Witch Jokes
129 witch jokes and hilarious witch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about witch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some fun witch jokes this Halloween? Whether you're looking to keep the kids entertained or just want to get a few laughs out of your guests at a Halloween party, this collection of witch humor is sure to do the trick. From classic Hansel and Gretel jokes to kid-friendly puns, you'll find something here to tickle your witchy funny-bone.
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Funniest Witch Short Jokes
Short witch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The witch humour may include short wick jokes also.
- What's the difference between Daredevil and Scarlet Witch? One knows how to cope without Vision.
- I searched in Google "How do I know if my wife is a witch". You could've just asked me! - she yelled from the kitchen.
- A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?" The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"
... I'm sorry. - Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time? She turned her car into a tree.
- A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners. She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"
- "I'd like a spell to make me famous," he said. "OK," said the witch.
He burned for a week before he died. It was the talk of the kingdom. - Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms? Better grip.
Happy Halloween :) - I think my fuse box has a curse on it Must have been the Mains Witch
- My local book shop had a sale on "1/3 off all titles" I scored a pristine hardback copy of 'The Lion, The Witch'
- What does a witch say to fly faster? Broom, broom!
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Witch One Liners
Which witch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with witch? I can suggest the ones about wolf and wand.
- Dad: What's a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe Me: it's Narnia Business....
- Why can't a dyslexic be a witch? You need to be good at spelling.
- Why don't witches wear underwear? ... to get a better grip
- Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch! Hermione: Emma Watson?
- Why could the witch never get the enchantments right? She forgot to use Spell Check.
- How do ghouls sign off a letter? Best witches and worm regards
- What are the preferred pronouns for a Witch He He He
- What do witches use most on their phone? Spell check
- Why do witches wear name tags? To know which witch is which.
- What do you call an angry witch? Ribbit.
- What you call a group of witches cooking simple recipe? An Easy Bake Coven!
- What happens when a witch breaks the sound barrier? You hear a sonic broom.
- Why did the witch have so many hickies? She was dating a necromancer.
- What do you call two witches sharing an apartment? Broomates!
- What would you call a potion brewing pig in the desert? A ham sand witch.
Witch Wardrobe Jokes
Here is a list of funny witch wardrobe jokes and even better witch wardrobe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm not gonna tell you what happens in The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe... It's Narnia business!
- What's the best coming out of the closet story? The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
- What did Aslan tell Lucy about the Witch and the Wardrobe? It's Narnia business.
Halloween Witch Jokes
Here is a list of funny halloween witch jokes and even better halloween witch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My neighbor knocked on my door and said it was too early to decorate my house for Halloween Big talk from someone who wears her witch costume year-round.
- halloween When I told my wife to use a vacuum instead
of a broom the witch flew of the handle. - Why do witches go to rehab? To Halloween off drugs.
- What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!
- Why can't the witch have any children? Her husband has a Halloween.
^I'm ^^so ^^^sorry.
Wicked Witch Jokes
Here is a list of funny wicked witch jokes and even better wicked witch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do witches like candles so much? Because they're wicked!
- What time does the wicked witch have her clocks set to? Greenwich mean time.
- What was the true purpose of the Ice Bucket Challenge? To bring down the Wicked Witch of the West.
- What killed the Wicked Witch of The West? Splash damage
- What do the Mighty Ducks and the Wicked Witch of the West have in common? A flying V.
Scarlet Witch Jokes
Here is a list of funny scarlet witch jokes and even better scarlet witch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I like how avengers infinity war has perfect balance [Thor gains his vision back but scarlet witch loses hers](#s)
Hilarious Fun Witch Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about witch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wizard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make witch pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[salem witch trials]
**judge:** You are guilty of doing magic! What do you have to say for yourself young lady?
**woman:** It's misdirection!
**judge:** Oh sorry! *"Miss"* Direction, do you have anything to say?
**woman:** *sigh* nevermind...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a witch that only eats sand?
Malnourished.
There once was a princess who lived alone with her cat in a castle.
Being her only companion, she loved the cat very much. Little did she know, the cat was actually a handsome prince that had be cursed to live his life as a feline.
Seeing how much the princess loved the cat, the witch that had cursed him turned him back into a handsome prince, so he could spend the rest of his life with the princess.
Upon seeing the handsome prince, he said, "I bet you wish I wasn't fixed now, huh?"
Why do witches trust black cats?
Because their familiar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call someone who gets s**... and baked?
A witch.
You thought Dad jokes were a thing? How about this Grandma joke:
I woke up this morning to find a lion AND a witch in my wardrobe. When I asked them what they were doing, they shouted, "Narnia business!"
What does a witch use to see if her spells are going to work?
Spell check!
Did you hear about the witch who couldn't have children?
her husband had a Holloweenie.
In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child.
amanda's a lesbian.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Lion, the Witch and a fabulous fashion sense
What did the Lion say to the Witch when she caught him coming out of the wardrobe?
"My s**... preference is Narnia business."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you think h**... got his inspiration from Hansel and Gretel?
They did shove a long nosed witch into an oven.
When Scarlett Witch was at the Avengers HQ...
you could say she needed...adult super Vision.
How do you make a witch scratch?
Remove the w
A man meets a witch.
A man goes to a witch and asks her to be liberated from an old spell.
>I can help you, I do however, need to know the exact same words of said spell
I remember, it was: *I now pronounce you, husband and wife.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch
The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"
The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*p**...!* the brunette disappears.
