Witty Jokes
41 witty jokes and hilarious witty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about witty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of witty jokes. From clever one-liners to funny puns, we've got you covered.
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Funniest Witty Short Jokes
Short witty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The witty humour may include short humorous jokes also.
- I watched Into The Spiderverse and I wondered how Spider-Man always comes up with his witty comebacks. Then it it me with great power comes great response ability.
- TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport... The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"
I replied "No, only guns." - Do vegans get paid hourly or celery? That's it. That was the joke. No witty punchline or anything like that. Sorry.
- On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter? 9 3/4
*Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.* - I would appreciate it if we stopped posting Holocaust Jokes. They're not funny, witty, or humorous. My Grandpa died in the Holocaust He fell off the Guard Tower
- I was born handsome, charming witty and wise I'm also a compulsive liar, but I think it evens out.
- Need something witty to say after i pee in a cup... Tomorrow is drug test day... Not sure this is actually the right sub for this but watevs.
- An Irishman offended everyone in the pub by making witty jokes about their mums. What was his name? O'Byrne
- What do you get a first dad for father's day? Condoms.
Courtesy of my witty ole' uncle mike - What do they say about a guy who takes credit for other's witty word play? He has puns of steal.
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Witty One Liners
Which witty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with witty? I can suggest the ones about quick witted and sarcastic.
- What do you call a connoisseur of ancient humor? Antique-witty
- I thought my witty comeback was completely original.... Turns out it was a riposte.
- If you are looking for a witty guy with abandonment issues Then look no father
- What's witty, funny, and makes everyone laugh? Not me.
- What do you call a witty loaf of bread? Pun
- What do you call a witty man in Canada? A tourist.
- What's clever, witty and makes everyone laugh? Definitely not me
- Who is witty and runs over obstacles? Dorothy Parkour
- A comedian tells a witty joke, the audience stabs him... They didn't get the point.
- I met this rude and witty country You could say it was a sassy nation
- I have something witty to say Something witty
- What do you pasta with a witty comeback? Retortellini.
- what is awesome and witty? heres a hint, join the two words and put a jew in there
Happy Witty Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about witty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean funny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make witty pranks.
The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.
So wake me up when it's all over
My five-year-old, everyone.
My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:
Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
I had just been out-dad-joked by my five-year-old. It was so unexpected, and was the first time I think I recognized how hilarious she was with her wit. I really miss her (because of a divorce, not a f**...).
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
Funny and Witty WiFi names?
I think the best I've come across are;
1. Drop it like it's hotspot
2. The Promised LAN
3. Wu Tang LAN
4. Chance the Router
5. Winternet is coming
6. A LAN time ago
7. I believe Wi can Fi
8. Vladamir Routin
9. That's what she SSID
10. Lord Voldemodem
God creates Adam
God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, "Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."
Adam couldn't believe his luck!
God says, "All this will cost you only and arm and a leg." To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"
A linguistics professor is giving a lecture...
She says "Only in few languages, like Russian do two negatives make a positive, but there is not a single language known where two positives make a negative"
A witty student shouts back "yeah right! "
An Arrogant Boss
The secretary saw that her boss' zipper was open when he walked out of the bathroom.
Hey boss, "Your garage door is open."
The arrogant boss walked real close to her and said, "I hope you got a good look at my Ferrari."
The witty secretary quickly said, "No, but I did get a glimpse of a small scooter with two deflated wheels."
Witty Answer from a Four Year Old
Mom just informed me that I said this when I was little. The original punch line is "Make a sound like a carrot".
MOM: "How do you catch a rabbit?"
ME: "Have someone throw one at you."
Why are atoms selfish?
Because they're all that matter!
...Courtesy of my witty wife after my 11 year old asked the "Why should you never trust atoms? - because they make up everything" joke.
I thought surely the joke already existed, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Doesn't entirely work, but it got a laugh out of me!
A woman passes out while giving birth to her twins leaving her immature, witty brother to name them.
She wakes up and immediately asks her brother what he named her new born girl. He replies,"Denise". Surprised she says,"That's a beautiful name, what about my baby boy"? He responds with a grin from ear to ear, "Denephew".
A man goes hunting...
He is an Atheist. He is in the woods when he trips and drops his rifle down a cliffs edge, and a Bear corners him. Knowing its his last line of life, but un willing to ask for god, he thinks of a witty idea, he says "If there is a god, please make this bear a christian!".The bear stands up and says "Dear lord, thank you for this meal im about to eat".
Hueh.
An audio technician becomes a comedian
An audio technician is on stage at an open mic night in a comedy club.
He seems to be absolutely crushing the audience with witty and outrageous jokes.
At the end of his time he gets to do a mic drop.
That was the last night he ever did comedy.
The feedback ruined it.
Request, Best comeback and or witty response when you ask for a cup of water or something free at a restaurant/business and they reply jokingly back that'll be a thousand dollars.
I always just laugh, but there has to be something good to say back.
Mom and Dad
My mom and dad are fighting again. My mom yelled, Have you been drinking again? You promised me to try to be a different man!!
My dad always has a witty reply. He said, I am trying, but the other man is a drinker too.
What are some very short, witty, funny, punny jokes than you can use to start a conversation with a girl? (no extreme s**... stuff)
But compliments would help
Not a joke, but some witty comment I like to say
Whenever I get my hands on one of my friends phone (who isn't single), or whenever one of them gets a new girlfriend, I ask:
"Do you have any n**... photos of you girlfriend on your phone?"
Naturally, the answer is "No", at which I respond:
"Do you want some?"
Works every time :)
