Wisdom Jokes
102 wisdom jokes and hilarious wisdom puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wisdom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best wisdom jokes and proverbs that can bring insight into your life and make you laugh. These clever sayings will help you navigate the ailments of life, like wisdom teeth out and wisdom tooth pain. Find out why wisdom man is the one to ask for help in times of need!
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Funniest Wisdom Short Jokes
Short wisdom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wisdom humour may include short wisely jokes also.
- The elites and nobles of Ancient Greece would often pay Diogenes with grape or bread in exchange for his wisdom. It's food for thought.
- Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it." "And forget the present, I didn't get you one."
- I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled out I'm going to fail so many perception checks without them :(
- Thank you God for giving me food to sustain my body, TidePods to clean my clothes, & wisdom to know the difference.
- Knowledge is knowing that papers are best written with alcohol and edited with caffeine. Wisdom is realizing that this does not make a Jagerbomb a study tool
- I asked my dad for some words of wisdom... He said I can't, I got those taken out years ago. (True story)
- God grant me the FOOD to sustain my body, the LAUNDRY DETERGENT to wash the stains from my clothes,
and the WISDOM to know the difference. - When I find myself in times of trouble... When I find myself in times of trouble /
Mother Russia comes to me /
Speaking words of wisdom... /
covfefe! - A Japanese ascended a tall mountain to seek wisdom from a sage. He asks: Master Akira, why do people all think Japanese look alike? I'm not master Akira!
- People say that being able to count is important in order to get somewhere in life. I disagree. The 3 most important things to obtaining success are
Discipline,
Integrity,
Respect
and Wisdom.
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Wisdom One Liners
Which wisdom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wisdom? I can suggest the ones about a wise man once said and old wise.
- I'd like to dedicate this joke to my wisdom teeth. [Removed]
- I went to an herbalist looking for wisdom. All he gave me was *sage* advice.
- Italian wisdom Eat spaghetti to forgetti your regretti
- If you eat some fortune cookies whole... You'll have some turds of wisdom.
- Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting tomato in a fruit salad.
- Did you see that documentary about wisdom teeth? It's called An Inconvenient Tooth .
- "Computers will never replace humans." - Cannibal wisdom.
- What do you call "wisdom of technology"? Techknowledgey
- My wisdom tooth came out the other day. I still love him no matter what.
- Which teeth are the brightest? The wisdom teeth
- Tom Parry on Folk Wisdom Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night, day.
- With age comes wisdom... ...but sometimes age comes alone.
- God made me an atheist Who are you to question his Wisdom.
- Who here has squirrel wisdom? Because you look like a squirrel wisdom nuts in your mouth!
- With age comes Wisdom Unless you have Alzheimer's, now what was I going to say again?
Wisdom Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny wisdom man jokes and even better wisdom man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- True wisdom is found in those who are curious. Because a man who asks many questions... Is a whys man.
- Speaking words of wisdom Build a man a fire and keep him warm for the night.
Set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life. - Fatherly Wisdom Son: Dad, I've heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
Father: Son, that's true everywhere. - A WOMAN'S PRAYER: I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;
Patience, For his moods.
Because if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death. - Words of wisdom A wise man once said "I give you the gift of frankincense."
Wisdom Teeth Out Jokes
Here is a list of funny wisdom teeth out jokes and even better wisdom teeth out puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A cheapskate goes to have his wisdom teeth removed. The dentist said the procedure would cost $100. The cheapskate replies, "I'll give you $50 and just loosen it."
- Had my wisdom teeth removed and the doc wrote me a script for oxys The percs of dental surgery
- Feminism is like wisdom teeth... useful in the past, but painful, annoying, and useless now.
- Today is coming out day... ...so i got my wisdom teeth removed
- Oxycodone With my wisdom teeth gone, I was hoping of getting a bit of a high, but all it did was relieve pain.
well that was a "downer" - Why do chemistry majors get their wisdom teeth removed? It's dangerous to have too many molars.
- God invented wisdom teeth so that everybody could have a chance to try Vicodin. Title
- I used to give really good advice. Then I got my wisdom teeth taken out.
