Wipes Jokes
54 wipes jokes and hilarious wipes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wipes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wipes Short Jokes
Short wipes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wipes humour may include short wiping jokes also.
- Wife: Do men wipe after they pee? Aging husband: Yes. Wipe the floor, wipe the rim, wipe the wall…..
- The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live and breed inside the mouths of Alpacas. The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.
- They told him: your girlfriend is cheating on you.. He wiped away his tears & asked : Which one ?
- My friend is in jail for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.
- Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn't tried wiping their but with an IPad.
- My friend sadly went to jail for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off of his gun.
- I tried changing up the way I use the bathroom, so I wiped with my left hand today! I really wish I used toilet paper instead, though.
- What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons
- 5yr old: Daddy I'm mad at you! Me : Why?
5: You know why!
Wife: [wipes tear] They grow up so fast. - Why is the USS Enterprise like toilet paper? It circles Uranus and wipes out any Klingons.
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Wipes One Liners
Which wipes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wipes? I can suggest the ones about wiped and wipe tears.
- If Israel gets wiped off the map... Then we'll have to start calling it Wasrael
- What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise.
- I got into a one-sided fight with a mop Wiped the floor with it.
- What do you do when you come across an elephant? Wipe it off and apologize.
- How does a blind man tell if he's done wiping? Taste test
- How did Captain Hook die? He wiped with the wrong hand
- What do you do if you come across a lion in the jungle? Wipe it off and say you're sorry.
- "Where would I be without my mom?" Probably, wiped off on a tissue and thrown away
- What did the ancient Egyptians wipe their butts with? Poopyrus.
- Dinosaurs really got wiped out by a rock Shoulda picked paper
- How do pro-lifers clean up after jacking off? By using baby wipes.
- How is Thanos and a feminist similar? They both wanna wipe out half the world
- I came upon a woman in the park So she wiped it off and called the police.
- I just came across a tiger in a jungle. I immediately wiped it off and apologised.
- What do you call it when a girl wipes back to front? A Choco-Taco
Wet Wipes Jokes
Here is a list of funny wet wipes jokes and even better wet wipes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a clock face and a females face On a clock face it takes 6 hours to go from 9 to 3, on a females face it takes 1 wet wipe for them to from a 9 to a 3
- Who brings Purell and wet wipes to all the good little OCD girls and boys? Sani Claus.
- I am attracted to houses. When I came into my friends' house, she looked at me, absolutely disgusted and gave me an acidic wet wipe to clean up with.
- Make-up... The awkward moment when you can wipe out 95% of her beauty with a wet napkin
Baby Wipes Jokes
Here is a list of funny baby wipes jokes and even better baby wipes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the worst part of r**... a dead baby Wiping the blood off your clown suit!
Ridiculous Wipes Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about wipes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wipe out jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wipes pranks.
The genie of the lamp
Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.
The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car and my house in exchange of the lamp." The poor accepted the deal.
The rich man wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" he asked for a very big house and a better car.the genie replied : « Sorry sir,i only serve tea and coffee »
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
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A wife comes to her husband and says:
\- Darling, let's make love like in the movies.
\- Of course love! - the husband says eagerly and begins.
Once he finishes, she looks at him and says:
\- Yes, darling, looks like you and I (*wipes her face*) are watching very different movies.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...
The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".
*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*
A surgeon goes to check on his patient after surgery and he says to her...
"Everything went fine and you'll recover completely."
The young woman asks, "How long will it be before I can have a normal s**... life again?"
The surgeon pauses for a while and wipes a small tear from the corner of his eye.
The woman, now alarmed, asks, "What's the matter doctor?! I will be OK, won't I!?"
The surgeon smiles and replies, "Yes, yes you'll be fine, it's just that no one has ever asked me that question after having their tonsils out."
A mexican boy with the desire to be white
A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.
He says, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father."
He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look Dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother."
The boy goes into his grandmother's room and say, "Mira la Abuela, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says, "See, did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!"
An old man is on his deathbed...
and his wife is sitting next to him in a chair, holding his hand. He seems to be fading fast, and with a great effort he grasps her hand. "My love, I must confess something..I've cheated on you with dozens...maybe thousands of women..."
She looks at him tearfully, wipes the tears from her eyes and says "shhh now my love..i know..now hush and let the poison work"
A man is visiting his mother's grave at the cemetery.
He notices another man on his knees weeping wildly and exclaiming, "Oh why did you have to die? Oh WHY did you have to die??" First man says to him, "I'm so sorry for your grief. You two must have been close". Second man wipes away tears and replies, "Oh, I never knew him". Puzzled, the first guy asks, "If you never knew him then why are you so upset? Who was he"?. Second guy stood up and said, "He was my wife's first husband".
