JokoJokes

Wished Marry Jokes

48 wished marry jokes and hilarious wished marry puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wished marry that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Wished Marry Short Jokes

Short wished marry jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wished marry humour may include short wished jokes also.

  1. My wife came out to me after for horrible years of marriage and revealed she was a lesbian and that she wished she'd married another woman Which finally gave us something in common.
  2. She told me she was too classy to sleep with a married man... Something I wish she'd mentioned before our honeymoon.
  3. What is the difference between marriage and death? When you're dead you don't wish that you were married.
  4. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
  5. An old man on his death bed ask his wife for one dying wish. She says anything for you.
    I would like you to marry John when I die.
    The wife says but I thought you hated John.
    He replied I DO!!
  6. I wish I was getting a divorce. Because it would mean someone once loved me enough to marry me.
  7. A man goes to his priest... Man: Father, I wish to become immortal.
    Priest: Get married.
    Man: Will that make my wish come true?
    Priest: No, it will disappear.
  8. Girlfriend wishes My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you -- I hope she meets somebody nice.
  9. I wish my last name was Wong Because when I get married and have a kid I can name them Right to say that 2 Wongs do make a Right
  10. The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

Share These Wished Marry Jokes With Friends




Wished Marry One Liners

Which wished marry one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wished marry? I can suggest the ones about getting married and future wife.

  1. I think I married someone else's soulmate. I wish they'd come get him.

Wished Marry Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about wished marry you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean love marriage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wished marry pranks.

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.


"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband", says the wife
...2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand !
Husband says "sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..."
So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !

Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. 
She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore.
After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home. 
When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it.
After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter.
Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. 
His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. 
"Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said.
"As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!" 
Then he hung up and walked out of the room.
In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter. 
Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread."

Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary.


During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and p**... - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy picked up her wand and p**... - the husband was 90.

The sales chief, the HR chief, and the boss are on their way to lunch around the corner.


They detour through an alley and stumble on a beat up but valuable looking brass container.
The sales chief picks it up and starts cleaning it with his handkerchief.
Suddenly, a genie emerges out of a curtain of purple smoke.
The genie is grateful to be set free and offers them each a wish.
The HR chief is wide-eyed and ecstatic.
She says, "I want to be living on a beautiful beach in Jamaica with a sailboat and enough money to make me happy for the rest of my life."
p**...! She disappears.
The sales chief says, "Wow! I want to be happily married to a wealthy supermodel with penthouses in New York, Paris, and Hong Kong."
Presto, he vanishes.
"And how about you?" asks the Genie, looking at the boss.
The boss scowls and says, "I want both those idiots back in the office by 2 PM."
Moral: Always let your boss speak first.

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

A man and a woman get married and the woman gets pregnant...

A man and a woman get married and the woman gets pregnant with twin boys. She and her husband discuss the children on end, and they come to the decision that they would not be able to support them once they were born, so they put them up for adoption. One son gets sent to Mexico, the other to the Middle East, and while they would have loved to keep in contact with their sons, laws kept them from doing so. All they were allowed to know was that one boy was named Jamal, the other Juan.
So, the couple live out their lives, until one day, a letter comes in the mail from one of their sons. Juan has sent them a letter after tracking down his birth parents, and also included a photo of himself for the two to see. While the parents are delighted to have heard from one of their sons, the mother cant help but feel disappointed at the lack of a letter from the other, stating that she wishes she could have seen a photo of him as well, to which her husband replies, "honey, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal."

Wishes

A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"

One of my grandpa's better jokes

An old man is walking along the beach one day when suddenly God appears and says to the man, "You know, you've been a good man and faithful to me all your life. I'm going to grant you one wish. What would you like?"
The man thought about it and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there any time I want."
God said, "I can't do that, there would be too many problems. Where would I even get all the steel from? Think of something else."
So the man says, "Lord, I've been married and divorced 4 times. All 4 of my wives made me feel like I was doing everything wrong when I thought I was right. Help me understand women."
God replies, "You want two lanes or four?"