- Which teeth are the smartest? The Wisdom Teeth
- If you can't afford to get your wisdom teeth removed... Try crystal m**..., it really is a miracle drug.
*disclaimer: may remove more teeth than expected.
Hilarious Wisdom Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about wisdom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wise man once said jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wisdom pranks.
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
It's for the birds...
What kind of bird represents peace? The pure white (Dove)
What kind of bird represents wisdom? The wise old (Owl)
What kind of bird represents birth control? Sound of gagging. (the s**...)
Tribal Wisdom
So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."
Some wisdom from my mother
If you end up with a good girl, then your life is complete.
If you end up with a bad girl, then your life is finished.
But if your good girl catches you in bed with a bad girl, then you're completely finished.
Guru asks disciple - If there were two bags in front of you and I tell you one has money and the other has wisdom, which would you take?
Disciple: I would take the bag with the money.
Guru: (Sarcastic Laugh) I would take the bag with the wisdom.
Disciple: Each one takes what he doesn't have.
I have a lot of wisdom in regards to o**... hygiene.
I'd consider myself a flosserpher.
(Old WoW joke) ...and Jesus said to his disciples 'I shall grant you wisdom and salvation.'
And the disciples replied 'could we get kings instead?'
Measure of Attributes
Endurance is being able withstand having tomatoes thrown at you
Strength is being able to throw a heavy tomato
Agility is being able to dodge thrown tomatoes
Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad
Charisma is being able to sell a tomato-based fruit salad.
The Wisdom of an Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''
A guy rescued a genie.
To return the favor, the genie offered him a wish: he could have unlimited money, or unlimited wisdom. The man chose the latter. A few days passed by, his friend came to visit him, finding him crying very fiercely and screaming the sentence: "I should have chosen the money."
An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"
The man says, "I should have taken the money."
With age comes wisdom
An old man was fishing at the riverbank. Along came a frog who said, "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman and grant you any s**... favor you desire!"
The old man thought about it and put the frog in his coat pocket.
"Aren't you going to kiss me?" said the frog.
"I'm 75, I'd rather have a talking frog!"
An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department...
...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"
Knowledge is knowing Napoleon..
... was about the average height for his time.
Wisdom is not putting Napoleon in a fruit salad.
The Beginning of Wisdom Starts by Saying I Don't Know.
if only I knew this as a teenager...
"For this entry level position, we're looking for..."
"Someone with the wisdom of a 50-year old
The experience of a 40-year old
The ambition of a 30-year old
The energy of a 20-year old
And who, ideally, is willing to work for free."
Emergency broadcast alert.
Just happened this morning while taking my wife to work. The emergency broadcast alert came over the radio.
Wife: It's probably just a test.
Me: Unless Trump pressed the big red button.
Our 9 year old: Oh come on now Trump is new to the White House, he doesn't know how everything works yet.
Such innocence and wisdom in one statement.
You have to read this in Paul McCartney's voice
When I find my tweets are causing trouble
Mother Russia comforts me
Tweeting words of wisdom
Covfefe
Pawnshop wisdom
I asked a friend of mine to appraise my grandfather's violin, seeing that he runs a pawnbrokers shop. "Old fiddles aren't worth much nowadays," he told me.
"What makes it a fiddle, and not a violin?" I asked him.
"Simple," he explained, "If I'm buying it from you, it's a fiddle. If you're buying it from me, it's a violin."
r**... wisdom
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over; women like that are hard to find."
Wisdom, Beauty, or Money
At a meeting of the college faculty, an angel suddenly appears and tells the head of the Physics department, I will grant you whichever of three blessings you choose: Wisdom, Beauty—or ten million dollars.
Immediately, the professor chooses Wisdom.
There is a ash of lightning, and the professor appears transformed, but he just sits there, staring down at the table. One of his colleagues whispers, Say something.
The professor says, I should have taken the money.
When I find myself in times of trouble...
...brother Mario comes to me
speaking words of wisdom "it's a me"
If f**... is enjoying being dominated by women...
Is wisdom enjoying being dominated by wizard?