A penguin is driving down the highway when he starts having engine problems.
He pulls into a local mechanic's and the mechanic says, Give me an hour and I'll let you know the problem. The penguin walks out and see an ice cream shop and goes in for a vanilla cone.
An hour later, he walks back to the mechanic's. The mechanic see him coming and meets him at the counter and says, It looks like you've blown a seal.
The penguin wipes his mouth and says, No, no, that's just ice cream.
Airport trouble
An airplane lands at an airport with great difficulty, stopping, just short of an accident. When they arrive at the gate, the captain wipes his brow and says,"My God that's the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
"You're not kidding" says his co-pilot, looking out of the window "but it sure is wide."
What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
He wipes his a**....
Bear
A bear and a rabbit are taking a s**... in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with s**... sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no . So the bear wipes his a**... with the rabbit.
A bear and a rabbit
A bear and a rabbit are taking s**... in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, Do you have a problem with s**... sticking to your fur? The rabbit says no . So the bear picks him up and wipes his a**... with him!
A bear is taking a s**... in the woods
when a rabbit comes by. The bear says, "Hey, Rabbit, can I ask you something?"
"Of course, Mr. Bear.", answers the rabbit.
"Do you have a problem with s**... sticking to your fur?"
"No, Mr. Bear, not at all."
So the bear wipes his a**... with the rabbit.
A Rabbit and a Bear in the Woods
A bear and a rabbit are taking a s**... in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says:
"Do you have a problem with s**... sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit says: "no"
So the bear wipes his a**... with the rabbit.
A penguin takes his car to a garage.
The mechanic tells him it will take about an hour to diagnose the problem. So, the penguin decides to go next door to the ice cream shop for a treat while he waits.
He returns about an hour later and the mechanic tells him. "It looks like you've blown a seal."
The penguin wipes his beak and says, "I did not. I was eating ice cream."
A guy driving through Alaska has car trouble.
He finds a garage in town, and the mechanic tells him he'll check out the car, and to go across the street to the diner and have lunch during the wait, because it will take about 30 minutes.
The guy goes to the diner, then back to the garage in a half hour, and asks the mechanic what's up.
Mechanic says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
Guy wipes his mouth and says, "No - that was just the vanilla ice cream I had for dessert."
How many calories does going down on your girl provide?
It depends on which way she wipes.
A penguin's car breaks down
He pulls over to a shop owned by a walrus who tells him he'll look at it. The Penguin takes a stroll and buys a vanilla treat.
The Penguin gets back and the Walrus say
"Looks like you've blown a seal"
The Penguin wipes his chin and says..
"No, No, it's just ice cream."
An Irishman is at JFK airport in New York
He is standing over a broken whiskey bottle and crying. A security guard approaches him and asks what's wrong. The Irishman wipes away his tears and says, "I LOST ALL ME LUGGAGE!"
Slightly tweaking a joke my 4 year old told me
What do you call it when a pig picks its nose and wipes it on a cow?
A hambooger
An eskimo brought his car to a mechanic.
Mechanic says, "you blew a seal"
Eskimo wipes his face, "no, I just had some ice cream".
A bear is taking a s**... in the woods, and sees a rabbit nearby, doing the same - so he strikes up a conversation
Bear - "Hello, Mr. Rabbit"
Rabbit - "Hello, Mr. Bear"
Bear - "Would you mind if I asked a personal question?"
Rabbit - "Why, no - go ahead"
Bear - "Do you have a problem with s**... sticking to your fur?"
Rabbit - "No Mr. Bear, I do not."
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his a**... with him.
Patrick Stewart is talking about a new Stsr Trek show he will be in. There will be a disease or attack that wipes out all officers of a certain age, leaving Starfleet without any captains. So they bring in retired admirals to captain the ships.
It will be called "Geria-
Whats the first thing Harvey Weinstein does after s**...?
Wipes the pepper spray out of his eyes...
Penguin is driving down the road...
when his car breaks down. He gets it towed to the nearest mechanic who tells him it will be a while before it's fixed, so he goes to the diner next door to get some lunch while he waits.
He comes back an hour or so later and asks the mechanic what happened with his car...mechanic tells him that he blew a seal. He looks at the mechanic, wipes his lip, and says 'nope, that's just tartar sauce.'
Dad here: Why did the psychic get fired?
Because she didn't see it coming.
Hahahahahahahahahaha *pause* hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
*wipes tears from eyes*
Where'd everybody go?
Nobody is above the
LaHAHAHAHAHAhahahaha! Oh god. I almost got through it without laughing. *wipes tear*
