Wish For Beer Jokes

Following is our collection of mike humor and wear one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Wish For Beer puns for adults, dirty sheep jokes or clean jokes gags for kids.

There is an abundance of stuck jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 30 funniest jokes on wish for beer. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any safe witze you can hear about wish for beer.

The Best jokes about Wish For Beer

A man walks into a bar...

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"

"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"

Irishman says "I want to live forever"

Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"

Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"

Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"

Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"

a dyslexic customer walks into a bra

"how much for a beer?"

The bartender replies "$1".

The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender

"Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?"

The Bartender reply's "$5".

The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife".

The guy looks all confused then asks

"What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?"

The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".

A wife gives her husband a cheating test.

A man's wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she was to just up and leave one day so she came up with a way to trick her husband into thinking she had left. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of living with him and doesn't want to put up with him anymore. She left the note on the kitchen counter and hid under the bed and waited for her husband to come home.

Her husband soon came home, saw the note and wrote something on it. Immediately he started dancing and singing while changing into another pair of clothes. He than proceeds to dial someone and says: Hey babe the idiot finally had enough of me, I was so stupid to marry her wish I found you first, I'll be over in 10 minutes! He than rushes out the door and drives off in his car.

The wife comes out from under the bed, tears in her eyes goes to read what her husband had wrote on the note, it said; " I can see your feet sticking out from under the bed idiot, I have gone to buy some beer."

An old man walks into a bar...

...and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a tennis ball.

"I have to ask, sir," says the bartender. "Without sounding rude, what happened to your head?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"

"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."


So god asked 3 guys...

Three men die and end up meeting god.

God greets each of them personally and says their hellos. God then asks each one of them an important question.

"Each of you must choose one thing to have in a room for a thousand years. Choose wisely."

God asks the first man..."I want all the booze I can have god!" His wish is granted.

God asks the second man..."I want all the women in the world god!" His wish is granted.

God asks the third man..."I want all the weed in the world!" His wish is granted.

1000 years go by.

The first man stumbles out falling left and right with a giant bottle of beer in his hand.

The second man comes out looking exhausted yet satisfied.

The third man is curled in the fetal position in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth. God comes over to him and asks him what's wrong.

"Can I have a light."

An Australian, an American and a New Zealander are enjoying some beer in Saudi Arabia..

...even though it is against the law to drink alcohol there. They are captured by the Sheik and are sentenced to death, until his wife runs up to him and whispers something in his ear. She glances to the New Zealander, and whispers some more.

The sheik steps forward and announces:
"Because it is my wife's birthday today, she has asked that I spare your lives, on the following terms. You will each get 20 lashes, but will receive one wish before you do. However, since my wife and I admire New Zealand's beautiful countryside, we will allow the New Zealander two wishes."

The Australian is up first, and asks for a pillow to be tied to his back. However, after the first few lashes, the pillow breaks. Then, the American asks for TWO pillows to be tied to his back. Again, they break after but five lashes. Finally, the New Zealander steps forward.
"First," he says, "I would like to be given 40 lashes, not 20."
The sheik is confused at first, and then asks "And...your second wish?"
"Tie the Aussie to my back."

"free"

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "free". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "free". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".

Two Irishmen were fishing in a lake...

...when one of them caught a strange-looking lamp. After pulling it off his line, a genie appeared and said, "None of this three wishes nonsense. You get one wish between the two of you, so you better make it good."

The man who caught the lamp blurts out, "I wish every lake, ocean, and river on Earth were made entirely out of beer!"

The genie snaps his fingers and says, "Done." and then disappears.

The other fisherman smacks his partner across his face and says, "You idiot! Now we have to pee in the boat!".

The Beer-Bottle Genie

A young man is walking along the beach, when he spies a beer bottle in the sand. Picking it up, he brushes it off to see what brand it is, when a genie popped out. In a thundering voice, it proclaimed, "I am the beer bottle genie! For freeing me, I will grant you any three wishes, BUT the condition is, every lawyer in the world will get TWO of that!"
So the kid thought, and decided, "I want a briefcase filled with a million dollars!"
POOF! A briefcase instantly appeared in front if him. Meanwhile, two brief cases with a million dollars each appeared in front of every lawyer in the world.
"And for my next wish," he added, "I would like a red Porsche."
POOF! One appeared in front of him on the sand. And two Porsches appeared in the garages of every lawyer in the world.
"All right," said the genie, " for your last wish think really hard. Okay, time's up! What do you want?"
"Well," said the boy, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

It's the oldest joke in the book, but I love it.

A guy walks into a bar and notices a man about a foot tall playing a little piano. He asks the bartender why the little man is there, and he responds "I'll explain in a minute. First, make a wish on this magic beer bottle."

