Wise Man Once Said Jokes
48 wise man once said jokes and hilarious wise man once said puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wise man once said that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Wise Man Once Said Short Jokes
Short wise man once said jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wise man once said humour may include short a wise man once said jokes also.
- A wise man once said... "If you make a woman laugh, you've half-undressed her."
However, if you half-undress and she laughs, that's a different thing altogether. - A wise man once said, "Nothing worth doing is without risk..." Well, he almost did, but he was worried someone might laugh.
- A wise man once said Life becomes much more peaceful when you realize you are not responsible for the projections of others. …the movie theater manager then proceeded to reconsider his career.
- My wife asked me if these pants make her look fat. Being a wise man, I said Yes!
It's all the pants' fault. - When is the only time a woman says something smart? When her sentence starts with "A wise man once said"
- This just in. Words said by the very first old wise man have been discovered. Quote: What's going on here?
- A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form Then he died.
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Wise Man Once Said One Liners
Which wise man once said one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wise man once said? I can suggest the ones about wise man say and wise man.
- As a wise man once said, "Don't quote me on this."
- A wise man once said... ..."mom, I want some candies"
- "Don't give me the chicken, instead teach me how to lay eggs." Once a wise man said.
- A wise man once said... Nothing, he only listened.
- A wise man said to his wife
- A wise chinese man once said to me: "A day without sunshine is just a cloudy day."
- A wise man once said that He doesn't want to be anonymous
- As a wise man once said: "As a wise man once said"
- a wise man once said
- A Wise Man Once Said Something I don't know what he said, just that he said something.
- A wise man once said that ice on the ground is great. He fell
- Words of wisdom A wise man once said "I give you the gift of frankincense."
- A wise man once said nothing. He let her vent, and then they had s**....
Gather Around for Heartwarming Wise Man Once Said Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about wise man once said you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wisdom man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wise man once said pranks.
A film crew was filming in the highlands in Scotland when an old Gaelic seer came hobbling by and said, "Tomorrow rain," and hobbled on. Sure enough it rained the very next day. Again he hobbled past and said, "Tomorrow sunshine." It was indeed a fine sunny day the next day. The director was mighty impressed and got the crew to hire him and every day the wise old sage predicted accurately what the weather would be. But after a couple of weeks the old man didn't show up and eventually the director found him in a bothy and said, "Hey, we need your predictions, why aren't you showing up?" "Radio broken," the old man replied.
While vacationing in a remote area of Alaska, I met an old mountain man, wise in the ways one need be to live in an extreme wilderness area like he did.
I asked him about the weater, did it rain a lot? He said;
"See those mountains over there" and he pointed to them."
I replied, "Yes."
"Well," he replied, ".. if you can't see those mountains, that means it's raining. If you can see them, that means it's going to rain."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wise man once said, "There is safety in numbers". Yeah?! Well, tell that one to six million Jews!
Wise Golfer
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."
An old man an his grandson are taking a walk one crisp fall afternoon...
When the old man asks his grandson what he wanted to be when he grrw up.
"I wanna be rich like you granpa!" , responded the boy
Now the old man had worked hard all his life. Started off as an employee at a small company and ended up owning it. He almost never spent his hard earned money on luxuries. He was a smart consumer, invested wisely, yadda, yadda, yadda.
The old man smiled quitely at his grandson's remark.
"Now how do you plan on doing that, sport?"
"Well," said the little boy, "It's gonna take a lot of hard work and patience."
"Oh really?" ,the old man questioned
"Uh-huh! It's going to be a while before I get my inheritance!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Choose Wisely...
A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors. Satan explains, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors. But, the good news is that you can take a peek behind each and take your choice."
So, the man opened the first door and saw a room full of people, standing on their heads on a concrete floor. Not very nice, he thought.
Opening the second door, he saw a room full of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Better, he thought, but best to check the last door.
Upon opening the last door, he saw a room full of people, standing waist-deep in e**... and sipping coffee.
"Of the three, this one looks best," he said and waded in to get something to drink while Satan closed the door.
A few minutes later the door opened, Satan stuck his head in and said, "Ok, coffee break's over, back on your heads!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Appetite
The banker saw his old friend Harry, an eighty-year-old rancher, in town one day. Harry had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying again.
Being a good friend, the banker asked Harry if the rumor was true. Harry assured him that it was.
The banker then asked Harry the age of his new bride to be.
Harry proudly said, "She'll be twenty-one in this December."
Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the s**... appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man.
Wanting his old friend's later years to be happy ones, the banker tactfully suggested that Harry should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.
Harry thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker ran into Harry in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.
Harry proudly said, "Oh, she's pregnant."
The banker, happy that his sage advise had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"
Without hesitating, Harry said, "She's pregnant too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
why do women enjoy s**... more than men
why do women enjoy s**... more than men
A wise man said : "When you have an itchy ears , and then you put your finger in your ear and scartch
which one feel better your finger or your ear ?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On old wise Chinese man once said:
Better to have a hole in your hand than a hand in your hole.
A man had 3 problems...
A man had 3 problems:
1: He was very poor
2: He had no children with his wife
3: His mother was blind
An angel appeared to him and asked him to make a wish. Just one. Now his wife wants a child, his mother wants to see and he wants to be rich...
Ah, what embarrassment!
After reflecting a bit, he said wisely to the angel:
"I just want my mother to see my children eating in golden plates."
My psychic is a wise woman. She believes that all things happen for a reason. I asked her to show me.
She said,
"In the year 3055, a time traveler will be vomiting uncontrollably in a dark room. At some point before his episode, unbeknownst to him, his time machine will have malfunctioned... This he'll only realize once it's too late."
All of a sudden, a man in a space-suit walked in. He grabbed a brown paper bag off of her desk and walked away. My psychic looked at me, smiled, and said, "that lunch has been sitting on my desk for 365 days. He thinks the year is 2019; he's late."
Two engineering nerds were walking across their college campus.
One of them had a bike:
Nerd 1: Where did you get that bike, man; it looks pretty well made.
Nerd 2: Yesterday I saw a beautiful woman riding this bike in the park, and I winked at her. She came over, threw the bike down, took off her clothes, and said to me 'take what you want'.
Nerd 1: Wow, that's great! Wise choice too! I'm proud of you, dude.
Nerd 2: Why? It was a simple choice.
Nerd 1: Well, I thought it might have been pretty tempting.
Nerd 2: Not at all; I bet the clothes wouldn't have even fit me.
The secret to a good marriage
It was grandparents day at school.
"Steven, please come up here and tell the class your story about your grandparent", the teacher said.
"Goodmorning everyone", Steven begins. " My grandpa is a very wise man. He has the answer to everything. He has been married for almost 50 years now. So I asked him , what was his secret. He looked at me, thought a bit and began. son there only one single thing to a good marriage...."
The whole class seemed to hold their breath. Everything seemed to stand still.
" And when I find out what that is, I will get married again".
A Submarine Captain is walking down the street...
... when he sees a Buddhist monk fixing a fence.
"Hey mister, I'm having some trouble running my submarine. None of my crew like me. You're a wise man, what would you suggest?" asked the Captain.
"Make sure to switch everybody's positions very often" said the monk.
"Why?" said the Captain.
The monk replied "You'd be surprised at the amount of karma you get from reposting."
A wise man telling a young man
A wise man once told his son, 'Never marry a beautiful woman.'
The son asked, 'Why?'
The wise man answered, 'Because she can leave you whenever she wants to find someone else.'
The son said, 'Well can't an ugly woman do that too.'
'Yes', said the wise man, 'but then you won't care.'
