wives and children Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious wives and children puns

A Modern Islamic Couple are getting married..

A modern Islamic couple preparing for a religious wedding meet with their Mullah for counseling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man says, "We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together. "

"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately. "

"So, after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife? "

" No , " answers the Mullah. " It ' s forbidden in Islam . "

"Well, OK," says the man. "What about sex?

Can we finally have sex? "

" Of course ! " replies the Mullah. " AlIa ho Akber !

Sex is OK within a marriage to have children ! "

"What about different positions?" asks the man. "AlIa ho Akber! No problem," says the Mullah. "Woman on top?" the man asks.

"Sure," says the Mullah. "AlIa ho Akber. Go for it!"

"Doggy style?"

"Sure! AlIa ho Akber! "

"On the kitchen table?"

"Yes, yes! AlIaho Akber!"

"Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"

" You may, indeed. AlIa ho Akber ! " "Can we do it standing up?"

"No," says the Mullah.

"Why not?" asks the man.

"Because that could lead to dancing."

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Marriage counseling

Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding, meet with their Mullah for counseling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

Ahmed asks, 'We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together.'

'Absolutely not,' says the Mullah. 'It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately.'

'So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?'

'No,' answered the Mullah, 'It's forbidden in Islam.'

'Well, okay,' says Ahmed, 'What about sex? Can we finally have sex?'

'Of course!' replies the Mullah, 'Allahu Akbar! Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!'

'What about different positions?' asks the man.

'Allahu Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem),' says the Mullah.

'Woman on top?' Ahmed asks.

'Sure,' says the Mullah.

'Allah Akbar. Go for it!'

'Doggy style?'

'Sure! Allahu Akbar!'

'On the kitchen table?'

'Yes, yes! Allahu Akbar!'

'Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?'

'You may indeed.. Allahu Akbar!'

'Can we do it standing up?'

'No, absolutely not!' says the Mullah.

'Why not?' asks the man.

'Because that could lead to dancing!'

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An Englishman, a Welshman and an Arab met over coffee..

...at a convention.

''I am happily married,'' said the Englishman, ''and have 10 children. One more and I shall have my own football team."

''I am happily married,'' said the Welshman ''and have 14 children. One more and I shall have my own Rugby team."

''I am also happily married,'' said the Arab ''and have 17 wives. One more and I shall have my own Golf course.''

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Dancing?

A Muslim couple in Prestatyn, preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah for counselling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man asks, We realise it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women.

But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together.

Absolutely not, says the Mullah. It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately.

So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?

No, answered the Mullah, It's forbidden in Islam.


Well, okay, says the man, What about sex? Can we finally have sex?2

Of course! replies the Mullah, Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!

What about different positions? asks the man.

No problem, says the Mullah.

Woman on top? the man asks.

Sure, says the Mullah. Go for it!

Doggy style?

Sure!

On the kitchen table?

Yes, yes!

Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?

You may indeed!

Can we do it standing up?

No. says the Mullah.

Why not? asks the man.

It could lead to dancing.

note :

In a lot of religions men can only dance with men, and not with women, not even their wives..... WTF!!!!

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True Story

The Husband Store:

A new store that sells new husbands has opened in Toronto , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, however you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs...

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Like Children...

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Good Jobs, Love Children, and are Extremely Good Looking...

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Very Good Jobs, Love Children, are Extremely Good Looking and Help With Most Housework...

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Exceptional Jobs that pay them very well, they Love Children, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with all the Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak, and they are 100% Faithful.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 18,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Please Exit to the right to make room for more unreasonable shoppers.



PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. Similar instructions are posted at the entrance of this store as well.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have their own money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

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For all my military personnel

A SEA/L, PJ and a Green Beret all are trying to make Delta. The last phase of the selection process comes up and the instructor says "Alright men, you've come a long way. But you can't have any emotional ties to distract you. Behind each of these three doors, is each of your wives with her hands tied behind a chair, a table with a M9 and a single bullet. You know what you need to do." The SEA/L goes in first. After half an hour passes, he comes back out, teary eyed and said "I couldn't do it." He failed. The PJ goes next. After about an hour, he to comes out of the room and says "that's the mother of my children. I can't do it". He gets sent home. The Green Beret then goes in the room. Immediately there is screaming, slapping, tables and glass breaking. The other two standing outside wondering what the fuck is going on. Finally the noise ends and the Green Beret comes back out, scratched, bloody and bruised. The others ask him "what the fuck happened?!" the Green Beret replies "some fucken idiot but a blank in there so I beat the bitch to death!"

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45th birthday

Two weeks ago was my and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" and probably would have a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember.

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day."Let's go!" We went to lunch.

We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable".

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake -- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there --on the couch -- naked.

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How did the billionaire go bankrupt?

He had ten children by ten wives who divorced him.

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In Mesopotamia when men decided to abandon their wives and children…

Do you think they said they were just going out for for ziggurats?

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What are the most funny Wives And Children jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Wives And Children? Well, here are the best Wives And Children dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Wives And Children pick up lines to share with friends.

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