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Wise Jokes

147 wise jokes and hilarious wise puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wise that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy these hilarious and timeless Wise Jokes about life, from the classic jest of Morecambe and Wise to the timeless words of a wise old man. Laugh at the wise jests of a wise man and the wise words of a wise man. Get the best of life with these wise jokes about wiser living. Smart and wise, these jokes are full of wit and wisdom.

Best Short Wise Jokes

Short wise jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wise humour may include short worthy jokes also.

  1. Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?" "I am not Master Akira."
  2. Go away bee, don't bother me. A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.
  3. When Mary had a baby boy, the wise men weren't surprised... ...but you should have seen their eyes when she had the little lamb.
  4. A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live... Patient - "No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"
    Doctor - "Money-wise, you are now set for life"
  5. A wise man once said... "If you make a woman laugh, you've half-undressed her."
    However, if you half-undress and she laughs, that's a different thing altogether.
  6. A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" "I am not Master Ayumu."
  7. A man who recogizes his mistakes when wrong is wise. A man that recognizes his mistake when he is right is... Married.
  8. A wise saying Build a fire for a man, and he will be warm for a day.
    Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his liffe.
  9. I've spent the day in a German police station. Word to the wise… Don't go hailing a taxi in Germany like you do in other countries.
  10. A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?" The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."
    The man says: "I disagree."
    The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."

Quick Jump To


Wise joke, A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?"


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about wise can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of wise puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Wise One Liners

Which wise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wise? I can suggest the ones about smart and wick.

  1. A wise Nigerian prince once said… "I think, therefore I scam."
  2. Write a wise saying and your name will live on. ----Anonymous
  3. What do you call a wise dumpling? A “wonton” philosopher!
  4. As a wise man once said, "Don't quote me on this."
  5. A wise man once told his wife… Absolutely nothing! Because he was a wise man…
  6. A wise squirrel once said "you are what you eat". Don't believe him, he was a nut.
  7. A wise man once told his wife... ..nothing.
    I told you he was a wise man.
  8. A wise man once said to his wife Nothing.
    Because he was a wise man
  9. A wise chinese guy once said: If a dog barks- It's undercooked.
  10. Wise men say... Only fools Russian
  11. A wise man once said... ..."mom, I want some candies"
  12. The Aborists came to my house on Christmas Day. I was visited by the tree wise men.
  13. Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween. PENNY-WISE
  14. A wise statistician once told me: Be thankful you have more hands than average.
  15. A wise man one said to me Love is Grand but divorce is 100 Grand

Wise Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny wise man jokes and even better wise man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Mistaken Identity A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."
  • A wise man once said, "Nothing worth doing is without risk..." Well, he almost did, but he was worried someone might laugh.
  • The wise Master Akira Up the mountain a japanese asked a wise man, "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we Japanese, all look alike?"
    "I am not Master Akira"
  • A lecturer had reached one of his most important points "He who gives in when he is wrong is wise: but the man who gives in when he is right is..."
    "Married," someone shouted from the audience.
  • On old wise Chinese man once said: Better to have a hole in your hand than a hand in your hole.
  • A wise man once said Life becomes much more peaceful when you realize you are not responsible for the projections of others. …the movie theater manager then proceeded to reconsider his career.
  • The lesser-known fourth Wise Man brought baby Jesus the gift of protein powder. It was a whey in a manger.
  • Wise Master Akira A Japanese man asked his master:
    "Master Akira, why does everybody think that we all look the same?"
    And he answered:
    "I am not Master Akira."
  • A wise man once told me that you should love with your heart and use your head for everything else He died of a concussion
  • Belated holiday joke Q: What did the 3 Wise Men say to the crazy man?
    A: "You make no Frankincense!!"

Wise Man Once Said Jokes

Here is a list of funny wise man once said jokes and even better wise man once said puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife asked me if these pants make her look fat. Being a wise man, I said Yes!
    It's all the pants' fault.
  • "Don't give me the chicken, instead teach me how to lay eggs." Once a wise man said.
  • A wise man once said... Nothing, he only listened.
  • When is the only time a woman says something smart? When her sentence starts with "A wise man once said"
  • This just in. Words said by the very first old wise man have been discovered. Quote: What's going on here?
  • A wise man once said, "There is safety in numbers". Yeah?! Well, tell that one to six million Jews!
  • A wise man said to his wife
  • A wise chinese man once said to me: "A day without sunshine is just a cloudy day."
  • A wise man once said that He doesn't want to be anonymous
  • As a wise man once said: "As a wise man once said"

A Wise Man Once Said Jokes

Here is a list of funny a wise man once said jokes and even better a wise man once said puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • a wise man once said
  • Wise Chinese saying A wise Chinese man once said: "If the dog is still barking, it is under cooked."
  • A Wise Man Once Said Something I don't know what he said, just that he said something.
  • A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form Then he died.
  • A wise man once said that ice on the ground is great. He fell
  • Words of wisdom A wise man once said "I give you the gift of frankincense."
  • A wise man once said nothing. He let her vent, and then they had s**....
  • A wise man once said... Man who fish in other mans well catch many c**....