Build me a bridge

A man was walking along a California beach and finds a genies bottle, he gives the bottle a rub and a genie appears and offers to grant him one wish.
The man said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of flying and I get sea sick in boats. Could you build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive there whenever I want?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of the concrete and steel! I could do it but it's hard for me to justify. Is there anything else you would like instead ?"
After much thought, the man said, "Iv'e been married and divorced 3 times and still don't understand women, so I wish that I could understand women."Then, after a few minutes, the genie said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

A man stumbles across an old lamp.....

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

Financial Planning like a pro

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. His sickly father told Dan he was going to inherit the business and a fortune but his father's one wish was to see Dan get married and settled before he passed on.
One evening, Dan went to a financial planning seminar, It was given by the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was bright and personable to boot. Dan fell in love at first sight. He told her, "I may look pretty ordinary, but my father will probably die soon and I will inherit the family business and a large fortune. Impressed, the woman asked Dan for his business card, and three weeks later, she became his stepmother.

So an engaged couple die in a car c**......

A very tragic occasion merely a week before their wedding, they were sorely missed by their family. Shortly after their deaths, they meed St. Peter, guarding the pearly entrance to heaven. They were both good people, led fulfilling lives, and so he has no problem letting them in to heaven, and even states that they are free to live together in heaven, encouraging them to get married. After a few days of life there, free of their earthly problems, they decide they want to take up the offer and seal the bond. They have several days of happiness, have great s**..., and love each-others company. However after a few days, they get kinda bored, and decide to ask St. Peter for a new TV. Peter grants them their wish, telling them:
"This is Heaven, you can have whatever you want!"
So they watch their new TV happily together for several days, until they find that they, once again are bored. They decide on sports, and return to St. Peter. They tell him they want to get basketball lessons. He agrees, and after searching for several days, finds a basketball player to teach them to play. They have tons of fun playing basketball together for a while, until they get bored and realize that they just arent for each other. They return to St. Peter with the request to get divorced. He says
"Gee, thats kinda tough. It was hard enough finding a basketball player, I doubt theres 1 lawyer up here!"

A man asks his wife

* Husband: Honey, how many men have you slept with?
* Wife: 30....
* Husband: I wish you'd have been a v**... when I married you.
* Wife: I was.

Men are greedy b**....

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.
"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." says the wife. 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand.
The husband says, "Sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92.
Moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful b**... should remember - fairies are female.

Understanding Women

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp... blah, blah, blah... This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No. Think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... to know why they're crying, to know what they really want when they say 'nothing' ... to know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?

The cursed Prince. This summer's best love story.

Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch.
The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year.
However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words (this was before the time of letter writing or sign language).
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love.
With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say, "my darling,"
But, at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).
But, at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So, he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.
Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.
Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily,
"My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"
And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said,
"Pardon?"

A wife sits with her husband, who is on his deathbed...

The husband says, "Darling, I think it's time... I have one last wish before I pass."
"What is it, dear?"
"About six months after I'm gone, I want you to marry Joey, ok?"
She sat dumbfounded for a second. "But, I thought you *hated* that man?"
The husband grabbed her hand and with his last breath whispered "I do."

A wife gives her husband a cheating test.

A man's wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she was to just up and leave one day so she came up with a way to trick her husband into thinking she had left. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of living with him and doesn't want to put up with him anymore. She left the note on the kitchen counter and hid under the bed and waited for her husband to come home.
Her husband soon came home, saw the note and wrote something on it. Immediately he started dancing and singing while changing into another pair of clothes. He than proceeds to dial someone and says: Hey babe the idiot finally had enough of me, I was so s**... to marry her wish I found you first, I'll be over in 10 minutes! He than rushes out the door and drives off in his car.
The wife comes out from under the bed, tears in her eyes goes to read what her husband had wrote on the note, it said; " I can see your feet sticking out from under the bed idiot, I have gone to buy some beer."

Modern Wedding Arrangements!

Daughter:
" Daddy, I am coming home to get married. Take out your cheque book.
Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK .
We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber.
Dad, I need your blessings good wishes and a big wedding."
Father: "Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with your husband....sell him on Ebay.

A married couple is in therapy

The therapist asks the husband, "When you are having s**..., what do most wish your wife would do?"
The husband answers, "She can do whatever she likes, so long as she doesn't come home without calling first."
(I just made that up.)

