JokoJokes

Wipe Jokes

108 wipe jokes and hilarious wipe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wipe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Wipe jokes are a hilarious way to make light of the most mundane household tasks. Find out which of your friends gets the jokes, and who's left perplexed, as we explore the wild world of wipe puns, one-liners, and pop-culture references. Learn the lingo and discover why everyone loves to make fun of the wet wipe, baby wipe, wipe out, ply, bidet, and wiper.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Wipe Short Jokes

Short wipe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wipe humour may include short erase jokes also.

  1. Wife: Do men wipe after they pee? Aging husband: Yes. Wipe the floor, wipe the rim, wipe the wall…..
  2. The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live and breed inside the mouths of Alpacas. The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.
  3. They told him: your girlfriend is cheating on you.. He wiped away his tears & asked : Which one ?
  4. My friend is in jail for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.
  5. Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn't tried wiping their but with an IPad.
  6. My friend sadly went to jail for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off of his gun.
  7. I tried changing up the way I use the bathroom, so I wiped with my left hand today! I really wish I used toilet paper instead, though.
  8. What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons
  9. 5yr old: Daddy I'm mad at you! Me : Why?
    5: You know why!
    Wife: [wipes tear] They grow up so fast.
  10. Why is the USS Enterprise like toilet paper? It circles Uranus and wipes out any Klingons.

Share These Wipe Jokes With Friends




Wipe One Liners

Which wipe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wipe? I can suggest the ones about wash and wiping.

  1. If Israel gets wiped off the map... Then we'll have to start calling it Wasrael
  2. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise.
  3. I got into a one-sided fight with a mop Wiped the floor with it.
  4. What do you do when you come across an elephant? Wipe it off and apologize.
  5. How does a blind man tell if he's done wiping? Taste test
  6. How did Captain Hook die? He wiped with the wrong hand
  7. What do you do if you come across a lion in the jungle? Wipe it off and say you're sorry.
  8. "Where would I be without my mom?" Probably, wiped off on a tissue and thrown away
  9. What did the ancient Egyptians wipe their butts with? Poopyrus.
  10. Dinosaurs really got wiped out by a rock Shoulda picked paper
  11. How do pro-lifers clean up after jacking off? By using baby wipes.
  12. How is Thanos and a feminist similar? They both wanna wipe out half the world
  13. I came upon a woman in the park So she wiped it off and called the police.
  14. I just came across a tiger in a jungle. I immediately wiped it off and apologised.
  15. What do you call it when a girl wipes back to front? A Choco-Taco

Wipe Out Jokes

Here is a list of funny wipe out jokes and even better wipe out puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The average person has s**... 90 times a year. Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
  • You hear about bees being wiped out by the millions - why don't ants get sick? Because they have little antybodies.
  • Wiping with only one square of toilet paper is a meditative experience.... You really get in touch with your inner self.
  • I don't know what you do when you come across a bear, But I just wipe it off and apologize.
  • Good news! I read that people aren't hoarding toilet paper anymore, Guess we wiped out that tissue, I mean, issue.
  • Dinosaur Fact Towards the end of the Jurassic period, the Thesaurus was the first Dinosaur to become extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.
  • My girlfriend started crying because I called her fake So I wiped away her tears and accidentally her eyebrows too
  • If I had a dollar for every time I stepped on the cat when I arrived home... I could afford to wipe my shoes on a proper door mat
  • What a modern day thing you think will kill a victorian era child? I think a single sip of Four Loko wipe them out !
  • What's the same about the Star Ship Enterprise and Toilet Paper? They both fly to Uranus and wipe out the cling-ons

Wipe Tears Jokes

Here is a list of funny wipe tears jokes and even better wipe tears puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Dad here: Why did the psychic get fired? Because she didn't see it coming.
    Hahahahahahahahahaha *pause* hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    *wipes tears from eyes*
    Where'd everybody go?
  • Nobody is above the LaHAHAHAHAHAhahahaha! Oh god. I almost got through it without laughing. *wipes tear*
  • The Judge and the p**... The judge asked the p**..., "So, when did you realize you were r**...?"
    The p**... replied, wiping away her tears, "When the check bounced
  • Judge asks p**... when she realized she had been r**.... She wiped away the tears and said "when the check bounced".
Wipe joke, Judge asks p**... when she realized she had been r**....

