Wive Jokes
55 wive jokes and hilarious wive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Wive Short Jokes
Short wive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wive humour may include short spouse jokes also.
- Please becareful on the road Lots of people are drinking excessively and having their wives drive
- 75% of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house. 90% kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives.
- Trump's wives were immigrants, proving the adage true... Immigrants do the jobs Americans don't want to do.
- How did the Polygamist Hippie count his wives? 1 Mrs. hippie, 2 Mrs. Hippie, 3 Mrs. Hippie......
- How does a polygamist hippie count his wives? One Mrs. Hippie, two Mrs. Hippie, three Mrs. Hippie......
- Really awkward pick-up line. Me: You look like my first wife.
Her: (surprised) How many wives have you had?
Me: None
*wedding music starts playing* - Two of Trump's wives have been immigrants. Which just goes to show you that those people will take jobs that no American wants.
- September was the first calendar month no nfl players were arrested in six years. Kudos to their wives for being so well behaved last month.
- Two little boys are at a wedding when one leans over to other and asks: "How many wives are we allowed to have?"
His friend answered "Sixteen. Four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer!" - Two men were talking about their wives The first guy says My wife is an angel!
The other says You're lucky, mine's still alive.
Share These Wive Jokes With Friends
Wive One Liners
Which wive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wive? I can suggest the ones about divorced wife and beautiful wife.
- Wives are like grenades... Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
- Amish men can't motorboat their wives. They can only row boat them.
- Four men are waiting for their wives in a marital ward.
- A toast to wives, girlfriends, and lovers. May they never meet.
- Why were the wives of a polygamist awarded a degree in physics? For splitting an Adam.
- My ex wives were all good housekeepers.. ..When they left, they kept the house.
- Wives are amazing magicians... They can turn anything into an argument.
- Why don't men install urinals in their houses? Their wives just wouldn't stand for it :)
- What is the punishment for bigamy? Two wives.
- Why do most car accidents happen when men are drunk? Because their wives are driving.
- Why do men usually die before their wives? Because they want to.
- The only people who get more concussions than NFL players.. are their wives
- Yo Mama so fat... When a Muslim man marries her he fills up his 4 wives quota
- What do you call a dad joke with no kids or wives around? Funny
- What's the one thing snipers can't tell their wives? I missed you this morning.
Howlingly Hilarious Wive Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about wive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean english wife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wive pranks.
Two wives go out for girls night.
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her p**... the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no p**...."
The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!
Two Men in a Country Club...
Two men in a country club are in the locker room getting undressed. Bob, asks Mike, "How long have you been wearing women's underwear?". Mike answers, "Since my wive found a pair in my car."
A guy goes into a bar...
He sits and ask for 2 beers. After he finished them, he take something in his pocket, look at it, put it back and ask for 2 more beers. After he finished them, he did the same process and ask for 2 more beers.
After he did it 4 more times, the bartender intrigued ask the guy what's in his pocket.
- Ohh its just a picture of my wive! When i'm drunk enough to find her attractive I know it's time to go home.
i have two wives and i take care of them both equally and love them both equally.
ain't that bigamy?
Wives are like hurricanes
They're wet and wild to begin with, but when they leave they take everything
Wives are like boats.
Happy the day you get one. Happier the day you get rid of it.
Why are two of Trump's three wives immigrants?
Why are two of Trump's three wives immigrants?
Because there are some jobs Americans just won't do.
What do wives and shingles have in common?
if you don't nail them right, they'll end up at your neighbor's.
How are wives like cholesterol?
If you ignore them for too long they'll probably end up killing you
Wives live longer than their husbands..
because they are not married to a woman
(Courtesy "Whose Line It is Anyway")
Wives are a lot like cars....
Once you pay them off you turn them in for a new model.
My first three wives...
"The first two ate poisonous mushrooms.
The third one took a shot to the head."
"Oh my lord" my friend says, "that is awful, who shot her?"
"I did," I say,
"She wasn't eating the poisonous mushrooms"
my second of 3 wives just went bankrupt.
You could say she's in a midwife crisis
Know why wives close their eyes during s**... with their husbands
Because they can't stand to see them enjoy themselves
If wives were bombs, what would their trigger code be?
Calm Down
What do wives and horses have in common?
They all turn into old nags eventually.
Why did all the wives start drinking apple juice.
because O.J. will kill you.
Wives and grenades have one thing in common...
When you take off the ring, your house is gone.
Wives are s**... objects
Every time you ask for s**..., she objects
3 wives want to decide what to wear
The first one says, "My husband has black hair so I will wear a black dress"
The second one says, "My husband has grey hair so I will wear a grey dress"
The third wife, on hear this starts panicking.
When asked she tell the other two, "My husband is bald"
Wives are not like computers
When you're not expecting it, a computer will go down on you.
Wives are like boomerangs...
I hope.
Wives are like M416s
They're both better silenced and every man should own one.
Why were the wives of World War 2 soldiers happy to see them?
Because the wives wanted to have their own D-day.
How many wives
Two little boys were at a wedding when one leaned over to the other and asked, "How many wives can a man have?"
His friend answered, "Sixteen... four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer."
Wives always complain that their husbands don't listen to them.
My wife has never complained about this. Or maybe she has. I don't know.
Told my wive 10 plays on words to see how many make her laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Here's to our wives and lovers...
May they never meet.
Why do wives cook for their husbands?
Because according to the law, all prisoners need to be fed.
Why do Wives live longer?
Because they haven't got a wife.
Wives are like grenades
Pull the ring and the house is gone
I've had 7 wives...
2 of them were mine.
My first two wives died from eating poisonous mushrooms, the third one died from a blow to the head.
She didn't want to eat the mushrooms.
2 wives go on a girls night out
On the way home they both need the toilet, so decide to stop at a graveyard, but they have nothing to wipe with.
The first takes off her p**... and uses them, while the other takes a wreath and uses that.
The next day, one of their husbands calls the other and says:
"No more girls nights out. My wife came home with no p**.... "
The other husband says:
"Thats nothing. Mine came home with a card in her crack that said 'from all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you. "
