Witch Jokes
148 witch jokes and hilarious witch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about witch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some fun witch jokes this Halloween? Whether you're looking to keep the kids entertained or just want to get a few laughs out of your guests at a Halloween party, this collection of witch humor is sure to do the trick. From classic Hansel and Gretel jokes to kid-friendly puns, you'll find something here to tickle your witchy funny-bone.
Quick Jump To
- Short Witch Jokes
- Witch One Liners
- Witch Broom Jokes
- Witch Wardrobe Jokes
- Halloween Witch Jokes
- Wicked Witch Jokes
- More Witch Jokes
Funniest Witch Short Jokes
Short witch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The witch humour may include short wick jokes also.
- What's the difference between Daredevil and Scarlet Witch? One knows how to cope without Vision.
- What do Scarlet Witch and Daredevil both have in common? They both wear red and lost their Vision.
- I searched in Google "How do I know if my wife is a witch". You could've just asked me! - she yelled from the kitchen.
- What do Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common? They're superheroes dressed in red who lost their vision!
- A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?" The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"
... I'm sorry. - A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar The bartender asks what they're having.
The witch replies "Narnia business." - Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time? She turned her car into a tree.
- A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners. She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"
- What happens when a witch breaks the sound barrier? You hear a sonic broom.
- "I'd like a spell to make me famous," he said. "OK," said the witch.
He burned for a week before he died. It was the talk of the kingdom.
Share These Witch Jokes With Friends
Witch One Liners
Which witch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with witch? I can suggest the ones about wolf and wand.
- What do you call a witch that only eats sand? Malnourished.
- Dad: What's a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe Me: it's Narnia Business....
- Why can't a dyslexic be a witch? You need to be good at spelling.
- Why don't witches wear underwear? ... to get a better grip
- Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch! Hermione: Emma Watson?
- Why could the witch never get the enchantments right? She forgot to use Spell Check.
- What do Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common? They both don't have vision.
- How do ghouls sign off a letter? Best witches and worm regards
- What are the preferred pronouns for a Witch He He He
- What do witches use most on their phone? Spell check
- Why dont witches wear underwear? So they can get a good grip on the broomstick
- Why do witches wear name tags? To know which witch is which.
- What do you call an angry witch? Ribbit.
- Why can't witches get pregnant? Because their husbands have hollow weenies.
- What you call a group of witches cooking simple recipe? An Easy Bake Coven!
Witch Broom Jokes
Here is a list of funny witch broom jokes and even better witch broom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms? Better grip.
Happy Halloween :) - Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on the broom.
- Why don't witches ever wear underwear? Gives 'em a better grip on their brooms...
- What does a witch say to fly faster? Broom, broom!
- A witch was going to take a friend's broom for a ride But she couldn't drive a stick
- what noise does a witch in a car make? Broom broom
- What sound does a witches vehicle make? BROOM BROOM
- What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum? I don't want an automatic
- What sound does a car make when a witch starts it? Broom Broom
- Why don't witches wear underwear? Better grip on the broom!
Witch Wardrobe Jokes
Here is a list of funny witch wardrobe jokes and even better witch wardrobe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm not gonna tell you what happens in The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe... It's Narnia business!
- A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar. The bartender yells, "Get out! I'm not serving Narnia!".
- What's the best coming out of the closet story? The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
- What did Aslan tell Lucy about the Witch and the Wardrobe? It's Narnia business.
- A Lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar! The Barman says "I'm serving narnia"
- The Lion, the Witch and a fabulous fashion sense What did the Lion say to the Witch when she caught him coming out of the wardrobe?
"My s**... preference is Narnia business." - So I said to this witch: "w**... were you and that lion doing in my wardrobe?" She said "Narnia business."
Halloween Witch Jokes
Here is a list of funny halloween witch jokes and even better halloween witch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My neighbor knocked on my door and said it was too early to decorate my house for Halloween Big talk from someone who wears her witch costume year-round.
- halloween When I told my wife to use a vacuum instead
of a broom the witch flew of the handle. - Why do witches go to rehab? To Halloween off drugs.
- HALLOWEEN JOKE: Why don't witches ever have babies? Because warlocks have hollow weenies!
- What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!
- Why can't the witch have any children? Her husband has a Halloween.
^I'm ^^so ^^^sorry. - What is the common thing between Valentine's Day and Halloween? Ugly drunk witches wandering around.
- There's only one thing I don't like about Halloween Witches
- Old joke for Halloween. Why do witches not wear p**...? For better grip on the broom
Wicked Witch Jokes
Here is a list of funny wicked witch jokes and even better wicked witch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do witches like candles so much? Because they're wicked!
- What time does the wicked witch have her clocks set to? Greenwich mean time.
- What was the true purpose of the Ice Bucket Challenge? To bring down the Wicked Witch of the West.
- What killed the Wicked Witch of The West? Splash damage
- What do the Mighty Ducks and the Wicked Witch of the West have in common? A flying V.
- How do you know the Wicked Witch of the east never had s**...? She clearly has never even been wet.
Hilarious Fun Witch Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about witch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wizard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make witch pranks.
Why don't witches have babies?
Because their men have hollow-weenies!
Why didn't the witch wear p**.......
So she could grip the broom better.
Why don't witches wear p**...?
Because they need to grip the broom.
Why do witches not wear p**...?
You get better grip on the brooms.
So I heard some rumbling in my wardrobe...
...and so I approached the door with some nerve-wracking caution. To my surprise I saw both a lion and a witch in there, looking startled but out of breath.
I asked the witch, "What are you doing in my wardrobe?"
