Wish Jokes
91 wish jokes and hilarious wish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
- Short Wish Jokes
- Wish One Liners
- Genie Wish Jokes
- Wish Granted Jokes
- Make A Wish Jokes
- Last Wish Jokes
- More Wish Jokes
Funniest Wish Short Jokes
Short wish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wish humour may include short jokes also.
- Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes Me: I wish for a world without lawyers
Genie: Done, you have no more wishes
Me: But you said 3
Genie: Sue me. - I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying it's their cake day, just so people can wish them. You won't catch me doing that today.
- Genie: Whats your first wish? Dave: I wish I was rich.
Genie: Granted, what's your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money. - I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.
- Dave rubs a magic lamp and the genie grants him 3 wishes Genie: what will be your first wish?
Dave: I want to be rich
Genie: Granted. What will be your second wish?
Rich: I want a lot of money - I met a magical genie once. He gave me one wish. I said "I wish I could be you" The genue saud, "weurd wush but U wull grant ut."
- I wish my college was run by EA At least I'd get a sense of pride and accomplishment for my money
- Sometimes I just wish I was black. That way I wouldn't have to deal with all the dad jokes
- One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage I accidentally texted my wife I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.
- A Genie once granted me one wish, so I said I just want to be happy . So now I'm living in a little cottage with 6 dwarfs, working in a mine and singing ?'Whistle while you work…….' ?
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Wish One Liners
Which wish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wish? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I'm getting laid tonight. I wish I could have posted this in any other sub.
- I finally got someone to be my valentine! I wish I could post this in any other sub.
- My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. I wish I had an iPhone 7.
- I wish I hadn't downloaded Reddit. I regreddit.
- I kissed a girl today. Wish I could post this in another sub some day.
- Someone actually wished me Merry Christmas Merry Christmas to you too, Team snapchat
- My grandfather always said, "Be envied, not envious." I wish I'd thought of that quote.
- My wife died and I won the lottery. The genie says I have one wish left.
- What company is the best at meeting deadlines? The Make a Wish Foundation
- What bounces and makes children sad? The checks I write to the Make-A-Wish foundation.
- I wish I could date Pokemon GO's servers Because then she'd go down on me 5 times a day.
- Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase... ...so I could unzip your genes.
- I wish my Dad was the Terminator... ...because then he'd come back.
- I really like being a trophy husband. I just wish I wasn't a participation trophy.
- I wish I was a helicase enzyme... ...because then I could unzip your genes
Genie Wish Jokes
Here is a list of funny genie wish jokes and even better genie wish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Genie grants a wish. I met a magical Genie. He gave me one wish. I said, "I wish I could be you.
The Genue saud, "Weurd wush but U wull grant ut." - A conversation with a genie Genie: What is your first wish?
Steve: I want to be rich.
Genie: Granted. Second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money. - A genie granted me one wish, so I said "I just want to be happy." Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.
- The other day, I met a genie who granted me one wish. So, I told him: "I just want to be happy." Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.
- A genie asked, "What's your first wish?" Steve answered, "I wish I was rich."
And the genie said, "What's your second wish, Rich?" - A man stumbles upon a Genie and is granted 3 wishes. Genie: What is your first wish?
joe: I want to be rich.
Genie: Granted. What is your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money. - Genie granted me one wish, but with a condition that my enemy will get two times more I asked for 120/80 blood pressure
- Genie: "What's your first wish?" Steve: "I wish I was rich!"
Genie: "Okay, what's your next wish?"
Rich: "I wish I had lots of money!" - Genie: you have three wishes me: make math go away
Genie: ok, that one's on the house
me: yay, so I still get three wishes?
Genie: huh? - Genie: You have 3 wishes. Me: I want a world without lawyers.
Genie: Done. That concludes your wishes.
Me: But you said I have 3 wishes?
Genie: Sue me.
Wish Granted Jokes
Here is a list of funny wish granted jokes and even better wish granted puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Genie: I shall grant you three wishes. Me: I wish for a world without lawyers. Genie: Done, you have no more wishes. Me: But you said three. Genie: Sue me.
- Genie: I will grant you one wish. Me: I wish for more wishes.
Genie: That wish, I cannot grant.
