The Best 44 Wisdom Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wisdom jokes. There are some wisdom wealth jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wisdom wisdom teeth removal puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Wisdom Jokes and Puns

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

An angel appears at a faculty meeting...

... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

Tribal Wisdom

So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."

Some wisdom from my mother

If you end up with a good girl, then your life is complete.

If you end up with a bad girl, then your life is finished.

But if your good girl catches you in bed with a bad girl, then you're completely finished.

jokes about wisdom

Guru asks disciple - If there were two bags in front of you and I tell you one has money and the other has wisdom, which would you take?

Disciple: I would take the bag with the money.

Guru: (Sarcastic Laugh) I would take the bag with the wisdom.

Disciple: Each one takes what he doesn't have.


Measure of Attributes

Endurance is being able withstand having tomatoes thrown at you

Strength is being able to throw a heavy tomato

Agility is being able to dodge thrown tomatoes

Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit

Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad

Charisma is being able to sell a tomato-based fruit salad.

The Wisdom of an Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''

A guy rescued a genie.

To return the favor, the genie offered him a wish: he could have unlimited money, or unlimited wisdom. The man chose the latter. A few days passed by, his friend came to visit him, finding him crying very fiercely and screaming the sentence: "I should have chosen the money."

An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."

Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.

One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"

The man says, "I should have taken the money."

With age comes wisdom

An old man was fishing at the riverbank. Along came a frog who said, "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman and grant you any sexual favor you desire!"

The old man thought about it and put the frog in his coat pocket.

"Aren't you going to kiss me?" said the frog.

"I'm 75, I'd rather have a talking frog!"

An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department...

...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"

You can explore wisdom ailments reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wisdom folk dad jokes. There are also wisdom puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Knowledge is knowing that papers are best written with alcohol and edited with caffeine.

Wisdom is realizing that this does not make a Jagerbomb a study tool

Emergency broadcast alert.

Just happened this morning while taking my wife to work. The emergency broadcast alert came over the radio.
Wife: It's probably just a test.
Me: Unless Trump pressed the big red button.
Our 9 year old: Oh come on now Trump is new to the White House, he doesn't know how everything works yet.

Such innocence and wisdom in one statement.

You have to read this in Paul McCartney's voice

When I find my tweets are causing trouble

Mother Russia comforts me

Tweeting words of wisdom

Covfefe

When I find myself in times of trouble...

When I find myself in times of trouble /

Mother Russia comes to me /

Speaking words of wisdom... /

covfefe!

God grant me the FOOD to sustain my body,

the LAUNDRY DETERGENT to wash the stains from my clothes,
and the WISDOM to know the difference.

People say that being able to count is important in order to get somewhere in life. I disagree.

The 3 most important things to obtaining success are
Discipline,
Integrity,
Respect
and Wisdom.

Thank you God

for giving me food to sustain my body, TidePods to clean my clothes, & wisdom to know the difference.

Wisdom, Beauty, or Money

At a meeting of the college faculty, an angel suddenly appears and tells the head of the Physics department, I will grant you whichever of three blessings you choose: Wisdom, Beautyβ€”or ten million dollars.

Immediately, the professor chooses Wisdom.

There is a ash of lightning, and the professor appears transformed, but he just sits there, staring down at the table. One of his colleagues whispers, Say something.

The professor says, I should have taken the money.


Italian wisdom

Eat spaghetti to forgetti your regretti

If FemDom is enjoying being dominated by women...

Is wisdom enjoying being dominated by Wizards?

My Girlfriend Just Got Her Wisdom Teeth Out

She was telling me that her face was sore, so I told her she was a *"sore-bae*, get it? Sorbet?". And then she turned around in bed and wouldn't talk to me.

A Japanese ascended a tall mountain to seek wisdom from a sage. He asks: Master Akira, why do people all think Japanese look alike?

I'm not master Akira!

I asked my dad for some words of wisdom...

He said I can't, I got those taken out years ago. (True story)

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.

Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.

Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer

Bad spirits, replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?

Chemo, sabe

Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.

An angel appears to a man in a dream...

The angel offers him a choice - He can have the Wisdom of Solomon, or $50,000,000. Believing that this was a test from God, the man choses Wisdom.

The next morning, the man is having breakfast with his friends and he recants the story to them. When he's finished, one friend says, If you're so wise now, then tell us some words of wisdom.

The man says, I should have taken the money.

A Muslim boy once asked his father: "why is it that Jews can't work on Saturday, Christians can't work on Sunday, but Muslims work on their holy day Friday?"

The dad looked down at his son and said, "God didn't need to force us to take a break because in His infinite wisdom He knew we'd never work that much to begin with."

I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled out

I'm going to fail so many perception checks without them :(

A man is at the urinal when the Dalai Lama walks in and stands next to him.

The man is shocked. He then proceeds to ask, "Oh Your Holiness, may I ask of your wisdom?", the Dalai Lama replies, "Yes my son, you need to look down."

Taken aback, the man asks, "So you mean I need to look deep down into my being?", the Dalai Lama replies, "No my son, you need to look down because you're pissing on your shoes."


Between wealth and wisdom what will you choose ?

teacher : If you are offered wealth and wisdom what will you choose ?

student : wealth

teacher: No. That's a bad answer. I will choose wisdom .

students: that's ok sir. We have to choose what we don't have.

The Right Choice

An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."

The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."

What to pick

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."

Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"

The student replies "An orphan."

A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man

A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man stand around a piece of fruit.

When asked what the fruit is, the philosopher says We can never know what this piece of fruit truly is. We assume, through wisdom, that the form of the fruit is closest to our perceptions of the fruit .

The physicist states: Truly there is no fruit. The fruit is simply the interaction of fundamental forces and unseeable particles colliding through time until the fruit is formed .

The Common Man replies: It's an apple.


Sensei, I need your advice.

I wish to live to be 100 years old.

- Then get married.

Will that make me live 100 years?

- No! But the wish will fade away.

Thank you great master for your immense wisdom.

On the wisdom of King Solomon

This Driver has Solomon's Wisdom

Two women in a bus were fighting bitterly over the last seat available.

The conductor already tried to intervene but to no avail. So the driver shouted, "Let the ugly one take the seat!"

Both women stood for the rest of the journey.

If you eat some fortune cookies whole...

You'll have some turds of wisdom.

I was born in very sorry circumstances....

Both of my parents were very sorry.



\-Joke by Norman Wisdom (Source IMDB)-

I went to an herbalist looking for wisdom.

All he gave me was *sage* advice.

I'd like to dedicate this joke to my wisdom teeth.

[Removed]

True wisdom is found in those who are curious. Because a man who asks many questions...

Is a whys man.

Knowledge is knowing that pineapples are not a type of apple

Wisdom is knowing not to put them on pizza.

My Engineering Physics Professor told me that I would pass my class "When pigs fly"

I studied hard and applied this wisdom to my senior project.

He never specified that the pig was required to ***sustain*** flight, but I'm assuming that's the reason why I was expelled.

A Priest congratulates the elderly married couple for 60 yrs of marriage...

"So, how'd you do it?" the Priest asks the elderly man. "Any wisdom you give might help some of our younger parishioners who are just recently married."

The man pauses and thinks for a minute. He answers matter-of-factly, "Going out to dinner twice a week saved our marriage."

The priest nodded and then raised an eyebrow. "Twice a week? That's got to be pretty expensive!"

"Not at all," said the old man. "She goes out on Thursdays, and I go out on Sundays."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wisdom sage jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wisdom limitless piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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