Wet Wipe Jokes

Here is a list of funny wet wipe jokes and even better wet wipe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a clock face and a females face On a clock face it takes 6 hours to go from 9 to 3, on a females face it takes 1 wet wipe for them to from a 9 to a 3
  • Who brings Purell and wet wipes to all the good little OCD girls and boys? Sani Claus.
  • I am attracted to houses. When I came into my friends' house, she looked at me, absolutely disgusted and gave me an acidic wet wipe to clean up with.
  • Make-up... The awkward moment when you can wipe out 95% of her beauty with a wet napkin

Baby Wipe Jokes

Here is a list of funny baby wipe jokes and even better baby wipe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the worst part of r**... a dead baby Wiping the blood off your clown suit!
Wipe joke, What is the worst part of r**... a dead baby

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about wipe can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of wipe puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Fun Wipe Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about wipe you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make wipe prank.

What should you do if you're in the jungle and come upon a tiger?

Say you're sorry, wipe him off, and run.

Two wives go out for girls night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her p**... the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no p**...."
The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!

This joke is offensive to feminists.

What do you do when you come across a feminist in the back hallway of a club?
Whatever you do, definitely do not wipe it off for her.

A nun joke.

A young nun has a man sneak into her room and r**... her. When the man leaves the young nun runs to the mother superior and tells her what happened.
"Quick, s**... on this lemon" The mother superior tells her, handing her half a lemon.
"Will that stop me getting pregnant?" Says the young nun.
"No" says the mother superior "but it will wipe that smile off your face."

How do you clean a seat for a woman?

Wipe your face

Two neighbors get into a heated argument.

It culminates into one of them yelling: "You know what I'll do? I'll get up really early and write 'IDIOT' on your door!".
To which the other replies: "Go ahead, I'll get up even earlier and wipe it off!".

What do you call using Tinder while you are in the bathroom?

A swipe and wipe.

They should make Star Trek toilet paper...

...so you can help wipe Klingons off Uranus.
(been a while since this one's been around. Just heard it again today from my 5 year old niece)

I told my mom I was going to go work the polls.

She replied, "don't forget to wipe it down before you start your set."

What did Van Gogh's mother say to him when he was sad?

Wipe away those ears.

So, my wife installed Windows 10 on my desktop.

That's it. That's the joke. Now I have to wipe the hard drive and reload everything.

!&÷$#*choice_words♡*!@#

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

thbjgctr[HUV93tqwbhj4yui89 4ruq9-tyq3t9qp36crioedfh qweoyq9f7ewr y9p7q8tr q37902t 4047yq3rqwrqorgq rp8oqgrqo8g8owg fp8ewfg o8wegf ofhu prhq439pyr q4t83q[i09[fi0a[fdshv payuhieyu463wsur58ry r927ct9y1y9f38qepw0t7f8qeje278ee0

I came across an old photo of my mother today...

but she caught me doing it and screamed at me to wipe it off.

I ran out of toilet paper at Hartsfield/ATL. Then I remembered my mom had told me I could use pages from a book in a pinch.

I gotta say...it's really hard to wipe with an e-book.

I came, I saw,

I wiped it off and I apologised.

What do you do when you're...

...walking in The Congo and you come across a 500lb Silverback Gorrilla?
wipe it off. Very, very, carefully.

It's s**... when people say God hates homosexuals

If he did, wouldn't he devise some plague to wipe them out?

You can't put a load of rockstars up on a stage and expect to wipe out global poverty.

Thats ludicrous

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv

Seals

A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.
While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.
When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"

I came across an old family photo this morning.

Then I had to wipe it up before anyone got home.

Don't you hate it when there's no toilet paper in your stall . .

and you have to ask the person in the next stall to come over and wipe you.

Technology...

Two guys... Hey do you think that someday technology will replace paper?... Well I think it will be quite hard to wipe with a tablet...

I used to be a stand up guy

Now I just stay seated when I wipe.

What do you do when you're on safari and all of a sudden come across an Elephant?

Very gently,
Wipe it off

Do you ever go to wipe and your fingers rip through the toilet paper?

Sometimes I hate my job in the nursing home.

Funny Comeback

I go into McDonald's and there is this fat girl making fun of this mentally disabled kid*
Me: you know, that could happen to any of us. You don't belong making fun of someone like that, what's wrong with you?
Girl: god gave me a mouth to speak and I'm going to use it
Me: well god also gave you a mouth to eat, you abused that privilege.
Girl: -speechless-
Me: oh and you might want to wipe that ketchup off your chin
Girl: *goes to wipe chin*
Me: no, your other chin

What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?