Three Wise Men Jokes

Here is a list of funny three wise men jokes and even better three wise men puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Those presents the three wise men got baby Jesus... ...where they for Christmas or his birthday?
  • Why did the three Wise Men smell like smoke? Because they came from afar...
  • The White House has cancelled their annual Christmas Pageant In an official statement, they said the reason was because they couldn't find three wise men.
  • Q: Did you hear that the White House isn't displaying it's Nativity scene this year?
    A: They couldn't find the three wise men!
  • The three wise men find Baby Jesus in the desert and eat him... one asks the others "how is your Holy Infant?"
    Between bites he says "Tender, Mild."
  • Why did the Three Wise Men travel from afar to learn about how diary products were made?
  • The three wise men came to the manger with gifts for baby Jesus. They brought gold and frankincense... But wait, there's myrrh!
  • The White House decorated for Christmas today But three wise men were nowhere to be found.
  • Why were the Three Wise Men covered in soot? Because they came from afar.
  • Why one of the three Wise Men was black?
Wise joke, Why one of the three Wise Men was black?

Cheerful Fun Wise Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about wise you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean wide jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make wise prank.

Three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger...

One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ" he exclaimed.
Joseph said: "Write that down, Mary. It's better than Wayne."

Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a v**....

In a theater

A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.
The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat. The man grunts and does not move.
Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, Get out of those seats!
The man grunts, and policeman says, Okay, wise guy, where are you from? The man moans and says, The balcony.

why do women enjoy s**... more than men

why do women enjoy s**... more than men
A wise man said : "When you have an itchy ears , and then you put your finger in your ear and scartch
which one feel better your finger or your ear ?"

Why wasn't Jesus born in lindsay Ontario.

Couldn't find three wise men. Or a v**......

Why wasn't Jesus born in the United states?

They couldn't find three wise men or a v**....

What's the wisest kind of modeling putty?

Play-toh.

Donald Trump visits and old folks' home...

to mingle with the people and pick up a little good P.R. at the same time. He walks up to a sweet old lady in a wheelchair who smiles at him with an other wise blank stare.
"Do you know who I am ?" asks Donald Trump.
She responds, "No, but if you ask the desk, they'll tell you.

Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA?

Because God couldn't find three wise men and a v**....

TIL about Mexican drug birds.

During the early 60s drug cartels would use South-American mallard flocks to smuggle drugs over the border.
The birds' predictable migration patterns and considerable size made them perfect for the job, until a few years later.
That's when the ducks got wise and just started smoking all the quack.

Heard they weren't celebrating Christmas at the University of Alabama...

Couldn't find three wise men and a v**....

Why could Jesus have never been born in Australia?

Seriously, you really think you're going to find 3 wise men and a v**... down there?

A wise word of advice from my late grandfather. "When people say fight the power"

"They don't mean stab the power outlets"

Why wasn't Jesus born in America?

He couldn't find 3 wise men or a v**....

What's the difference in an Italian Nativity

An Italian nativity has Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus, and a couple of wise guys

I was on a blind date with this girl...

And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

Wise words from a Gravestone

In life... a man needs a woman he can laugh with,
a woman who will cook for him,
a woman who he can enjoys life's adventures with,
and it's super important that these women never meet,
Otherwise you will end up in the ground like me.

If you are wrong and you shut up..

You're wise
If you're right and still do it - you're married.

My granddad was a wise man...

...he told me that you can't find happiness all by yourself. To live a truly happy life you need to be in a fulfilling relationship. You need to find a wife that loves you unconditionally, a wife that challenges you on a daily basis, a wife that you always want to make love to and most importantly you must make sure that they'll never meet.

In honor of the BYU/Utah game tomorrow

Why can't the University of Utah do the nativity scene?
Because they can't find 3 wise men or a virign.

Three mice are arguing whether the holes are part of the cheese or not.

The one that thought they WERE went to the wise old owl for advice. When he got back, the cheese was gone. He asked the other two mice:
"What happened to the cheese?"
They replied:
"We decided to agree with you, so we split the cheese into thirds, and your third happened to be the holes."

A foolish man gives his wife a grand piano...

... A wise man gives his wife an upright o**....

Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia?

Because God couldn't find 3 wise men... or a v**....
*sorry if this is not new, from WV and my fav.