The guy says "Ok, sure"

He goes to the bottle and rubs it and a genie appears.
"You have one wish", he says.

The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room, and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.

The guy looks at the bartender and says, "Hey! What gives? I didn't want a million ducks!"

The bartender laughs, 'You think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?


A Little Head

A man walks into a bar and notices the gentleman next to him has a very small head. After a few beers, he finally asks the gentleman, "Pardon me, but why is your head so small?".

The man began to explain how he was in the Navy and after his ship was struck by a torpedo, and he was stuck on a deserted island for months. "One day," he said "A mermaid magically appeared. She said she could grant any wish I had. I asked to be rescued, and off in the horizon, I saw a coast guard ship heading towards me. I then proceeded to explain how long I had been stuck on the island and asked her for some sex before being rescued. She explained that it was impossible since she was a mermaid. So instead, I asked her for a little head."

A guy walks into a bar...

and takes a seat. After ordering a beer, he pulls out a little 10 inch man playing a matching piano, and sets it on the bar.

The guy next to him says, "Hey, that's pretty cool! Where did you get that?"

He replies, "I got it from my genie, you just have to rub this magic lamp."

He then hands the guy the lamp, he rubs it, and a genie comes out.

The genie says, "You may have one wish!"

The guy, all excited, says, "I want a million bucks!"

Genie says, "Your wish is my command". He waves his arms, and one million ducks start flying through the bar.

The guy, confused and a little upset, yells, "Hey! I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!?"

Guy who gave him the lamp says, "Yeah, you think I asked for a 10 inch pianist?"

A man walks into a bar and puts a shoebox down on the table...

He says, "I'll have a beer and a shot of Jack Daniels for my friend in the box."
The bartender looks down and sees a small man playing the piano. He brings the drinks and then asks, "Where'd you get this little guy?"
The man at the bar replies, "I was walking on the beach when I found a bottle lying in the sand. I was dusting it off when a genie came out and this was my first wish."
The bartender is thinking that maybe he can trade something for this guys wish. Now, this guy is feeling pretty generous so he agrees to giving up his second wish in exchange for free food and drinks. The bartender grabs the bottle, rubs it, and exclaims, "I wish for a million bucks!"
Then, the door slams open and a million white ducks come marching into the bar.
The man at the bar says, "I think the genie is hard of hearing."
"What makes you say that?" asks the bartender.
"You think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"

PTA Meeting

Three fathers are waiting around at a PTA meeting. They are mulling over life, family and education over by the coffee and the doughnuts until the first dad says, 'I recently taught my son Ben about Taxes. Gee, I wish I hadn't though. Every time I ask him to get me a beer now, he cracks open a tinny and downs half. He then proceeds to say, "There's your beer tax Daddy!"'

The second father laughs. 'Yeah, that sounds like when I taught my Daughters Rose and Violet about Unions. They've been on strike ever since, refusing to do dishes and laundry until they get better pay and more candy!' He chuckles again, retreating into his mug of Coffee.

He looks up again and asks the third man what he's done around the home to help his Daughter. He replied, 'Well, I'm starting to regret teaching Mercedes about Prostitution.'

A white guy, a mexican, and a black guy find a genie

A white guy, a mexican, and a black guy find a genie in a bottle. The genie asks each of them what they wish for. The mexican says, "My wish is for all my mexicans in America to be back in Mexico, drinking beer on the beach!" Poof, his wish is granted. The black guy says, "my wish is for my fellow Africans living in America to all be transported back to Africa where we can be happy and safe!" Poof, his wish is also granted. The genie turns to the white guy and asks him what his wish is. "Well, you mean to tell me all the mexicans and black are out of America? I guess I"ll take a Pepsi then."

A Guy/Gal walks into a bar with an Ostrich/Race-horse

A good-looking young man (or woman) and an ostrich (or racehorse) walk into a bar. The two sit down, order some nachos and wind up drinking a few beers by the end of the night. When it comes time to pay the tab, the (wo)man reaches into his/her pocket and dumps a slightly-crumpled mess of bills and change onto the bar.

"That should cover it." (s)he says. As the (wo)man walks away, the bartender counts it out and to her surprise, it's the exact total of the bill. Looking back up, she sees that the (wo)man has returned. (S)He once again reaches into his/her pocket and pulls out exactly 20% of the bill before tax.

"There ya go, sorry about that." (s)he says.

The bartender asks, "Mind if I ask you about the exact change and the ostrich(horse)?