She replied, "Narnia business."
You thought Dad jokes were a thing? How about this Grandma joke:
I woke up this morning to find a lion AND a witch in my wardrobe. When I asked them what they were doing, they shouted, "Narnia business!"
What does a witch use to see if her spells are going to work?
Spell check!
Did you hear about the witch who couldn't have children?
her husband had a Holloweenie.
In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child.
amanda's a lesbian.
When Scarlett Witch was at the Avengers HQ...
you could say she needed...adult super Vision.
Did you know that witches don't wear p**...?
It's so they can get a better grip on the broomstick.
How do you make a witch scratch?
Remove the w
A man meets a witch.
A man goes to a witch and asks her to be liberated from an old spell.
>I can help you, I do however, need to know the exact same words of said spell
I remember, it was: *I now pronounce you, husband and wife.*
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch
The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"
The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*p**...!* the brunette disappears.
The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*p**...!* the redhead disappears.
The blonde says, "I think..." *p**...!*
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
Her food is potion-controlled.
Did you hear about the witch that died while melting down armor?
Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"
Why don't witches wear a flat cap?
There's no point to it
Oooooo Eeeeee Oooooo Ahhh Ahhh Ting Tang...
I was shocked when my adopted daughter told me she was going to marry a Witch Doctor.
Why do you want to do that? I asked.
Pwobabwy for financial secuwity, she replied.
Why don't witches wear p**...?
Better grip
A homless lady pushing a cart at 2 am told my friends and i this. "What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire"
See you the same time next month.
And then she cackled like a witch who'd been smoking for 40 years most of her teeth missing, it was horrifying and hilarious at the same time.
I met a passive aggressive witch.
She didn't curse me she just blessed everyone around me.
How do witches fly in the rain?
With a mop.
Breaking News! Ursula the Sea Witch has taken over and destroyed the local shoe factory. There were no survivors.
Those poor unfortunate soles.
Why don't witches wear u**...?
To get a better grip on their broomsticks
My life is like a fairytale
Everyday, when I come home, there's a witch waiting for me.
Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?
Because her husband had a hollow w**...
Why don't witches wear p**...?
Because their broom sticks better.
3 witch fugitives were cornered by police
The redhead yelled "AIR" and a gust of wind carried her to safety.
The brunette yelled "EARTH" and a tunnel to safety appeared underneath her.
The blonde yelled "FIRE" so the police did.
What do you call a witch who uses i**... spells?
A hex offender.
People say the #MeToo movement is starting to resemble a witch hunt, but I don't think that's fair...
For one thing, in a real witch hunt, the accused gets a trial first.
What's similar between Scarlet Witch and Daredevil? [spoilers]
The both lost their vision
A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.
He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started s**... his inner thigh.
Just like that, the man turned into a hotel.
Why did the witch doctor cross the road?
He's got friends on the other side.
Why did the witch have so many hickies?
She was dating a necromancer.
What do you call a witch in the middle east?
A sandwitch.
What do you call a witch who only eats sand?
Anything you like - she's dead.
What do you call a witch who can't decide between casting good spells or bad spells?
Trans-hex-ual
Witches don't f**...
They cast smells
I translated this joke into English from my native language
Woman goes to the witch and asks what will she accomplish in her life the witch says: You will cause death of 60 million people,, Woman runs through whole city and when she gets to her house she sees a small boy sitting in the middle of the road and big truck coming towards him she grabs him takes him off the road sits on a bench next to him and asks: whats your name little boy?,,
The boy answers: Adolf h**...,,
Why don't witches wear p**...?
They need to grip the broom
A bard wants to be more powerful and so he strikes a deal with a witch
The witch says she will only grant his wish if he gives her his first born son
The bard laughs and says sure! Good luck finding him
A witch was going through her recent order of newts...
... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks What's wrong, Master?
The witch replied, Well, I've got some good newts and some bad newts...
A joke from my nephew... so please be kind.
How many types of witches are there? 3
A good witch, a bad witch, and a sandwich.
(My nephew is 24, and yes, we're all a little worried about him. He's not developmentally disabled or anything. He's just....?)
I met a sorceress in the desert once
She told me I could have all the churned dairy products and preserved fruit I could ever want, but first I had to marry her and sign a legally binding agreement that she would get it all back if we ever got divorced
Until that day I'd never believed the legends of the prenup butter and jelly sand witch
Why do witches not wear p**...
For better grip on the broom
Had an encounter with dyslexic witch..
I am safe cause she couldn't spell.
Along with "Antimatter" and "Dark Matter" we've recently discovered the existence of...
"Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.
Once there was a tribe ruled by an evil witch doctor.
Whenever someone spoke up against his reign, he used his magic to turn them into an apple. One day, a small group of tribesmen had enough and decided to steal the witch doctor's magic spell book and turn him into an apple. However, the book said that if the mass of the apple ever changed too much, the spell would be broken and the witch doctor would kill them all. So each morning, they carefully measured the apple to make sure it had not changed. Proving that...
a weigh a day keeps the doctor an apple.
How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?
It depends on what they're changing it in to.
When a leaf and an emo fall from a tree witch one hits the ground first
The leaf hits the ground first, emo just keeps hanging up there
Why don't witches wear p**...?
To get a better grip on the broomstick.
Q) How many witch doctors does it take to change a lightbulb??
A) Into what??
Why do witches and wizards do well in English class?
They're really good at spelling
So there's this witch that owns a motel and she'll give you a discount room if you consent to her experimenting on you...
The sign outside says, Come on in and rest for a spell .