A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi

She says to him, "Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?"
The wise old Rabbi answers, "Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one."

Why wasn't the nativity in Ireland?

Because God couldn't find three wise men and a v**....

The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night.

So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
 
(I'll see myself out.)

Wearing a helmet while riding a motorbike is wise..

But having a transparent panel on it?? Now, that's visor..

A foolish man complains about his torn pockets

A wise man uses them to scratch his b**....

Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet

There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.
As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.
The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.
Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"
The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"
He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.
Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"
The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"
He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it
"Potato Potato"

An angel appears to a man in a dream...

The angel offers him a choice - He can have the Wisdom of Solomon, or $50,000,000. Believing that this was a test from God, the man choses Wisdom.
The next morning, the man is having breakfast with his friends and he recants the story to them. When he's finished, one friend says, If you're so wise now, then tell us some words of wisdom.
The man says, I should have taken the money.

Aged c**...

Wise crack.

I took a bike-ride to the bottle shop today to get a bottle of red wine then headed home. I thought to myself, 'What if I fell off and my bottle broke?' So I drank it all before I cycled home.

That turned out to be a wise decision because I fell off seven times before I got to our house.

A wise man is walking through a market with a bag of gold.

As he passes the various sellers, a merchant quickly lights some incense and a beautiful aroma fills the air. It's frankincense, the merchant says. The best in the land.
The wise man gets some and is about to leave when the merchant calls out, But wait ... there's myrrh!

A wise man once told me, Martinis are like b**......

One is not enough, but three are WAY too many.

What do you call a clown that saves money by being homeless?

Penny wise

A pig walks into a bar and orders ten beers.

As soon as the pig is finished drinking the beers, he pays the bartender and starts to leave the bar.
"Wait!" says the bartender. "You drank so much beer. Wouldn't it be wise to use the bathroom before leaving?"
"Not for me," says the pig. "I'm the type of pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home."

The secret to a good marriage

It was grandparents day at school.
"Steven, please come up here and tell the class your story about your grandparent", the teacher said.
"Goodmorning everyone", Steven begins. " My grandpa is a very wise man. He has the answer to everything. He has been married for almost 50 years now. So I asked him , what was his secret. He looked at me, thought a bit and began. son there only one single thing to a good marriage...."
The whole class seemed to hold their breath. Everything seemed to stand still.
" And when I find out what that is, I will get married again".

A young Chinese man is asking a wise monk:

"Master Chong-Li, why does everyone think we Asian people all look the same?"
and he responds: "Who the h**... is master Chong-Li?"

My mum's favourite piece of advice to give me when I was growing up was, "Whenever life puts an obstacle in your way, the best way to deal with it is to tackle it head on".

I used to think she was wise but now I'm nursing a concussion and being sued for damages, since my neighbor parked in front of my driveway last week.

The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice

He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.

A wise man once told me to never give up on my dreams.

That is why I keep sleeping.

What not to say to a cop

If you get pulled over and the cop says "Your eyes look glazed over It is not wise to say "like your donuts?"

Why couldnt baby jesus be born in NYC?

Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a v**...

I bumped into an old mate of mine yesterday

I bumped into an old mate yesterday. He immediately started showing off, talking about him being an excellent writter and the book he recently launched.
Continuing to show off, he said, "My book has sold 1000 copies till date."
I said, "And how many copies did you buy?."
He said, "Not even one, hahaha jealous much?"
I said, "Wise decision nonetheless."

I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...

But he never made it as a wise man

Why wasn`t Jesus born in Alabama?

They couldn\`t come up with three wise men and a v**....

A Submarine Captain is walking down the street...

... when he sees a Buddhist monk fixing a fence.
"Hey mister, I'm having some trouble running my submarine. None of my crew like me. You're a wise man, what would you suggest?" asked the Captain.
"Make sure to switch everybody's positions very often" said the monk.
"Why?" said the Captain.
The monk replied "You'd be surprised at the amount of karma you get from reposting."

What's the difference between a wise guy and a b**... sniffer?

One's a smart fella, the other is a f**... smella.

A boy looks longingly to the distant islands

He wants to run away to the islands but the only problem is he's got no money. He walks over to his wise old neighbor and asks him for advice on how to get to there.
The old man says, well these woods here have magical pixies that have a special dust. If you get their dust you could just fly there! The only problem is they don't just give it out for free. You're gonna want to sneak up on 'em.
The boy nods his head in disbelief.
The old man says, So, I guess your options are you hire a boat, or catch a fairy!

Why wasnt jesus born in newcastle?

They couldnt find any wise men or a v**...

Wise joke, Why wasnt jesus born in newcastle?

jokes about wise

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these wise jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.