Me: I wish you'd reconsider. - What's the difference between a genie and a scientist? One grants wishes and the other wishes for grants
- A genie says: I'll grant you three wishes but whatever you wish your ex gets double The man answers: First I want a house, second I want a car, third I want you to beat me half to death.
- A genie gave me one wish. I said "I wish I could be you". The genue saud "Weurd wush, but U'll grant ut."
- What's the difference between a genie and a genius? A genie grants wishes. A genius wishes for grants.
- Genie: What is your first wish? Me: I want to be rich!
Genie: Granted. And what would your second wish be?
Rich: I want a whole lot of money.. - A genie is granting my last wish Me: I wish for more-
Genie: No wishing for more wishes.
Me: I wish for more genies - A man was granted one wish, however his ex wife would get twice of whatever he wished. He wished to be half dead.
- Have you heard that they replaced the wishing well with a scientist? Instead of granting wishes, he wishes for grants.
Make A Wish Jokes
Here is a list of funny make a wish jokes and even better make a wish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just so people can wish them a happy birthday. You won't catch me doing that today.
- I'd like to wish all mothers a Happy Mother's Day! …and make all the Americans panic.
(It's Mother's Day in the UK, for those worriedly looking at their calendar.) - My girlfriend is always complaining that I make fun of her weight all the time. I just wish she'd just lighten up a little.
- Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA? The Make-A-Wish foundation.
- Jim finds a genie in a lamp The genie says "you have three wishes to make"
Jim instantly says "I wish I were rich!"
The genie responds, "and for your second wish?"
Rich says "I want lots of money" - I wish I knew how to turn off my carbon monoxide alarm.... It's been going off for about fifteen minutes and the noise is making really dizzy and lightheaded.
- Dark humor is like a Make a Wish kid. It never gets old.
- How do they pick kids for the Make-A-Wish Foundation? Natural selection.
- Why were Gandhi's remains compressed to make piles of 50 rupee coins? he said "be the change you wish to see in the world".
- People act like PETA is the only charity that has an 85% death rate. But what about Make-A-Wish?
Last Wish Jokes
Here is a list of funny last wish jokes and even better last wish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wish I could donate blood, but last time there were so many questions. "Whose blood is this?"
"Where did you get it?"
"Was the bucket sanitized first?" - I wish my girlfriend went down as much... as the pound did last night.
- Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work.... Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish
- Criminal on the electric chair. The officer ask: Any last wishes? The criminal: Please hold my hand...
- Before he died, my grandfather's last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond. That's a lot of pressure.
- Mans dying wish Did you hear about the guy whose dying wish was to have Dallas Cowboys as his pall bearers? He wanted to give them the chance to let him down one last time.
- I still remember my fathers last words...."you selfish boy" So i became a fishmonger, to follow his dying wish.
- Kids who are visiting Disneyland for the first time get a button that says It's my first time at Disneyland! Do Make-a-Wish kids get a button that says It's my last time at Disneyland! ?
- Last requests After I die, I have 2 requests on what shall happen to me.
1) I want my remains spread around Disney world.
2) I do not wish to be cremated - Exececution by a firing squad A guy is about to get executed by a firing squad.
He is granted with 1 last wish.
"a sigaret please" he says
"And fire".
Wish Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about wish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wish pranks.
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
Wished my wife a 'Happy Valentine's ay!'
I'll give her the D later.
3 Wishes
A young couple are walking along the beach when the come across a man sitting atop a giant hill of money, surrounded by beautiful women fawning over him. Upon closer inspection they see that the man has a horrific looking giant melon shaped head.
The young man and his girlfriend are intrigued and approach the man and ask "Hey what's going on here?"
The man looks down at them and says, "I was walking along the beach and found a magic lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie came out and granted me three wishes." The couple look at each other and back at the man and ask "What were the wishes?" The man says "Well, first I asked for more wealth than I could ever spend" and he motions to the pile of money he's sitting atop. "Then, I wished to be surrounded by beautiful women who love me" he points at all the beautiful women surrounding him.
The couple look amazed. "And for your third wish?" The man looks at them and says "A GIANT MELON SHAPED HEAD."
I'm not one for wishing strangers online but
Happy hangover day
(get ready for work ya bums)
I've never wished death on anyone. It's the absolute *last* thing anyone should have to go through.