My Girlfriend Just Got Her Wisdom Teeth Out
She was telling me that her face was sore, so I told her she was a *"sore-bae*, get it? Sorbet?". And then she turned around in bed and wouldn't talk to me.
Knowledge is knowing than a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing you shouldn't put it a fruit salad.....
humor is doing it anyway.
Serial killer words of wisdom?
Never criticize a victim until you've walked a mile in their skin...
Nasreddin hodja imparting wisdom (Original in Turkish, let's see if this works)
Two guys were in dispute and came to Nasreddin Hodja for his wisdom. Hodja listenened to the first one and said, "You are right". He listened to the second one, and said "You are right, too". His wife overheard this and said to Hodja, "Hodja these men provided completely diffrent viewpoints, but you said they were both right. What kind of wisdom is this? Hodja said, "You are right, as well".
In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.
Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The lone ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.
An angel appears to a man in a dream...
The angel offers him a choice - He can have the Wisdom of Solomon, or $50,000,000. Believing that this was a test from God, the man choses Wisdom.
The next morning, the man is having breakfast with his friends and he recants the story to them. When he's finished, one friend says, If you're so wise now, then tell us some words of wisdom.
The man says, I should have taken the money.
A Muslim boy once asked his father: "why is it that Jews can't work on Saturday, Christians can't work on Sunday, but Muslims work on their holy day Friday?"
The dad looked down at his son and said, "God didn't need to force us to take a break because in His infinite wisdom He knew we'd never work that much to begin with."
A man is at the u**... when the Dalai Lama walks in and stands next to him.
The man is shocked. He then proceeds to ask, "Oh Your Holiness, may I ask of your wisdom?", the Dalai Lama replies, "Yes my son, you need to look down."
Taken aback, the man asks, "So you mean I need to look deep down into my being?", the Dalai Lama replies, "No my son, you need to look down because you're p**... on your shoes."
Between wealth and wisdom what will you choose ?
teacher : If you are offered wealth and wisdom what will you choose ?
student : wealth
teacher: No. That's a bad answer. I will choose wisdom .
students: that's ok sir. We have to choose what we don't have.
The Right Choice
An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."
The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."
What to pick
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student "Who is your father?
The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."
Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"
The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."
Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"
The student replies "An orphan."
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man stand around a piece of fruit.
When asked what the fruit is, the philosopher says We can never know what this piece of fruit truly is. We assume, through wisdom, that the form of the fruit is closest to our perceptions of the fruit .
The physicist states: Truly there is no fruit. The fruit is simply the interaction of fundamental forces and unseeable particles colliding through time until the fruit is formed .
The Common Man replies: It's an apple.
Sensei, I need your advice.
I wish to live to be 100 years old.
- Then get married.
Will that make me live 100 years?
- No! But the wish will fade away.
Thank you great master for your immense wisdom.
On the wisdom of King Solomon
This Driver has Solomon's Wisdom
Two women in a bus were fighting bitterly over the last seat available.
The conductor already tried to intervene but to no avail. So the driver shouted, "Let the ugly one take the seat!"
Both women stood for the rest of the journey.
I was born in very sorry circumstances....
Both of my parents were very sorry.
\-Joke by Norman Wisdom (Source IMDB)-
Knowledge is knowing that pineapples are not a type of apple
Wisdom is knowing not to put them on pizza.
My Engineering Physics Professor told me that I would pass my class "When pigs fly"
I studied hard and applied this wisdom to my senior project.
He never specified that the pig was required to ***sustain*** flight, but I'm assuming that's the reason why I was expelled.
A Priest congratulates the elderly married couple for 60 yrs of marriage...
"So, how'd you do it?" the Priest asks the elderly man. "Any wisdom you give might help some of our younger parishioners who are just recently married."
The man pauses and thinks for a minute. He answers matter-of-factly, "Going out to dinner twice a week saved our marriage."
The priest nodded and then raised an eyebrow. "Twice a week? That's got to be pretty expensive!"
"Not at all," said the old man. "She goes out on Thursdays, and I go out on Sundays."
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.
At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.
The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.
The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.
"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo.
A colleague whispered, "Tell me something."
The dean, who had gained eternal wisdom, sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."
