Wiping Jokes
43 wiping jokes and hilarious wiping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wiping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for tips for cleaner and more efficient wiping? Read this article to find out how babysitters can quickly and easily wipe a baby's bottom with a napkin for a better bum-wiping experience! Learn how to make wiping jokes a thing of the past.
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Funniest Wiping Short Jokes
Short wiping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wiping humour may include short wiped jokes also.
- Wife: Do men wipe after they pee? Aging husband: Yes. Wipe the floor, wipe the rim, wipe the wall…..
- The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live and breed inside the mouths of Alpacas. The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.
- They told him: your girlfriend is cheating on you.. He wiped away his tears & asked : Which one ?
- My friend is in jail for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.
- Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn't tried wiping their but with an IPad.
- My friend sadly went to jail for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off of his gun.
- I tried changing up the way I use the bathroom, so I wiped with my left hand today! I really wish I used toilet paper instead, though.
- What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons
- 5yr old: Daddy I'm mad at you! Me : Why?
5: You know why!
Wife: [wipes tear] They grow up so fast. - Why is the USS Enterprise like toilet paper? It circles Uranus and wipes out any Klingons.
Share These Wiping Jokes With Friends
Wiping One Liners
Which wiping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wiping? I can suggest the ones about wipe out and rubbing.
- If Israel gets wiped off the map... Then we'll have to start calling it Wasrael
- What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise.
- I got into a one-sided fight with a mop Wiped the floor with it.
- What do you do when you come across an elephant? Wipe it off and apologize.
- How does a blind man tell if he's done wiping? Taste test
- How did Captain Hook die? He wiped with the wrong hand
- What do you do if you come across a lion in the jungle? Wipe it off and say you're sorry.
- "Where would I be without my mom?" Probably, wiped off on a tissue and thrown away
- What did the ancient Egyptians wipe their butts with? Poopyrus.
- Dinosaurs really got wiped out by a rock Shoulda picked paper
- How do pro-lifers clean up after jacking off? By using baby wipes.
- How is Thanos and a feminist similar? They both wanna wipe out half the world
- I came upon a woman in the park So she wiped it off and called the police.
- I just came across a tiger in a jungle. I immediately wiped it off and apologised.
- What do you call it when a girl wipes back to front? A Choco-Taco
Bum Wiping Jokes
Here is a list of funny bum wiping jokes and even better bum wiping puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you guys hear about the fight in the bathroom? Two bums got wiped
Unearthly Funniest Wiping Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about wiping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean washing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wiping pranks.
Teacher at parents meeting :
- Your boy was caught smoking m**... !!!
The mother :
- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??
- He said he got it from his best friend.
The father, wiping a happy tear :
- My boy really said that ... ?
Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 8 times.
They have obviously never seen me wiping my a**... when there is only one sheet of toilet paper left.
I attended a self-defence course.
At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...£380."
"I refuse to pay," I told him.
"You have to," he insisted.
"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."
So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me b**..., bruised and beaten.
He said, "£380. Cough it up."
"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."
A penguin is driving....
down the street when his car starts sputtering. He pulls into the next mechanics shop and asks him to take a look. mechanic says it will be about an hour. While waiting the penguin decides to go next door to the malt shop and get an ice cream cone. an hour later the penguin goes back to the mechanic.
the mechanic looks at him and says "looks like you blew a seal".
"oh no I just had some ice cream" said the penguin wiping his face.
How does a blindman know if he is done wiping his a**... ?
It starts to taste like toilet paper
A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink
The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdained, points to a sign clearly labelled: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.
The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.
Wiping the inside of a glass, the bartender approached and asks the chicken Are you part of this joke?
Yeah. the chicken replies.
Again, he points to the sign: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
The chicks argues Well then how's a chicken supposed to get his beak wet?
The bartender pointed out the window and said There's another bar across the road.
Why can't blind people tell when they're done wiping?
Because they can't see s**....
An elderly woman is holding a f**... for her recently deceased husband
After the viewing, she discusses how kind and honest of a man her husband was, how she was so sad to see him go, and she bursts into tears.
Her nephew, after consoling his mourning aunt , asks May I say a word .
Through tears she says, Of course
He takes a moment and says Plethora .
His aunt, wiping her eyes, says Thank you, that means a lot.
It says......
Deep in the chambers of the monastery Father Seamus is transcribing scripture. As Father Ignatius walks by he sees Father Seamus sobbing uncontrollably. "Father Seamus! What ever could be troubling you so!!??!!" said Father Ignatius.
Father Seamus, wiping his tears, says: "It says CELEBRATE."
Wiping with only one square of toilet paper is a meditative experience....
You really get in touch with your inner self.
How do blind people know when they're done wiping?
The dog stops l**....
Ever have one of those days where you're wiping away and the p**... is all wet and slimy so your finger breaks through the toilet roll and your finger just slips inside, like two knuckles deep? I just had a day like that.
Anyway, I'm not allowed to volunteer at *that* child care centre anymore.
Ever since becoming paralyzed in a car c**..., my wife has had to do everything for me.
Including wiping my a**..., feeding me and all of the house work.
But still, we just thank god she survived the c**....
I had a professional photographer take pictures of me wiping my b**....
I always wanted to be a roll model.
I hate when I'm wiping and my finger goes through the paper. Happens every time!
That aside, my new job at the old people's home is going well.
I hate it when my finger goes through the loo roll when I'm wiping
It's by far the worst part of my job at the care home!
The other day I saw a black guy walking near my house carrying a laptop...
I panicked a little, thought it could be mine – so I ran home quickly. I was relieved as I saw mine was still there.
Wiping the floor.
I hope this doesn't get banned as^you ^know ^it's ^kinda... ^^dark
Old testament god is a bit like h**...
But god succeeded in wiping out a population.
Swiper is unable to steal from Dora The Explorer today, as he has a cold.
"s**... nose wiping."
Relationships are either like eating pizza all the time or crippling diarrhea.
You either end up fat and out of shape, or doubled over in crippling pain desperately wiping away what's left when it finally ends.
The Judge and the p**...
The judge asked the p**..., "So, when did you realize you were r**...?"
The p**... replied, wiping away her tears, "When the check bounced
I was on a jungle expedition in bangladesh with some colleauges of mine, when we all came across a tiger...
It was really messy, so out of courtesy we tried wiping it off while profusely apologising.
What does the U.S.S Enterprise have in common with TP?
They both circle Uranus wiping out cling-ons.
What do you call it when you keep wiping but brown still shows?
The Trail of Smears
I came across an interesting piece at The Louvre today...
Mona Lisa didn't look very impressed while I was wiping it all off.
