The Best 75 Witch Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Witch jokes. There are some witch necromancer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these witch halloween witch puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Witch Jokes and Puns

Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch!

Hermione: Emma Watson?

What do you call a witch that only eats sand?


Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip.

Happy Halloween :)

Witch joke, Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Why don't witches have babies?

Because their men have hollow-weenies!

Why didn't the witch wear panties....

So she could grip the broom better.

Why don't witches wear panties?

Because they need to grip the broom.

Why do witches not wear panties?

You get better grip on the brooms.

Witch joke, Why do witches not wear panties?

Why could the witch never get the enchantments right?

She forgot to use Spell Check.

So I heard some rumbling in my wardrobe...

...and so I approached the door with some nerve-wracking caution. To my surprise I saw both a lion and a witch in there, looking startled but out of breath.

I asked the witch, "What are you doing in my wardrobe?"

She replied, "Narnia business."

You thought Dad jokes were a thing? How about this Grandma joke:

I woke up this morning to find a lion AND a witch in my wardrobe. When I asked them what they were doing, they shouted, "Narnia business!"

Did you hear about the witch who couldn't have children?

her husband had a Holloweenie.

You can explore witch halloweenie reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean witch wizarding dad jokes. There are also witch puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child.

Amanda's a lesbian.

The Lion, the Witch and a fabulous fashion sense

What did the Lion say to the Witch when she caught him coming out of the wardrobe?

"My sexual preference is Narnia business."

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar

The bartender asks what they're having.

The witch replies "Narnia business."

Why don't witches wear underwear?

... to get a better grip

Did you know that witches don't wear panties?

It's so they can get a better grip on the broomstick.

Witch joke, Did you know that witches don't wear panties?

How do you make a witch scratch?

Remove the w

A man meets a witch.

A man goes to a witch and asks her to be liberated from an old spell.

>I can help you, I do however, need to know the exact same words of said spell

I remember, it was: *I now pronounce you, husband and wife.*

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch

The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"

The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*Poof!* the brunette disappears.

The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*Poof!* the redhead disappears.

The blonde says, "I think..." *Poof!*

What do you call an angry witch?


I searched in Google "How do I know if my wife is a witch".

You could've just asked me! - she yelled from the kitchen.

Did you hear about the witch that died while melting down armor?

Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"

Why don't witches wear a flat cap?

There's no point to it

Oooooo Eeeeee Oooooo Ahhh Ahhh Ting Tang...

I was shocked when my adopted daughter told me she was going to marry a Witch Doctor.

Why do you want to do that? I asked.

Pwobabwy for financial secuwity, she replied.

Why don't witches wear panties?

Better grip

A homless lady pushing a cart at 2 am told my friends and i this. "What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire"

See you the same time next month.

And then she cackled like a witch who'd been smoking for 40 years most of her teeth missing, it was horrifying and hilarious at the same time.

I met a passive aggressive witch.

She didn't curse me she just blessed everyone around me.

Why do witches wear name tags?

To know which witch is which.

Why don't witches wear undies?

To get a better grip on their broomsticks

My life is like a fairytale

Everyday, when I come home, there's a witch waiting for me.

"I'd like a spell to make me famous," he said.

"OK," said the witch.

He burned for a week before he died. It was the talk of the kingdom.

Why don't witches ever wear underwear?

Gives 'em a better grip on their brooms...

Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

Because her husband had a hollow weenie

Why don't witches wear panties?

Because their broom sticks better.

What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells?

A hex offender.

People say the #MeToo movement is starting to resemble a witch hunt, but I don't think that's fair...

For one thing, in a real witch hunt, the accused gets a trial first.

What do witches use most on their phone?

Spell check

A witch was going to take a friend's broom for a ride

But she couldn't drive a stick

What's similar between Scarlet Witch and Daredevil? [spoilers]

The both lost their vision

A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.

He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started stroking his inner thigh.
Just like that, the man turned into a hotel.

Why did the witch doctor cross the road?

He's got friends on the other side.

Dad: What's a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe

Me: it's Narnia Business....

Why can't a dyslexic be a witch?

You need to be good at spelling.

Why did the witch have so many hickies?

She was dating a necromancer.

What does a witch say to fly faster?

Broom, broom!

What do you call a witch in the middle east?

A sandwitch.

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?"

The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"

... I'm sorry.

Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time?

She turned her car into a tree.

Witches don't fart

They cast smells

Why don't witches wear panties?

They need to grip the broom

A bard wants to be more powerful and so he strikes a deal with a witch

The witch says she will only grant his wish if he gives her his first born son

The bard laughs and says sure! Good luck finding him

A witch was going through her recent order of newts...

... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks What's wrong, Master?

The witch replied, Well, I've got some good newts and some bad newts...

A joke from my nephew... so please be kind.

How many types of witches are there? 3

A good witch, a bad witch, and a sandwich.

(My nephew is 24, and yes, we're all a little worried about him. He's not developmentally disabled or anything. He's just....?)

Why can't witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hollow weenies.

I met a sorceress in the desert once

She told me I could have all the churned dairy products and preserved fruit I could ever want, but first I had to marry her and sign a legally binding agreement that she would get it all back if we ever got divorced

Until that day I'd never believed the legends of the prenup butter and jelly sand witch

So I said to this witch: "WTF were you and that lion doing in my wardrobe?"

She said "Narnia business."

Why do witches not wear panties

For better grip on the broom

Why don't witches wear underwear?

To get a better grip on the broom.

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common?

They're superheroes dressed in red who lost their vision!

I'm not gonna tell you what happens in The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe...

It's Narnia business!

What do Scarlet Witch and Daredevil both have in common?

They both wear red and lost their Vision.

Had an encounter with dyslexic witch..

I am safe cause she couldn't spell.

Along with "Antimatter" and "Dark Matter" we've recently discovered the existence of...

"Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.

Once there was a tribe ruled by an evil witch doctor.

Whenever someone spoke up against his reign, he used his magic to turn them into an apple. One day, a small group of tribesmen had enough and decided to steal the witch doctor's magic spell book and turn him into an apple. However, the book said that if the mass of the apple ever changed too much, the spell would be broken and the witch doctor would kill them all. So each morning, they carefully measured the apple to make sure it had not changed. Proving that...

a weigh a day keeps the doctor an apple.

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common?

They both don't have vision.

Why don't witches wear panties?

To get a better grip on the broomstick.

Q) How many witch doctors does it take to change a lightbulb??

A) Into what??

Why do witches and wizards do well in English class?

They're really good at spelling

So there's this witch that owns a motel and she'll give you a discount room if you consent to her experimenting on you...

The sign outside says, Come on in and rest for a spell .

What's the difference between Daredevil and Scarlet Witch?

One knows how to cope without Vision.

What do you call a witch that likes to go to the beach?

A sandwich

One day, a witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.

She thought to herself, "Am I the only one in this day and age who still drives a stick?"

a small village is home to three witches.

One witch puts up a sign in front of her house reading "Here lives the most powerful witch in the world!" A second witch sees the sign and puts up her own, reading "Here lives the most powerful witch in theΒ universe!" The third witch sees both signs and puts up her own sign reading "Here lives the most powerful witch in the village".

What does a witch order at In-N-Out Burger?

A double-double, toil and trouble....

I was robbed by a sorceress

Went down to the police station too see a lineup but I couldnt tell which was witch

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the witch voodoo jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working witch sorceress piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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