"You see," (s)he says, "A long time ago, I was an archaeologist. While in arabia, I discovered a magical lamp with a genie inside who granted me 3 wishes. The first, obviously, was for eternal youth and fitness. Second, unlimited wealth- any time I buy something, I just reach into my pocket and pull out the exact amount of money. The third, well, the third wish was for a tall, youthful, long-legged(well-endowed) chick(stud) who would always stick by my side and share my interests."

An Irishman, American, and an Italian Get Captured By Cannibals, and are granted each a last wish.

American asks for a Beer, get his beer drinks it they kill him, eat him turn his skin into a canoe.
Italian asks for a Pizza, gets his pizza eats it and also gets eaten and turned into a canoe.
Irishman asks for a fork. Bewildered as they never had this request before gladly provided this mans last wish. As he get his fork he starts to stab himself all over screaming at the top of his lungs "You'll not make a boat out of me!"

Ocean full of beer

Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought, one man blurts out, Make the entire ocean into beer! The genie claps her hands and the entire sea turns into brew.

The other man looks disgustedly at the one who made the wish and says, Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat.


swimming pool wishes

At a swimming pool: Three guys climb a high-dive tower and meet a good fairy who offers to fulfill a wish for each of them. One jumps and says, "Beer!" - and the pool is full of beer. The other one jumps, says, "Money!" and the pool is full of money. The last one starts to jump but slips and, falling, yells, "SHIIIIIIT!!!"

A Man Walks Into A Bar.....(Read this one aloud)

A man is working his job as a bartender one night. A man comes into the bar and sits down near him. He pulls a tiny piano and a 12 inch man out of his shirt, and begins to listen as the little man plays piano. The bartender says, "That's amazing! Where did you meet this guy?" The man responds, "Oh, a genie gave him to me. He's down the street right now, giving out free wishes".So the bartender took his break, and went down the street to meet the genie. The man found a person sitting on the street and asked if he was the genie. "Yeah" said the genie. The bartender immediately said "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a huge flock of ducks flew out of the sky and began attacking him. He ran back to the bar, where the other man was drinking his beer. "That genie sucked! I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!" The man looked at the bartender and said "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

Three men are trapped on a desert island

When they find a tea pot. The first man rubs it an out comes a genie, "you have 3 wishes."
Man 1: "I wish I was at a party in the city!"
POOF he disappeared
Man 2: "I wish a was at my house with a beer!"
POOF he disappeared
Man 3: "I'm lonely now... I wish my friends were with me."

Three in floating in the Ocean.

Three men floating in the ocean in a life raft when a smoke-filled bottle bumps the raft. One guy picks it up and opens it. Out comes the Genie. I will grant you each one wish but it can't be changed…..The first guy shouts-out, turn the ocean to beer. The other two look at him then shake their heads and said, Well now I guess we will have to pee in the life raft.

My wife is much happier with a beer inside her.

I just wish she'd drink it afterwards.

There once was two people Lisa and Brian
They got married and had a child.


The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso.
So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body.
So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever.
When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out.
When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out.
After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body.
As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died.
The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."

Two Irishman were fishing on a lake...

...when one of them caught a mysterious, ancient-looking bottle. Upon taking the bottle off the line, a genie popped out of it and said, "I really don't have time for this three wishes nonsense. You get one wish between the two of you, so make it good."

The fisherman who caught the bottle immediately blurts out, "I wish every body of water on Earth were made of beer!"

The genie snapped his fingers and said, "Done." and then disappeared.

Then the second fisherman smacked his buddy over the head and yelled, "You idiot! Now we have to pee in the boat!".

A Man's Three Wishes

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but noticing the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I gotta ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"

"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer.


His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted".
He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough."
His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?"
He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.

So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks β€œwhats in the box”.
The man says β€œI’ll show ya’ if you get me a beer.”
So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano.
The little man starts playing the piano!
Next the bar tender asks β€œhey! thats prety cool, where did ya’ get that?”
The man says” I’ll tell ya’ if you get me another beer.”
So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says β€œI got it from a geenie and a lamp”
The bar tender says β€œIf ya’ let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I’ll give ya’ another beer.”
The man says β€œOh, Okay!”
The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.
The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!
The geenie says β€œMaster, I grant you one wish, what is it?”
The bar tender says β€œI wish for a million bucks!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room.
β€œWhat the heck is this! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!”
And the man says β€œWell did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!”

A guy walks into a tavern.
As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "What's that all about?"
The bartender told him he that would tell him later.
So the guy asked the bartender for a drink.
The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish."
"Okay," said the guy.
He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it.
Poof.
Out came a genie.
The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish."
The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks.
A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared.
In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him.
The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didn't want a million ducks."
The bartender replied, "Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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