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Wish For Beer Jokes

31 wish for beer jokes and hilarious wish for beer puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about wish for beer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.


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Howlingly Hilarious Wish For Beer Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What is a good wish for beer joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

WALKS INTO A BAR... MERMAID s**...

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." p**...! He's back in his government office.

Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.

While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to p**... in the boat."

Two elderly gentlemen sipping their beer outside a pub...

One points to a dog l**... its g**... and says:
"Hey Bert, I wish I could do that"
Bert marks a pause, and replies:
"Well, I'm sure he'd let you if you gave him a biscuit"

A man walks into a bar...

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"
Irishman says "I want to live forever"
Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"
Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"
Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"
Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"

A man meets a fairy

"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" , the fairy asks.
"Another one of those"

An Englishman a Scotsman and a Irishman are trapped on a deserted island

One day a magic lamp washes up on shore. After rubbing the lamp a genie appears and promises them a wish each.
The Englishman says "I wish I was back at my favourite pub in London drinking beer with my mates". The genie wisks him away.
The Scotsman says "I wish I was back in Edinburgh drinking a bottle of whisky making love to my wife". The genie again wisks him away.
The Irishman is left and says "It's a bit lonely here now I wish my two mates were back here with me".

swimming pool wishes

At a swimming pool: Three guys climb a high-dive tower and meet a good fairy who offers to fulfill a wish for each of them. One jumps and says, "Beer!" - and the pool is full of beer. The other one jumps, says, "Money!" and the pool is full of money. The last one starts to jump but slips and, falling, yells, "SHIIIIIIT!!!"

Advice for final exams

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Wish me luck, I have end of term exams tomorrow," she tells the bartender. "Good luck," the bartender says. "Are you all prepared?" "I've done everything I can think of to prepare. I even texted my ex last night," she says. "I asked him if he had any good cheating tips."

A man walks into a bar...

There's only him, the barman and a guy about a foot high playing the piano.
'What you want to drink?' Asks the barman.
' any recommendations?' replies the guy.
' we have genie beer, you get a free wish when you open the bottle'
So the guy gets one, opens the bottle and asks for a million bucks.
Immediately a million ducks appear
' w**..., I wished for a million bucks!' the customer moans.
' tell me about it' says the barman ' you think I wanted a 12 pianist'.

Three men are trapped on a desert island

When they find a tea p**.... The first man rubs it an out comes a genie, "you have 3 wishes."
Man 1: "I wish I was at a party in the city!"
p**... he disappeared
Man 2: "I wish a was at my house with a beer!"
p**... he disappeared
Man 3: "I'm lonely now... I wish my friends were with me."

Three in floating in the Ocean.

Three men floating in the ocean in a life raft when a smoke-filled bottle bumps the raft. o**... picks it up and opens it. Out comes the Genie. I will grant you each one wish but it can't be changed…..The first guy shouts-out, turn the ocean to beer. The other two look at him then shake their heads and said, Well now I guess we will have to pee in the life raft.

My wife is much happier with a beer inside her.

I just wish she'd drink it afterwards.

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.
"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.
The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" p**...! All the Democrats in America were whisked away to Venezuela.
The genie turns to the Republican and said, "And what is your wish?"
The Republican paused for a second and said, "You mean to tell me that all the Democrats in America are gone?"
The genie answered, "Yes!"
The Republican goes, "In that case, I'll take a beer."

A wife gives her husband a cheating test.

A man's wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she was to just up and leave one day so she came up with a way to trick her husband into thinking she had left. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of living with him and doesn't want to put up with him anymore. She left the note on the kitchen counter and hid under the bed and waited for her husband to come home.
Her husband soon came home, saw the note and wrote something on it. Immediately he started dancing and singing while changing into another pair of clothes. He than proceeds to dial someone and says: Hey babe the idiot finally had enough of me, I was so s**... to marry her wish I found you first, I'll be over in 10 minutes! He than rushes out the door and drives off in his car.
The wife comes out from under the bed, tears in her eyes goes to read what her husband had wrote on the note, it said; " I can see your feet sticking out from under the bed idiot, I have gone to buy some beer."

A Man Walks Into A Bar.....(Read this one aloud)

A man is working his job as a bartender one night. A man comes into the bar and sits down near him. He pulls a tiny piano and a 12 inch man out of his shirt, and begins to listen as the little man plays piano. The bartender says, "That's amazing! Where did you meet this guy?" The man responds, "Oh, a genie gave him to me. He's down the street right now, giving out free wishes".So the bartender took his break, and went down the street to meet the genie. The man found a person sitting on the street and asked if he was the genie. "Yeah" said the genie. The bartender immediately said "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a huge flock of ducks flew out of the sky and began attacking him. He ran back to the bar, where the other man was drinking his beer. "That genie s**...! I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!" The man looked at the bartender and said "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer.


His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted".
He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough."
His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?"
He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.

Magic Beer

A man was walking deep into a forest when all of a sudden a sprite appeared. She said m: no man has seen me in over 100 years. Since you did I will grant you two wishes. What do you desire?
The man ponders and answers I'd like a bottle or beer that never empties .
p**...! He is holding a bottle of beer in his hands. With excitement he starts to drink. After he has made a couple of huge sips he checks the bottle from outside which seems to have not emptied a little bit. He shrugs and continues to drink more, probing the magic bottle.
After a few minutes of drinking the now annoyed sprite asks the man what is your second wish ? He, inebriated by now, answers ..Hicks..aaaaaanother one of this bottle

Ocean full of beer

Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought, one man blurts out, Make the entire ocean into beer! The genie claps her hands and the entire sea turns into brew.
The other man looks disgustedly at the one who made the wish and says, Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat.

a dyslexic customer walks into a bra

"how much for a beer?"
The bartender replies "$1".
The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender
"Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?"
The Bartender reply's "$5".
The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife".
The guy looks all confused then asks
"What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?"
The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".

Two Irishman were fishing on a lake...

...when one of them caught a mysterious, ancient-looking bottle. Upon taking the bottle off the line, a genie popped out of it and said, "I really don't have time for this three wishes nonsense. You get one wish between the two of you, so make it good."
The fisherman who caught the bottle immediately blurts out, "I wish every body of water on Earth were made of beer!"
The genie snapped his fingers and said, "Done." and then disappeared.
Then the second fisherman smacked his buddy over the head and yelled, "You idiot! Now we have to pee in the boat!".


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Wish For Beer One Liners

Which wish for beer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wish for beer? I can suggest the ones about beer brewed and beer drinking.

  1. My wife is much happier with a beer inside her. I just wish she'd drink it afterwards.

jokes about wish for beer