A Man's Three Wishes
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but noticing the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I gotta ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
Wishing Well
English is second language.... excuse grammar
My penny went whoosh whoosh down the wishing well
I was happy. Everyone around screaming. I threw quarter down, made wish, and now everyone mad about my wife penny
How do you get wishes from cheese?
You fed-a-genie!
If wishes were fishes...
...life would be pretty crappie
I wished h**... finished what he didn't finish.
He needed to finish art school. He was a really good artist.
Best Wishes for America's special day today
Hope you all have a Happy Black Friday's Eve
The Wishing Well
A man and his wife walk over to a wishing well, the man throws a coin in the well and makes his wish.
The woman goes and throws her coin in but leans to far over the well, falls in and dies.
The man exclaims "It Worked!"
Everyone keeps wishing a Happy Father's Day to "The Best Dad in the World."
I'm flattered. But I hope everyone wishes their own dad a Happy Fathers Day as well.
Against the wishes of my dad I bought a motorcycle. The first two times I rode it I ended up in the hospital.
My dad said to me, I warned you not to buy the two s**...!
I once wished I could be done p**....
The wish was grunted.
Everyone wishes their credit score was like their payments.
Outstanding.
Someone wished me a white Christmas
So I wished them a black Kwanzaa
I wished my wife a happy Women's day..
I wished Happy Birthday to him but he was crying.
I wished my friend a bright future...
...so that he has the best of lux.
Wishful neighbor
A good neighbor dies and goes to heaven:
God: "Whatever you wish for i'll double that and give it your neighbor across the street"
The wishful neighbor: "Remove one of my eyes"
I wished I had a new dad.
That's how mum found out he was gay.
I wished my muslim friend for Ramadan
I told him to have a blast
I wished of being short before coz my ex-bf is 5'2. Now I'm 5'0 for 4 years.
I already used my wishes
Me: please just one more wish
Genie: no, I said 3
Me: please
Genie: no
Me: [holding my new Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello action figures] Genie please
How do you know a wishing well works?
If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Wishing a happy women's day to Siri and Alexa
.... the only two women who listen to men and do as they say!!
My grandfather's last wishes was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That's a lot of pressure.
Three wishes
Walking along the beach, a man finds a bottle. He rubs it and instantly, a genie appears.
I'll grant you three wishes, the genie says. There's just one condition. I'm a lawyer's genie, so for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the same thing, only double.
After thinking a moment, the man says, For my first wish, I would like $10 million.
Lawyers will get $20 million, the genie reminds him.
What else do you want?
I'd love to have a red Porsche, he says. Instantly, the car appears on the beach.
What's your last wish?
Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney.
A boy's wishes started coming true
There was a boy who was scolded by his teacher everyday and one day he said to himself, "I wish the s**... man gets run over" and sure enough the next day, news come of the death of his former teacher. The next day he was teased by his older sister so he said again, "I wish she breaks her arm" and sure enough her sister falls from the stairs and breaks her arm. One day his dad tells him off for something and he says, "I wish my dad would die." When he wakes up the next day, his dad was still there however his mum was nowhere to be seen. So he asked his dad where was his mother gone and his dad replies, "she has gone to attend the neighbor's f**...."
Against my wishes my son has gone and had a tattoo of a heart, a s**..., a club and a diamond.
I'll deal with him later.
The Three Wishes
A woman gets three wishes, BUT, says the Genie, for everything you wish, your husband will be granted your wish times 1000. She says, I would like to be beautiful. The Genie grants her wish, and says, you are beautiful, but your husband is the most handsome man alive. She says, I would like to be very rich. The Genie grants her wish, but says, you are very rich, but your husband is 1000 times richer. What is your 3rd wish? She says, I would like to have a little teeny heart attack.
"You have three wishes!"
"Oh no, I know the drill. Whatever I wish for, will come back and bite me."
"What? No, I'm a good genie. Listen, if it does, I will even give you infinite wishes"
"I want a boomerang with teeth."
I wished everyone a Happy Memorial Day..
None of them responded
Three wishes
Three friends are stuck on an island. One day, one of the them found a bottle floating near land. It so happen to be a genie bottle! "Thankyou for freeing me! You may have three wishes!", the genie explains. The first person wished to go back home, and just like that, they vanished and went home! Excited, the second person wished to go home as well, and the genie made his wish come true. The third person was sad. They looked at the genie and said, "I'm so alone, I wish that my friends would come back!"