • Did you hear the one about the grand wizard who really need to use the bathroom? They said he had to pee like a racist horse. No?
  • So I was role playing with my wife last night Apparently telling her, "I will report you to the Grand Wizard!", is too much for an i**... couple.
  • If the Grand Wizard of the k**... taught at Hogwarts what would he teach? Defense against the *dark* arts.
  • What did the Grand Wizard of the k**... name his new fleet of planes? n**...-AIR
  • I don't understand why they call the leader of the k**... the 'Grand Wizard' I mean, the only magic trick that he can even do is that he can make some black people disappear
  • God and the k**... A k**... grand wizard makes it to heaven and he manages to convince god to join, but he must have misunderstood when the wizard said he wanted all black guys to be "hung".
  • I just picked my class for the new k**...-themed MMORPG out next month. Grand Wizard

Wizard Wand Jokes

Here is a list of funny wizard wand jokes and even better wizard wand puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's an impotent wizard's favourite boy band? Wand e**....
  • What's an old wizard's favorite concert for a hot date? Wand-e**...
Wizard joke, What's an old wizard's favorite concert for a hot date?

Howlingly Hilarious Wizard Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about wizard you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean master jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wizard pranks.

How do you call a wizard that works with political marketing?


A wizard is driving down a road

and he turns in to a driveway.

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.

It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..

What do you call a dark wizard that loves to give hickeys?

a necromancer

The other day, a wizard offered to turn me into a cat.

The suggestion gave me pause.

What did the drunken hobbit say when he bumped into a wizard?

sauromon, didnt see you there.

Pinocchio is walking down the street...

...and he runs into a wizard, who says, "Hey, Pinocchio, give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy."
"What's the catch?" Pinocchio asks suspiciously.
"No catch," the wizard replies, "Just give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy, no strings attached."

A wizard walked into a gay bar

and disappeared with a p**....

What do you call a bee wizard?


What did Gandalf say when he bumped into the other wizard?

"Saruman, I didn't see you there".

What do you call a happy wizard?


I might not be a member of the klu klux k**...

But I'm a wizard in the sheets.

An old man goes to the Wizard ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the *exact* words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks?

Because they were neckromancers

What do you call a?...

What do you call potato who's high?
A. A baked potato
What do call a wizard who doesn't have enough minions?
A. Short staffed

Ps. This is my first post, be gentle with me.

Man goes to a wizard

A man goes to see a wizard and says:
"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."

Wizards of the Coast:

Wizards of the Coast, and this is where the magic happens.

What do you call a vegan wizard?

A soyceror.

Why did the dyslexic wizard fail Hogwarts?

Cause he couldn't spell.

How did the gay wizard dissappear?

He went with a p**...!

I think my boyfriend is a member of the k**...

Because he is a wizard under the sheets.

Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body?


What do you call a wizard who loves being on busy trams?

Harry Frotteur

What do you call a wizard that puts people to sleep?


A wizard who likes to give zombies hickies is..

a neckromancer.

I went to the fancy dress shop the other day but they couldn't help me complete my wizard costume

You just can't get the staff.

How do you know if a wizards gay?

It disappears with a p**....

I was pondering life with the cat wizard...

Then he said something that gave me paws.

A wizard cursed my land yesterday.

Now that's an evil plot!

Girls call me a wizard

Because it's magic what I do with 3 inches.

What kind of wizard loves hickeys?

A necromancer.

When I first met my boyfriend, he told me he shared something in common with the k**......

He was right, that man is a wizard under the sheets.

A very wise wizard came up to me while I was struggling to finish my test.

I thought he would have helped, but unfortunately he told me that I shall not pass.

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

One Slytherin to break it.
One Gryffindor to volunteer to change it.
Three Hufflepuffs to hold the ladder to ensure the safety of the Gryffindor student.
And one Ravenclaw to point out that they could have just used magic in the first place.

The Imperial Wizard of the k**... was just found dead near a river in Missouri...

Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping w**... in our water.

Did you hear about that girl that was in gryffin-w**...?

Well apparently she let every wizard slyther - in

Which wizard would be the worst professor?

Gandalf, because YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

What kind of magic does a vegan wizard use?


What do you call a wizard m**... victim?

An avada kadaver.

What do you call a black wizard?

A negromancer.

Why does the k**... wear those pointy hats?

White Wizard Hat: +10 to racist spells, -15 to black magic. It's all about the stats, man.

Why did the wizard lose his job?

He got outsorced.

What was a dog wizard called?


A wizard steps on someone's foot and says

Oh my gosh I am sorcery

Have you heard about the homosexual wizard?

He disappeared with a p**...

What do you call a wizard that can only control lizards?


How would you call a graph-loving wizard?

Harry Plotter

Why was the albino, glasses-wearing man okay with a wizard turning him into a cool looking bug?

He was a pretty fly, four eyed, white guy.

There once was a wizard who never hesitated to try new spells. But then he turned himself into a dog...

That gave him pause.

What do you call a wizard that keeps falling over?


What do wizards use to read PDFs?

A Dobby.

What did the wizard say at the frat party?


What's the difference between a wizard and a spelling bee contestant?

One can conjure spells, the other can spell conjure

What do you call a sleeping wizard?


I'm a bit of a wizard when it comes to talking to animals.

I have a dog called woof. I asked him it's name, and it said woof. I have a cat called meow, because it said meow when I asked her name. And I have a parrot called Whatsyourname.

A wizard once turned me into a block of cheese...

I was very grateful.

Have you heard about the barefoot frail wizard with bad breath?

Well it's the first confirmed case of a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis

The wizard was driving down the street

When suddenly he turned into a driveway.

What's the difference between a fire wizard and someone who flirts with pastries?

One is a Pyromancer, the other is a pie-romancer.

Ghost Wizard loves puns.

You're in a most GRAVE situation now!
You don't stand the GHOST of a chance!
Ghost Wizard chuckles to himself. But behind the smiling facade, he's feeling even more dead inside.

What do you call a wizard who enjoys eating people?

A Vorelock

Why did the wizard become a chef?

He was great at saucery. Heh.

Once upon a time an evil witch decided to curse a young prince into a bear. The cursed prince sought help from a good wizard, but he refused. Why?

The prince was unbearable.

What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?


Wizard joke, What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?

jokes about wizard