Hilarious Fun Witch Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch!
Hermione: Emma Watson?
What do you call a witch that only eats sand?
Malnourished.
Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?
Better grip.
Happy Halloween :)
Why don't witches have babies?
Because their men have hollow-weenies!
Why didn't the witch wear p**.......
So she could grip the broom better.
Why don't witches wear p**...?
Because they need to grip the broom.
Why do witches not wear p**...?
You get better grip on the brooms.
Why could the witch never get the enchantments right?
She forgot to use Spell Check.
So I heard some rumbling in my wardrobe...
...and so I approached the door with some nerve-wracking caution. To my surprise I saw both a lion and a witch in there, looking startled but out of breath.
I asked the witch, "What are you doing in my wardrobe?"
She replied, "Narnia business."
You thought Dad jokes were a thing? How about this Grandma joke:
I woke up this morning to find a lion AND a witch in my wardrobe. When I asked them what they were doing, they shouted, "Narnia business!"
Did you hear about the witch who couldn't have children?
her husband had a Holloweenie.
You can explore witch halloweenie reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean witch wizarding dad jokes. There are also witch puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child.
Amanda's a lesbian.
The Lion, the Witch and a fabulous fashion sense
What did the Lion say to the Witch when she caught him coming out of the wardrobe?
"My s**... preference is Narnia business."
A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar
The bartender asks what they're having.
The witch replies "Narnia business."
Why don't witches wear underwear?
... to get a better grip
Did you know that witches don't wear p**...?
It's so they can get a better grip on the broomstick.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch
The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"
The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*p**...!* the brunette disappears.
The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*p**...!* the redhead disappears.
The blonde says, "I think..." *p**...!*
What do you call an angry witch?
Ribbit.
I searched in Google "How do I know if my wife is a witch".
You could've just asked me! - she yelled from the kitchen.
Did you hear about the witch that died while melting down armor?
Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"
Why don't witches wear a flat cap?
There's no point to it
Oooooo Eeeeee Oooooo Ahhh Ahhh Ting Tang...
I was shocked when my adopted daughter told me she was going to marry a Witch Doctor.
Why do you want to do that? I asked.
Pwobabwy for financial secuwity, she replied.
Why don't witches wear p**...?
Better grip
A homless lady pushing a cart at 2 am told my friends and i this. "What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire"
See you the same time next month.
And then she cackled like a witch who'd been smoking for 40 years most of her teeth missing, it was horrifying and hilarious at the same time.
I met a passive aggressive witch.
She didn't curse me she just blessed everyone around me.
Why do witches wear name tags?
To know which witch is which.
Why don't witches wear u**...?
To get a better grip on their broomsticks
My life is like a fairytale
Everyday, when I come home, there's a witch waiting for me.
"I'd like a spell to make me famous," he said.
"OK," said the witch.
He burned for a week before he died. It was the talk of the kingdom.
Why don't witches ever wear underwear?
Gives 'em a better grip on their brooms...
Why don't witches wear p**...?
Because their broom sticks better.
What do you call a witch who uses i**... spells?
A hex offender.
People say the #MeToo movement is starting to resemble a witch hunt, but I don't think that's fair...
For one thing, in a real witch hunt, the accused gets a trial first.
What do witches use most on their phone?
Spell check
A witch was going to take a friend's broom for a ride
But she couldn't drive a stick
What's similar between Scarlet Witch and Daredevil? [spoilers]
The both lost their vision
A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.
He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started s**... his inner thigh.
Just like that, the man turned into a hotel.
Why did the witch doctor cross the road?
He's got friends on the other side.
Dad: What's a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe
Me: it's Narnia Business....
Why can't a dyslexic be a witch?
You need to be good at spelling.
Why did the witch have so many hickies?
She was dating a necromancer.
What does a witch say to fly faster?
Broom, broom!
What do you call a witch in the middle east?
A sandwitch.
A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?"
The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"
... I'm sorry.
Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time?
She turned her car into a tree.
Witches don't f**...
They cast smells
A witch was going through her recent order of newts...
... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks What's wrong, Master?
The witch replied, Well, I've got some good newts and some bad newts...
A joke from my nephew... so please be kind.
How many types of witches are there? 3
A good witch, a bad witch, and a sandwich.
(My nephew is 24, and yes, we're all a little worried about him. He's not developmentally disabled or anything. He's just....?)
Why can't witches get pregnant?
Because their husbands have hollow weenies.
I met a sorceress in the desert once
She told me I could have all the churned dairy products and preserved fruit I could ever want, but first I had to marry her and sign a legally binding agreement that she would get it all back if we ever got divorced
Until that day I'd never believed the legends of the prenup butter and jelly sand witch
Why do witches not wear p**...
For better grip on the broom
Why don't witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on the broom.
What do Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common?
They're superheroes dressed in red who lost their vision!
I'm not gonna tell you what happens in The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe...
It's Narnia business!
What do Scarlet Witch and Daredevil both have in common?
They both wear red and lost their Vision.
Had an encounter with dyslexic witch..
I am safe cause she couldn't spell.
Along with "Antimatter" and "Dark Matter" we've recently discovered the existence of...
"Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.
Once there was a tribe ruled by an evil witch doctor.
Whenever someone spoke up against his reign, he used his magic to turn them into an apple. One day, a small group of tribesmen had enough and decided to steal the witch doctor's magic spell book and turn him into an apple. However, the book said that if the mass of the apple ever changed too much, the spell would be broken and the witch doctor would kill them all. So each morning, they carefully measured the apple to make sure it had not changed. Proving that...
a weigh a day keeps the doctor an apple.
What do Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common?
They both don't have vision.
Why don't witches wear p**...?
To get a better grip on the broomstick.
Q) How many witch doctors does it take to change a lightbulb??
A) Into what??
Why do witches and wizards do well in English class?
They're really good at spelling
What's the difference between Daredevil and Scarlet Witch?
One knows how to cope without Vision.
What do you call a witch that likes to go to the beach?
A sandwich
One day, a witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.
She thought to herself, "Am I the only one in this day and age who still drives a stick?"
I think my fuse box has a curse on it
Must have been the Mains Witch
What would you call a potion brewing pig in the desert?
A ham sand witch.
What happens when a witch breaks the sound barrier?
You hear a sonic broom.
A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.
She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"
what noise does a witch in a car make?
Broom broom
What's the first thing a young witch learns?
How to spell.
Three witches are standing around a bubbling caldron.
The first witch tastes the brew. "It needs an eye of newt," she says.
"Agreed" says the second.
"Aye," says the newt.
"Perfect," says the third.
What are the preferred pronouns for a Witch
He He He
I'm pitching a show about magical arts in the legal system
Subpoena the Teenage Witch
A had an argument with a witch, and she ended up hexing me.
I can see her point of view though, there are always six sides to any story.
Why did the old witch in the woods get removed from the Grimm's fairy tales?
Hansel Culture.
\-- Late Night with Seth Meyers
(I apologize for this)
Harry the gecko
Harry the gecko is asked in school what he wants to be when he grows up.
Harry - "I want to be a witch."
Teacher gecko - "No, you cannot be a witch."
Harry - "Why not? Hermione gets to be a witch."
Teacher gecko - "Because your're a lizard Harry."