They both wipe away Klingons from Uranus

Thanos once tried to wipe out half of the DC universe.

Access denied.

When going to the toilet, would you rather use the left or right hand to wipe your buthole

I would personally rather use the toilet paper.

I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught m**... on the first day,

luckily my boss said I could wipe the slate clean.

"We divided the population as you requested Mr. President", announced the assistant at the door,"so we're just waiting for your approval on the memory wipe"

"Wipe the memories of groups 1-8, leave 9 and wipe 10 too." "Why leave 9 sir? 9 refers to children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"
The president looked out of the window
"Only 90s kids will remember this."

call me old fashioned but in my day gender fluid was something you could wipe off your girlfriends chest

Somebody want to tell me who I stole this off?

We must wipe out all of the homeless people

By giving them homes :)

Chuck Norris once passed 6 kidney stones.

They were then subsequently collected by Thanos to wipe out half of all life in the universe.

What do you do when you come across a bear in the woods?

Wipe him off and say you're sorry.

Ran out of TP today and had to wipe with the newspaper

Yep, The Times are rough indeed

IDK

What should you do if you come across an elephant?
Apologize and wipe it off

Take that look off your face

A man with a huge grin approaches a priest.
"Bless me father, for I have sinned," he says. "I've spent the week with seven beautiful women."
"Do not fret, my son," says the priest. "All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice."
"Will that cleanse my sin from me?"
"No, but it'll wipe that s**... smile off your face."

I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught m**... on the first day...

But luckily, my boss told me that I could wipe the slate clean.

An avalanche has started on Mount Everest that threatens to wipe out 20% of its surrounding area.

This is snow joke.

My mom told me to wipe all surfaces in the bathroom.

When it came to the windows, I was a surface pro.

Whoever said technology will replace paper

..has obviously never tried to wipe their a**... with an iPad!

What do you do when you come across a blue elephant?

Wipe it off and tell it you're sorry.

What do you do if you come across a camel?

Wipe it off and apologise

What do you do if come across a camel?

Wipe it off and say sorry

What happens when you come across a lion in the jungle?

Wipe it off and politely apologise

Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee...

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

What do you call a donkey cleaning your windows

An a**... wipe

Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.

Once done, one uses her p**... to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.
The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any p**...!"
"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

I try to learn from my mistakes,

but it's hard when they can't even wipe their own a**....

What would a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

He might wipe his b**....

A man walks into a church confessional

He says to the priest, "Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night."
The priest is silent for a moment and then says, "Go home, cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it all down in one gulp."
"And I'll be forgiven?" asks the man.
"No" replies the priest, "but it will wipe that smirk off your face."

Two men are deep in the woods, hunting, when one of them realizes he has to p**....

He turns to the other man, and says "What do I use to wipe myself?" "Use a dollar, then toss it in the bush" the other man replies. So after about twenty minutes, man number one comes back, covered in s**.... His hunting partner, filled with surprise and disgust, said "What happened?! I thought I told you to use a dollar!" To which the man replied "I did! Three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!"

2 wives go on a girls night out

On the way home they both need the toilet, so decide to stop at a graveyard, but they have nothing to wipe with.
The first takes off her p**... and uses them, while the other takes a wreath and uses that.
The next day, one of their husbands calls the other and says:
"No more girls nights out. My wife came home with no p**.... "
The other husband says:
"Thats nothing. Mine came home with a card in her crack that said 'from all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you. "

A prison inmate is talking to his new cell mate

A prison inmate is talking to his new cell mate.
Inmate #1: so, why are you here?
Inmate #2: I'm in prison for something I didn't do.
Inmate #1: yeah?
Inmate #2: yea, I didn't wipe off the fingerprints from the m**... weapon.

A lawyer, an environmentalist and a teacher were going the bathroom.

The lawyer gets done, washes his hands and uses the entire roll of tissue paper to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be thorough.", he said.
The environmentalist washes his hands and uses his own kerchief to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be environment friendly.", he said.
The teacher walks out without washing his hands. "I was taught not to p**... on my hands.", he says.

What should you do when you come across a bear in the woods?

>!Back slowly away while apologizing to the bear. Offer him a towel to wipe off.!<

Wipe joke, Wife: Do men wipe after they pee?

jokes about wipe

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these wipe jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.