The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*p**...!* the redhead disappears.
The blonde says, "I think..." *p**...!*
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
Her food is potion-controlled.
How do you tell two witches apart?
You can't! You don't know which witch is which!
Did you hear about the witch who ate 10 packs of gum?
She had some double bubble toilet trouble.
Did you hear about the witch that died while melting down armor?
Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"
Why don't witches wear a flat cap?
There's no point to it
Oooooo Eeeeee Oooooo Ahhh Ahhh Ting Tang...
I was shocked when my adopted daughter told me she was going to marry a Witch Doctor.
Why do you want to do that? I asked.
Pwobabwy for financial secuwity, she replied.
Where do witches and wizards shop?
Voldemart.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A homless lady pushing a cart at 2 am told my friends and i this. "What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire"
See you the same time next month.
And then she cackled like a witch who'd been smoking for 40 years most of her teeth missing, it was horrifying and hilarious at the same time.
I met a passive aggressive witch.
She didn't curse me she just blessed everyone around me.
How do witches fly in the rain?
With a mop.
Breaking News! Ursula the Sea Witch has taken over and destroyed the local shoe factory. There were no survivors.
Those poor unfortunate soles.
Why didn't the witch fall off her broom?
She wasn't wearing underwear
TIL Although Hansel and Gretel were able to evade being eaten, they developed 99 illnesses due to the fact that they lived in the candy house for over a month...
They got 99 problems but a witch ain't one.
My life is like a fairytale
Everyday, when I come home, there's a witch waiting for me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lumberjack has s**... with a witch, gets his soul trapped inside a jigsaw, and seeks revenge by ruining her cheese company
*I Came. I Saw. I Con Curd.*
3 witch fugitives were cornered by police
The redhead yelled "AIR" and a gust of wind carried her to safety.
The brunette yelled "EARTH" and a tunnel to safety appeared underneath her.
The blonde yelled "FIRE" so the police did.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome
A woman visits a witch.
She asks the witch if she has something to help her break a curse that was cast against her about 8 years ago.
The witch asks, What sort of a curse was it, then?
The woman said, It went like 'I now pronounce you man and wife'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a witch who uses i**... spells?
A hex offender.
People say the #MeToo movement is starting to resemble a witch hunt, but I don't think that's fair...
For one thing, in a real witch hunt, the accused gets a trial first.
Why do witches avoid poker games?
Because they hate seeing the stakes being raised
A witch was going to take a friend's broom for a ride
But she couldn't drive a stick
What do you call a professional witch?
A hexpert
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.
He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started s**... his inner thigh.
Just like that, the man turned into a hotel.
Why did the witch doctor cross the road?
He's got friends on the other side.
What do you call a witch in the middle east?
A sandwitch.
What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?
I don't want an automatic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a witch who only eats sand?
Anything you like - she's dead.
Who has been magically making Nintendo money?
Nintendo'S witch
What did the witch say after her broom was stolen?
"Well, good thing I can drive a stick."
Once upon a time an evil witch decided to curse a young prince into a bear. The cursed prince sought help from a good wizard, but he refused. Why?
The prince was unbearable.
What do you call a witch who can't decide between casting good spells or bad spells?
Trans-hex-ual
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do witches do in the bathroom?
Bippity-boppity-p**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Witches don't f**...
They cast smells
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny and his mother were on a train.........
Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear.
Johnny, how many times have I told you, said his mother, it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.
OK, said Johnny, why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch ?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is witches slang for a c**...?
The leaky cauldron
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I translated this joke into English from my native language
Woman goes to the witch and asks what will she accomplish in her life the witch says: You will cause death of 60 million people,, Woman runs through whole city and when she gets to her house she sees a small boy sitting in the middle of the road and big truck coming towards him she grabs him takes him off the road sits on a bench next to him and asks: whats your name little boy?,,
The boy answers: Adolf h**...,,
A bard wants to be more powerful and so he strikes a deal with a witch
The witch says she will only grant his wish if he gives her his first born son
The bard laughs and says sure! Good luck finding him
A witch was going through her recent order of newts...
... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks What's wrong, Master?
The witch replied, Well, I've got some good newts and some bad newts...
A joke from my nephew... so please be kind.
How many types of witches are there? 3
A good witch, a bad witch, and a sandwich.
(My nephew is 24, and yes, we're all a little worried about him. He's not developmentally disabled or anything. He's just....?)
I met a sorceress in the desert once
She told me I could have all the churned dairy products and preserved fruit I could ever want, but first I had to marry her and sign a legally binding agreement that she would get it all back if we ever got divorced
Until that day I'd never believed the legends of the prenup butter and jelly sand witch
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Netflix's latest movie.
Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop m**... . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.
Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.
Along with "Antimatter" and "Dark Matter" we've recently discovered the existence of...
"Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.
Once there was a tribe ruled by an evil witch doctor.
Whenever someone spoke up against his reign, he used his magic to turn them into an apple. One day, a small group of tribesmen had enough and decided to steal the witch doctor's magic spell book and turn him into an apple. However, the book said that if the mass of the apple ever changed too much, the spell would be broken and the witch doctor would kill them all. So each morning, they carefully measured the apple to make sure it had not changed. Proving that...
a weigh a day keeps the doctor an apple.
How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?
It depends on what they're changing it in to.
Q) How many witch doctors does it take to change a lightbulb??
A) Into what??
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a witch from Texas?
A hexin' Texan
Why do witches and wizards do well in English class?
They're really good at spelling