Payment

Boy - I wish to marry your daughter.
Father - How much do you earn?
Boy - 10K.
Father - I give her 8K as pocket money.
Boy - Yes i included that in my payment.

A married couple came upon a wishing well

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a quarter. The wife decided to make a wish, too but she leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

Tom and Anna are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years.

One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, You've been married for so long and you're so cute together, I'll grant you a wish each.
The woman is beside herself with joy and wishes for a trip to Thailand. p**... – she's holding two tickets to Thailand and a five star hotel voucher for two.
-
The man says, Wow, that's one chance in a lifetime! I'm sorry, darling, but I wish I had a wife that's 30 years younger than me.
-
Are you sure? asks the fairy.
-
Yes! replies Tom without hesitation.
-
p**... once more – and he's 90.

Obama walks into a bar, but he's invisible.

The bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. Why are you invisible?"
Barack says "Well, I found a bottle on the beach and...then I rubbed it." "And then...importantly...A genie came out." "The genie said I could have...3 wishes."
For my first wish, I said "Let me say this, and this is profoundly important...I want Michelle to marry me...I love her,...and I think America will love her too." That wish was granted.
For my second wish, I said "Like all patriotic Americans, I am deeply patriotic...and I want to be President...of the United States...so I can serve my country." That wish was granted too.
And then, for my third wish, I started by saying "Let me be clear..."

A genie grants a Bear and a Squirrel each 3 wishes.

Wish 1: The Bear wishes that every bear in the world would become female.
Wish 1: The squirrel wishes for a motorcycle he can ride.
Wish 2: The Bear wishes that every female bear in the world would fall in love with him.
Wish 2: The Squirrel wishes for a helmet.
Wish 3: The Bear wishes that none of the female bears ever wanted to get married.
Wish 3: The Squirrel wishes the Bear was gay.

My cousin, a dermatologist, married just after medical school.

His wife is a dentist. I wish I could say they're doing well but they are getting by the skin of their teeth.

A r**... couple are getting married

Shortly after the ceremony, the priest announces 'those who wish to shoot their guns in celebration, please do so now or forever hold your piece".

A married man man finds a magic lamp...

He rubs the lamp a few times and a genie comes out and says You are my new master and I'm a genie with a twist so whatever you wish your wife gets two of!
The man says I wish for a mansion! The genie says Okay, but your wife gets two!
He wishes for a million dollars, and his wife gets two million.
For his final wish he looks at the genie and says I wish I was beaten half to death.

She told me, No, sorry. My morals stop me from having s**... with a married man.

I wish she told me this before our honeymoon.

My grand uncle revealed to me that he has been in a same s**... marriage for years.

I asked him, "How did you do it when it was i**... back then?
He was confused, so I said back then it was i**... to marry a male, since you are a male.
My grand uncle said, I wish. I've always want to try something different with my wife, but she just wants the same s**... day after day after day...

A man has been ill for some time. Fearing that his end is near, he calls his wife to his bedside.

"I have a last wish," he says to her. "Promise me that 2 months after I die, you'll marry our neighbor, Ken."
The wife is perplexed. "But, my dear, I thought you hated Ken," she asks him.
"I do," says the man.

The wish.

One day, a married couple walked into a temple. The preist said "today is a fortunate day for praying, you both pray to god and ask a wish each and it will be granted"
The Wife prays "God, I hope me and my husband stay together for 7 lives"
Husband after listening this, prays "God, may this be the seventh life of us staying together".

Sensei, I need your advice.

I wish to live to be 100 years old.
- Then get married.
Will that make me live 100 years?
- No! But the wish will fade away.
Thank you great master for your immense wisdom.

Deathbed wish...

A man is on his deathbed. 'Grant me one last wish' he gasps pitifully to his wife. 'Six months after I die I want you to marry Joe.'
'But I thought you hated Joe,' says his wife.
'I do,' says the man.

At the Pearly Gates

Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth. St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived, and asked what her one wish would be.
"Well, I just wish my son would get married and be happy."
"Look lady, I said one wish. Make up your mind!"

When I was in high school I wished that could be invisible so that I could sneak in the girls locker room.

Now I'm married And a beautiful woman takes her clothes off in front me and pretends I'm invisible every day!